Michael Batton

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Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.


   
 
...and don't give me that crap that i'm going to, ya know, that i'm committing suicide, or playing the motherfucking disability card!
 

 
 

—Michael Batton, right after saying he's going to commit suicide

"I pledge permission to the flag of the entire world of America!"

Michael Batton, also known as JaguarsFan2012, WahamasNumber1Fan, MBSportsandGames, Mikeyb6786 and MichaelsParadise, is a troubled man in his early thirties from Middleport, Ohio (formerly Jacksonville, Florida). When he isn't 'sperging around at home when he should be earning minimum wage as a janitor, he enjoys watching NASCAR, Football, uploading video gameplays and raging at people who give him any form of negative criticism (Or those who gave it to him in the distant past), all the while using a vaguely-effeminate voice that bears a startling resemblance to a certain Chris-chan. In 2015 he also became a Special Olympic gold medal winner.

The Beginning[edit]

Michael in the boy's locker room

Somewhere around 2007 Michael Batton, after an incident involving his family giving him some sort of negative criticism, moved out of the home in Jacksonville, Florida and moved to the town of Middleport, far away from where his mean parents could tell him what to do. It was also at around this time that Michael made his first adventure onto the internet by creating a MySpace page. It wasn't just nonsensical videos, Michael also wrote many blog posts during this time. Most of these blogs centred around his Mother who he claimed had walked out on his life to be with Michael's stepfather. This would be a source of blame for all of Michael's negative actions for years to come.

Blog[edit]

One of the first things you'll notice about Michael is his cringe-worthy spelling and sentence structure. This is best demonstrated in his shitty blog posts on myspace about his shitty, boring life. Enjoy.

it sucks at christmas time the holidays bring me down for a few reasons 2 years ago my mom left me and the last 2 christmas been hard on me don't get me wrong but i'm still hateing my mom for all the hell she put me through i'm thinking the 3rd one gonna be a little better the reason i'm bummed and i know it a stupid reason i know i won't get anything becasue i have no family i know alot people on christmas day will be opening up gifts while i'm thinking why everything has changed in my life there are a few things i want for christmas one is wishing i had extra money for the wahama game tommrrow night the 15th i don't wanna anybody to think i'm a greedy person casue i'm not i know ive put some people through hell and there been some people who put me through hell it ok everybody forgets i don't have a family and wish people would understand i'm alone if i'm being a greedy person or a jackass tell me
Why is it nobody want to listen what on your mind for five mintues without being yelled at or told something drifften which is not the turth one of the reasons why i'm the way alot of the time is i feel like nobody want to hear what on my mind why i'm like the way i am alot the time i wish somebody would listen without going telling on me or be mean to me but just be a true friend i can tell you some of the things why i act the way is everytime somebody else is in bad mood and i try to talk to them they push me away and it not fair to me i guess it becasue i look stupid and plus nobody hardly do anything with me or come visit me i know there some friends who do and i know they are busy if you ever want me to do something as long their no football or nascar or i'm not working and doing anything else ill go anywhere plus i wish i was told more often that i was loved ever snice my mom lefted me in 2007 ive had up and downs and no i don't miss my mom a friend made a comment that was real hurtful to me yesterday not gonna mention names but she sayed the way i acted is becasue of my mom leaveing i've so got over her and you wanna go tell where i work what say go ahead you damn chicken it wrong instead going to snitch on me you should be just a good friend and listen i'll listen to any of mime friends i don't judge no matter what it is and if i hurt any of you people and i know i sayed this 6 thousands times i'm so sorry when your angry you say the wrong things ive hurt some people i guess

A New Start[edit]

Michael1.jpg

At around this time, Michael discovered YouTube, and started an account under the name of JaguarsFan2004. He made some new friends and everything was going great. However, by 2011 he'd started to receive a bit of negative criticism from other YouTube users. So he did what all Asspies do, he shut down his YouTube channel and started another one where all those mean people wouldn't find him.

Michael's Usual Video Content[edit]

Now that the topic has moved to Michael's Youtube content, it's worth mentioning that Michael once claimed, "I put so much hard work into my gameplays". With that in mind, here's his gameplay style - he starts off by buying up a whole lot of licensed gameshow games off of PSN, then points a camcorder at his tv screen, without checking to angle it straight, and films the gameplay off of his television, rambling in a bored fashion over repetitive footage that one would get a more stimulating experience of if you actually watched the real game shows. Totalbiscuit once said, "You can slag off PewDiePie and Toby Games all you like, but you cannot legitimately say that its as bad as some of the absolute dreck there is in terms of Let's Plays". Given that he referenced people who think filming their TV screen makes a good Let's Play, there is little doubt that Michael's approach to gameplay style was the kind of level of quality he was referring to.

He also every now and then records his tv screen and talks over blurry footage of NASCAR, something which NASCAR's copyright lawyers would find pretty fishy. Knowing Michael's approach towards handling copyright, this is instantly hilarious.

JaguarsFan2012[edit]

With a new channel Michael was happy again, but as before the happiness was shortlived, as those mean people found Michael's new channel. With them came even more criticism, including Michael's first encounter with the long running rivals DrNecrophillia and MrNicWilliamColeman. To put things in short, Michael was basically complaining about trolls but encouraging his friends to spam their channels. Can you say insane double standards?

His original facebook was bombarded with status after status of preaching about how "he's done with life", "he wants to jump off a bridge" and complaining about how nobody was stepping in on facebook to help. (This was all over him receiving 2 or 3 prank calls of farting noises, btw). Anonymous trolls were able to take this to their advantage and flagged his statuses for "suicidal content." This lead him to bitch about numerous account warnings and block over 30 friends of his out of paranoia. After getting fed up with the frequent trolling and prank calls, he deleted his original facebook, losing most of his friends in the process. At around the same time he deleted his Jaguars2012 account. This is not where the adventure ends however...

Michael vs DrNecrophillia (The Beginning)[edit]

   
 
I'm tired of being bullied by that Dr Necro... like to yank his teeth out
 

 
 

—Remember, Michael always claims to be a nice person

In late 2011 DrNecrophillia came across Michael and planned to do a video commenting about him, for the sole purpose of getting his attention and pissing him off. Because of this video, DrNecrophillia started to receive comments spamming his channel, so seeing this, DrNecrophillia immediately uploaded a video showing some of Michael's more embarrassing pictures and revealed some of Michael's personal information that he had found. Michael immediately had his video flagged. In response to this DrNecrophillia made further antagonising videos, all while Michael was on Facebook repeatedly telling his friends how he would like to pull DrNecrophillia's teeth out, kill him and have him arrested. Eventually, in a bid to get DrNecrophillia to stop, he made an attempt at an apology. As you can probably guess, this apology was about as genuine as Michael's sex life and within an hour Michael was back on Facebook telling his friends how he was going to kill DrNecrophillia and if any of his friends were caught subscribing to his channel they would be blocked and he would never talk to them again.

After many more false flaggings (a common pattern in Michael's behaviour) DrNecrophillia lost his YouTube account, and Michael closed his Facebook Fanpage. When DrNecrophillia came back to YouTube a few weeks later, Michael closed his YouTube account in a rage. Hoping that once again he could get a fresh start.

Dan Weiss defends Michael[edit]

Dan Weiss threatening violence to those that Criticise Michael

Dan Weiss, an apparently former U.S. Marshall and God fearing Christian defended Michael for a short period of time on Facebook & Twitter. Dan claims to have "Chinese friends" and told Nicholas Coleman to "say hello to my Chinese friends in the next few weeks" (According to Nicholas Coleman, he has never to this day met Dan Weiss's Chinese friends). Dan was called out on the fact he'd issued a threat of this magnitude on an openly viewable website, and thus deleted his threats. In 2015 Dan lost a leg due to an illness. Some have speculated that this is karma.

WahamaNumber1Fan[edit]

   
 
but ya know, me being picked on because of my, ya know, asperger/autism, ya know...it's just hurtful.
 

 
 

—Michael Batton's first known usage of the disability card

Michael's third channel unfortunately couldn't escape the ensnarement of criticism and by this time his frustrations were starting to show in the form numerous "update" videos, appearing more and more depressed in each one. Even after two videos, however, there was a glimmer of hope. Michael and DrNecrophillia apologised to one another and agreed to move on. This truce lasted all of a week after, as per usual, Michael showed no sign of changing his behaviour. As before Michael deleted his channel much like his previous failures that he referred to as "channels"

Michael Batton[edit]

Michael just wouldn't give up and made another sorry excuse for a YouTube page. However the frustrations were taking over Michael at this point and he resorted to making numerous "rant" videos. It didn't take long for him to continue to be antagonised by NicholasColeman and DrNecrophillia. You guessed it, he baleeted this account after a mere few weeks, making this Michaels shortest running YouTube account to date.

MBSportsandgames[edit]

Because stealing jokes from Monty Python was so cool two decades ago!

Michael and his rivals finally came to an agreement here, and things were starting to look up. Michael experienced his longest run of not being criticised in over a year and his YouTube channel had nearly reached 100 subscribers (98). However all good things must come to an end. In February 2013, a user named iMustDestroyAll made a video in his usual style of mockery directed towards the Super Bowl. Michael made a response to it, claiming that "it really upset me". Naturally, the response was poorly edited with many awkward pauses, like all his videos, and ended up using religion as a means of taking a blatant joke seriously. The video garnered criticism from not only iMustDestroyAll, but also, thanks to him posting the video on his facebook fanpage, some new critics including Rambotweety1, Akriloth2160 and Lordcrab86 as well as a swarm of others, culminating in a fraudulent copyright claim on the third video, which Akriloth2160 eventually turned around. Surprise, surprise, Michael deleted his channel in a tardrage. Michael never made it to 100 subscribers.

MikeyB6786[edit]

   
 
I shouldn't be told to shut down my fucking Twitter or Facebook!
 

 
 

—Michael Batton gets mad at Middleport Police Department

Before we get to the story of this YouTube channel, lets explore Michael's relationship with the Middleport Police. Its troubled to say the least. He has called and even visited the local police to report "those dang trolls" and everytime they have been unable to help him. At one point he visited the police in such a rage, so often that he became known as the village idiot. At one point Michael fell asleep, leaving his front door wide open. A passing Police officer, upon noticing this, entered Michael's house to find him asleep on his bed. A few hours later Michael posted a rage filled wall of text on his facebook about how the rude police officers entered his home and woke him up.

At one point Michael was contacted on twitter by someone claiming to be the Middleport PD, regarding his unruly behaviour and internet tough guy threats. What followed was the first recorded instance of his cowardice. Believing that the police were onto him, Michael issued a very desperate apology and retreated to his facebook to whine to his friends that the police were after him. This prompted someone to suggest actually speaking to the police and ask if they had a twitter account. Of course they did not, and this was merely another troll that had successfully triggered Michael. With this revelation, Michael's bravery returned and he was happily calling the troll Middleport PD a pig.

New channel brought a new rule, remembering the backlash he received from his rant video on iMustDestroyAll, Michael no longer wanted to do anymore "rant" videos (SPOILER: It didn't last long). During this time, Akriloth2160 along with Rambotweety1 made a whole lot of videos criticising Michael, provoking more and more unneeded rage from him. Particularly regarding the parody videos made by the animator, Michael even saw fit to rage at the ones which were blatantly joking with him. Michael then started stalking Akriloth2160's youtube feed to see where he had commented, and used that as a pretext to rage in places where he couldn't be blocked. Not only did this result in a whole lot of negative backlash against him, but Michael also ended up getting an account strike that he claims, "I won't let this bother me".

Around this time, Michael gained a number of "Twitter imposters" which eventually resulted in Michael flying into a fit of rage, not just because he was getting "harassed", but also because the Middleport Police refused to do anything to help him (Likely due to having better uses of their time to worry about one person raging on a site that already has rules and ways of enforcing them). This rage was all recorded in a video (sadly removed) where he screamed that the police were "giving me the run around" and was not happy with the proposed solution of deleting his twitter and facebook accounts.

This account was eventually Baleeted when Michael's own kind started to turn against him after putting up with his shit for so long. And he didn't even pass the 50 subscriber mark.

Twitter Meltdowns[edit]

The First Twitter Meltdown[edit]

Michael dealing with criticism

At some point during 2012 an imposter Twitter account appeared and quickly set about ruining Michael's name among his close friends. This even led to Michael's boss seeing the imposter Twitter, and thinking that it was actually him, nearly fired him from his job as a janitor.

The Second Twitter Meltdown[edit]

Rather than doing something sensible like focussing on his day job as a janitor, he ended up dedicating worryingly-large chunks of his time towards raging against another impostor account of his on Twitter. At one point, said account attempted to get a rise out of him by associating Michael with the Boston bombing, and Michael declared the account, "A sick son of a bitch"...even though a mere few weeks later, he ended up laughing at the victims caught in the May 2013 tornadoes. At the same time, Michael started blaming another user for the impostor account, amongst other things. Shortly after this, Michael blocked Nicholas Coleman from Facebook, Youtube and Twitter for reasons unknown. After weeks of running away from questions, Michael finally admitted he did this because Nicholas Coleman had become friends with Akriloth2160. Remember, Michaels logic demands that friends can not associate with anyone that has criticised Michael in the past under any circumstances.

The Third Twitter Meltdown[edit]

Mikeybreakslaptop.png

When Nicholas tried making amends with Michael, he continued baselessly raging against Nick, accusing him of being a liar despite never giving any reason or evidence as to why. On top of this, he raged against a parody account and had it taken down with a copyright claim on the profile image, claiming that the person behind it "hacked his facebook"...even though one doesn't even need to have added Michael as a friend on facebook in order to see and copy his facebook pictures to begin with. This drama escalated to the point of Michael not only reviving a troll account that hadn't attempted to troll him for about two months, but he also raged to the point of breaking his laptop. After a brief ragefest against said troll account, Mikey's Twitter disappeared on August 12, only to return a few days later.

The Fourth Twitter Meltdown[edit]

Michael Batton threatening violence to those who he thinks are behind this article

On December 27, 2013, Michael once again had a "meltdown" on Twitter towards a user who he automatically assumed was behind his Encyclopedia Dramatica page (Who, as it turns out, was actually clearing up minor aspects of the page after having spotted it in the recent edits section). Thus, in Michael's natural ways he not only found out who this person was, but found them on Twitter and decided to simply "talk it out".

MichaelsParadise[edit]

   
 
You can be friends with [Akriloth2160], that's fine. But you know, he's brainwashed a lot of y'all.
 

 
 

—Michael Batton, who, bear in mind, encouraged people to block Akriloth2160 for no given reason right at the start of the drama with him.

A while later, Michael revived an account he had on the side a while back known as MichaelsParadise, and continued uploading the expected videos, alongside a video titled "My message video to you all". In this video, he not only admits to having an anger problem (Thereby contradicting some of the things he said during the third Twitter Meltdown, while also proving that he does indulge in playing the disability card), but also says he's going to be starting up a business on Second Life, of all places. It's only a matter of time before that system's infamous tendencies for furfaggotry and Rule 34 will start appearing before him. He has also admitted that he hasn't changed for the better over the course of the drama, all the while misusing the word "troll" like he always does. UPDATE: Michael has recently come out from behind the camera in his current videos.

He claimed that the video would be the last one he would do in a while. But then, he uploaded a video titled "Here your proof", documenting one of the tweets from Nick. How much time had passed since Michael made the claim of not doing another video for a while? FIVE DAYS.

After this drama ended Michael went back to doing what he does best. Uploading badly recorded videogame playthroughs, occasional reactions to NASCAR and the occassional rant video.

2014-2016: The Years of the Michael[edit]

2014-2015 is to date Michael's most promising years. He's not only started uploading more videos(Mostly bad Wheel of Fortune videos with his camera pointed at the TV screen), but also actual vlogs. Yes you heard me right VLOGS. Took many years, but the fat man-child has finally decided to stop hiding behind the camera and show is dumb autistic face on video once more. It's truly a sight to be seen. His vlogs range from him ranting about trolls and his personal life to FIFA Women's World Cup(Yes it is cringe worthy). Sadly even though Michael's couple of years has been going good with him attending the Special Olympics and no trolls bothering him, Michael does still have his days.

Dr.Necophillia Facebook Page[edit]

Empty Threats

In early to mid 2014 Michael decided that the only way to vent his frustration of being a pathetic late 20 year old virgin was to pick on someone who has fucked with him for years. Leaving comments on Dr.Necrophillia's Facebook page threatening him with such autistic threats as "Keep running that mouth boy you no good low life punk" and "YOU WANT TO RUN THAT MOUTH OF YOURS COME SAY IT TO MY FACE". It seemed Dr.Necrophillia and Nick Coleman had put Michael under a great deal of stress to the point it made his autism kick into overdrive and prevented him from functioning properly at work. Thereby making him lose a days pay.

Mother Drama[edit]

It's no big shock that someone as messed up as Michael would not have a "Perfect Family". To much of discovery Michael's very own mother "had" a twitter account/accounts(Upon some digging it is revealed that Michael actually reported his own mother multiple times for simply talking to him). In these conversations Michael throws every nasty word at her from "Dumb Bitch" to "Cunt" to even telling his mom that he knows of her current house getting foreclosed and how "Nothing would make him happy if she ended up on the street". If telling his mom "Fuck You" and contacting her every holiday just to vent his frustration of his shitty life doesn't make this kid his mom's favorite, I don't know what will. Michael also upon reading many of his moms tweets has threatened legal action for talking to him. What an internet tough guy.

Of course, trolls got wind of these developments and started to create fake twitter accounts of his mom. Michael of course believed that this was his real mom, and engaged in further fighting with trolls. After a couple of weeks of michael threatening his mom with physical violence Michael's "Mom" said she was on her way to Ohio accompanied by Michael's stepdad. With Coward mode triggered, and still not realising this was just a troll, Michael turned to facebook for help. He pleaded that he stay with a friend for a few days, all the while cowering behind his curtains. He was saved by a friend, but he still wasnt happy. He again pleaded that someone check on his house while he wasnt there to keep an eye out for his Mom. His mom never showed up, rather an anon troll sat back and watched the fireworks from facebook.

Michael laughing at his mom, calling her names, and threatening legal action for talking to her


GSN[edit]

During sometime in January of 2014 Michael became enraged do to his favorite TV channel "GSN" being removed from the Suddenlink cable provider in his local area of bum fuck nowhere(Middleport, OH). Michael wouldn't stand for this and sprung into action on social media uploading a rant video on how he wants Suddenlink to bring back GSN so he can watch Wheel of Fortune (Even though Suddenlink removed the program do to low ratings as Michael states). The fun doesn't end there ladies and gentlemen. Michael even ended up on the Suddenlink community forum pissing and whining for his GSN back. This isn't even the best part folks. Michael actually cried so loud he got the attention of one of Suddenlinks official reps to speak with him, but once she asked for some simple information such as his zip code Michael wouldn't stand for that. Stating "NO NO NO I'M NOT GIVING YOU CRAP YOU NEED TO RELAY A MESSAGE TO SUDDENLINK TO PUT GSN BACK ON DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH" even though this lady is an official rep of Suddenlink and is writing in English and responding in English Michael's autism still felt the need to ask her if she "Understands English". Even some of the people in the forum point out Michael's rudeness, which Michael(28 Years Old) replies with "Who asked you" and "Shut up".
Michael talking to an Official Rep for Suddenlink

Village Idiot[edit]

Michael is well known around Middleport and is often trolled irl. The first recorded instance of this was when he complained on Facebook that work men were sitting on his fence for the sole reason of triggering him. Being the coward that he is he chose to vent on facebook rather than actually confronting them. Other examples of this irl trolling is kids laughing at him when they see him, throwing things at his house, or playing ding dong ditch.

Michael's racism[edit]

Showing his support for the confederate flag

Living in a hick town, Michael has adopted a very racist side that always appears when dealing with trolls, or Barack Obama. He has often called Obama a dirty monkey on twitter, and told Mexicans to get out of America. One of Michael's newer twitter accounts was MichaelBatton88, which was associated with Hitler and nazis.

Inclusions LLC[edit]

Inclusions LLC is a tard HQ run by racists Mary Miller and her husband Doug. During the middle of 2015 Michael began going to Inclusions. Inclusions is a "safe place" for aspies to go to, away from the realities and criticisms of the real world, where they can receive continual praise for the simplest of tasks and be "included" in various activities. While at Inclusions Michael enjoys such childlike adventures like, going to the zoo, getting ice cream, going to McDonalds, taking part in annual parades, making wreaths, colouring eggs and dancing to music. Mary and Doug let their tards roam free and irresponsibly dont monitor their internet usage. Michael has sent a number of death threats from inclusions to trolls, all the while the wranglers dont reprimand him because "muh autism"

The Miguel Knight Rises[edit]

   
 
He's the hero Middleport deserves, but not the one it needs right now. He's a silent aspie. A watchful manchild. A Miguel Knight.
 

 
 

As Christmas of 2015 approached, and stemming from the Mother twitter drama, the yearly tradition of being pissed off at having no family caused Michael to inexplicably blame anyone he could for his situation in life. The blame fell to his old foes Dr Necrophillia and Nic Coleman, who he reasoned must be out to get him again, were stalking him and impersonated his Mom on twitter. This led into 2016, which began with a bang when Michael uploaded his first rage video since the infamous Middleport Police rant. In it we got to witness that Michael has not changed, or even learned anything from the Akriloth saga, as he once again threatened false copyright infringment flaggings and displayed his anger at people being friends with trolls. As per usual the video was deleted after a week when he realised how it made him appear, however see transcript below.

YouTube, whats good? its Michael here and i'm back with a uhh ...this is a 2 in 1 uh or not particular video, 2 in 1 video announcement. Well... 2 in 1 video is going to consist of an announcement, well a couple of announcements here on my channel, aaaand.... i need to kind of address an issue thats been going on and going on and going on and it hasnt stopped but i'll get to that in a little bit. uhhh let me start off with the messages real quickly i just want to wish all of you a happy new year and i hope your new year was great. I know mines was great i went to a party on new years and i had a blast, but umm. Here are a few of the announcements that are coming up, umm... as many of you know i have been doing a run for Madden 16 for the ps3, unfortunately i'm going to have to redo that run unfortunately, cus i made a mistake, i actually made a booboo and deleted some of the videos by accident that i was going to upload here in the future and that kinda threw me off. Speaking of videos i had to take down some of the videos that i did in the past here .... its ....well i am with a partnership on YouTube.... and i.... didnt know a while back i was supposed to renew, or resign with them... something like that sooooo....... in order for me to get back in i had to take down a few videos and hopefully that did the trick. Including one of them I ...one of them i had to takedown i dont agree with was my tribute to NASCAR on fox tv analyst Steve Burns, which ...i didnt see anything copyright used in that video, and i dont agree with that sooo... but i had to take it down anyway. But i think in future if i do EAS videos they will be recorded off the radio. And umm... this year i do plan to do a few holiday specials, and of course umm.... coming up in April ive got Special Olympics and i dont know if i'm going to be able to record my events or not. I had a hard time last year recording them and to be honest with you, honestly i would love to share the videos with ya'll, but i need to make a decision to make the video public or put it unlisted or private because....... of an idiot who i'll get to here in just a minute after i do this first part of my announcement. And.... yeh so... coming up in October i'll definitely have my first 18 days of wheel, so stay tuned for that on my channel. i'll probably be filming other bits and pieces ...I have a ideas for some youtube videos that are not game related but i'll work on that in the upcoming year. Hopefully ya'll stick around and enjoy my videos, because i want 2016 to be a great year for me especilaly here on youtube and all that stuff.

RAGE COMMENCES

Now.... to get to this a little bit... to the second part of this video, its not a rant video but its kind of a message video and i'm not saying their names. Ya'll have to forgive me if i'm screaming and yelling and getting upset, but i've had an issue with the same dude for the last couple of years and.... these 2 cannot learn to take a hint. In fact 1 of them... i just want to say both your names especially one of them. As a matter of fact... I hope you're watching this video you idiot! I am tired of you HARASSING ME! INSULTING ME! MAKING FUN OF ME! ....and bashing me! And creating accounts, like impostering me, impostering my family members, to start a bunch of drama. I know you're behind every one of those accounts. Took me a long time to figure it out. I know you was also behind the police departmnent twitter account. ........and i'm going to tell you right now buddy, you better watch this video and i'm going to tell you something right now, and i'm going to tell somebody else this. Ive had somebody who's been giving them photos that should not have been given to them. Even though i blocked these 2 ...idiots! Some.... well they blocked me but still somehow they managed to get photos ...and videos off my facebook. Thats not, that shouldnt even be, they shouldnt even be seeing! I want to know how they get that information, actually i take that back i know how they are because SOMEBODY ON MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS LIST, its probably someone in this town where i live in has been telling them what i do. I hope you're watching this video too because IF I CATCH YOU! YOU WILL BE IN TROUBLE WHEN I FIND YOU! I DON'T CARE IF I GO TO JAIL! I'M TIRED! And for those of you that is friends with them i want to ask ya'll this, WHY?! ....WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THOSE 2?! THEY'RE TROUBLEMAKERS! They've harassed people like me. These 2 idiots have cost me friends, caused me to be depressed, caused me issues in my personal life like at my job, and yet theres some of you that wants to stay friends with these 2 idiots and i dont understand! I dont understand... a lot of ya'll. But.... my message is to these 2, especially to this 1 guy, you want to keep it up? Come to Middleport Ohio and come show your face...come to my face...come to my place and show it to me, cus i'd LOVE to rip you! so badly! 

You think you're the victim, i'm the victim, you're not the victim, you're the one thats been harassing me for years. If you would have learned to back off I wouldnt, you know, call you a bunch of stuff I wouldnt even threaten you if you learned to back the hell off! There wouldnt even be issues betwen you and me. I dont know what your problem is towards me, but you know what? Get a life! Grow some balls and move on! You piece of SHIT! ....I apologise for my profanity, i just ...i'm........... I dont know. I'm sure you 2 are going to copy this video and laugh. Well go ahead copy it because i'll flag it for copyright infringement! You no good... You no good piece of SHIT! If i could just meet you face to face you wouldnt see the light of day with me! You dont understand how much hurt you put me through. You dont seem to care! I guess your parents didnt raise you right! You know, you have to think you could be so stupid by picking on me, by impersonating me on twitter, impersonating a family member of mines on twitter that i dont speak to, or want nothing to do with in my life. You know what I just, i'm done, i'm done ok, I'M DONE! I'm fed up!

You ...you ...well you ....you 2... well especially.... you and the other guy have caused me problems you cause me to get into an unnecessary fight with another user who i dont speak to. Well to be honest that person doesnt want to see the light anyway so no big deal.

I'm tired ok? I'm sorry if i keep getting your twitter suspended but you know what? Be a man! BE A MAN! ....AND MOVE ON! see the light in your life! see the light, see whats around you, you could do a hell of a lot better with stuff in your life instead of harassing me and harassing other people. Its not none of your business on like on how i feel, how my mood is, what i do. Its not your damn business ok?! My life is my business! so do me a favour and STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! Stay the hell away from me on facebook, twitter and wherever else on the internet ok? and then you and I won't have any problems. 

I just wish i could put you in jail... both in jail. Thats where you both belong, in a cage! Where you can get whipped by Bubba's ass! Let me rephrase that, where Bubba can whip both your asses!

I just want 2016 to be a good year. I dont want to deal with no drama. I dont want to deal with no stress. I don't want to deal with idiots. Its bad enough that i deal with personal issues outside of YouTube. I just cant get back some of things you took away and destroyed it for me. I HOPE YOU'RE LAUGHING BITCH!! Thats all ...thats all i got to say. dont care, you know what, I don't care, if you want to flag this video go ahead and flag it ok? It ain't going to make my life any better. I don't think i'm going to get my partnership back anyway. But.... this year there is going to be changes in my life and theres going to be a lot of them. Thats all i got to say, i apologise for the yellin' and screamin' and i apologise if i made it sound like i'm going after some of you guys, but to be honest with you i want to know something. Why do you stay friends with these people when they are the ones that are starting trouble ..i'm not the one starting trouble. That's all ive got to say i'm done with this video.


As a result of Michael believing that trolls had infiltrated his facebook he did what any sensible manchild would do, he closed down his Facebook, and created a new one under a fake name. Miguel Knight. Despite the change of name, which was an attempt to stay hidden from trolls, he kept his exact same profile picture. Which meant it didnt take long for trolls to find his new account.

   
 
If you don't [accept my apology] then whatever
 

 
 

—Michael giving a very sincere apology

When Michael found out what he believed was his foes Dr Necro and Nic Coleman discussing his new Facebook account he went on a spree of blaming everyone but his own stupidity. Rage tweeting at people accusing them of being a "traitor", and taking to YouTube to false flag videos of anyone that was friends with his adversaries. This caused him to get into a short fight with YouTube user Rodney1279, resulting in Michael apologising in one of the fakest apologies ever given and posting a video proclaiming that if anyone talks badly of him then he will report their comments to YouTube.

DON'T TAKE SIDES AGAINST ME!
Rodney doesn't accept the apology


The Hackening: Easter rage 2016[edit]

Easter Sunday 2016 started predictably enough. Michael Had no family or friends to visit him or buy him an easter egg, so he did what has become a Michael Batton holiday tradition. Lay in bed crying and raging on the internet, blaming everyone but himself for his situation in life. So after complaining about to his facebook friends, that his facebook friends were having a good day and he wasnt, he turned his attention to his nemesis Dr Necrophillia. After raging on his facebook page and telling him to kill himself, he removed the posts and then claimed that he had been hacked.

Michael raging like an internet tough guy
Michael wishing death on someone yet again
Michael turns full liar to maintain his image as the victim

Michael vs DrNecrophillia (The battle of 2017)[edit]

   
 
I wish i could slash your throat
 

 
 

—Michael confronting Dr Necrophillia

Rumblings of a coming war[edit]

As 2017 began Michael had a new years resolution. Not to let trolls get to him anymore. This is what he told his friends on facebook. However, on twitter there was a different story happening. Michael had long since blocked Dr Necrophillia and Nick Coleman, yet whenever these 2 spoke publicly, Michael would spam them with threats of violence. These threats went ignored as Michael was just seen as a nuisance who couldn't let the past go.

Threats escalate[edit]

Threats and messages continued from Michael. He posted wherever he could. Dr and Nick received threats on their individual YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and skype accounts. Sometimes the threats were directed at something that they had said, or sometimes they were just a simple "I want to kick both your asses". If either Dr Necrophillia or Nick Coleman responded to any of these threats, Michael would immediately run back to his private Facebook account and cry that he was being harassed, even though he had instigated it all.

Death threats begin[edit]

The pattern continued over the next couple of months, you could feel a meltdown was imminent. The threats became more graphic, including threats of hunting Dr and Nick down to smash their skulls in, slash their throats, or just a general threat of murder.

In a bid to seek help, Dr Necrophillia contacted Michael's local police with screenshots of the threats. This is currently being investigated.

Due to his behaviour, people started to turn on Michael. First, a long time friend and enabler of his sperging, Carla Aeiker, who had done her best to be a replacement Mother to Michael eventually had enough of his childish behaviour after she saw the threats. This loss of friend hit Michael hard and he immediately went to Dr Necrophillia and blamed him for the loss, because sending unprovoked death threats to someone online is just their fault. Next, Michael was deleted from a Gameshow Facebook group by the moderator after Michael sent a death threat to another moderator of the group. The reason for sending a death threat? The moderator in question had mistakenly shared a news story that had incorrect information relating to the death of Bob Barker.

A war is "triggered"[edit]

By August, and following the loss of recent friends, Michael stewed for a few weeks, and came to the conclusion that one man was responsible for all his misery. Dr Necrophillia.

Michael put a very rushed and not well thought out plan together, and made the first move. All of his cards were on the table right away. He was miserable, and was going to take it out on Dr Necrophillia. He hated Dr, and wanted to make his life hell. Michael began commenting death threats on all of Dr Necrophillia's facebook posts.

In a bid to avoid an all out war, Dr Necrophillia contacted racist enabler, and owner of Inclusions LLC, Mary Miller. Asking that she wrangle in her tard, and sent multiple screenshots of his death threats. Mary wasn't interested in controlling one of her out of control aspies and Michael was still free to spam Dr Necrophillia.

It. Was. On.

All out war[edit]

Anon troops were called to fight. Even a former enemy of Dr Necrophillia joined the front lines. A lieutenant stayed and protected Mother Base from tard attacks, fending off further death threats and creating a distraction.

The first attack was swift and brutal. Dr Necrophillia's soldiers attacked Michael's tard HQ, Inclusions LLC. Their facebook was public, and vunerable. 1 star reviews flooded in, expressing displeasure with Michael. Inclusions LLC, went from 5 stars to 3.2 stars in a matter of minutes. Once this attack had been detected, Michael (who is a moderator for the Inclusions page) went into a panic and deleted the page to stop further attacks. He then went into damage control mode, deleting all posts and reviews, then putting the page live again, this time without the ability to post reviews. Troops returned back to Mother Base and regrouped, preparing for Michaels retaliation.

It came, but this time Michael brought enablers with him. Unfortunately this, along with the stir that was caused over at Tard HQ, was his undoing. The damage had been done. The friends that he tried to hide his violent, harassing behaviour from, now had front row seats to the shit-show.

Michael continued to issue death threats, he wanted blood, throats slashed, and people hit by trucks. Michael's Autism was in final boss mode, and it didnt take much for Dr Necrophillia to convince the enablers that Michael was the instigator of battle. Enablers, upon seeing Michael's true colours, abandoned the fight and Michael was alone once again, which then gave way to Michael's cowardice.

Knowing that Mother Base was inpenetrable, he made one last attempt at a fight over on another of Dr Necrophillia's social media accounts, knowing it wasn't as protected. However it was a half hearted attack. Michael knew that he couldn't beat Dr Necrophillia, and he also knew that his enablers were now watching him behaving like an animal. The war was over, and Michael now had to fix relationships with enablers before he lost anymore friends.

Fallout[edit]

   
 
...and for those who unfriended me because of my facebook post don't let the door hit you on the way out
 

 
 

—Michael being as sincere as ever

In the aftermath of battle, Michael lost additional friends who had been exposed to his toxic autism. Inclusions LLC, Tard HQ, were damaged and tard relationships were in need of repair.

Michael stayed quiet for nearly 48 hours. Which is exceptionally long for him. He most likely stayed in bed for that time. He probably cried. He may have even broken his laptop again.

He eventually broke his silence and issued an apology to his remaining enablers and tardwranglers who had witnessed his meltdown. To try and repair damage he put all blame to Dr Necrophillia and for the 4th time, he promised he would not act that way again.

Michelle Batton[edit]

   
 
I'm coming out transgender yes I'm coming out as a woman
 

 
 

—Michael dropping a huge plot-twist on facebook

Buckle up buckaroos[edit]

Peace was being enjoyed since the war, however surprising events were on the horizon. At the beginning of 2018 a Mother Base agent had received intel that Michael was taking part in conversations on a Discord server for trans people, calling himself Michelle. Reports were that Michael was begging for attention where he could and offending other trans people with his rude attitude in chats, so it was assumed that this was just another attention seeking ploy. However, as they say, there is no smoke without fire.

March 2018, The death of Michael and the birth of Michelle[edit]

A couple of months had passed and Michael's trip to trans town had all but been forgotten about. That was until a field agent reported that Michael had changed his name on Facebook to Michelle and officially announced that he was transgender. This action finally completed Michael's transition to a fully formed CWC-Michael hybrid.


What Followed was a number of pictures of Michael unleashing his inner woman. They are the most hideous sights that nobody should ever have to see, but picture a fat man wearing a short black bob wig, with bad hooker eyeliner and smeared red lipstick, while aforementioned fat man is doing his signature smile that involves pushing his bottom lip out with his tongue.


It only took a week before someone reported this strange behaviour to the company that Michael works for. Of course this resulted in a very long rage post from Michael/Michelle.

Easter as Michelle[edit]

Even after a big change in personality, it was nice to see that not everything had changed. As is tradition on Easter, Michael was depressed because he had no family. Despite being invited to spend Easter with a friend, he decided he would rather stay in bed all day to write posts on facebook about how people don't care about him. Interesting to see that he opted for attention seeking over actually not being alone.


As part of Michaels Easter tantrum he decided to tell old foe Dr Necrophillia to kill himself again. Despite there being no contact since the war. Predictably, Michael ran away once Dr Necrophillia arrived to respond to his threats.

The future of Michelle[edit]

It is uncertain what the future holds for our hero, but it should be an interesting journey to witness. The biggest question that we need answered is, how will Michelle be received at the weekly Wahama football games.

Early predictions are that this is all for attention and once someone laughs at him or calls him a train wreck, he will revert back to Michael.


External links[edit]


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