- Web IRC
- 1 Childhood
- 2 Scandal
- 3 Current Wherabouts
- 4 Videos
- 5 See Also
- 6 External Links
—Jew lawyer William H. Ginsburg, who paid Monica's parents to give the portly pepperpot a bris
After sucking off her entire high school football team (because who wants to fuck a fatty, right?) and fucking her high school drama teacher Andy Bleiler, Monica moved to Washington, DC to fulfil her life's ambitions: (1) Become an unpaid intern and (2):
—Monica Lewinsky, 1995
Republicans had hoped to catch Bill Clinton in an extramarital affair in order to impeach him. After Clinton spurned Ann Coulter, they realized that he was not interested in anorexic transsexuals. Figuring Bill liked the power a guy gets in impressing a chunky, awkward chick, they hired Monica for the job instead. Monica had a White House job arranged as a janitor, but her extensive experience with the wet/dry vac made her a natural choice.
Both sides of the political aisle were outraged. Democrats were upset that their hero Bill Clinton couldn't score any better tail; and Republicans were upset they weren't getting lunchtime BJs from their interns.
Clinton was quickly charged with a variety of crimes- from perjury, to obstruction of justice; to "dude, you fucked that?". The charges were eventually dropped, however, when President Clinton threatened to have Hillary testify on his behalf, and prosecutors decided they didn't want to be reminded of just how lousy this guy's taste in women is.
Attention whores are like herpes: once they start riding the media's cock, they never go away. Addicted to the attention, these whores keep coming back for their fix. So it is with Monica, who just never gets the hint that 1) she's a whore and 2) we all want whores to STFU and GTFO once their (blow)job is done.
Monica's First Attention Whore Tour 1999-2004
Lewinsky used the political connections she earned to get hired on as some fag marketer for a designer purse company; and to create her own line of designer purses, bags, and knee pads.
Despite the obvious saleability of a product line created by a fatty who's only claim to fame is that she was a convenient cumdumpster to a horny old politician, the product line failed, big. After sitting on the racks for years collecting dust, they were given to the homeless. By 2004, the faggots at Vogue Magazine officially declared Monica's handbag-venture dead. Monica would need a new vehicle for her attention-seeking, since Jenny Craig dumped the slut after she failed to cut down on her cum-guzzling.
2004-2006: Monica receives Mastur's Degree
In December 2006, Monica waddled across a graduation stage to receive a degree from the London School of Economics. The title of Monica's thesis was: "In Search of the Impartial Juror: An exploration of the third person effect and pre-trial publicity."
How could a woman who barely scraped a 2.00 GPA at Lewis & Clark College, and is unable to spell the word "public," received admission to the prestigious British university, an admissions dean replied: "Superior oral skills."
2012: "I'M WRITING A TOP-SECRET BOOK!!1" Monica blabbed
In 2012, Monica Lewinsky was said to be writing a book, with major publishers, who were all asked to sign nondisclosure agreements to take the meetings.
The book deal fell through, though, when Monica insisted on writing the manuscript with a jizzfilled quill pen.
2013: Monica Lewinsky "Guards Her Privacy"
The article went on to chronicle Lewinsky's history of shamelessly whoring for media-attention, just in time for her next re-re-re-branding:
Monica's Attention Whore Tour 2014-2015
Despite the fact that the world would be grateful if she died in a fire, Monica Lewinsky re-surfaced to attention whore some moar in 2014, first with some interviews...
—Famewhore Monica Lewinsky, TED talk, March 23, 2015
- attention whore without one You can't be an
- Every Rap Song That Mentions Monica Lewinsky
- Monica Lewinsky's Daddy threatens LOLSUIT against "Law & Order SVU" for using "lewinsky" to mean "blowjob" (1999)
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