OKCupid

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OKCupid.com
How you know you are permanently banned from OKCupid.com
Pretend fuck only on OKCupid.com
Average person on OK Cupid. Gay male, dresses as pirate, takes boy scouts on camping trips.
OKCupid! Compatability Calculation Server

An absolutely fantastic social networking website with a focus on person-to-person matchmaking and showcasing extreme examples of internet disease.

Features[edit]

  • Matchmaking - Based on at least 100 pieces of information provided when you sign up, OKCupid!'s algorithms locate other pedophiles with whom you are sure to enjoy a fruitful relationship. All potentials are assigned a percentage for compatibility. The complex nature of these calculations ensures that you will be no more than a 75% match with yourself. The matching system also has a very useful feature built in. When searching for potential matches, it finds "matches" based solely on location, not by personality, ideals, or anything else that might actually be useful when using a dating site. Of course, everyone knows that ALL PEOPLE WITH THE SAME THOUGHTS LIVE IN THE SAME, EXACT PLACES.
    • "Improve Your Matches" is a never-ending survey featuring user-submitted questions. It is important to look at how your potential "matches" utilize this survey, because if they answered more than five questions, they probably have a serious disorder and should not be dated.
  • Tests - Once you have an account, you must immediately create a "test". Typically, a test includes at least three but no more than 5 questions. Popular subjects include, "The which brand of hemorrhoid cream are you Test" and "The To What Extent Are You Hardcore Test". OKCupid! encourages creativity by prepending and appending "The" and "Test" to every test's name, respectively. All tests return yet another meaningful percentage indicative of your performance. With any luck, your test will be insightful and rise to the top of the "most popular" list, becoming a meme.
  • Gay - Upon registration, you will catch teh gay. An initial gay infection usually results in a gay index of at least 60%, but no more than 90%.

Appeal[edit]

OKCupid! was designed from the ground up to appeal to everyday pedophiles. One may also find camwhores, drama queens, gays, and emo kids with broken contrast knobs on their webcams.

The creators of the site (professed Harvard graduates) originally insisted that they did not wish to profit from their site. Those more familiar with the situation realize that OKCupid! did not charge for its services because at least 100% of pedophiles' Paypal accounts have been frozen for attempting to sell child porn on eBay.

In the summer of 2009, however, they reversed their stance, introducing a special "A-List" status for users who wished to buy a paid subscription to the site. A-List users are spared the sight of banner advertisements and other inconveniences. In other words, the site’s owners reckoned that anyone too stupid to install an ad-blocking plugin for their web browser might also be stupid enough to help foot the monthly tab for hookers and blow.

All women on the website, whether or not they care enough to pay for it, will weigh a minimum of 400 pounds, have 9 kids, and want their prospective mates to financially support them. They demand any guy who contacts them be a bodybuilder and be wealthy.

Statistics show that the average OKCupid user is also into Wicca, vegetarianism, polyamory, socialism, and quite possibly, the consumption of human feces. If you think this is a joke, feel free to browse OKCupid for yourself.

Tests[edit]

As mentioned above, OKCupid has a variety of user-made tests in addition to special, higher-quality ones made by its staff. Presumably this is done for fun, although this might also help the more discriminating nerd find a suitable lover: "You'd be a black mage, too?"

More sample test topics include:

  • Which type of STD are you?
  • "Would I let you finger my asshole?"
  • What color is your poop?
  • "How would you die at Auschwitz?"
  • What kind of laxative would you be in a Steampunk world?
  • How big of a whore are you?
  • Are you Emo and gay?(answers are always yes)
  • How many fat chicks hitting on you does it take to make you leave this site?

Usually, tests are made by people who could barely pass tests designed for middle-schoolers; consequently, neither the questions nor the results make much sense.

Forums[edit]

Last Thursday, OKCupid came out with its own forums; immediately thereafter, the first OKCupid forums troll was born. The OKCupid forums are a great place to see people bitch over women not contacting them back and also a place for furries, Wiccans, and liberals to extoll the virtues of their perversions. OdumCarlock is one of the forum's most prolific and easily angered posters.

Update - On February 15, 2009, the OkCupid mods went insane and deleted almost everyone interesting who posted on the forums. Those responsible may include:

Fireknight159 - Born more than 100 years ago, Fireknight159 is a pseudo-intellectual faggot who babbles on and uses so many big words that his posts that are incoherent. Loves to follow users around like a puppy dog and flag them.

Somelocalartist - Somelocalidiot hasn't had a girlfriend in more than 9000 years and decided to get attention and kudos by following users around and flagging everything they say.

Update - On August 25, 2016, the OkCupid administrators have decided to closedown the forum permanently. This is due to lack of enough manpower for maintaining the board.

Banning[edit]

Unlike Plenty of Fish, OkCupid will never ban you for no reason.

On Pof, if you say bad words or are rude in any way, you can be IP banned in few hours.

OkCupid does not give a fuck what you do on their site. You won't ever be banned for saying naughty words.

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