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Odum is scalphurt.

The face of a jedi.

OdumCarlock is the prototypical angry older gentleman of OKCupid. If he feels you have crossed the bounds of decency, he may express a desire that you get raped. He is a proponent of the theory, popular among a group of older users in the okcupid forums, that many of the site's members are fake accounts ("sockapuppas") created by a single mastermind or a cabal with unspecified, but clearly nefarious aims. He is a much sought-after engineer with a degree from a highly respected university, although this has not been confirmed as of this writing. He has achieved the coveted level of "Jedi" in an online MMORPG and is divorced. Recently it's been rumored that he may be a mercenary fire fighter where he regularly puts out fires with his scalp.

OkCupid Forums[edit]

OdumCarlock uses his detective skills to identify a fake account.

Scrotum is a frequenter of the General and Unmitigated Drama Rants & Raves forum on OKCupid.

When someone flagrantly disagrees with him, he calls them a troll. Then he's "done with ya." How dare you? You should GDIAF. Be prepared to be attacked by a barrage of generic insults such as "go cry to your mommy", "put up or shut-up" and "done with ya, bitch!" An infant has more colorful insults in their arsenal. If you make mention of his shortcomings in trash-talk, he'll tell you that you're not worth a well thought-out answer. Instead, he'll run off and flag your posts and profile to get you banned.

The Flagonator - Along with lying about receiving sexually explicit emails from other people's girlfriends (but never being able to offer up proof because he's "deleted them"), Odum loves to flag posts in threads where he's lost arguments. He also loves to create sockpuppet accounts of himself, and accuse other people being the sockpuppet.

Summary Deletion - Following a massive nervous breakdown in the Unmitigated Drama forums on OkCupid due to the "Unmitigated Drama is where Odum Carlock "hangs out"" thread, OdumCarlock's presence was deemed an affront to the Internets, and he was promptly deleted. Moments later, Odum returned on a new account claiming that the deletion was "accidental" and that he was going to be reinstated as a moderator. 10 minutes later, he "got mad and deleted his account".

Perhaps he finally went outside?

OdumCarlock explains his account deletion.
OdumCarlock making fun of another user's deletion.
File:Odum hairline emphasis.png
Odum (AKA Legen-Dary) reacts to someone who may or may not be emphasizing his hairline.

Washed Up: Odum's Shit Gets Old[edit]

Since Odum's first sweaty explosion of bitter-rage on the forums, he's been the red-headed stepchild of the Unmitigated Drama forum. Of course it's nice to feel like a winner every now and again, but outwitting Odum is like beating up a midget.

And I'd fully expect you to try and defend yourself however you can... knowing you probably with a weapon... don't care.. it's either put up or shut up little zexy.. that means if you're not responding to meet, shut your dick holster. end of story.


—Odum "Put up or shut-up" Carlock

Done with ya, bitch!


—Odum makes you cry to your mommy.

Summer 08': Tragedy Strikes[edit]

At least 100 years ago, something tragic happened. Odum's xbox was obliterated in a natural disaster, leaving behind a broken man and only the memory of his high scores. Now he can't talk smack to 13-year-old boys while playing Halo. As you can clearly see, Odum's bitterness comes from real loss, so you should dismiss his attacks and allow him to keep what little dignity he has so he doesn't kill himself.

What kind of God would take a mans TV's and X-Box?? ANSWER ME THAT DAMMIT!!



For the record, My Beloved X-Box was killed last saturday in a freak electrical storm along with 2 TV's, my router and ethernet card...


—The poor wounded soul comes to grips with his loss

This illustration references many of OdumCarlock's interests including skydiving, making demotivational posters, hair loss, fish in bukkits, and "bringing it."

Odum's Hair[edit]

When asked about his lack of hair above his gigantic forehead, Odum says that his hairline has always been that way, and that he is not, in fact, just a balding old man. He has no legitimate excuse for the sweatiness.

Odum's BMI[edit]

Odum's BMI (Body Mass Index) is so high it had it's own article on old ED.

Odum's Bukkit[edit]

Odum's denial.
Odum's anger.
Odum's bargain.
Odum's depression.
Odum's acceptance.

This is a tragic story about a man and his bukkit. Those who are weak of spirit should not read on.

Once upon a time, Odum had a bukkit. It was a blue bucket, and he loved it. He often used it for keeping his fish, so that he could shoot them, since barrels are too hard for him.

Then, one horrible day, possibly the day his wife left him and took all his money, or the day the Xbox died, his bukkit went missing.

Odum did all he could to reunite with his beloved bukkit. He went through all five stages of grief. He even killed a man. Alas, poor Odum is without his bukkit to this very day. They say that on some nights, when the moon is full and the air is clear, you can hear it calling out to him "Oduuum! Oooooodum!"

HAS ANYONE SEEN ODUM'S BUKKIT?! If you do find his bukkit, please message xXzexponyxXodumcarlockXxprincess4uXx on AIM.




OKC user accused of being a sockapuppa responds to the allegations.


Because OdumCarlock is a real star wars jedi, with a light saber that goes pew pew pew swash zzzzzzzzzzzzzzrb, he meets life's challenges head-on. Such as the loss of his bukkit, a brutally cataclysmic divorce and the unfair destruction of his game consoles by the forces of nature. Unfortunately he has a hard time accepting a nickname of endearment which portrays his likeness in an eerily accurate way: BACONATOR.

Odum considers "Baconator" to be a conversation killer and is steadfastly maintaining his resolve to not respond to it, so as not to legitimize it. This is advice he got from his 90 year old mother who deeply regrets that she raised a Jedi warrior instead of an engineer.

Ouch and the convo ends. because, sorry i don't answer to nonsense nicknames made up by obvious crackheads.


—Baconator struggling with self-actualization.

Update: Odum is responding to the name "Baconator".

Hungry baconator.

Bacon withdrawal[edit]

Forced to pay his condo association fees, Baconator was unable to procure as many Baconators as he was accustomed to and began experiencing withdrawals. Combined with unresolved issues over his divorce and getting made fun of online, this probably led to his degenerative mental state and nervous breakdown.

Odum's attornie.


Attornies have been retained by Odum and are awaiting the results of his detective work. Odum has a keen understanding of detective work and the legal system because of his experience watching Matlock.

In pressing their case, Odum's attornies have been instructed to "bring it with interest."

Let's burn this bitch!


— Odum's attornie consults Odum during his divorce proceeding.

Odum's last motivational poster in OKC celebrating the deletion of another user's profile shortly before a site administrator deleted his profile.

Motivational Posters[edit]

Odum enjoys making motivational posters ribbing fellow forum posters. On February 18, 2009, Odum posted his last motivational poster on OKCupid in celebration of the deletion of another user's OKCupid profile. A few hours later, Odum's own profile was deleted for repeatedly making false statements regarding the correct application of RCA cables for multimedia purposes.

Odum explains why he loves browsers that do not comply to web standards.

OdumCarlock Trivia[edit]

Odum successfully retained ownership of his '88 Monte Carlo through his divorce.
  • Odum claims that telling off the kids on OKCupid is as easy as "shooting fish in a bukkit." While most people shoot fish in barrels, in his county, he claims, they shoot them in a bucket.
  • Odum once brutally beat a young man that insulted his wife when the man came up to shake his hand in person. Odum has since divorced his wife and insults her himself.
  • Sorry, Odum calls em like he sees em. Act like a cunt, he'll call you a cunt.
  • Odum is a certified skydiving participant.
  • Odum takes credit for bringing the terms "cockholster" and "twatwaffle" into the English lexicon. This claim is thus far unchallenged and the terms have gained popularity among a subset of other angry middle-aged men on the OKC forums.
  • Odum's passion and fervor for star wars is not confined to video games; he owns a green light saber which he was able to hide from the courts during divorce proceedings and was thus not forced to relinquish its possession. To this day this nefarious act of subversiveness remains one of his finest achievements.
  • Odum once called a female college student "cuntcake."
  • Odum has no children and lives alone.
  • Shortly after his first account was "accidentally" deleted, Odum returned to brag that he was going to become a "flagmod", but was then deleted again.


Odum's exploits as a Jedi in Star Wars Galaxies have inspired several tribute videos.

Danstar's Odum video

Odum Getting pwned.

Odum Carlock Sucks

Odum is currently not accepting any myspace friend requests from anyone that played Star Wars Galaxies during his reign.


As of February 9, 2010, Odum's hairline continues to recede.

As of June 27, 2010, Odum condones rape and murder of people he doesn't like.

See Also[edit]


He has been trolling IMDb for nearly 8 years, mainly, on the Man of Steel boards, since 2012, until present - 18/03/2015 and has moved on to the Batman v Superman boards, ranting about how much he hates the films, and how much he has a "wife" and playing the victim because people rek the fat fuck.

He comes out with quotes like "since I already had a reputation for busting someone in the face at a party who talked sh!t about my wife at the time, everybody knew it was serious."

"Okay in a nutshell, here's the ed page background. a friend of mine was on a dating site and some guys started harassing her. reporting her pics, getting them yanked, just being asses. she reported one of theirs that had them posing with guns and a nazi flag. they were neo-nazi white supremacist douchebags.

They got REAL offended at that and collected info on her that they ended up posting giving her real name, home address, phone number and detailed directions to her front door including how much they'd spend in gas and how much time it'd take to get there to "beat and rape her" to "teach her a lesson" about fcking with their pics. (despite the fact they got this going to begin with)

she mentioned it to me, so I signed on and did the same thing back. dumbass posted a pic of his jeep in the driveway on google earth and was stupid enough to leave the street address in the search box. so I suggested since he lived a town over, he pop over here with his threats since I wasn't a little girl and would be more than happy to stomp his ass into the dirt. since I already had a reputation for busting someone in the face at a party who talked sh!t about my wife at the time, everybody knew it was serious.

we arranged a place to meet, shock of shocks, he wussed out, so him and his little buddies started an ed page because he was getting laughed at.

Everything on that page is a joke by little kids who simply put, couldn't handle or bully me like they did to a girl.

yeah sorry, the only embarrassing thing about that page is that some people are stupid enough to believe it like it was chiseled in stone by Moses himself instead of posted buy obviously enraged children."

He also enjoys calling people niggers, faggots, Paki cunts, goat fuckers, inbred redneck cunts, threatens rape onto your mother, and enjoys threatening 13 year old girls with rape.

He will instantly lose any argument, because everything that comes out of his mouth, other than his dads dick, is bullshit.

His name is Michael David Gress, of Jacksonville, Florida, born on the 20th of June, 1969.

He has a sister called Linda Rowell Gress - She probably doesn't talk to him, though.

He has another sister called Sandy Gress - Also, probably doesn't talk to him.

External Links[edit]

OdumCarlock's OKCupid profile

LOL new OKCupid profile

NAMBLA Official Site

Star Wars Official Site

Game with him. Do it, faggot.


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Odumcarlock is part of a series on Dying Alone

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