Noam Chomsky

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Noam Chomsky in his element.
A typical Noam Chomsky book.
Chavez sez: "Reads great in our faux Canarian dialect, Americunt."

Noam Chomsky is a noted IRL drama whore, holocaust denier, cunning linguist, communist and named after Nim Chimpsky, a sentient chimpanzee who learned to use grammatical English sentences at an early age in the 1860s. With a mixture of psycholinguistics, computer science and batshit crazy anarcho-Marxist political views, he has managed to publish at least 100 books that nobody has ever read.

   
 
1. VP is α-marked by I. 2. Only lexical categories are L-markers, so that VP is not L-marked by I. 3. α-government is restricted to sisterhood without the qualification (35).
 

 
 

—This is how human language worked before image boards

This renders Noam a surefire lulz-generator amongst leftards, conservatards, linguists and computer scientists.

Why psychologists hate Noam Chomsky[edit]

Chomksy's first noted IRL trolling involved the pwning of every single Jew in the field of psychology who believed in a particular theory of human behavior (and consequently, language) known as Behaviorism. In one fell swoop, his article A Review of B.F. Skinner's Verbal Behavior created over 9000 butthurt lemmings which had previously adhered to the theory that one's behavior is entirely based around the stimuli around them.

Why Republicans hate Noam Chomsky[edit]

In the speech where he accused W of being the devil, batshit insane Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez stated that Noam Chomsky is dead. Noam Chomsky stated several days later that he is alive and jacking off to photos of himself. Chavez has since arranged for his execution, South-American style, replete with cigars and a Colombian necktie.

He is now recognized as the greatest batshit faggot the world has ever known, with the entire NeoCon mantrain wanting him dead. He is sought by Osama Bin Laden for a cup of tea and a forum of HOW MUCH AMERICUNT SUCKS ASS.

All of these exasperated wails of increased blood pressure are, of course, psychotic hysterics. Chomsky's about as confrontational as Mr. Rogers. "Hi kids, won't you be my Culturally Sensitive Leftie Neighbor? Good, today kids, we're gonna talk about the evil things America has done in Nicaragua. Can you say Nee-karrrrooah-ooah?" Then again, these are "people" who consider children in Kandahar gathering firewood to be genuine threats...

Why mainstream media hate Noam Chomsky[edit]

Chomsky squandered the little respect he enjoyed on the talking-head circuit by resorting to cheap rhetorical tricks like "may I finish my sentence" or abusing logic and facts when manlier, better-looking and louder opponents forced him into intellectual check-mate.

   
 
Colorless green dreams sleep furiously
 

 
 

—Yeah, MIT had acid, too

Chomsky, himself an MIT professor of modest means, has been blaming America's "rich people" for most ailments and catastrophies in the world, including the bloodshed in East Timor and, more importantly, rampant idiocy in television. Since nobody ever got popular by failing to suck up to successful entrepreneurs, B-list celebs and skanky news anchors, Chomsky's lack of air-time should surprise noone.

Why Jews hate Noam Chomsky[edit]

He has been accused of being a Jew, although such a claim does not fit with him not owning the Hollywood, not supporting monopolies or not drinking the blood of children and masturbating over the corpse; as was tradition in Jewish communities since 1315.

   
 
I don't think a Jewish or Christian or Islamic state is a proper concept. I would object to the United States as a Christian state
 

 
 

—Chomsky winning friends and influencing people

In 1979, Chomsky became White Knight to Robert Faurisson, who had published a book denying the Holocaust, which in turn had been victimized by the banhammer. Chomsky defended Robert Faurisson's thesis and even saved Faurisson from a mob of hippies, gaia-worshippers and ACLU activists who wanted to lynch Faurisson, quoting Voltaire and pleading the 1st amdendment.

Why computer-nerds hate Noam Chomsky[edit]

Before Chomsky, Computer Science III was all about smoking up while hacking, writing virus for the ENIAC, pwning NASA and character-dancing one's COBOL programs. The happy days ended when Chomsky revolutionized the field of programming languages by making "compiler construction" an exact science. In his book "Syntactic Structures" he devised the "Chomsky hierarchy", a complicated model for organizing both computer, and programming languages. The impenetrable tome failed to impress the intended audience - Chomsky's fellow linguistists - but its subject matter became a requirement for future video game designers, aspiring web billionaires and dapper enterprise programmers. Chomsky is the main reason why most wannabe-geeks drop out and enroll in gender studies or polonistics instead.

Why teachers and Negros hate Noam Chomsky[edit]

According to Chomsky's learnings, the competence for communicating in grammatical sentences is an inherent genetic trait in humans and not a sign of intelligence or diligence. This gives students everywhere a welcome excuse for failing spelling or grammar tests, blaming genetic defects. A disturbing corollary of that thesis is that IRC-practitioners, btards and ghetto-dwellers are somehow not human beings. It also sheds a dubious light on ED pet idioms like "an hero" or "doesn't afraid of anything".


Cliff Notes[edit]

Since Noam Chomsky is completely TL;DR, ED presents to you a brief summary of all his publications:

  1. AMERIKKKANS ARE THE REAL TERRORISTS!
  2. The class of Context Free Languages is subsumed by the class of Finite but Recursively Enumerable languages.
  3. THE WEST IGNORED THE GENOCIDE IN EAST TIMOR BECAUSE OF AMERICAN FOREIGN POLICY INTERESTS!
  4. Children acquire their first language by making a series of hypotheses regarding the grammatical structure of the language, whereby the grammatical surface structure of phrases is mapped to the underlying deep semantic meaning of the utterance. JUST KIDDING!

Trivia[edit]

Trolling Chomskyites[edit]

For some cheap lulz, confront truthers with evidence that Chomsky thinks they're retards.

A surefire way to piss any Chomskyite off is to say something along the lines of "Chomsky isn't a true anarchist because derp da durpy durr."

The Chomskybot, a program constructed by John Lawler of the University of Michigan and John Sowa, mathematically generates Chomsky-esque text using phrases from his collected works. While all 22 septillion possible paragraphs may be grammatically correct, they don't make any rhetorical sense.

Gallery[edit]

External links[edit]

See also[edit]


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