No Man's Sky

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No Man's Sky Was A Mistake.jpg

   
 
Archive today-ico.png No Man's Sky was a mistake
 

 
 

Archive today-ico.png Sean Murray




Jewsyoulose.jpg
Warning!

With Jews hipsters, you lose!


ProfessorFarnsworth.png Good News, Everyone!
Archive today-ico.png You can now get a full refund on Steam even if you wasted more than two hours of your life on this crap

How could you not trust this honest merchant?
Two minutes after Sean Murray filled the room with laughing gas.

No Man's Sky was supposed to be the lovechild of Elite: Dangerous and Spore, but ended up being conceived being the abortion of an early access title being thought of by Peter Moleneux, after having sex with the developers of Risen, while they were watching someone play the worst Minecraft mod to date. This child would be delivered by Ubisoft, handing it over to Capcom, before running it through Steam Greenlight.

Story[edit]

Sean has made it to Miami, and is now snorting coke off a male hooker's ass.

There is no fucking story.

Races[edit]

There is a whopping four races. They are all identical.

Combat[edit]

You shoot flying robots. That's it.

Gameplay[edit]

The gameplay is 69.7% inventory management. 20% trying to upgrade your ship. 5% game crashing. 3% lag. 2% combat against the same robots. 0.3% discovery and space flight.

Creatures[edit]

Every penis procedurally generated.


Price[edit]

Full AAA $$$ for a piece of shit, hipster-indie trash!


Paying $60 for a game from a barely known developer

How to win the game[edit]

Naming your shit is pointless[edit]

One of the unique marketing sales pitches giving by the creators of this trash was that you were able to name those planets you discovered. But as it turns out, as one person apparently has who played this game for fourteen days, that everything you do gets Archive today-ico.png bahleeted after two weeks. So it was all for nothing.

Playerbase[edit]

No Man's Sky In Summary.jpg

Current Status of Sean Murray[edit]

Legend says he now lies in his grave. Was laughing his way to the bank until glorious damage control by publishers came along and the possibility of being sue the fuck out for false advertising became very real. Literally everyone refunded this broken shit of a game and Hello Games is no longer a company.

Videos[edit]


That sad moment when a Smosh video is better than the video game.

Gallery[edit]

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See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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