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Al Qa'eda has put a $50,000 price tag on the heads of ANYONE caught drawing moar pitchurz of Muhammad! ED is going for the bounty record, so plz to be uploading AS MANY PICTURES OF MUHAMMAD (peace be upon him!) AS POSSIBLE!!#!
Bounty so far: $64,150,000!!!
please click here and scroll slowly down to the bottom of the page.
2005: Denmark Enrages the Caliphate
some Danish asshole the King of Denmark decided to post up a bunch of shit Muhammad☪ fanart that found its way into far-right echo chamber Jyllands-Posten, and from there into some influential European newspapers. Ostensibly, this was motivated by a desire to discover why Western cartoonists were reluctant to draw images of Muhammad (peace be upon him!) in the same way they did Jesus. It was a social experiment, you see. (See gallery)
Needless to say, the entire third world got their knickers in a tangle over a couple of comics that were probably drawn by the guy that does Family Circus. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton aren't the only ones with 'rent-a-riot' flash mobs ready to spring into action with one speed-dial. Hordes upon hordes of screaming fanatics sacked and looted Hot Topics across the globe, stealing eye-liner, fishnets, and razor blades to use in their Satan-worshiping Muhammadan rituals, trampling one another to death in the process (as usual). Shifty imams even threw in a couple of fake images to make sure their seething meat-brigades were well-seasoned with rage. (See gallery)
From these events, the clever Danes were able to hypothesize that when you print cartoon images of the prophet Muhammad, fundamentalist Muslims will get very butthurt and threaten to behead you and shit. Though obvious to everyone else, this was apparently a novel concept to liberal Scandinavians. They've since apologized for the feature in question, which only pissed off the native-born Danes and the Muslim immigrants, meaning that Hot Topic franchise-owners had to buy a dog and get some curtains.
And the next year, exacerbating the crisis, some cheeky Danish People's Party members staged a lighthearted Muhammad-drawing contest and put the videos on YouTube, though they have since been deleted by the Will of Allah. (See still images in the gallery)
2007: Yes, This Shit Again
Amazingly, a cartoon need not actually feature a drawing of Muhammad (peace be upon him!) for Muslims to get offended; simply mentioning his name will suffice to generate mucho drama. In 2007, a newspaper in Bangladesh printed the cartoon to the right, featuring a conversation between a man and a young boy who is holding a cat. Translated from moonspeak their exchange is as follows:
- Man: Boy, what is your name?
- Boy: My name is Babu.
- Man: It is customary to mention Muhammad before the name.
- Man: What is your father's name?
- Boy: Muhammad Abu.
- Man: What's this in your lap?
- Boy: Muhammad Cat.
Yeah, wicked funny, right? The cartoonist's intent seems to have been some mild satire concerning the Muslim tendency to name kids 'Muhammad' (though 'Osama' is moar popular at the moment) and not to rag Muhammad himself. Furthermore, the Koran is said to contain many examples of the prophet's love of cats (and loli). But, Islam being devoid of lulz and Muslims in general lacking the satire gene, all hell broke out again. The editor was fired, the cartoonist was arrested and the mob demanded his execution.
Meanwhile, a Swedish cartoonist and compulsive paraphiliac named Lars Vilks was hatching an ingenious plan. Vilks was a hardcore fetishist, and his fetish was kidnapping and execution by bearded, lice-ridden jihadis. He'd already seen all the videos, watched all the tapes, and it finally reached the point where he had to act out his sexual needs or have a breakdown. So he looked to the august recent history of noble Scandinavia, and figured if some Danish faggots could troll the Ummah into such hysteria, he could one up the bomb-turban guy and finally experience his personal Nirvana. He sat down one September evening, and created... MUHAMMAD AS A ROUNDABOUT DOG. (See gallery) This was the most offensive thing a Swede could conceive, and it succeeded brilliantly. Lars has a $100,000 bounty on his head from some inconsequential bastard stepchild of al-Qa'eda, and was the target of a recent murder plot!! It's only a matter of time before his dream comes true - help him out and make a quick $100,000 on the side by reporting his whereabouts to the Qa'eda-affiliate, Islamic State of Iraq! There is a 50% bonus if you slice his throat halal lamb style.
Finally, later that year, a British schoolteacher was v& by the Sudanese for naming a teddy bear Muhammad. It's good to know that Sudan has its priorities straight. Many lulz are also had from realizing that the fools inspired far more people to name teddy bears Muhammad than they scared off from doing so; see the gallery for multiple delightful examples.
2010: What is al-Qa'eda Doing Watching South Park, Anyway?
In April 2010, King of al-Qa'eda and dirty wizard Osama bin Laden finally noticed that South Park has not only been depicting Muhammad (peace be upon him!) for years, but doing so in a righteously fucked up fashion, along with every other sacred meme out there. In response, he has activated his American sleeper cell at Revolution Muslim and ordered it to declare jihad on South Park, consigning Matt Stone and Trey Parker to a joyous company that also includes Salman Rushdie, Geert Wilders, LiveLeak, Eminem, Sigvatr, Kurt Westergaard (author of the famous bomb-turban image, whom a Somali pirate tried to kill in 2009), the ecstatic Lars Vilks, and the assassinated Theo van Gogh. This also means that al-Qa'eda and Scientology are on the same side. Think about it.
Then, in May 2010, Lars Vilks attempted to appear publicly to make it easier for Muslims to capture and torture him. He was mildly disappointed when all he got was a headbutt...
Muslim uses Headbutt! It's super effective! Lars flinched!
...for showing the following video.
Finally, in response to the fatwa on Stone and Parker, a Seattle cartoonist named Molly Norris declared May 20, 2010 "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day," which was certain to create many lulz in the form either of butthurt Muslims waving such incisive and inspiring protest signs as seen to the right, or cultural imperialists trying to foist free speech on an unwilling Ummah and getting their just comeuppance. It did not disappoint, and so the ages-old war between Islam and its main antagonist, cartoons, continues to bore the rest of the planet, which just wants to get back to killing Jews.
However, soon after issuing her clarion call, Molly Norris caved (linked pages deleted as Norris withdraws from the internets in mortal fear) to offended Muslims' threats to saw off her head with a hunting knife and post pics, Daniel Pearl-style. Apparently, since it wasn't just Osama and Mahmoud getting pissed off, but also moderate Muslims, at the idea of a bunch of wacky kuffar getting together to exercise their rights of free expression, she adopted the opinion that we should scrap the whole idea to spare their delicate feelings. On the contrary, the fact that anyone should need to tiptoe around the retarded sacred cows of a bunch of uptight fanatical control freaks, or that they should feel bound by threat of violence, or service to a Chamberlainesque ideal of tolerance, to follow the strictures of a religion they don't even practice, should be a wake-up call to any thinking, observant person of creeping Shari'a abetted by clueless orientalist liberals. Don't let her mealy-mouthed, relativist cowardice dissuade you; FUCKING DRAW MUHAMMAD, and post the results here!!
|Warning! Viewing of the following images will get you 9/11'd. Proceed at your own risk.|
So just remember: when it comes to trolling Muslims, you can't spell Muhammad without U MAD. (Well, you can, depending on what transliteration scheme you're using, but you get the point.)
Now available in video form for busy people!
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- Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015
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- Everybody Draw Muhammad Day Facebook page
- Muhammad image archive
- Woman who started 'Everybody Draw Mohammed Day' goes into FBI witness relocation
Muhammad Cartoons is part of a series on
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