Muslim Dating Sites

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The Muslim dating ad you see on YouTube
I tried, those Sandniggers won't let me.
Probably shouldn't make this your avatar.
No, use this instead.

The Internet can be used for many purposes. Among these is online dating...for Muslims?! Of course, chances are your marriage has already been arranged for you, but some of us have parents who are poor, lazy, or generally worthless. So, for those unfortunate souls we have Muslim dating sites. Perhaps the best (well, only) reason to use these sites is getting to see your potential wife, or at least her eyes, before the marriage occurs. Just remember to keep all conversation business-like until the wedding night.

Of course, nobody sees the fucking point of this, considering you can't see their faces.


   
 
You never know who you are going to marry with an arranged marriage but new advances in the Internet, you now can learn more about who you would like to marry before you ever meet them.
 

 
 

—Single and Muslim, [1]


Liberal[edit]

On the one side, we have the liberal (relative term) sites. This would include the top picture, where not only do you have two Muslims happy with each other, you have them touching skin to skin without knowing if they're married. Naturally, users of this site have a destination picked out for them.

Much funnier to us are the fundamental Muslim sites.

Traditional[edit]


   
 
Welcome to the Muslim Marriage Site. This service is intended for Muslim men and single women to make acquaintance for the sole purpose of marriage and not for dating or friendship.

Islam does not allow any intimate relationship between the genders outside of marriage.
 


 
 

—Avert your eyes and keep walking, whore.

That's right, dating isn't allowed. This is your opportunity to see your wife before you get married (and we're toeing the line here). Also, intimate relationships of the same gender is ok.

Date Suggestions[edit]

  • Wage jihad against the great Satan.
  • Enjoy a nice helping of goat's milk.
  • Participate in a public stoning.
  • Plane ride

Things to Keep in Mind[edit]

  • Have to be at least eighteen to make a profile, which means all the women on these sites are widows or divorcees.
  • If you marry a widow, that fulfills your charity obligation as well as your matrimonial one.
  • You MUST provide proof of ownership of three goats and a Volkswagen (or the equivalent) before agreeing to the marriage. If you do not have a proper dowry, your wife will not be reserved.
  • Hold out for a good deal. If you need to, wait until Black Friday for the Two-for-One Eid mega sale.
  • Go for the uncut model. The cut model often comes with some dubious side effects due to the place of manufacture.
Very funny, guys.

Pre-Marital Sex:A Photo Love Story[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]


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