North American DONG Party

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Info non-talk.png This page contains proletarians, and the Internet Hate Machine.
President Abdul Wadud Ackbar Jihad.
Official campaign logo. Notice the keen resemblance to the Red army of lol flag.

The North American DONG Political Party was formed Monday June 25th 2007 on irc. Abdul Wadud Ackbar Jihad and BURK realized that both the Democratic and Republican Parties are in fact one big political orgy and offer no real alternative to users and lovers of dongs. This is serious business and not internet lulz, send us your Jew gold so that we can spread our message of lulz and dongs.


Motto[edit]

AEQUITAS. OBSIDIS. DONGS.


Everyone and their dog knows this as "Justice. Security. Dongs." in plain English. A Latin motto is necessary to maintain authenticity. Don't ask. The common greeting between party meetings is "Dong heil!", accompanied by the appropriate gesture (grabbing one's own dong if male, simulating oral sex if female).

Exploratory Committee[edit]

On Monday June 25th Abdul Wadud Ackbar Jihad officially announced his intent to run for President Of The United States of America by creating an exploratory committee.

<Abdul> I AM ANNOUNCING MY EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE
<NeoLobster> k-hate: you can be my intern.
<kardus> k-hate: what a tease
<Romantic> k
<Romantic> :)
<kardus> ovar already
<k-hate> whatEVER
<Abdul> so GUYS
<k-hate> i'd be baller
<Abdul> should i run
<Abdul> or not
<k-hate> abdul: if its what you want go ahead
<Abdul> consider the matter explored

After much careful thought and deliberation, Abdul Wadud Ackbar Jihad officially announced that he is running for office.


Issues[edit]

Equal Rights[edit]

An example of the sort of Jews that are to be spared persecution.
  • The North American DONG Party believes that all Jews (with the exception of orthodox Jews) be processed and destroyed like the shit eating, greedy, money grabbing pigs they are. Currently all known Jews with any sort of financial power are being sent to re-education/extermination camps in Nevada and New Mexico, those that can not be re-educated into productive and useful citizens will be euthanized in the most humane ways possible (including but not limited to: execution by firing squad, poison gas, dismemberment by coyote, and other methods deemed essential for psychological reasons).
  • The North American DONG Party believes that women are second class citizens (But better than spics and niggers. Except of course for spic nigger women, who are treated so terribly that it excites them to even think about it.) and should only be allowed to pursue womanly activities such as cooking, cleaning, sewing, and sucking cock.
  • The North American DONG Party believes that furrys are not valuable or productive members of society and from here on out will be enslaved and charged with creating great monuments and statues to honor DONGS.

Environmental Issues[edit]

  • The North American DONG Party believes that environmental protection is a communist trait, therefore all environmental restrictions, and protected species should be dissolved. Only two species will remain on the protected species list, Mudkips and lolcats. FUCK YEAH SEAKING is not protected under the dong party.

Domestic Policy[edit]

  • The North American DONG Party believes that while the US Constitution is a fine document, it is a bit old fashioned, it should be scrapped and replaced with a carbon copy of the Encyclopedia Dramatica Constitution and will be renamed the Dongstitution. In addition the Bill Of Rights will be re-written to mimic the original Rules of the internet.
  • The North American DONG Party believes that welfare of any kind is a communist trait and any communists will be treated like a Jew (see above).
  • The North American DONG Party believes Federal Holidays are communist in nature, because of the word federal. All former holidays will be canceled and forgotten. Especially black person. However, one National Holiday will be introduced and all members of society will be forced to participate in, Caturday. Everyday is Caturday. There will be no other Holidays.
  • The North American DONG Party believes that there is no such thing as ethical hacking, and any member of society found to be hacking ethically will be punished by decapitation and/or mutilation of body parts. Except when we're the one rooting your box.

Foreign Policy[edit]

Red Army of LOL[edit]

Because Anonymous is not your personal army, The North American DONG Party created and recruited for its own army last Thursday. General Red October was appointed as Commander in Chief of the Red Army of LOL and has orchestrated several successful campaigns in defense of, and to promote spread of The North American DONG Party.


   
 
Furries are going to be my next project. By 2010, I hope to have confined all of them to death camps where they will be subjected to absurd doses of Zyklon B which was proven to be effective against Jews some time earlier.
 

 
 

—Red October


   
 
Realizing that Furries are an abominable combination of animal and human, we may have to simply release them onto a shooting range for recruits to practice on in the event that the Zyklon doesn't work.
 

 
 

—Red October

Because The Red Army of LOL is your personal army, they receive many raid requests and are only able to execute a few. Those with tits offered in return are often considered more seriously than others. Not. The Red Army is powered by the lulz, so they only carry out raids most likely to render epic ones.

The IRC for The Red Army of LOL can be found here: IRC Chat Server

Canada[edit]

Proposed replacement for the Canadian Flag.

The North American DONG Party believes that Canada can sometimes be a respectable source of lulz when given the opportunity. Actually, we lie. The only reason Canada still exists are for their copious amounts of maple syrup, hydroelectric energy, and revered milk bag crop. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.lol not

Shortly after being annexed by the North American DONG Party Red Army of LOL, Colonel Kardus was appointed as dictator of Canada, and currently rules it with an iron fist, shortly after his coming into power, Quebec was firebombed and the speaking of French outlawed and made punishable by death.

France[edit]

The North American DONG Party does not recognize the French Republic as a real country and hereby declares all current French territories will now be the sole property of the North American DONG Party. In addition, the eating of snails, frog legs, and goose liver will be punishable by dongs. France is currently a colonial holding of the American DONG Party under the direct control of Viceroy DLB.

Mexico[edit]

The North American DONG Party sees illegal immigration as a major problem; therefore they will annex Mexico and send the spics to the death camps. The empty wasteland of Mexico will then be colonized by Texans, who will continue the manufacture of cheap tequila and burritos, as that is the only thing Mexico is good for.

Currency[edit]

Due to the fact the chinks own every American Dollar ever created, the North American DONG Party is issuing its own currency. The official Currency of the North American DONG Party will from here on out be "internets" available in demoninations of 1 and 20. As of last Thursday it is illegal for Jews to carry and/or trade any form of internets currency.

The new currency is created by K-hate who is a goddess among mortals. But still a woman and should be treated accordingly.

We strongly believe in the concept of redistribution of wealth, mainly redistribute the money from the lower classes to the higher classes. We believe this is the best economic move for the country.

Other denominations are to be printed once a printing press is properly hijacked.


International Standing[edit]

The North American DONG Party is currently not recognized by Lulnited Nations (LN), the Internets Free Trolling Alliance (InterTrol), or the Anonymous Foreign Legion.

Senior Party Members[edit]

Party Members[edit]

  • Blargh --- Mark Foleyesque Senator, Head Inquisitor, Christian fascist
  • Zaphod --- Supple young intern (It's a trap!)
  • Muhammad Allah --- Islamic communist turned socialist moderate
  • Jiffy --- a spy in the Jew camps
  • Hugh Hefenstein --- Fascist Dongist
  • Weatherman --- Minister of Public Enlightenment
  • Crakwhrrr --- Temporarily Assigned to the Department Of Uninvited Bandwagon Jumping (Formerly with the Office Of Unfunny Meme Repetition)
  • Unicron Blargh's second in command in the Mountain Man Militia jihad training centre.
  • Red October Iron-fisted General of the Red army of LOL and destroyer of ham-beasts everywhere.
  • Cam --- Destroyer of Jews, KKK Ambassador

Executed for Treason[edit]

  • RedMachineD --- Fat ginger was tried in an appropriate star chamber, and was exiled to a small gulag for political prisoners in the Aleutian Islands, Alaska, where his blubber proved essential to the survival of the natives.

Devoted Opponents[edit]

North American DONG Party
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