Michael Crook

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Nixon distances himself from Crooks to protect his integrity.

Michael Crook is a fucking retarded blogger and troll with his own personal website which shouldn't be powered by blogger.com, yet is. In his blog, which he has been posting since 2005, he expresses his opinions on topics which affect his life and the world around him.

He calls himself one of the most hated persons of the internets, when in fact no one gives a shit about him. His whole blog is covered in extreme faggotry and has over 9000 shit eating posts. He appeared on CNN and got butt raeped by a conservative CNN reporter who called him extremely retarded and ignorant. Compared to other trolls, Michael Crook is just a mutant fag who should die from buttsecks. He likes to cover topics already covered on ED but in a boring, autistic way.

In April, 2010, he attempted to sue Atlantic Cape Community College, where he was working as a notetaker (student worker job) at damn near minimum wage, because he parked in a faculty spot and someone warned him about it. He, in his usual punchable faggot style, tried to sue in federal court claiming sexual harassment, and got his ass handed to him by ACCC in a lawsuit response before he withdrew the lawsuit with prejudice.

See pwnage here. These are all public documents from PACER, so he can't DMCA them with his fake-ass "DMCA Enforcement" tactics:
Crook's pathetic attempt at a lawsuit filing with lots of empty threats
Attorney's Response - Complete PWNAGE!


He is, in fact, a hippo-fucking-hypocrite. This is because he says that Jeff Diehl's use of freedom of speech is unfair (see the apology below), but nevertheless that it is his right to have freedom of speech in order to call U.S. soldiers "puke" and "leeches" (see Hannity puttblug him below). No lulz, just chirps.

Crook is a fucktard and a clown. And the clown has NO penis.

A further testament to how little people care about him, 2 years after being convicted of abusing the DMCA, including with ED, none of the sysops could remember his name.

Dec 2009 - In a desperate cry for attention rivaling that of Lindsey Lohan's acting career life, it emerged that Michael Crook intends to spit on the grave of a national hero and unstoppable force, Lieutenant General Lewis "Chesty" Puller USMC. Michael Crook is encouraged to visit the nearest USMC Detachment or Military Liaison center for his own personal safety.

Also discovered in Dec 2009, Crook is a social reject World of Warcraft nerd. Seen on his Twitter page was evidence that his pathetic life was spent living in the game. It's safe to say that Michael Crook lives with his mom in her basement drawing unemployment and never seeing the light of day because he lives in a fucking video game. He made comments on Twitter regarding WoW such as,

  • "I admit it. If World of Warcraft was a petite, young girl, say 18 or 19, I'd fuck it."
  • "All I can say is that I imagine I would react much like this if anyone took my World of Warcraft account away. http://tinyurl.com/lakl2x "
  • "My realm is back up, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about the downtime. All because Blizzard boned yet another patch Tuesday. Nerd rage!"
  • "Woke up this morning, and quickly was in a foul mood, because my World of Warcraft realm is down....again. Get it together, Blizzard!"
  • "Yeah, I know I haven't posted to the blog for a couple of days...World of Warcraft has overtaken my life...no showers, no going outside..."
  • "At long last, World of Warcraft is back, and my reason for being has been reaffirmed. "
  • "Patiently waiting for World of Warcraft to come back from weekly maintenance, and laughing at the memorial for the punk cops killed in WA. "

    Aren't we all glad our tax dollars are funding e-nerds and e-rejects with no life like Michael Crook?

    It has been speculated that Michael Crook suffers from a terminal brain tumor which produces his abnormal facial structure (An ass-face only his mother could fix with a meat cleaver and 5 gallons of H2SO4) and terminal mental retardation seen only in standing water & hyena shit. While this is cause for great celebration in humanity; the bacteria which consume decaying human flesh have filed a formal grievance with the Food & Drug Administration. A bacterium close to the complaint stated on a condition of anonymity, "How can you expect us to eat this shit?"

    Rumors have circulated that Michael Crook was rejected by the United States Army after the recruiter took one look at him and then burst into laughter; suffering 3rd degree rug burns from ROFL while singing "sir fagalot" several times.

    It's been confirmed in Dec 2009 Crook served in the U.S. Army and had a bigger pussy then he did a brain and heart. Not even 1 month after shipping out to boot camp from MEPS, Crook pussied out on a 1 mile run and cried to go to the doctor. Once Crook was taken to the doctor he lied until the Army gave up on him and booted his sorry ass out. It's been said that Michael Crook's official military records (SRB and Medical) are being pulled for review on violations of the uniform code of military justice (UCMJ). If verified, Crook could be facing a official military recall to active duty to serve some hard time a military brig. Here's hoping!

    Here is Crook's sorry, pathetic excuse for getting out of the Army. Don't worry Crook... we all know why you couldn't hack it in the military:

    "DISCLAIMER: This article was published in The Press of Atlantic City in July of 1999, and was published more for public sympathy than an expression of my true opinion, which is the hard work and risk of life that expected of me was completely unfair. I did what I had to do to get out; I quickly decided that the hard work and risk of life that’s expected in the military wasn’t for me, so I pretended like I fell out of a mile run, and was sent to the doctor. While with the doctor, I informed him of my heart condition, which my recruiter had instructed me to conceal, and long story short, I was sent home. If I’d kept my mouth shut, I would have had to do a lot of hard work, and maybe even risk my life. I couldn’t have that. And that is why I got out, leaving the hard work and dying for someone else. It is who I am."

    If extraterrestrial life does exist and is currently capable of accessing the Internets; please infect Michael Crook with the SOT strain of Klingon AIDS. A recent report from the Hadley Climate Research Unit indicates that Michael Crook manipulated the data and erased emails to hide the decline and damaging faults in the man-made global warming hoax.

    "Accomplishments" claimed by Michael Crook[edit]

    Michael's Urgent Political Issues[edit]

    Michael Crook gets buttraped on FOX[edit]

    Michael's Court-Ordered Apology for DMCA Abuse[edit]


       
     
    As far as society goes, I prefer to keep to myself, avoiding physical contact and physical meeting with other human beings, preferring instead to keep things virtual and electronics as much as possible. Just to make it perfectly clear, I do not socialize, nor do I attend parties, raves, shindigs, hoedowns, hootenannies, get-togethers, reunions, feasts, functions, gatherings, meetings, picnics, or anything of the sort. I do not consume alcoholic beverages, and I do not smoke. Simply put, I do not engage in what you humans refer to as "fun".
     

     
     

    Michael

    Gallery[edit]

    See Also[edit]

    External links[edit]

    Michael Crook is part of a series on Internet Humanitarianism
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    Featured article December 8, 2006
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