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Newbie

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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The Newbies of today are the Pros of tomorrow.
 

 
 

Award or a sex toy?
Newb Religion.
Inquisitive Newb.
The typical n00b has this installed, because they fail at other *nixes.
Installing OS X on a PC - only something a stupid n00b would do.
Fun fact: the blood of n00bs can be used as a powerful degreaser for internet tubes.

Newbies (newbs, n3wb5, noobz, n00bs, n00bzors, newfags) are those, whose lack of capacity for conversation, wit and appropriate behavior in a group setting IRL is amplified when OL, a setting where they feel liberated and therefore have no sense of liability. They create frustrating situations for those they come in contact with. Contrary to the moniker a person can be OL for many, many years and remain quite n00bish.

Contents

Characteristics

Newbies are epitomized by their lack of knowledge, seemingly unfathomable stupidity and ignorance towards the rules and standards of etiquette. They are also known for their excessive use of 1337 because it's likely that the internet is the first time in their lives they've been required to use significant reading skills.

Newbies are susceptible to malware, viruses/trojans and internet scams, because they are not only naive but also have personality faults. Lazy, lascivious, lecherous, greedy, unwilling to read anything or research their new playground, they click eagerly on anything that excites their Id. After a few thousand pop-ups and experiencing rapid deterioration of computer performance, they belatedly become afraid that their PC is filled with some pretty nasty shit. If they see a warning in front of them that says their computer is infected, they erroneously click the shit out of it, hoping for even a meager chance of wiping the slate clean. The newb will then have to explain to his father or boss why Busty XXX Whores want to perform for him. Lulz.

Early Newbs

The first newb was a member of the British Parliament who asked Charles Babbage, "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" To which Mr. Babbage replied; "I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." Which is ancient British for "Facepalm". Newbs therefore inspired the first computer acronym, GIGO.

Difference between Noob and Newb

There is no difference, anyone who says otherwise is spreading cancer

Halp me ED! I'm a n00b!

  1. Sign up for a user account and read the message you get from MysteryBot. It'll be in the "mytalk" link in the upper right hand corner of every page on ED. Read all the stuff in there and leave it in your talk page so you can read it again. RTFM
  2. Lurk.
  3. Lurk moar; it can't hurt.


   
 
:O I visited because I was looking for a reliable encyclpedia, but I'm staying for the naked pictures. If I learn to be funny and irreverent, will I get laid? I have money! (Not really, but I do own a penus.) It only has herpes on one side.


 


 
 

—newb

   
 
hi, i'm crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! i come from west side mars.......... i'm new here, so feel free to type what you want. just write sumpin' funny!!! but nuthin' racist!!!xp feel free to call me C A Z Y B O N E S!!!! (oh yeah, how do you make an avatar) i plan to stay here long, but I can't without friends, so post sumthin' !!!


 


 
 

—newb with multiple insecurities

   
 
Hey guys, this is my first post so I thought I would introduce myself, I am one hardcore motherfucker i like totally pone everything that exists.


 


 
 

Internet Tough Guy

   
 
who agrees that Final fantasy should be taken away from nintendo and kept with playstation i know that the origionals were on nintendo but playstation is where they took off and nintendo has taken a big blow in the gaming industry since microsoft entered and i dont wanna see my favorite RPG be taken down by them]
 

 
 

—newb gamer

   
 
What does LOL really mean?!


 


 
 

—about to find out what lulz means

   
 
"OMG im liek SOOOoooOO totally AZN. R u AZN 2??"


 


 
 

—13 year old white boy, looking for a 12 year old Azn

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Newbie is part of a series on Language & Communication
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