Mystery Science Theater 3000

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Mike Nelson and his robot friends are caught in an endless lulz.
   
 
Keep circulating the tapes!
 

 
 

—MST3K credits

MST3K for you fanboy-types; Mystery Science Theatre 3000 for you English-types) is quite possibly the most criminally overrated show in all of existence, for it is considered the sacred cow of hipsters, tasteless nerds, and trolls alike. It solely consists of three bobbing silhouettes making banal comments about movies, with tryhard, artfag comedy sketches interspersed that are completely unfunny but apparently are loved for their "camp", "edgy" value. The show doesn't even bother to make any effort of reviewing anything, and simply makes offhand jokes that anyone could make. You'd get better sci-fi parody form Rick and Morty because as everyone knows, watching such a true intellectual piece of artistry could increase your IQ.


PLOT[edit]

In the not-too-distant future, Joel's superiors Dr. Forrester and Dr. Erhardt at the Gizmonic Institute decided he was a fag and stuck him aboard the Satellite of Love to be shot into space, where they would send him the cheesiest movies they could find (lalala). He was forced to watch all manner of cheesy B-movies or face certain goatseation by a pack of wild black persons. To mitigate the agony of unfunny movie-watching, he constructed four companion robots - Cambot, Gypsy, Tom Servo, and Crow - from the S.O.L.'s spare parts (that is, props made from leftover junk Salvation Army patrons didn't want).

Luckily, you can forget about the shitty plot, as the writers admit that they only wrote it as a flimsy excuse to make fun of bad movies on TV. Every episode consists of the host (Joel or Mike, depending on whether it's good or not) being forced to watch a shitty movie. The movie-watching is punctuated with "Host Segments" which consist of comical interaction between the S.O.L. inhabitants and their captors (Drs Forrester and Erhardt, or Dr Forrester and TV's Frank, or just Dr Forrester, or Pearl Forrester and her troupe of brain-dead faggots, comedic sketches, the Invention Exchange, interviews, and the like. Transitions between movie-watching and host segments required passage through a sequence of doors, which became one of the show's hallmarks.

sequence of doors HERE!


Follow the directions precisely.

ROBOT ROLL CALL[edit]

WTF COSPLAY?!?!?
Fat dyke and company.
  • Joel Robinson - The adorkable, laid-back original host of the show. Originally a janitor at the mad-science Gizmonic Institute. He did a good job cleaning up the place, but his bosses didn't like him, so they shot him into space. Smarter than his robots, occasionally tortures them, basically a father to a decent family. He escaped in Season Five.
  • Mike Nelson - Falsely believed to be a newfag, he is actually the head writer of the show. Mike replaces Joel in Season 5 and brings aboard his soothing baritone witticisms. Made cosplay appearances starting in season 2. Dumber than the 'bots, tortured by them like a frat pledge forever; buttmonkey.
  • Cambot - Pix or it didn't happen.
  • Gypsy - Purple and gay, supposedly female, but clearly a man (and was in fact voiced by a guy in falsetto), not a staple of the show, usually occupied with piloting and maintenance which is supposedly why she is super dumb. When the ship is on manual control her brainmeats get a break and she becomes articulate and sucks cock.
  • Tom Servo - The lovable and lighthearted gumball machine robot, the cynical and more mature of the robotic riffing pair. Original voice Jew emoquit after season 1 and later moved on to write for America's Funniest Home Videos.
  • Croooooooow! - The golden, bowling-pin-mouthed slimy Jew wonder of scathing adolescent humor.
  • Dr. Clayton Forrester - Retarded weirdo who looks like Lesko.
  • Dr. Laurence Erhardt - Dr. Forrester's kike assistant that nobody remembers. Dr. Forrester put him in the oven at the end of the first season, right around when Tom Servo's voice changed.
  • TV's Frank - Clayton Forrester's fat man-bitch, later became a writer on Invader Zim, so partly responsible for spawning the current generation of stupid emos. Now THAT'S evil.
  • Pearl Forrester - A fat, enraged lesbian bent on the destruction of the Satellite of Love, also a newfag, but unlike Mike, lacked lulz.
  • Professor Bobo - A lame furry created in the image of Planet of the Apes.
  • Observer aka Brain Guy - Necrophiliac.

The YiffRiffing[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: MST.
Rule 34 is unavoidlable.
They'll do anything lulz!

All of the movies shown in the Satellite of Love are teh worst movies evar. In order to keep from going completely batshit crazy, Joel/Mike and the Bots candidly heckle the movie with mocking comments, quips, and clever one-liners. The majority of the jokes fit into one or more of the following archetypes.

Type one - Pop Culture Reference 
Man: That's an asteroid!
Joel: That's no asteroid...that's a battlestation!
Type two - Dubbing 
[Arriving at Dr. Craigis's house, Sherman looks up at the giant antenna on the roof.]
Joel [As Sherman]: I've fallen in with a group of ham radio operators!
Type three - Confusion
[Johnny spots a flying helicopter.]
Narrator: "Oh, boy. A heel-a-copter airplane!"
Servo: What?
Type four - Interruption
Mulder: Ground's dry about an inch down. This was laid recently.
Crow [as Mulder]: … unlike me.
Type five - Sarcasm
[The screen shows: "Are You Ready for Marriage?"]
Mike: Um...yeah, I'm sick of sex, anyway.
Type six - Oh Noes
Spacecraft Captain: We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapons!
Crow: Ahh, turn Rush Limbaugh off!
Type seven - Reassurance
Joel: Stay frosty, guys.
Type eight - In-Jokes that only the MSTer Gets
Pipper: McGreggor? Troy McGreggor? … Thomas' son?
Troy: Yeah! Did you know him?
Servo [as Pipper]: Know him? He was delicious!

The "NEW" MST3K SHIT CARTOON[edit]

A scene from the new MST3K cartoon.
I feel dirty too

Because Minnesota sucks and they were bored because the show was canceled, all the cool funny people left, and the unfunny ones stayed behind to suck, they decided to make their own version and hired a Special Ed art class (possibly the same one responsible for those god-awful Phillips CD-i games) to make it for them, and the end result was shitty cartoons about butt-ugly robots.

WTF IS THIS SHIT?!

Trolling MST3Kers[edit]

  • Randomly pick Mike or Joel. Insist to anyone you know who likes the show that the one you picked is way better than the other and keep bringing it up.
  • Say you don't get the show and it's stupid.
  • Complain about the riffing getting in the way of watching the movie.
  • Complain that a movie wasn't really bad and so it really didn't deserve to be on MST3K.
  • Complain that the robots don't look realistic.
  • Complain that the "inventions" are impossible to make or wouldn't be commercially feasible. Then give a tl;dr explanation why.
  • Complain about how it's never explained how Mike/Joel eats and breathes.
  • Give them the truth that it never caught on because of how expensive it was to license the movies shown and that they have an absolute shit sense of humor and comedy.
  • Tell MST3Ker nerds people remember Rifftrax more than their idols' shit starter show.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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