Nick Xenophon

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This page is signed and authorised by Nick Xenophon MP

Nick Xenophon (Ancient Greek Ξενοφῶν, Xenophōn; Modern Greek "Ξενοφών", Xenophōn; "Ξενοφώντας"), Xenophōntas, son of Gryllus, also known as Xenophon of Adelaide, is a soldier, mercenary, and admirer of Socrates. He is also a fucking fabulously awesome and outspoken Australian politician and senator who in November 2009 had the best outing EVAR in the various battles of Project Chanology.

Gambling[edit]

Haha, goats.

For some reason, Nick Xenophon is against gambling, especially poker machines. Something about their flashing lights, huge payouts and the fact it keeps heroin addicts, old people, poor people and alcoholics off the streets makes him angry. In 1997, Xenophon ran for the South Australian Senate as the No Pokies senator, and won.

He was known for being one of Australia's best political trolls, performing stunts such as riding a gravy train outside Parliament to protest increased Superannuation for politicians, and running around Adelaide wearing a sandwich board to advertise his campaign. Just like how TOW treats ED, the two major parties depreferenced him in upcoming elections, and urged voters not to vote for him.

In 2007, Xenophon rubbed shit in both Kevin Rudd and John Howard's face by running successfully for the Federal Senate, and is now one of four holders of the balance of power in the Senate.

Scientology Banhammer[edit]

 
 
I rise to speak tonight on an issue of utmost seriousness that I believe deserves a great deal of scrutiny by law enforcement agencies and by this parliament.
 

 

—Nick Xenophon

On November 17, 2009, Senator Xenophon called for a parliamentary inquiry into the CoS, accusing them for, "blackmail, torture and violence, labour camps and forced imprisonment, and coerced abortions." Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, proceeded to not give a shit and promised to look into investigating options for a Senate Committee, by 2020, unless something bad in the meantime happens. Opposition leader Tony Abbott, ever one to suck the semen from religion's dick dry, was against the issue.


When asked for comment, James Packer was apparently too depressed to respond after blowing $3b (1/3) of his family fortunes on gambling, Scientology and yachts.

COS's Reaction[edit]

Riding the gravy train

Upon hearing of Nick Xenophon's attempts to bring the massive juggernaut of power and money that is CoS to bear in Australia, the Church is said to be amassing a large army of lawyers to tie the issue up in Federal Court for years until the newspapers cry that the Government is spending millions of dollars on chasing criminals when they should be handing that money to regular Australians so they can buy more cigarettes, alcohol and flat screen televisions. CoS is hoping that by then a government faction known as the Loyal Officers finally overthows Xenophon and locks him away in "an electronic mountain trap" from which hopefully he won't escape again like he did last time.

Undemocratic[edit]

BAWWW DEMOCRACY

Naturally, this is a phrase thrown around by butthurt Party politicians and their fanboys to show their disgust in the fact that Nick Xenophon listens to what his voters want, rather than playing the politics numbers game. They cite examples such as him using his positions as a balance-of-power politician to bargain with the government, and call it "hostage taking politics".

For more information, see: Australian Patriotism.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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