Moses

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Imsick.png

I AM THE PROPHET OF GOD!
Moshe Rabbenu
Born 1571 BC (age 3590 in 2019)
Nationality 
Occupation Jew
Religion name Judaism
Preceded by Abraham
Followed by Buddha
Current location Cave, Desert, Israel
Nicknames
  • Musa
  • Moses
  • Musa bin Amram


Moses (Hebrew powerword: Moshe Rabbenu, or Arabic: Musa bin Amram) is the man responsible (to a greater or lesser extent) for giving rise to the most awful thing that ever reared its head on the planet Earth.

He was a paranoid schizophrenic who, as per the custom of the time regarding paranoid schizophrenia, was appointed the leader of the Jews in exile from the land of the pyramid-niggers. Suffering from this severely debilitating mental illness, and coupled with dehydration and exhaustion in the desert, Moses began to hallucinate and hear voices in his head and scribbled down what he'd heard on some rocks. He complained about these symptoms to the others. Naturally, the Jews being Jews and all, they took this as a divine message from God to travel to Israel and make tons of shekels and monies. The rest, unfortunately, is history.

"I love Barbara Streisand. I don't just mean her songs. She's just such a beautiful person on the inside."















History[edit]

Moses was born at least 100 years ago in Egypt, where he was raised by Adolf Hitler and made the Pharaoh of Fagland. Fagland was a prosperous country of Jews and Sand Niggers that lived in harmony for hundreds of years until the day came when their lives would get flipped turned upside down.

All was not well in Fagland, as it turned out. Among the Sand Niggers were a select few who sought to overthrow the Pharaoh. They began the construction of an immense Internet Hate Machine and deployed it on the day of September 11th. The machine charged its lazer to full capacity and fired a gigantic beam into Moses' gigantic upside-down pyramid fortress, thereby disintegrating him.

But what the Sand Niggers didn't know is that Moses would not yield so easily. He lived on in the hearts of the Jews for four or five minutes until the day that the prophecy would come to be - Moses was given a new body. When Moses manifested himself in his new form, Adolf Hitler was furious and it was at this time that Moses realized that his own mentor was behind his destruction.

For over a hundred years now Hitler's ghost and Moses' MCP form have waged a war over control of Fagland, or present-day Israel. The reason could quite possibly be that they both want control of the concentration camps Jew Resorts of Fagland, for only there can the production of the most potent macaroni pictures take place. Hitler seeks to stop Moses from becoming too dangerous, whereas Moses wants to condemn mankind by starting up a new season of One Day at a Time. Hitler argues that if this happens, the amount of anti-lulz forged by Moses' evil efforts will cancel out all existing Lulz and leave us in a bleak, colorless world where everything is serious business.

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