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Murder

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What? This article needs moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.
You can help by adding moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.
Scooby Doo murder.jpg
Not such a bad a way to go
Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats

For those who live OTI, just consider murder an IRL permaban. Refers to the premeditated killing of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably pwned by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as suicide. If they create profound internet drama in the course of doing so, this makes them an hero.

The most common motive is hatred of the victim by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and third most being the desire to be subject matter on CSI. The prevailing method is violence. The typical result is death, although not always the death of the would-be victim. Some argue that all murders are committed by niggers, but it is actually the smaller black population that gives this appearance.

Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". Murder connoisseurs say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in lulz loss.

Rape and murder often go hand in hand. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to shut her the fuck up.

PROTIP: if you are ever on trial for murder, pleading "I did it for the lulz" will instantly make it justifiable. Try it.

Contents

"Premeditated"

Premeditated.

There is some debate as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.

Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad basement dweller with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity,because you can't reproduce that way, its called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...

Not to be confused with premedicated.

How to off your family

Pool Party

  1. Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
  2. Put roofies in the drinks
  3. Wait for family to fall asleep
  4. Duct tape them to Pool chairs
  5. Push chairs into the pool of flamethrowing fires
  6. ????
  7. GRAB THE MONEY YOU FUCKIN' JEW!

BBQ

  1. Drug family
  2. Tie them up
  3. Put them in car
  4. Chain doors shut
  5. Add gasoline
  6. Set car on Fire
  7. Videotape it
  8. Go to the masturbasement later on so you can jack off

Dubai Style

  1. Prepare dinner
  2. Prepare sauce
  3. Crush sleeping pills
  4. Process chunks into powder
  5. Heat up to 43F max in oil pan, add tomato sauce. Mix.
  6. Serve food
  7. Act like nothing is happening
  8. Listen to your son saying "This will be my last dinner with my parents that I love"
  9. Say in your mind "Everything is for Freemasonry."
  10. Your son falls asleep suddenly slamming his head to the table - Just like how it happened to his older sister ~18 years ago
  11. Ask butlers to take him to his room as he's tired
  12. Bribe coroner telling him "I am Dubai Ruler, wanna die? write down it was from a heart attack"
  13. Fill Application Form of Personal Army request so you could spread fake news of Cocaine OverDose
  14. Write down a poetry on how saddened you are about your son's death to make things look fine
  15. One less supporter to Anonymous is dead
  16. CongratuFuckingLations you are officially known as The Murderer.

Sleepy Time

  1. Wait until family falls asleep
  2. Get your knife
  3. Stab them
  4. ????
  5. Cut yourself

Lawn Work

  1. Knock Family out
  2. Tie them up
  3. put them on front yard
  4. Turn on lawnmower
  5. run heads over
  6. ?????

Hanging out

  1. Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
  2. tie up family
  3. hang them from tree nooses(just like christmas)
  4. snuff it

House Painting

  1. Reveal father of the family that he's next
  2. Knock him out
  3. family wakes up all tied up
  4. murder family with axe
  5. paint wall with their blood
  6. ???

Hate-Based

Most of our adorable pets are considering it

Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since the beginning of time. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the Holocaust, however Hitler did it for the lulz and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, Holocaust Porn is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder not fueled by lulz was the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Jews. The Armenian Genocide is another great example of mass-hate-murder.

Killing lots of people need not be the only type of hate-crime, however. Sometimes a few, well-placed killings will be enough to make members of the target group fear for their lives and thus no longer bother you. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing obvious, as people will not get his message if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:

PROTIP: Leave the body (or bodies) for others to find, as this generates maximum lulz.

Famous Murderers

Nuvola
Moar info: Template:High Scores.
Nuvola
Moar info: Template:Psychopaths.
Murder is best when done for the lulz.
Idea for a song: Murder. A guy... A guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all-you-can-eat buffet. Uhhhhh... Oh! And that happens forever. Yeah.

Individuals

  • Andrew Kehoe- Killed 38 kids and 6 adults and went out with a bang in 1927, beating Adam Lanza's score streak 64 years before that kid was born. [1]

Groups

Entities

Victims of Murder

Those scene kid fucktards.

People who deserve to be murdered

See Also

Best. Defence. Ever.


Murder is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo: Colorado Theatre ShootingSandy Hook Elementary MassacreUmpqua Community College ShootingSan Bernardino shootingPulse Nightclub Massacre
Supporters

Barack ObamaChristiansConcerned MothersDemocratsGovernmentThe KennedysFaggotsLiberalsMichael BloombergJewsSJWsSensitive peopleTrayvon Martin

Main ideas:

GunGun ControlMurderMass ShootingSchool Shooting

Haters gonna hate:

KillersRepublicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing

Objectors:

Charlton HestonJames HolmesNRARepublicansPeople planning a massacre

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

ColumbineÉcole Polytechnique Dawson CollegeVirginia Tech MassacreAustin, TexasNIU Valentine's Day MassacreHungerford Massacre

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Murder
is part of a series on

Life

City Skyline.jpg
Real Life Objects

AirplanesAlcoholAmiiboBikesBlackberryBoatsBombsBooksBright Neon Nike ShirtCarsCell PhonesChairsCondomsDildosDrugsFireFoodGuitarsGunsKnivesLawnmowersMoneyMotorcyclesMotor OilPiercingScooterSkateboardsTamponsTattoosTelevisionToiletsTrains

Real Life Happenings

AbortionsAdvanced PlacementApril Fool's DayChristmasClubbingDeathDiseaseEasterHalloweenIncestJobsMass ShootingsMurderPay it Forward WeekendPregnanciesProtestsSexSchoolSleepSportsSuicideTraffic ControllersWage GapWar

People In Your Life

ArmyBrotherCopsCripplesDadGrandmaMilitaryMilitary WivesMomOld PeoplePeople (duh) • SisterUncle

See Also

The Comprehensive Guide To LifeIRLList of Proposed Internet-Based IRL CommunitiesMinimalismNight AuditorPokémon Go

Personal tools
Spam ED Everywhere

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