Miami is a spic infested shithole in the Caribbean. It is the largest city in Cuba and the sixth largest city in Latin America. It is named after an Indian tribe from Ohio (go figure). Some old people still continue to claim that Miami is actually a part of South Florida but they merely suffer from Alzheimers disease. It is common knowledge that the city has been ruled by Cubans since Fidel Castro conquered it in the Bay of Pigs Invasion of 1961.
80% of Miami's population is Cuban who murder and steal and drive drunk and defecate in public, while another 18% consists of Haitians, who like to steal people's stuff. The remaining 2% of people live in either Pinecrest (all rich and beautiful upper-middle class Jews) or Homestead (all blacks, Mexicans and rednecks). Miami's official language is Spanish, with Haitian Creole coming in a close second. American and Yiddish are also spoken mainly in geriatric homes.
Miami was shortly colonized at least 100 years ago by Jews from New York and New Jersey who were too lazy to switch time zones for the beautiful scenic beaches in Hawaii or the polluted coast of California. From this, Miami has evolved from a crime-ridden city to a black person with with a rich area called "South Beach", to which only tourists and gays venture. Scarface is buried in Miami.
Climate and Geography
Miami has 2 seasons: summer and hurricane. Miami gets up to 4200 inches of rain each year and virtually every day the sky is cloudy. Florida is still called the "Sunshine State" because sunny character of its joyous residents.
Due to its location on top of the Everglades swampland, Miami abounds with stray crocodiles and alligators which take the place of the more Anglo raccoons on foreclosed houses' backyards. Because whiny environmentalist leftards have placed them on the Endangered Species List, crocodiles cannot be harmed by law, with possible punishment by death (thus putting them rightly in higher legal protection than Haitian immigrants).
Miami is also well known for its irreversible eroded beaches. Many college students flock to the area every spring break to party, drink beer, take drugs, and have various kinds of sex. Some people even love to go for a swim on to international waters to retrieve packages lost at sea in a uniquely South Floridan version of treasure hunt.
Aside from urban crime and drug-trafficking, Miami's economy also depends heavily on Ricky Martin's book signings. Major imports in Miami are Cubans, Haitians, Jamaicans, cigars, and drugs. Exports include but are not limited to mangoes, bananas, guavas, GTA Vice City cityscape inspiration, and skin cancer. Miami's leading industry prostitution spread from 8th street but can now be found on any avenue and back alley. It is a well known fact that 8th street is the first part that Cubans took over after the victory of Bay of Pigs.
- Gloria Estefan
- Jennifer Lopez
- Vanilla Ice
- OJ Simpson
- Officer Ricky
- P. Diddy
- Paris Hilton
- W's brother
- Your mom
- Rick Sanchez
- Grand Theft Auto: Vice City - Accurate portrayal of the city
- Cocaine, Anal Sex, Meth, Cuba
- Gianni Versace
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