NASA

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NASA is known to stand for "Neil Armstrong Sodomy Administration" due to the phallic symbolism of sitting on top of a 350-foot-tall liquid-filled missile. It was, until recently, a government agency built to oversee the United State's space program. Along the way, NASA helped build pretty much all the technology that you use today—cordless power-tools, lightweight plastics, advanced digital cameras, robotics, and GPS systems are all spin-off technologies that were developed under NASA and all of those technologies are now farmed out to other foreign powers such as India and China.

Now, with Obama's cancellation of the Constellation Project, it should come as no surprise that now even space flight itself has been outsourced. That's right, after the February 2010 Space Shuttle mission, no more shuttles will be launched and the entire program has been mothballed. What this means is that if the United States wishes to send an astronaut to the International Space Station to utilize machinery that was funded by the American people, that astronaut will have to ride a Russian space vehicle at the cost of 52 million dollars per trip. At this point, President "Hope and Change" has become President "Change Hope to Despair" as yet another industry has been ripped apart by his Marxist agenda.

Oh sure, there are plenty of other things NASA will be doing while it takes over a decade off from the daily grind of manned space flight; most notably watching little brown and yellow men do a victory dance on the surface of the Moon.

History[edit]

Nasa was created in the late 1950s to counter the Soviet Union's space flight program because it scared the shit out of normal, god-fearing, white-bread Americans. Soon after its creation, NASA was charged with the conquest of the moon, which was finally realized on July 20, 1969, but was actually a hoax that brilliant minds are only now beginning to uncover. During this "space race" many useful technologies were produced, namely pretty much every scrap of technology in your house from your television set to your toothbrush.

NASA: Billions of dollars and decades of work.
Internet:Two dollars and five minutes.

After this zenith of achievement was reached, NASA rested on its laurels and sucked up taxpayer money for the next 20 years or so until the development of spy satellites, orbiting telescopes, and cellular phones allowed the agency to become useful again. During the last ten years or so the agency has been backsliding into missed deadlines, overspending, and a few highly publicized disasters. It is for those reasons that Obama justified pulling the plug on the Constellation Project while at the same time upping NASA’s yearly budget.

Constellation[edit]


Obama took our jerrrrrrrrrrbs.


   
 
A bold new approach to human space flight that embraces commercial industry, forges international partnerships, and invests in the building blocks of a more capable approach to space exploration.
 

 
 

—Obama tells the world that it takes a village to put a man in space.

The Constellation program was a spaceflight project that had the ultimate goal of exploring space. The first part of the project hinged upon putting a permanent space station on the moon. once that station was in place, manned missions to other parts of the solar system would be far easier due to the decreased gravity of the moon making space shots a lot cheaper. Along the way, further exploration of the moon's natural resources would be conducted, including the study of Helium 3.

Helium 3[edit]

The moon is basically a huge chunk of free energy floating along in space. Contrary to popular belief, the moon is not made of cheese, but rather an isotope that is relatively rare on Earth called "H3" or "Helium 3." By using only one or two pounds of Helium 3 in a controlled fusion reaction, the United States would have enough energy to pretty much power everything everywhere for almost no cost. Thanks to the cancellation of the Constellation project, this will never happen.

Permanent Lunar Bases[edit]

Since Constellation has been canceled, expect to hear even more threads about Lunar Landing conspiracy on your favorite message and image boards. Obviously Obama has nixed the Constellation program because, being a Muslim, it is against his religion to believe that anybody has set foot on the moon without the grace of Allah being involved. Having permanent Lunar bases sending constant informational data to the earth would seriously jeopardize the "religion of peace."

In late 2009, the LCROSS rocket slammed into the moon's south pole creating a plume of dust that scientists could then study. What they found was 25 gallons of water—an essential ingredient in making a permanent Lunar base—but none of that matters now because Obama has cancelled the project. The data that was gathered, was shared amongst all of the space faring nations, even though it was funded by the American tax payer. Oh well, they are used to taking it up the ass from the Chinese anyways.

Space Launch System[edit]

Obama's wonderful solution to the end of Constellation, the Space Launch System is a fail program with no end goal. No srsly. It's closest thing to a 'goal' is going to a freaking

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A FREAKING BOULDER PCKED UP FROM AN ASTEROID PUT INTO LUNAR ORBIT. They did say some shit about helping in planetary defence against asteroids, but everyone knows NASA's trying to hide their fail. The rocket's crew capsule, however, has been sent into space in an test in 2014, filled with robots. The first manned flight of the Senate/Space Launch System on a manned flight is going to be in 2021, sending a crew into Lunar Orbit and back. As if Apollo 8 wasn't enough.

Obama also says it will go to Mars, but everyone knows that's a lie, just like your dick.

Russian Taxis[edit]


Outsourcing is space's next frontier.

Curiously, the end of the 130 mission Space Shuttle program happened at the same time as the cancellation of the Constellation program. This mere coincidence makes a lot of trouble for NASA's astronauts since the end of both projects means that there will be no further development in rocketry and there will be no surviving vehicles to achieve low earth orbit in NASA's arsenal.

No worries! The Russian space authority has gladly extended a helping hand to the Americans, telling them that they will ferry our astronauts to the International Space Station for the low, low cost of 52 million dollars per ride. This cost, which is a vast markup from the 20 million that the average space tourist is expected to shell out; will be absorbed by the American taxpaying public.

Study Climate Change[edit]

 
 
Obama. Just his name makes me cringe. I even voted for him. He's not following up on any of his policies, he's wasting taxpayer money on more stimulus funding (which certainly didn't work the first time), and he canceled the Moon mission that I've been waiting for for years! I had the misfortune of being a space fanatic born during the Space Shuttle Program, and he tramples something that I've longed for as long as I can remember so he can study climate change some more.
 

 

—I thought we had pretty much killed the climate change discussion?

During the massive slashing of NASA's only meaningful programs, Obama threw a bone to the liberal fucktards that helped elect him by stating that NASA's focus would be shifted to the failing global climate change conspiracy.


NASA in the Future[edit]

With all this budget wrangling, many fans and detractors of the United States space program are left wondering just what the future has in store for NASA. While the White House has not released any clear cut plans, there have been murmurs of privatizing the space industry and re-focusing the general aim of NASA to a new, more bold and hopeful change...meaning they are going to turn it into a political propaganda machine. In addition to those changes, there is talk of sharing technology with several other nations in an effort to simultaneously create a "Space Village" and a "Jobless America" at the same time.

Europa Clipper[edit]

After years of absolutely nothing, NASA decided it needed to stay relevant. Therefore, they announced the Europa Clipper mission, to launch on Obama's fail rocket (the Space Launch System) in 2026, then study Europa by orbiting Jupiter (You know, instead of orbiting Europa). Although this only proved to show how much of a fail they were, at least NASA was spending money on something useful and would not be cancelled once Obama leaves.

Also, they announced a new Mars rover to launch in 2020, and be the first segment of a Mars Sample Return Mission. Apparently, retrieving dust particles of Mars is incredibly important, so the announcement caused massive numbers of scientists to ferociously cum. Not unlike you when you watch porn, hoping for a girlfriend.

Nuvola
Moar info: Mars.

Global Warming[edit]

   
 
In the meantime, the White House will direct NASA to concentrate on Earth-science projects — principally, researching and monitoring climate change
 

 
 

—The Orlando Sentinel.

Early in 2009, members of the science community who were used to sucking at the generous teat of the American taxpayer were given a huge shock when it was revealed that the entire global warming movement was a lie. Because of this epic failure and the subsequent backlash, the alarmists were determined to find a new PR campaign to bolster their flagging legitimacy. The tree hugging community needed something...anything to keep Climate Change on the front burner, they gave Black Jesus a call and reminded him just who had put him in office. A massive shift in NASA's overall directive was in order...

Other Items of (dis)Interest[edit]

Besides studying global warming, NASA has several other future plans on its plate...


   
 
Unless Congress cancels the Administrations cancellation, my guess is the very earliest you will see U.S. spacecraft lifting astronauts to orbit is 2020.
 

 
 

Cloudynights forum

Since only the Constellation program was cut, NASA will continue to spend over 100 million dollars per year doing pretty much nothing. But because Constellation is gone, don't think that NASA will be spending less money...it will actually have a budget increase under Obama's new plan. The only problem is that this new plan will rely heavily on foreign interests and focus on robotic space exploration instead of manned space flight. What this means is that China will be harvesting delicious Helium 3 while we are still putting up satellites for HD television channels like ESPN.

The new plan also focuses on Jew to step up and take a more hands on approach to space development and exploration, but since private industry is about to give up the ghost, most people are wondering where the time, money, and energy are going to come from.

Recently, proponents of Obama's new plan have stated that the new directive:


   
 
frees NASA to do what it does best: deep space exploration, both robotic and human. By selecting commercial solutions for transportation to the International Space Station, NASA is empowering American free enterprise to do what it does best: develop technology quickly and efficiently in a competitive environment.
 

 
 

Some Canadian dingbat.

But these same proponents don't mention that with the shelving of the Constellation project, the rockets needed to explore space outside of Earth orbit will not be made.


The Private Sector[edit]

 
 
It means that essentially the U.S. has decided that they’re not going to be a significant player in human space flight for the foreseeable future… One day it will be like commercial airline travel, just not yet. It’s like 1920. Lindbergh hasn’t flown the Atlantic, and they’re trying to sell 747s to Pan Am
 

 

—Former NASA head Michael Griffin

Because of the cancellation of the Constellation project and the mothballing of several other initiatives, the Federal Government is seeking help with space flight from a number of outside contractors. They have done this before, but never with this much urgency or with this much American taxes. Below are some of those who will directly benefit from this new, "kinder and gentler" NASA.

United Launch Alliance[edit]

Also known as the United Space Alliance, this joint venture between Boeing and Lockheed Martin has long been on the NASA gravy train, receiving tax dollars by the truckload since at least the 1970s. Expect no changes in the future as they will continue to bleed Americans of their hard earned tax dollars without producing anything of value.

Amazon.com[edit]

Yes, that's right, Amazon is going to attempt to go into the space tourism business. Under the name Blue Origin, Amazon's owner Jeff Bezos will be in charge of huge amounts of government handouts while he attempts to create low Earth orbit vehicles...just like the Space Shuttle...whose technology is 40 years out of date.

SpaceX[edit]

 
 
SpaceX thanks Senator Mikulski, Senator Nelson, and Representative Mollohan for their unwavering support of NASA and the U.S. commercial space transportation industry.
 

 

—And their unwavering spending...

One of the direct beneficiaries of the Obama-led crucifixion of Constellation, SpaceX produces rockets that are in direct competition to the Ares rocket systems developed by NASA. While producing these rockets, they do so under huge government subsidies that will only grow after the 2011 NASA budget plans are revealed.

Interorbital Systems[edit]

This company is attempting to win the Google Lunar X Prize by using federal tax dollars supplied by American taxpayers. Oh, they also are trying to build Heavy Rockets capable of putting a space craft beyond Earth orbit...just like NASA was already doing more cheaply.

Quotes[edit]

   
 
The U.S. government doesn't build your computers, nor do you fly aboard a U.S. government-owned and operated airline. Private industry routinely takes technologies pioneered by the government and turns them into cheap, reliable and robust industries.
 

 
 

—Whoops! Obama killed private industry too!

   
 
Oh this is just bs, they wasted hundreds of billions on that no-good stimulus bill yet they can hardly fund NASA. The Obama administration is extremely retarded...
 

 
 

—POPsci.com

   
 
Things that got more funding this year than the Constellation project: ACORN and Community organizers that got Obama elected.
 

 
 

—Somebody who watches Hannity too much.

   
 
The Administration has also directed NASA (in addition to the intelligence community) to put more effort into studying...yep...climate change.
 

 
 

—iprfortress.com

   
 
The administration has apparently sidelined exploration with some trite explanation that NASA should instead encourage the private sector to step up development to the point that it can support continued ISS operations. Wonderful. That's basically an announcement that the ISS is going to end up being nothing more than the most exclusive hotel (with some of the most awkward amenities) in history.
 

 
 

— Don't you mean most expensive meteor in history?

   
 
But the ISS has always been at their (Russia's) mercy. NASA never developed a crew-return vehicle for emergencies, and instead been relying on the Soyuz TMA. If Russia decided to stop Soyuz launches, the ISS crew would have to come down on the last Soyuz and leave the station empty. So, not much is going to change with the cancellation of the Shuttle.
 

 
 

— Right. That would have been the X-38 - the Crew Return Vehicle. Yet another canceled program.

   
 
This change sticks us in LEO again while China, Indian, Japan, and Russia go to the Moon.So greatness or mediocrity. Obama made his choice and plans to enforce it.
 

 
 

—Space.com's poll on the subject had many comments.

   
 
I personally think this could have been handled a lot differently. If they couldn't afford constellation, then why fund and plan such a project from the very beginning? Obama just *crewed NASA big time. If they wanted more commercial involvement, why not have a curtain amount of the constellation project funded for from a variety of commercial companies with the agreement that they be given x-number of slots on board.
 

 
 

—Space.com

   
 
America seems stupidly contented in 2010 to let China, India and the rest of the World design and manufacture everything, while we all just sit in our little cubicles all day long performing piddley service sector jobs. Do I believe America is screwed???? DARN RIGHT I DO !!!
 

 
 

—Moar space.com raeg

   
 
Obamas actions are purely political plain and simple,since this program was started under the bush administration. it was only a matter of time before this moron leftist would cancel this program,not surprised but still pissed as all hell. Is it 2012 yet??
 

 
 

—You get who you vote for.

   
 
Obama said he was going to "restore science to its rightful place," whatever that means. If he was serious about science, he'd find a way to fund the Constellation program.
 

 
 

—It means we go back to the dark ages.

   
 
I was fortunate enought to have been born just as the Space Race began in 1961. Do you know what it feels like to sit in front of the old B/W TV all day and watch live images from the Apollo 15 Lunar Rover, as they drive where no man had driven? They had the camera pointed forward, so you felt like you were in the driver's seat, on the Moon. I was about 10 years old. Now that Obama character is killing American manned space exploration.
 

 
 

—LOL this "Obama" character!

Video[edit]


<center>Obama should listen to
another Marxist asshole!
</center>

<center>Speeding the development of the
Space Shuttle's successor...
</center>

<center>You guessed it, Hitler is pissed too.</center>

<center>The Space Shuttle program is over.</center>

<center>Bolden explains why Constellation won't work
while some nerd makes faces.
</center>

See Also[edit]

Buzz Aldrin, official portrait

External Links[edit]

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Atom small.png

NASA is part of a series on

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