ModelMayhem is a web 2.0 site for aspiring internet models to network. The site's moderator thinks internets jokes are funny, but he clearly fails to understand The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz since even the site's 404 message is unfunny I Can Has Cheezburger shit.
Some argue ModelMayhem is serious business because your account has to be approved to join, but it's really just another place for gay camwhores to say "hAi gUIsE l00k @t mi cock!!!1" The majority of the members are either 16-year-old girls with unrealistic expectations, fagolescents, various camwhores and internet celebrities, aspiring porn stars, and sick fucks who masquerade as photographers just so models will get naked for them. Nary a Catherine McNeil or Lily Cole or Sasha Pivovarova or Lara Stone or Magdalena Frackowiak for internet miles upon internet miles, though no one will ever give half a rat-shit about those smexXxXi, ACTUAL model chicks anyway: that's what ModelMayhem is all about.
The site's forums are full of lulz because it seems every woman on the site is having her period daily and/or just got raped by a "photographer" during a photoshoot. (Side note: some models use "photoshoot" as a euphemism for their "services.")
GWC - aka sick fuck, stands for "guy with camera". These are normally old perverts who buy cameras, sign up on ModelMayhem, then trick young models into posing nude for them. Many often try to rape the models, then claim the model was asking for it. Half the time, the model agrees not to report the rape or whine about it in the forums for an additional fee.
TFP/TFCD - "Time for print/Time for CD". These photoshoots are for models who trade their time with a photographer for prints or a CD of the images. Normally these involve n00dz because everybody on ModelMayhem is a sex-crazed coke fiend.
MUA - Make-Up Artist. In other words, "I have an excuse to be on here even though I'm ugly and will fuck anything that moves." These are often found lurking the forums and rarely contribute anything of significance.
The 16-year-old girl who wants to be a model
These young, naive girls have no idea the horrors they are about to fall into when they sign up on the site. Within 2 years, when they are finally legal to do porn (or often before then), they are pulled down into the world of prosthetic penises, pegging, buttsecks, and 2girls1cup.
Most girls regret the outcome of this conversation later on in their lives about
becoming models their voluntary descent into whoredom:
Girl: "Daddy, you'll still love me if I shoot n00dz, right?"
Dad: "Of course I will."
This guy is a buttsecks fiend, likely a furfag, and more often than not has at least 100 other various fetishes including but not limited to scat, guro, eproctophilia, klismaphilia, roman showers, CP, and being a transvestite. These models' portfolios are made up of n00dz and failed attempts at Kirk Johnson's glorious masterpiece.
Every internet celebrity wants to be a model. However, most are too fugly, but that is insignificant and is drowned out by their sense of unwarranted self-importance. They normally become friendwhores and engage in failed acts of shameless self-promotion, while further proving how internet disease-ridden they are. Known profile holders include Jeffree Star, Gay God, Audrey Kitching, Diageoliam, and Stevie Ryan.
Aspiring Porn Stars
Since many models try to shy away from web 2.0 porn sites that are officially pornographic, they resort to uploading n00dz onto ModelMayhem to try to get some attention. Some have even received offers of 1500 or more dollars to do a video fapping on camera, even moar for actual buttsecks.
Of course, people on ModelMayhem, being the whores they are, leap at the opportunity.
Recently ModelMayhem has been cracking down on porn sites, as well as pornographically themed ads and porn models. This has caused a massive amount of butthurt. Any and all porn is seen as evil... except for Suicide Girls. Pictures of boners, as well as vaginal and anal spread shots are also not allowed under the site's TL;DR ToS.
Other sources of drama in the forums include models getting butthurt about doing n00dz, GWCs BAWWWing about models not wanting to do n00dz or women taking their boyfriends with them to shoots, women complaining about female problems, and why it's so hard to be a model.
Better yet, do as Mission: MySpace did and be an outspoken internet humanitarian. This will cause extreme butthurt among GWCs, and will result in lulz for all those who witness the act of trolling and understand it was done entirely for the lulz.
The easiest way to troll a GWC is to defend models who insist they should be allowed to take a friend or boyfriend with them to a shoot. The GWCs get insulted at the notion of having another cock anywhere near them when there is naked wimmins about.
It is estimated that approximatively 10% to 15% of members are actually photographers or models at all, the majority are Middle-Schoolers who have joined only in order to see nekkid pics and say stupid shit in the threads. Also note that the average attention span of the typical MM member is about 3 posts due to their cocaine use. So, if it is your intent to set them straight, you will have to do so quickly and repeatedly before you are banned.
At least 100 years ago, 4chan /b/ carried out a DDoS attack against ModelMayhem. Other than that, ModelMayhem members seem to be oblivious to the concept of lulz, or to the true nature of the internet hate machine.
How to Get On ModelMayhem
Here is a copypasta-esque bio if you want to make it through ModelMayhem's approval queue for new accounts. (Gaize, they take trolling srs!) Lately, the site's "Gatekeepers" have been slacking or are too strung-out to care, so anyone can get on, even that fat black chick with the god-awful weave from down the street who thinks Instagramming her images makes her look like Rihanna.
I'm new to modeling, just figured I'd give it a try after some friends recommended it. I'm just trying to get my face out there and get some photoshoots in to pay off my student loans, and see where else it takes me.
Known ModelMayhem Members
- Brandon Hilton
- Chris Crocker
- Elle Peril a/k/a Lena Chen
- Gay God
- Jeffree Star
- Lithium Picnic
- Lustifera (baleeted)
- Mission: MySpace, but only as a troll.
- Vanessa Alexandra
- Other generic internet celebrities who are unworthy of ED articles.
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