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Okami is a Zelda-clone video game published by Capcom. It was one of the last games made for the Playstation 2 because it sucked so badly that the PS2's reputation never fully recovered, forcing Sony to abandon the platform and its users. In an attempt to turn this great and terrible power of failure on their competitors, Sony eventually convinced Capcom to release a Wii version in an attempt to kill off Nintendo's console.
Okami takes place during some point in medieval Japanese history. The developers originally intended to base the story on Japanese mythology and folk legends, but decided to give up on their research and just make a bunch of shit up. The story follows a goddess named Amaterasu, who appears on Earth as a wolf (Beside the fact that in real japanese history she had nothing to do with wolves, at all) in an attempt to take away a curse by and shitting nature out of her ass. She is assisted by Issun, a fierce horny bug that won't STFU, and Waka, whom stalks Ammy in hopes of engaging in bestiality.
Crap Art & Game Design
Though anyone with common sense could see that Okami's graphics were smeary and inconsistent from one frame to the next, otaku across the land had screaming orgasms when seeing the game's art style. This ought to be unsurprising, since the producer and art director were both DevianTART moderators before making it big in gaming.
Few saw through Capcom's successful campaign to convince players and critics that incomplete art design and graphics programming was in actuality all about "watercolor-quality visuals influenced by traditional Japanese sumi-e artworks". Director Hideki Kamiya said in an interview:
— Kamiya - revealing the depth of Capcom's professionalism and attention to detail
Originally, plans were made to hire voice actors to portray the characters, but the audio budget had been squandered on crank and bag ladies, so in a panic, sound designers abducted some Down's syndrome kids from a local mongoloid zoo and waved microphones and candy bars in their slobbering faces. No players ever reported noticing the difference.
Throughout the game, Ammy is wracked by uncontrollable diarrhea; this provides Ammy with the game's unique attack system. Because a jet of filth is constantly being explosively released from Ammy's Celestial (more like celASStial, amirite?) Pooper, the tip of her tail is liberally coated in shit. Ammy, being a goddess, has the ability to turn the environment into toilet paper, upon which players smear the filth off of her tail. When the TP spell is switched off, all of the characters that were wiped on are killed. This battle system was perfectly appropriate for PS2 owners, who all enjoyed flinging turds at their own reflections in mirrors and stagnant bodies of water. The player can also use the TP technique to apply fertilizer to pretty flowers and trees, because the developers felt the game wasn't gay enough without a series of farming simulations.
Bear in mind that the game is painfully easy, so much so that most players never die at all, causing some people to think they have the skills. Many Okami converts are Zelda dropouts who couldn't get past the forest temple and harbor a bitter hatred toward Twilight Princess for daring to use a lupine lead.
The developers, in their effort to make Okami's music as authentic as possible, incorporated the traditional Japanese sounds of monkeys being assraped, untuned guitars, old men hooting and screeching, aluminum foil being torn apart, ominous hissing, and many glittery xylophone solos. Some fans shelled out big bucks for the 5-CD official soundtrack just so they could squeal over the Taiko drum and koto.
Recently, due to contractual obligations to Sony, Capcom released a platform-killing version for the Wii. Sony's plans backfired, however, because Wii fans are even fonder than PS2 owners of hooting and flinging soupy shit at passers-by.
Controversy ensued when Wii owners scraped the dung off the Okami package, only to notice that the cover art had been ripped off of some crap website and slapped on the front cover. Oh noes! The byootiful art was ruined! Now the Louvre would never hang a Wii box on their wall! So Capcom sent out replacement box art to sad Wii Okami owners. Minor lulz ensued when people who didn't even own a Wii abused the art replacement program in order to get free Okami shit.
Predictable Fanbase Responses
Okami is notable for managing to bring together the unholy trinity of furries, weeaboos and artsy gamers into its fandom. Whatever merit the game might have had was buried long ago by these individuals, who explore their obsession in meaningful ways.
Using Okami To Troll Christians In Six Easy Steps
- Start a discussion about the inexplicable, possibly demon-fueled critical and/or commercial successes of games such as Okami, God of War and Odin Sphere, which portray aspects of heathen mythologies in a positive or entertaining light.
- Focus on Okami's and its counter-Biblical messages of pantheism. Insinuate that since Amaterasu has the ability to walk on water, then she is just as powerful and important to our daily lives as Jesus is. Perhaps even more so, since she actually kicked some ass during her time on Earth, whereas Jesus really just hung around drinking wine with Judas and all of his delinquent buddies.
- Suggest that the reason all Christian-themed games -- such as Biblepalooza, Noah's Big Adventure and Go-Go Gabriel 3D -- are so terrible is that Jesus really did finally and irrevocably die on the cross, and Christians are fooling themselves into thinking that they're any better than the rest of us. PROTIP: If you're unfamiliar with real Christian-themed games, make some up; though there are a few Christians with hand-eye coordination decent enough to reliably hold a controller without convulsively jerking it out of the console, their parents or guardians never allow portals of filth like the NES or Colecovision into their trailers.
- Declare that Okami has inspired you to convert your children to Okaminism, and that you will shortly be visiting pre-schools and kindergartens in your area (remember to be specific!) with copies of the game to "spread the Good Word".
Wackoff is an ally who frequently appears in the game to lend assistance.
The Orly owl makes a cameo appearance.
A fine example of Okami's fucked-up character design. The demonplant seems to have a wang.
The vagina on wheels is another fearsome opponent.
Always remind Okami fans that ponies were more sacred than wolves to the goddess they fap after.
Okami is part of a series on
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Okami is part of a series on
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