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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Nessalu (Vanessa Oechsner) and/or YouTube e-whore who likes to parrot whatever she just read on PrisonPlanet and act like she just bestowed some great knowledge upon her subscribers - most of which are horny old men that don't give a fuck what she says in the first place. In her mind, she believes she's a philosopher, economist, actress, political theorist and master-troll; in reality, she's a hick who happened to hit the white-trash lotto jackpot by getting knocked up by a rich guy.) is your typical
Unfortunately for her husband, Nessalu is probably one of the worst excuses for a parent/wife you can find on the internet. She often curses and simulates sexual acts in front of her kid as well as teaches her daughter about mommy's boobies and how to flash the internets. I mean, Youtube is completely safe and this is a responsible way to act, amirite? Especially when Nessalu decides to befriend and make videos for notorious pedophile.
Nessa's Typical Day:
- 1 hour at the tanning salon.
- Trip to the mall to talk to the janitorial staff.
- Purchase Abercrombie sweatpants while at mall and laugh about how being loose has paid off.
- Make 7 minute JewTube vid while simultaneously teaching her daughter all the 4-letter words in existence.
- 'Roid RAGE Breakdown .
- Filing false DMCA's in the name of the Oechsner Corporation.
- Attempts her failed British accent while wearing a tiara.
- Watch white-friendly cartoons (no slanty eyes or turd sammiches, plz).
- Trip to the drugstore for herpes meds.
- Find guys on the internet to IRL fuck while her husband is at work.
- Work out at the Gym and find men to fuck telling how She never fucks her husband
Rise To Fame
When fellow e-whore Buzkill staged a fake account takeover by Danielspengies, Nessalu jumped into the fray and limelight by posting 9 minute retarded impersonations of buzkill that were more zzzz inducing than luzly. But since Pengies was so hated by various e-groups (well, by everyone, to be specific), Nessalu gained some acceptance by the trolling community at large as well as by butthurt men that realized that since Buzkill wasn't going to fuck them, they might as well move on to someone else who might.
Then, TheAlienNetwork leader Myboss discovered a video made by Nessalu about anal probing and soon inducted her to the female wing of the Aliens, where she became princess of the "Asscats". Her induction included an anal probing video (let's be honest, this won't be her first or last anal probing).
It is well know that Nessalu played a prominent roll in the dropping of Buzkill's personal information as well as real life harassment of Buzkill. Hypocrisy - ain't it great?
Alien E-Whore VannaPrime
Vannaprime, Nessalu's awful alien character that she played in her tl;dw videos, immediately began an e-affair with the "rockstar e-famous" alien know as . Vork proceeded to spill the details of their affair after a night of soaking his e-sorrow in cheap beer and Vanna/Nessa cut him off entirely as it was rumored that her husband was going to come after Vork. Unfortunately for Vork, he did not get to join the list of men in their 40's with a glorious lovechild from Nessalu.. But in reality, this wasn't just an e-affair, as their constant flirting in both comments and videos led to an IRL meet-up and probably both vaginal and anal probing (Microtel, Super8 hotel). They developed their own secret fail lingo (AcA,ApB) and started fagging up the tubes with their e-marriage videos and "professing their love" in comments. Nessalu began to ditch Vork when she realized he was not actually a celebrity, was not as rich as her current husband and found out he actually has a mangina
Luckily for Nessa though, Boh3m3 fanoi, was there to fulfill her need for e-lovin. Since this is the first time that a woman had actually ever spoken to Scotty, he became her e-lapdog and her number one supporter on her mission of fail. At this point in time, there was a severe split in the Alien Network, after Vork had made the infamous TMI "lampshade" video about the Aliens (once again due to a night of emo binge drinking - Intervention, Vork. Hint). As Nessa, Scotty, and Vork (who quit and rejoined the aliens about 9 times but nobody but him cared at that point) continued to embarrass the aliens and the division grew, Nessa began to leave anti-alien comments and started to pick fights with their most trusted allies., internet virgin and
Also during this division, another suitor came into the fold. A troll who went by "clown" joined Nessa's band of "Failiens" in hopes to be the NEXT guy in his 50's to take a ride in the clown car that Nessa calls a vagina. Nessa told clown that she only sees him as a "brother" because the only thing he had to offer was another kid and made worse tl;dw videos than her own. Scotty, on the other hand, got to take a ride on the Steroid Stallion Schwarzenegger that is Ness, and virgins everywhere rejoiced!
Nessalu finally saw the writing on the wall and quit the aliens, officially. Her final videos were filled with insults and threats to many upstanding members of the YouTube community as well friends of the aliens. Shortly following her butthurt tirade, her docs were dropped, her husband was called and informed of all of her extramarital activities and Nessalu, much like buzkill before her, invoked the final solution upon her account.
The Racist Return
Nessalu has recently reached out to all of her male
E War with DanielsPengies
Around march of 2009, Danielspengies decided he had nothing better to do, so he dropped several videos on Nessa, stirring up her fanbase of 14-year-old emo whores, and reopening old ass wounds that Nessa hoped had healed long ago.