Monsters By State
Every State has its own monster like the Jersey Devil, Bigfoot or the Chupacabra that is made up only to scare kids to stay in bed all night and piss the sheets rather then get up or are, more likely, advertised to support bullshit college courses like Xenobiology that only exist to give the professor enough credibility to sell books and serve as an advisor for a film.
State Monsters or rather a State's Movie Monster is a monster that was created for a movie that represents that state's ideology and fears as well as its truths. Some of the more interesting are below.
- 1 Ohio
- 2 New Jersey
- 3 Pennsylvania
- 4 Texas
- 5 Georgia
- 6 Louisiana
- 7 Illinois
- 8 California
- 9 Maryland
- 10 Nebraska
- 11 Tennessee
- 12 Washington
- 13 See Also
Before we begin, Ohio is a very arrogant state and if you are not from North East Ohio or from along the lake region, you might as well be from Kentucky. All you need to do is look at an Atlas and you'll see a blue patch along the lake including North East Ohio that is titled Ohio with the rest getting named North Kentucky.
Some historians claim that this is the same way we came to have 2 Virginias, 2 Dakotas and 2 Carolinas.
A Nightmare On Elm Street
If there was ever a State that was afraid of and loathed Pedophilic, kiddy killers with equal value it would be Ohio.
The United States Department of Justice actually has statistics showing that if you are an inmate, in prison, accused of a crime against children you are statistically more likely to die in an Ohio prison than any other state. So it's not much of a stretch for some parents to get pissed off and burn a pedo like it's a Nazi bake off when a child raper/killer is let off because a judge signed a warrent in the wrong place.
Being from Cleveland, Wes Craven wanted to properly portray his state's favorite pastime of putting down pedos but also knowing that kiddy crimes are committed more by the uneducated and poor, that's why he set Nightmare in that Northern Kentucky city of Springfield or Middle Ohio as the mutants like to call it.
Freddy Krueger embodies that Ohio fear that the children are always in danger of being dragged into some weird man's basement and killed. No place is safe, not even school. Even that mousy, white janitor with the Uber German name like Krueger might have dark secrets that nobody knows about.
The Freddy movies follow the Ohio idea, which also has become a part of the Americunt consciousness that a child molester is "Guilty Until Proven Innocent" and Freddy's innocence is never questioned in the original movies and this might be why the Jackie Earl Haley version failed because there was that brief plot development where Freddy might be innocent and the Children were making it all up.
A Nightmare On Elm Street preeches the wisdom of Ohio, "Listen to the Children. When you find a pedo, MURDER his ass and keep murdering it."
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Fans of the movie have followed clues in the movie like Janet covering her head with a Cleveland Plain Dealer when she and Brad are walking in the rain to Dr Frank N. Furter's castle and the marks on the Criminologist's map putting the location of Dr Frank N Furter's castle in McArthur, Ohio or rather that distant part of Ohio where the Mutants were forced to start up houskeeping when their bus broke down on the way to Kentucky.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show Feeds that hillbilly, far-right American fear that everybody has a secret gay fetish that religion and healthy living keeps locked away deep down in their psyche so it can never escape but there is an evil conspiracy of faggots out there whose goal it is to turn everyone queer with up-tempo broadway style music and dance numbers.
Much like the old Germanic stories like The Loli In The Red Riding Hood or Hansel And His Loli Sister Gretel the villain is portrayed as openly eccentric but a nice person that rescues the characters from their current predicament. As the story progresses, the villain takes advantage of his position and the characters are slowly corrupted and start experimenting in wickedness like ass fucking and canabilism, with a little help from trickery or smooth talking.
When the story ends, the bad guy either flies away or is killed and then it becomes the role of the story characters to take his place and spread his evil like dark priests.
Trick R Treat
Set once again in, surprise, North Kentucky or rather Southern Ohio in Warren County.
Mostly focuses on the traditions of Halloween, answering why you should never blow out the candle in a Jack O'Lantern and rather, let it go out itself. Why you shouldn't deny candy beggers their treats, why you should always check your candy for razors and other hidden lulz and why you should stay away from college girls dressed in slutty costumes.
The Silence Of The Lambs
Have you gotten the hint yet, if you're not in the Lake Region or North East Ohio then you're in some inbred mutant version of Dante's Inferno that most civilized people wouldn't wish on their worst enemy because it is filled with deranged, sick bastards that will cut you up and sew your back fat into a lady part suit for someone like Chris Chan or who most Youtubers have affectionately named Buffalo Bill.
Buffalo Bill's first kill was Frederica Bimmel from Belvedere in Jefferson County Ohio and Jefferson County makes the epic fail that is Youngstown and Mahoning County look like an Eden. To this day, the most famous person to ever come out of Jefferson County Ohio is Loli porn whore Traci Lords and for the past 15 years the Jefferson County government has been seriously debating the opening of a museum honoring her once they can get a cast made of her vagina so they can have a giant bronze statue of it greeting vistors outside.
Much like Silence portrayed it, the Jefferson County area is a former coal mining area that thinks a Wal-Mart opening up is worthy of front page news because the area hasn't been dead long enough to start to stink. It is populated only by people who have no chance of ever leaving it because they are either too old, too stupid, weren't good at sports, couldn't make it in porn or got pregnant at such a young age their only hope is internet porn, E-Begging or some gentle soul who will free them with the merciful embrace of death.
Friday The 13th: Jason Goes To Hell
Getting recognized because Jason's first kill of the movie is in Youngstown, Ohio and if he had any remaining bit of his soul he would have killed the whole city out of kindness. Also, Freddy Vs Jason shows that intellectually deficient, machete wielding psychos don't like pedo freaks either.
Friday The 13th
Oh the poor state of New Jersey that doesn't really get any attention unless Martin Scorsese is filming a mob movie, the US Government is running another crackdown on organized crime or it's fall and the leafers are there to see the fall colours, even The Statue Of Liberty's back is turned to the state. Is it any wonder how such an angry state could produce such an efficiant, mindless killing machine?
Power Word Jason Vorhees is the State of New Jersey's 350 pound vengeance machine against out-of-staters that say they are there for the natural beauty but leave their used condoms, empty beer cans and garbage everwhere. He also stands for Jersey's hate against New York when he marched against Manhattan.
Friday The 13th is probably best know for being the first diversified horror movie in that it was Jason's mother doing all the killing in the first movie.
You know what they say, you gotta watch out for them Jersey girls.
Night Of The Living Dead
Can anyone make a better metaphor for the State of Pennsylvania than mindless Zombies walking around like broke, dope sick junkies fiending for a fix?
If you have ever been to Philadelphia, the Zombie scenes look like any night of the week on the streets when the cops hide for cover until dawn.
Once again, here was another chance for a horror movie to do G-d's work and wipe Youngstown off the map, as when they watch the news on Tv, it reports Zombies in Youngstown but because of poor leadership or a lack of interest on the Zombie's part, Youngstown is still there.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Now if there was ever a state where someone would kill their mother, cut off her face and wear it like a mask it's Texas.
Texas is a scary state, if it's not the illegal Mexicans jumping the border and killing you because you were walking your dog and saw them smuggling backpacks of drugs into your city it's their private army, their Texas Rangers emptying a .45 into your chest because they felt you looked suspicious cutting in line at a bank.
Outside of water shortages, brown outs, F-5 tornados, being on G-d's all time shit list and a looming war with Mexico, Texas really has nothing going for it outside of cool beef commercials voiced by Sam Elliott, which on the flip side also leads us to one of the best known insults with regards to the state.
Is it any wonder that when a van full of pot smoking hippies pulls up to point and laugh that no one in the state says a damn thing when a few eccentric Sons of The South choose to make bacon out of their asses?
You're probably saying that Deliverance isn't a horror movie, then you most likely have never seen the movie and suffered through Ned Beaty's ass rape scene because if you had, you'd be scared shitless of Georgia Hillbillies.
Before Deliverance, most people thought hillbillies were just in-breeding and making illegal whiskey, for the most part people believed they kept to themselves. After Deliverance, people learned that hillbillies were angry, toothless, banjo playing monsters that are not above Surprise sexing a fat guy because he looks cute wearing his life jacket or fucking some guys throat because he has a nice set of lips around his mouth hole.
Your average person that finds themself lost in Georgia and arriving in an out of the way area full of decrepit trailors and broken down trucks in the yard can feel their asshole clamp shut as they remember that the ass rape wasn't some good old fashioned hillbilly funning but rather that last insult before they gave Ned Beaty and friend a 12 gauge slug to the back of their head if they didn't favor the idea of cutting open their stomach, pulling out their intestines and leaving them to die slow or have an animal eat them inside out just for shits and giggles.
Whoopdee fucking doo. A Bloody Mary story. South Park's Biggie Small's take on the urban legend is better.
Anne Rice's Vampire Stories
Absolutely terrifying when you know what Mickey Rourke will look like in 25 years.
You begin the movie with what seems like an average run-of-the mill Raymond Chandler style detective movie where a P.I. is hired to find a person and has to go deep into the darkest scene of New Orleans witch craft and voodoo, where at first, it's played off with all the sincerity of a bunch of Goth kids trying to put a hex on their math teacher.
Through most of the movie we're reminded this is the modern age, post World War 2 where we have penicillin and science says there's no need to be afraid of the dark. Then it all becomes real and we are reminded that New Orleans is a city that sits with half of itself seated in science and the other half on oomba goomba tribal magic when we find out that Mickey Rourke was working for the devil to bring back a soul promised to Hell.
Would someone please explain the whole concept of this movie?
Michael Myers is your basic Illinois trailor trash, inbred, white trash, evil from watching too much Television autistic fuck-wit that walked in on his sister as she was getting fucked in her ass, and wanting to join in but only having a baby-dick, he went to the kitchen, got a carving knife and stuck both his sister and her boyfriend with his Freudian inches.
This one act sets up Michael's sexual appetite for the rest of his life, unable to get it up, he has to chase High School lolis around town and wait for that exact second that they are getting stuck with their boyfriend's meat blade so he can join in and fuck them both to death with his 9 inch sexualy repressed, dinner ware replacement.
Is it any wonder why Roseanne was set in Illinois?
The Lost Boys
A state with such infamous hits like Charles Manson and His Family, The Zodiac Killer, $cientology, The Black Dahlia murder and serial killer team Charles Ng and Leonard Lake is it any wonder that you'd have a movie about a family or cult of vampires whose goal is to feed on the weak and live forever. It's only from that California I'm better than you, I can hear how food with a face screams when I eat it psyche do we get the moral dilemma of, "As a member of this group I am capable of the evil of taking a life so I can eat but is it right and it really me? There must be other alternatives than murder when it's time to eat"? Before you respond, the California curse is that you can never go out in the sun again and have to run from shadow to shadow like an albino fan boy on comic book day.
With the history California has with its gangs, illegal immigrant murder crews, serial killers partnering up and any and all other forms of organized predation, is it any surprise that supernatural elements would consider the option of civilization over the lonely hunter-gatherer choice for efficency and predictability of farming?
An over inflated, takes itself way too serious to be cool and thinks that it's setting a trend by being cleverly ironic with no real clue what the word means style movie that is also a perfect description for every trendy fucker from one end of the state to the other.
Like most everything from the state, it was supposed to make a statement about the formulative writing style of the industry and was intended to be only a one-shot movie but the second Gold got found in them thar hills, it spawned a franchise.
If there's a war in Heaven between two factions of angels and as an Angel, if you want your side to win you'll probably go looking for the most evil, vile, putrid, dispicable soul you can find to advise your side. Obviously, you'd go looking for that blackest of souls in California.
I'm not too sure about a former Army officer being the darkest soul they could find though. If you're already in California, most people would suggest Silicon Valley or Hollywood.
A retired U.S. Army Colonel that has had ideas like loyalty, brotherhood, rules of warfare, like the Geneva Convention, limiting what can or can't be done and having always to answer to public opinion just doesn't have a grasp of the necessities of treachery, the ends justify the means mentality and the requirements of out and out manipulation like a Jew that has climbed to the top and wants to maintain his place at the helm of a Fortune 500 company.
Before SJWs took the idea and gave us some children's bedside story, libtard, Public Service Message called The Happening that says if we keep polluting and melting the Polar Ice Caps the trees will turn on us, Alfred Hitchcock did it much better with The Birds because he didn't give a reason.
In a state where falcons swoop down and steal family pets for lunch, you're kids get to miss school for the day because there's a bear in the school dumpster or you wake up and find a cougar in your kitchen, you learn pretty fast that nature doesn't need a reason for anything it does. If nature wants to send a flock of crazed birds after your ass to feast on your insides, it will and no one will ever have the answer to why.
The Blair Witch Project
What more can you expect from a state that advertises its renaissance fair and eating food on a stick as the height of fair going to be the setting of a movie where they try to make bundles of sticks and camerea shake terrifying when your average viewer and critic would describe both, eating at a renaissance fair and The Blair Witch Project as both stupid and nauseating.
The Blair Witch Project speaks volumes for the state of Maryland in that it shows Maryland as one of the least sophisticated states in the Union and least skilled when it comes to language in that it sets the stage for the found footage movie style in that if you're stuck for dialogue or how to move from a scene you can just let the actors stand around and say Fuck over and over until Scene is called. Hell, all you need to do is follow the Baltimore art district style of writing only 4 or 5 decent scenes and connect them by having the actors say fuck again and again, with no real goal or direction, while selling it as realistic style improvisation because instead of trying to find a real solution to a problem, real people would rather stand in place yelling FUCK at each other until they all decide that a resolution isn't needed and they should just keep struggling in quick sand Just Because the plot says they need to.
Children Of The Corn
It's not the fact that the children killed all the adults in Gatlin, Nebraska in ritualistic murder and corrupted the Christian faith that this Bible belt state is known for to worship a giant, demonic worm they've named "He Who Walks Behind The Rows" but rather that Children Of The Corn was probably the first movie to teach us to be afraid of the soulless Ginger.
How can you be afraid of a worm you never see? $cientology and other cults are more frightening than a kid run, keeps to itself corrupted religion can be and how intimidading is Isaac when the fattest, slowest and most out of shape geek could choke the life out of him. It's Malachi who people will agree creeps the hell out of them and who most people remember from the original 1984 version.
If there was ever a character that embodies the fear people have of the soulless ginger sneaking into their house in the middle of the night to swallow their soul it's Malachi, because not only do you know that he will be having orgasms when he's cutting your lungs out through your back, he is best described, by anyone who has ever seen the movie, as evil incarnate. If a demon ever decided to walk the earth and wanted the most terrifying face it could have, it would choose his because you know Courtney Gains is remembering every insult and ass kicking he ever took as a ginger to have that level of hate and evil on his face when he was playing Malachi.
Thank you Nebraska and Steven King for being the reason why we are afraid that red-heads will one day rise up and kill us all.
The Evil Dead
There are some states, like Kentucky, that seem to be the butt of all the jokes but they have some things going for them like the Corvette factory in Bowling Green, Kentucky, producing 95% of all Bourbon in America and being the center of disco ball production in the world. Then there are states like Michigan and if you needed proof that Michigan State and its students were hated in just about every state in the United States all you need to do is sit back and watch The Evil Dead as Tennessee lets its Supernatural wrath loose on Sparty and his fellow students.
Having already endured such blights on the face of creation like Miley Cyrus, Johnny Knoxville and U.S. Vice President Al Gore the dark and scary mountain deadites were well prepared when Michigan tried to dump its garbage in their back yard.
Using such techniques like Tree Rape on both men and women, possession and simple insanity to humilate them before killing them, the deadites want Ash and his gang to know that they gave them every chance to turn their car around and do what everyone wants from someone from Michigan to do and leave.
By the Governor's proclamation, Washington State authentic Sasquatch hair (Archived: )Bigfoot as its official monster, August 6th, 1970. The proclamation was sealed with a lock of
- ED's Halloween theme
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