|THIS ARTICLE IS CONSTANTLY BEING UPDATED - RE EDITING WILL BE NEEDED LATER.|
The Olympic Flame is something that has been carried in a procession as part of a ritual for 2,800 years (although the modern version was invented in Nazi Germany by Hitler himself) and was carried through London on the 6th of April 2008.
It all started with a thread on Ebaumsworld in which ballsy Anons suggested that it might be win to attempt to extinguish the Olympic Torch. Little did Anon realize, however, that they were not the first people to formulate such a notion. The human rights activists wanted to pwn the torch to bring attention to China's shitty human rights record. Every country with an axe to grind with the Chinks wanted to douse the torch in order to win publicity for their own cause. Anon wanted to do it because it would be funny. Before long it became clear that every fucker with a chip on their shoulder was dead-set on putting the damn thing out.
The torch's subsequent journey across the globe was replete with violence, arrests, attempted self-immolation and all-round shits n' giggles. What China had hoped would be a major breakthrough in convincing the world that they weren't complete cunts had turned into an intractable publicity disaster wasting millions upon millions of dollars, leaving a swath of cities blinking in bemusement and wondering how they had been conned into allowing the torch through in the first place and leading to the premiers of England and Germany boycotting the opening ceremony.
While evidence of Anon's involvement is limited at best, it falls to us to chronicle the epic lulz that ensued and say GG to all involved.
| HEY THERE!|
Hey, Olympic Flame! I saw what you did with Fucking China in the Ass.
I just wanted to say keep up the good work.
—The Canadian Press
- 1 Torch Route
- 2 Feasibility
- 3 Battle Plan
- 4 The First Attack
- 5 The Second Wave
- 6 The Resistance
- 7 The Men in Blue
- 8 Olympic Flame Goes Out in France
- 9 Flame Goes Into Hiding in San Francisco
- 10 Flame On in Argentina
- 11 Borat Sure is Ghey for China
- 12 The India Flame Drama
- 13 Chinese Gangbang in Bangkok
- 14 MaGAYsia: Totally China Jr.
- 15 Jakarta Uses Mudkips...But Not on the Flame
- 16 Australia's Big Mafia Gang Flame Relay
- 17 Little Battle in the Ninpo Land
- 18 The Flame Runs the Good Korea/Best Korea Gauntlet
- 19 Rambo back up in fucking Vietnam
- 20 Hong Kong deports Canada and Brit Jew
- 21 The Flame Lolcow Comes Home Dry to Macau
- 22 Below zero Drama at highest Mountain
- 23 Wise Fag Summary and the Strategy to Flame Off
- 24 Earthquake in Sechuan
- 25 Official Promo Video of the Tibet Olympic Commitee
- 26 External Links
- 27 Mudkipping Now Olympic Sport
- 28 See also
The announced route took the torch through the following locations, from March 2008 to May 2008, before the final stages in mainland China:
|April 6||London||United Kingdom|
|April 9||San Francisco||United States of Americunts|
|April 11||Buenos Aires||Argentina|
|April 13||Dar es Salaam||Tanzania|
|April 21||Kuala Lumpur||Malaysia|
|April 27||Seoul||South Korea|
|April 28||Pyongyang||North Korea|
|April 29||Ho Chi Minh City||Vietnam|
|May 2||Hong Kong||China|
Official news reports suggested that somewhere in the vicinity of 2,000 police officers would be guarding the procession through London. They expected protestfags shouting "FREE TIBET", but their protest would be peaceful. Anonymous could use Rickroll to protest peacefully, but if they wanted to be truly hardcore, one anon could go down as a martyr if they felt they had the balls to. However, this would probably have serious repercussions on a wider scale if it ever did, by chance, actually happen. It is well known that the Olympics is funded with Scientology cash, therefore it makes sense to boycott it.
The bad news was that the flame itself was protected against extreme weather. The external flame was kept alive by an inner flame which was gas-powered. Extreme measures were needed if this is to be successful.
- Anons get CO2 fire extinguishers (Protip: The use of any other type will be ineffective, the use of type B fire extinguishers will result IRL B&hammer due to high levels of AIDS in the chemical powder).
- Anons inter-mingle-a-fiels with surrounding crowd and using pwnage hax social skills gets close to the torch.
- Anons are scattered all along the planned route to ensure maximum lulz and efficiency (Protip2: if 1 anon gets V& others will be on hand later in the route to give /b/lackup - anon is legion).
- In the event you win, enjoy the lulz as you will be the epic and the cure to the cancer that is killing /b/.
- OPTION TYEM?
- In the event of mission fail, you will be B& IRL and tazed by a bro along with the other FREE-TIBET peoples (make sure to blame ebaums).
- Profit / meme / immortality
The First Attack
A Tibetfag tried to grab the flame from the Arab British TV presenter Konnie Huq. Since Anon stated that the first person to attack the flame would become a meme, he is now a meme. Reports suggest that fire extinguishers were used, which suggests the presence of Anonymous given that was their main battle tactic. She is thought to be of a higher caste than most of the people of India or Bangladesh, because she is actually a Muslim, lol, srsly, even check TOW. However it is well known that South Asian women are probably the least attractive women in the world and that it is right that they only mix with Arab.
The Second Wave
The filth were out in packs (covered in chink feces) keeping Free-Tibet (and Anon) protesters away from the torch. "Around 200" filths had created a black person barricade to separate them from the torch and help the Co$fags and Chinafags, but Anon was Legion and broke through.
—Jew suppression news team
—Prince Philip, Race relationship problem solver
Scum fuck police attack the SKY news camera man - he got wrestled to the ground by Co$fags and the announcer just has casual conversation with some China fag.
Dumb gooks go the wrong way around a one way lane.
The Men in Blue
These chinks were the ones shipped directly from Tibet to guard the torch in the same way they take all your bases! The torch is serious business.
Olympic Flame Goes Out in France
Flame Goes Into Hiding in San Francisco
At the last minute, the fags running the show in San Francisco decided to play Hide the Hamster with the Flame, changing the route completely with the last leg ending inside of a plane bound for Argentina.
Also: Obama's bitch, Majora Carter, was a torchbearer in the SF run who got KO'd out of the race (13th paragraph down) by chinky stinkys who didn't like her raping China and Co$fags.
Some JewTube documentation:
Flame On in Argentina
Living up to their reputation as a people who can't contribute shit to society, the Argentinafags decided take a siesta and partied like they won their third World Cup instead of taking an extinguisher (or 9000) to the Olympic Flame. Fail.
On the bright side, at least the mayor of Buenos Aires confirmed for brawl by the sheer number of security employed to guard the Flame (second only to India's confirmation on April 17th); if only they tried that on the Falklands.
Everyone knows that the emofag known as Africa's been gay for China since at least last Thursday, but when that damn Flame came back to Eurasia, a virtual sausage festival was thrown in its (dis)honor:
Tanzania's Faggotry (Source: China Daily)
Muscat Love (www.chinaview.cn, by sportswriter Zhang Rongfeng)
Feel free to spew into that seal's bucket over there.
The India Flame Drama
- Plan to Storm Embassy Foiled
- Arms Found in Chinese Monasteries
- Dozens of Tibetan Protesters Arrested as India Prepares for Olympic Torch
- Olympic Torch Arrives in India Under Heavy Guard
- What Sauce for the Goose
- Testing Times for Tibetan Students
- Big Trouble In Little Tibet
- Nepalese Police Arrested 55 Tibetan Protesters
- Protests Greet Olympic Torch in India (The Guardian)
- suqgsiI4JkM Olympic Torch Procession Begins in India (ITN News JewTube)
—Norbu ( Tibetan Youth Congress)
The Plans & the Reality
- Here the Epic Win Plan: We interrupt the Olympic torch relay as it moves through the streets of New Delhi today from the presidential palace to the India Gate war memorial. The Blue Man Kung Fu Squad will only consist of two Bluefags to make the Epic Win Plan a big success.
- Here the Fail Plan: All Metro stations and roads in the surrounding area have been shut down, and more than 15,000 security personnel have been deployed to police the short 1.8 miles route (was originally shortened to 2.5 miles, but shortened again for Grandma and Grandpa).
- Here What Happens, Part I: Thousands of Tibetan exiles marched through New Delhi early morning on April 17th to protest against Chinese policies in their homeland, hours before the Olympic torch was due to be paraded through the city. Chanting "Stop the killing in Tibet" and waving Tibetan flags, about 3,000 Tibetans joined the protests, along with Indian politicians, Westerners, Burmese activists and supporters of Falun Gong. They also carried a "Torch for Tibet".
- Here What Happens, Part II: At least 30 were arrested after storming the hotel in New Delhi where the torch was housed, and another 30 were hustled away by police from in front of the Chinese consulate in Mumbai. Along with mass demonstrations in New Delhi and Mumbai, an estimated 30,000 had gathered in Bangalore and thousands more in the Hindu spiritual capital of Varanasi to protest China's human rights record, in particular its treatment of Tibet.
India Relay Leg ends, 180 Tibetan protesters arrested. In Nepal, police arrested at least 500 protesters as they protested outside the Chinese Embassy.
Epic Win for teh "Torch for Tibet" Relay.
Chinese Gangbang in Bangkok
The Flame had yet another smooth run through Thailand's capital city of Bangkok, with a huge party and delicious cake for all, even the foreigners who were warned that if they fired their hydro cannon at the Flame, they would be Bangkoked from Thailand immediately.
Before the flame made this particular run, Thailand Prime Minister Samak Sundravej had this particularly lulzy statement to make:
—Thai Prime Minister Sundravej, clearly missing the point
Alas, this was about as lulzy as this run was going to be, as the Thaitraps were too busy sucky-sucky Chinese cock for five dollah to give the rest of the world a good show of lulz.
MaGAYsia: Totally China Jr.
Not only were the Magaysiafags just ecstatic to have the Flame come to Kuala Lamepur, but when a few Japanfags opted to be Protestfags, the new Chinafags opted for a lulzy beatdown with inflated plastic batons before Malay Police took them, a Buddhist monk and a Luldonhag into custody for a short time.
Jakarta Uses Mudkips...But Not on the Flame
Just like it was in Pakistan, the Flame ran around the city's main sport stadium under heavy guard at an invitation-only event. Unlike Pakistan, however, officials in the Indonesian city for brawl, arresting protestfags left and right, stealing their Tibetflags, and deploying their own mudkips and over 3,000 police officers to handle the chaos outside the invitation-only Flame circle jerk.
The truly lulzy part of all this, however, is that in general, the Indoasspirates just don't give a fuck about the Olympics; just as they were the only ones not to televise the 2004 Games in Athens, no one was interested in paying for the television rights to see the Flame do a little dance around the stadium. So, in a way, Jerkoffa was kinda win. Not epic win, but win nonetheless.
Australia's Big Mafia Gang Flame Relay
The day began shortly before the Flame was to make its run, when the Chinafags, who days earlier requested major blackup from all over Australia to be sure disruptions were kept to a minimum, as many as 20,000 members of the Chinese Students and Scholars Association were bused in from Sydney and Melbourne to help drown out and intimidate anyone with designs on protesting their homeland's record on human rights, took on the outnumbered and outgunned Muslimfags--repping their homeboys in China--and the Tibetfags where at least two were arrested by the Canberra Alien Patrol, including one of the few Tibetfag who decided to make their own Flame by torching a Chinese flag.
During the relay itself, a Tibetfag to took the sky and wrote "Free Tibet" with his plane, which is a shame as he really should've buzzbombed the Flame with a big-ass water balloon instead. The closest anyone came to doing just that, however, was a Protestfag who leaped out in front of the Flame and sat down to stop it; he was quickly taken away by the Alien Patrol.
Away from the route, three Tibethags blocked the street in front of Parliament, while another Protestfag kept shouting "stop the killing in Tibet." Again, the Alien Patrol swept them up and deported them back to Mars.
Finally, the Alien Patrol had their hands full with the Bluefags, fighting over who was in charge of the securing the Flame, even getting into a shoving match at one point before the Alien Patrol told the Bluefags to gb2kitchen.
- At least seven Protestfags sent back to Mars by the Canberra Alien Patrol
- One Chinese Flag Flame made
- One very expensive relay made--well over $9,000 in Jewgold spent on security alone
- A gang of Chinafags turning up to guard the Flame
- Proving to the Bluefags that the Alien Patrol, like everyone else on Earth, has the bigger dick
- Plenty of lulz created, none from a mudkip
- Bitches Don't Know What is Olympics
- A Summary of the Canberra Relay
- Some Australiafags Charged Their Lazers for Light Show Protest
- Raw Video of Protester Being Party V&'d, Plus a Few More (Must Watch Ad First - Fail)
Little Battle in the Ninpo Land
This was a little Battle in the Ninpo Land, but not the last Battle of the Olympic Flame. Around 9000 samurai were there to protect the Chinese Fire along the 18.7 km route from any ninjas looking for an epic win with their mudkips.
—Shinya Izumi (Top Samurâi)
They really do seem to have been quite fair in a difficult situation.
Pep rally for the "Tibetans", "Uighurs", and even one or two "Inner Mongolians" (aka home-grown extreme-right gangsters), some of the slogans are supposed to be in English, so listen carefully.
- Four Chinafags injured
- Two enturbulators arrested
- Amnesty International showed up
- Japanese Buddhists threw a silent protest at the Zenjoki temple, where the Flame was supposed to have made its run before it was told to GTFO and sent to a parking lot instead
- Everything but the kitchen sink (and water, naturally) thrown at the Flame.
- Taiwan to legally assist Tibetan enturbulator
The Flame Runs the Good Korea/Best Korea Gauntlet
When the flame made the run from Seoul in Good Korea to Pyongyang in Evil Korea, defectors from Evil Korea vowed to totally mess the relay up hard in the hopes of dousing it, going for the high score and according to Han Chang Kwon, the head of over 9000 coalition groups representing EK defectors in Good Korea, give Best Korea leader Kim Jong Il...
—Han Chang Kwon, prepared to become an hero if he must
Good Korea Drama
A North Korean defector tried to set himself on fire to halt the Olympic torch relay, but thousands of Police riding horses and bicycles turned out to guard it along its 24-km route. The man who tried to immolate himself, 45-year-old Son Jong Hoon had led an unsuccessful public campaign to save his brother from execution in the North, where he was accused of spying after the two met secretly in China. About an hour into the relay, Son poured gasoline on himself and tried to set himself on fire, but police stopped him.
Best Korea Drama
Purely pro-China in Best Korea.
Results and other reports
- One journalist injured
- One desperate man tried to set himself on fire
- Chinese Students are still showing the world how intelligent they are by holding a huge Chinese flag in Seoul.
After 7 hours 25 minutes and 34 seconds Operation "Fucking Torch" was started by John Rambo, he got a satellite Phone Call from his General telling him to stop, because it was too late for the torch and to move to coordination Point 6°N 35` 21", the Rescue Helicopter Landing Place.
Rambo is still waiting for teh fucking Helicopter there.We feel sorry for the typical inconvenience.
The deportation from Hong Kong of a Toronto pro-Tibetan activist, along with another Canadian and a Briton, for planning to protest during the Olympic torch relay has surprised and angered her friends at home. On Saturday, three Danish human rights Jew were detained and deported from Hong Kong. 
Tsering Lama, an organizer with Students for a Free Tibet and a well-known member of Toronto's Tibetan community, was deported upon arrival at the territory's airport yesterday, activists said.
— Gelek Badheytsang, a friend who has collaborated with her on several pro-Tibet protests
Also turned away were Kate Woznow, a Halifax native who now lives in New York and organizes for the same pro-Tibetan group as Lama, and Matt Whitticase, a Briton with the Free Tibet Campaign.
It was the second known instance in which activists have been denied entry ahead of the Olympic torch's arrival in Hong Kong today. The flame's return to Chinese soil, at the start of Beijing's 100-day countdown to the Games, follows a global tour marred by protests against Beijing's human rights record and its recent crackdown in Tibet.
The grounds for the latest deportations weren't immediately clear. Hong Kong officials have said repeatedly they won't discuss individual cases.
Woznow said she was put on a return flight to New York. Whitticase was sent to London. It was unclear yesterday where Lama, who has family in Nepal, was sent. Woznow accused the Hong Kong government of caving in to pressure from Beijing.
Reaction of an Olympic Jew
Hong Kong Drama
- Partyvan tried to prevent Protesters from calling for religious freedom in China and raising a Tibetan Flag along the street the torch would pass.Eight of them were deported away.
- Another Jew holding a placard urging dialogue between the Chinese government and the Dali Lama was surrounded by bystanders who heckled him with profanity, pushed him around, called him a traitor and said he was "mentally sick".
— said the man, 72-year-old cab driver Ng Pun-tuk
- A large Group of Hitler Youth were also there to protest against Human Rights and to intimidate and harass about 25 Pro-Democracy Protesters liek Christina Chan, who´s been taking away in to the Partyvan for her own protection.
— said one of the Hitler Youth SS Division, named Yu Xiang
— said Chan, 21.
The Flame Lolcow Comes Home Dry to Macau
"One World, One Dream!", the official slogan of the Beijing Olympics.Really?...well yes, but the World is not China, and the "one dream" of China may not be the same Dream of the rest of us.
Taking the torch to Mount Everest (8848 m) was the most ambitious part of what has become the longest and most controversial Olympic torch relay in history. Chinese climbers carrying the Olympic flame reached the summit of Mount Everest Last Thursday in a bellow zero Drama for the Chinese Tv.
The Chinese and Tibetan climbers taking the Olympic torch to the top of Mount Everest saw mysterious lights as they scaled the world's highest peak,they reported.
Strong Winds, Mysterious Lights and the low Oxygen Level near to the heavenly Universe were not able to destroy the fucking special made in China damn torch at the highest Mountain of our world. And Even for the drunk Nyalmot Yeti, it was too cold to steal the torch. In better weather conditions, he would try for the Lulz ,he said.
According to legends, there are three species: the Rimi (some 2.5 m), the Nyalmot (4.5 m) and the Raksi-Bombo (1.5 m). In spite of differences in size, the species have a general resemblance. The Yeti has reddish hair (although others claim it is gray), smells terrible and it is very strong (it throws boulders as if they were pebbles). It makes an ululating or whistling sound, and is sometimes heard roaring like a lion. The Yeti is rumored to be very fond of strong alcoholic drinks.
Wise Fag Summary and the Strategy to Flame Off
The Luldonfags weren't able to deliver, the Parisfags pwned the Flame, the Amerifags were denied in San Francisco, and the Argentinafags lived up to their rep of not making a damn difference in the world.
Meanwhile, Borat's ghey cousins in Tanzania, Oman and Pakistan threw a huge sausage party in honor of the Chinese Blue Flame Brigade, which finally ended when the supercool Penis Pumpers in India turned New Dehli into Thunderdome.
Next, the Chinese made some sweet pooper lovin' to the Thaitraps and the Magaysiafags while the Indoasspirates just didn't give a fuck about a stupid Flame and the private circle jerk held in its honor while it was in their country.
Then, the Australiafags got a gangland-style beatdown by the Chinafags while the Canberra Alien Patrol got into a shoving match with the Bluefags surrounding the runners. The violence would follow the Chinafags into Japan, where Ninjas did everything they could to put out the Flame and take out as much faggotry as possible.
Further, the Flame ran through the Good Korea/Best Korea gauntlet, where one Good Koreafag nearly Flamed On himself before the police stopped him, before heading north to Vietnam, where Rambo tried to make a grab for the torch, but as far as we know, is still waiting for that damn helicopter to come pick his ass up.
There no one else left now. It's over.
Below is the advice the Wise Fag bestowed upon many Anon wanting to Flame Off:
- Use fire extinguishers for range attack. You can't out-melee all those Bluefags around the runner and Bruce Lee is fucking dead, so /thread.
- Actually use your water balloons. Apparently all the Luldonfags used them for birth control, thus explaining why we didn't see shit on April 6th.
- Stop fucking your mudkip and bring it with you; it has a dramatic effect in turning the tide. If you love it, let it go.
- Bring a water gun if necessary; it's your last resort. If all your bombs fail, use your sidearm; it's much faster than reloading.
- Group up, plot this shit, get the routes right, hope no one changes them at the last moment, don't go alone.
- Rig a camera and pretend you are a camera man, get close to the torch, launch your water missile.
- Get high ground, unleash the rage of /b/ from above.
- If an Anon actually gets a hold of the torch, immediately throw it on the ground as soon as you hold it. Don't wave it around like a jackass; you will only get thrown down.
- If all else fails, do what the Indians did and go apeshit all over your local Chinese embassy.
- Remember, 300 Spartans fucked up a shitload of Persians; you, too, can be an hero.
- DO IT FAGGOTS!!!
Earthquake in Sechuan
Recently, for possibly the first time in the history of mankind God has sided with Anonymous, having granted overtime to his epic quest at the cost of a mere few Chinese peasants, though at the moment everyone has suddenly gone soft and is dicussing compromise and how a bunch of Mao clones are in fact the best thing for China, including of course Tibet.
Official Promo Video of the Tibet Olympic Commitee
- John Young on the Olympic Torch Drama Apr.7
- John Young on Olympic Torch Thugs Apr.9
- Olympic Flame goes around the world; carriers chosen
- India Reduces Olympic Torch Route On Apr.17
- Pro Tibet R00tKit Atacks on W!nd0w$
- Games Boycot Won´t Work
- The Troubled Course of the Torch
- UN:"Palestinians vs Tibetans"
- Tibetan Singer Missing on Apr.16
- Tarnished Torch Could Awaken Angry Giant
- Video on Internet Song
- Tibetan Monks Held By Chinese Police
- Chinese Hackers Poised for Anti-CNN Attack
- Paris makes Dalai Lama a Citizen of Honor
- Family held at Malaysia Torch Relay
- Australia Flame Relay
- Four arrested in King Cross Tibet protest
- Climber with ’Free Tibet’ banner booted off Everest
- Hacks, moar Hacks
- Ready for serious talks
- Chinese Media against talk offer
- Protest China's cruel joke on Tibet
- 3 pro-Tibet activists deported ahead of Olympic torch
- Unofficial pro-Tibet torch delivered to Olympic headquarters
- Nepal deports US climber with pro-Tibet banner at base camp
- China sentences 30 people (some to life) over Tibet riots
- US Jewish leaders call for boycott of Beijing Olympics
- Tibetan killed by Chinese police amid security clampdown
- The Sports Network Rebounds from 'Hack Attack' Directed at CNN Over Editorial Commentary
- Hitler Olympics, Jew Torture, Coca-Cola Profits
- Va. man home after Nepal deportation over 'Free Tibet' flag
- Tibet Envoy optimistic
- Letter reveals "scary" Life in Tibet
- China Attempts to Rewrite Tibetan History
- 100 Tibetans protesters detained in Nepal
- Dalai Lama envoys return from China talks - Summary
- Ping-Pong diplomacy, this time in Japan
- Dalai Lama says understands anger over Everest torch
- The Government of Canada Represented at Tibetan Canadian Cultural Centre Annual Gala Dinner
- United by Force
- Nepal detains 560+ women
- Tibet could be 'swamped' by mass Chinese settlement after Olympics, says Dalai Lama
- ‘Tibetan Freedom Torch’ coming to Colorado
- Protest against Dalai Lama visit
- Tibetan writer alleges harassment by Chinese police and nationalist Internet hackers