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Michigan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Michigan (Also known as Fridgigan) is Canada's poorest and most highly Nigger populated territory. It's entire population consists of blacks, liberal elitist scumbags, deers, and the lesser known species, Yoopers, which is segregated by group into four specific zones. Black zones, White zones, forests, and the Upper Peninsula. Michigan's main exports consist of expensive unreliable cars, highly flammable furniture, and Your Mom.

Zones

What a Detroit street looks like.
A town in the white zone. Note the lack of black people.

The black zones are for the inferior Negroes, and consist of Detroit, Flint, Inkster, and Muskegon. The black zones are poor and rundown, whites never enter the black zone, for fear of their safety and bikes. The White zones are always posh and classy, and consist of Detroit's suburbs and EVERY small town that is not a college town or in the Upper Peninsula. They are inhabited by Liberal elitists who claim forced diversity and political correctness matter more then freedom. It should be noted there are no blacks or other ethnicities in the white zones, and they even throw money at them to keep them away when the spotlight turns to their town. Little is known about the other two zones other then driving through the deer zone is certain suicide and the Upper Peninsular has some great festive activities in the winter.

Typical UP winter activities

Great Lakes

Once ocean resembling lagoons with Sugar Sand beaches. Michigan's great lakes now serve as little more than oil covered landfills. Michigan is also known for it's rapidly disappearing lighthouses and Super enthusiastic activists to save them. They are mainly found here. Drop by and the let them know how much you look forward to getting rid of the eyesores and building your 116 beech/casino resorts in place of them.

Climate

Summer: Endless humid days, Mosquito and Locus storms common. Makes one wish for winter.

Fall: See winter.

Winter: Freezing days with little to no daylight, power outing ice storms common. Makes one wish for summer.

Spring: See summer.

Industry

Is that a joke?

Government

The state Government answers only to the white zones. When the rest are in need of assistance, they simply get the response "LOL Fuck you", and are left to die.

The Upper Peninsula

Whenhell.jpg

Michigan, for reasons that aren't even exactly clear to themselves or anyone else, badly wanted Toledo, Ohio. There was an actual Toledo War "fought" from 1835-36 between Ohio and Michigan (srsly[1]), and Nobody won. This says a lot about Michigan - however in a twist of win, Michigan was given the upper peninsula, which would have gone to Wisconsin.

The upper peninsula is now a popular travel spot where Michiganders can pretend to be from Wisconsin.

Music

Due to its honor of having the urbanous ghetto of Detroit as its most populous city, much of Michigan's music is criminal-based rap and hip-hop, such as D12 (more like D10 now since one of them got shot), Kid Rock, Xzibit, and ICP.

However, the white minority manages to squeeze through the dark cracks and prevail every now and then, but not before partaking in some of the illicit substances said criminals of Detroit are known to regularly abuse.

Let the slow haze burn, let it burn, let it burn

Pure Michigan

Sometime Last Thursday, the Government decided it was getting fed up of being PWND by Ohio, and thus spent millions of the taxpayers dollars to launch an advertising campaign for tourism instead of giving it back to local businesses that were driving whatever tourism the state had before. The ads consisted of 30 second commercials with Tim Allen, talking in a voice so monotone not even the most dried out news Anchors could bare it, trying to seek out at least one or two positive things about Michigan. The campaign was ultimately unsuccessful in the end, for not even a high paid actor could pick out anything honest that would drive in tourists, if not drive more away.

Typical Pure Michigan Ad

To be fair, this was a step ahead of one of their older slogans, "M!CH!GAN!" WTF was so wonderful about whatever "mmm", "ch", and "gan" were is still a mystery today.

Things to do in Michigan

  • Pay Taxes.
  • Get your dick shot off by Robocop
  • Sit around the house.
  • Eat Fudge.
  • Stop yourself from freezing to death by burning everything that will catch fire because of all the fucked-up infrastructure the reason you don't have heat is because the gas company stopped supplying your street.
  • Drive fast through Detroit to avoid getting shot.
  • While in Detroit, buy some Heroin from one of the many black dealers that will shoot your ass the second they suspect you're a cop.
  • Before hauling ass out of Detroit, make fun of them for not having decent sewage or water services.
  • Wish that you lived in the great state of Ohio
  • Expect to have a day of fun, but end up spending it sitting in road construction traffic.
  • Smuggle cheap cigars in from Canada.
  • Make Fun of Detroit.
  • Make Fun of 7th Graders.
  • Make Fun of 7th Graders from Detroit.
  • Make Fun of a guy who thinks he is a Navy Admiral and steal his orange juice.
  • Move back in with your parents.
  • Look for a job.
  • Trollbusting.

See Also


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