Onideus Mad Hatter
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|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Onideus Mad Hatter (Powerword: Matthew Moulton, a.k.a. Sad Fatter, Moultard, Farfoos, Baby Matthew, Baby Julie, Daiperboy and ED socks Triskaidekaphobia, Flippant, Mipsus, U MAD, LazyAssKicker, and Mimkrys all of which have been b& at the IP level at some point for overusing the ^__^ emoticon) is an absolutely pathetic—if not the most pathetic—autistic adult baby, babyfur, diaper-fetishist, and pedophile—who is also an unemployed welfare queen.
Being the Internet equivalent of a Renaissance man—i.e. a fat fucking failure at life—Matt's main claims to fame are his unparalleled and relentless lies about his accomplishments, and a desperate amount of massive posting in certain forums. He first got his "fame" in a Portal of Evil forum dedicated to making fun of him, where he made over a thousand posts a month for six consecutive months straight until he was finally banned. Fatter's mind-boggling rabbit-hole of epic failure goes deeper, however. Much deeper...
- 1 Matthew Moulton - The Man, the Failure
- 2 Onideus' Fights
- 3 Child porn scandal
- 4 Onideus Win/Loss Tally
- 5 Onideus Bingo
- 6 Onidouche's Top Insults
- 7 Quotes
- 8 Gallery
- 9 External Links
- 10 See Also
Matthew Moulton - The Man, the Failure
The Hatter spends his spare time wearing diapers while sperging on the Internet.
For a while he managed a shitty "web design" business called Backwater Productions, which never amounted to anything and is distant memory now. This may be due to the fact he knows less about web design than a 12 year old AOL user with Down's Syndrome. He has been unemployed ever since and moved back to his mother's place.
A doctor predicted Matthew's chances of survival were slim and that even if he did live, he would be deformed or mentally handicapped.
Onideus will seek sympathy from others by crying about his childhood. He will ramble on about the "hole in [his] soul" and something about a cruel mother who didn't love him as a child. Mind you, at the age of 40, he still lives with her, but apparently that isn't loving enough.
In high school he became the mascot in an effort to be a part of the team. Reliable sources say that the costume had to be replaced entirely, because what few parts Onideus did bother to return were covered in love. After school, he replaced his social life and friends by retiring to the Internet.
In Moultard's fantasy world, he's a world-class coder, Adobe Flash wizard and a master troll; and no, Onideus Mad Hatter's bullshit story wouldn't be complete without an addition of ludicrous assertions. Matthew also claims he has a BA in Arts with a minor in psychology and a specialization in literature. But back in reality, he is a Care Bears fan who doesn't have any work, skills, education, money, a girlfriend, a car, or a dick.
Before his dismissal in 2007, he claimed to be a manager at Dairy Queen because he worked the night shift alone (probably while wearing diapers) but in reality was just a regular employee. Moulton later found employment at Walmart. His ego was sold on the cleverly crafted title Inventory Control Specialist, which is a wordy way of saying shelf-stocker; a title designed to rope in uneducated amerifucks to do jobs they would otherwise say they're above.
Of course, his college degrees have landed him several lucrative jobs. Walmart leaped at the chance to employ him, where he claimed to make, "over $100 a day." Observant individuals noted this was slightly less than the $60 an hour he made at Dairy Queen. At almost $125,000 a year, this made him the highest-paid fry cook in DQ history. His reputation for objectivity and honesty, or lack thereof, leaves little doubt these are nothing more than fabrications. Adding icing to the cake, Onideus stated he was fired from Walmart because he "worked too hard", but was probably let-go due to an addiction to pain killers or trolls sending pictures of him in diapers to his boss. Thankfully for him, his extensive knowledge of business practices is rivaled only by his coding skills. This is a perfect segue into the next step up the ladder for Onideus.
Let us take a peek into the mind of a genius. Take the Mad Fatter, who appears to believe the destiny of a world-class coder is to live off paycheck to paycheck, remaining content with working the most menial jobs. However, he claims to have once had his own company (read: a website with a logo). That "company" was nothing more than him and a computer in
his his brother's apartment. At the corporate offices of Backwater Productions, by his own admission, websites were "created" by "borrowing" other people's designs, and the Hatter Touch™ was added by making minor cosmetic alterations.
—Onideus, Delusions of grandeur coming this fall.
Moulton is also the picture of professionalism. Being the genius that he is, he stored EVERYTHING on his personal website, thereby teaching companies the value of consulting Google before talking to a potential contractor. With nothing more than a couple mouse clicks, potential clients could learn a lot about The Hatter. Nothing out of the ordinary, just normal stuff like information about his upcoming diaper RPG, pictures of people he hated that had their heads photoshopped onto the bodies of gay porn actors, and the like. He also very clearly has little skill when it comes to coding, as evident by his multiple threads being laughed at for him not knowing basic things.
But what he lacks in skill, he makes up for in arrogance and stupidity. Like when he emailed a random web-developer to inform him that he thought the guy's work was shit. When he got ignored, he sent a second email to let him know that he posted his criticisms on Usenet and stated that if he tried to have his post removed there would be hell to pay. The guy went to Usenet and told Matthew to go fuck himself. Now it was personal. Onideus proceeded to email his criticism to the guy's client, who also ignored the manchild.
Soon after this, his Flickr—containing nothing but an image of a famous web developer with his head on a gay porn-star's body—was banned. Instantly drawing the conclusion that this was the work of the guy that he criticized, Onideus promptly sent him one of the longest, most butthurt threat letters you will ever read:
—Onideus' ban notice
However, there was one slight problem. Matthew sent the letter to the TO THE WRONG PERSON! Realizing his mistake, he sent a second email containing an "apology" mixed with more insults, threats, and details on how he's going to get even with that guy who did get his Flickr banned, as if the guy he was emailing should care or something.
So, obviously, our hero was a true professional and a well respected member of the programming society. His site was synonymous with quality, up until it was shut down in 2010 after he messed with the wrong person.
>A few years ago, Mad Fatter was hit by a car and has been unemployed since. The hit-and-run left him crippled and addicted to pain killers. It also, at least according to him, caused him to be incontinent even though he was wearing diapers before the tragic accident, and painkillers cause constipation, not incontinence. Despite bragging about the joy he felt and money he made while working at Walmart and Dairy Queen, while looking for a new job, he said on his blog:.
He uses the car accident as an excuse to avoid working. His main income at the moment is disability checks, collecting unemployment, and mooching off his mother. He also wears blue-tinted sunglasses, which, he believes, prevent car-wreck induced migraines and help lose weight. He's a fucking moron. In reality, they are worn by people with Aspergers syndrome so they may avoid eye contact.
Fast forward to 2010, Matthew is jobless, and lost his house. After all, this is the man who once allegedly spent $4,000 on an authentic Mad-Hatter hat. Not one to be easily discouraged, Onideus then decided to take up residence in an apartment. It didn't matter that he didn't have permission to move in or anything. On his precious blog, he declared:
>His tough guy act online is laughable, and it is even less effective irl. So he tried to make a deal, but when they checked his credit history that wasn't happening anymore, and he was promptly kicked out.
Afterwards, Matthew spent the following months living in his car and crashing with relatives—much like Nick Bravo—, all of whom hated and verbally abused the little pussy before kicking him out. A particularly hilarious encounter occurred when he moved in with his uncle, who complained that ONIDEUS STINKS TOO BAD, and wanted him out. Onideus, being the genius that he is, installed a webcam to spy on his uncle. Later Onideus confronted his uncle with the footage and accused him of some sort of conspiracy to blame the smell of turds from his cat on him. Yelling at his uncle who has been letting his smelly ass stay with him, while also informing him that he's been videotaping him in secret, went as well as you would expect. The hatter was thrown out and on the streets again. Eventually, his merciful mother let him move back in. Moulton has been living with her and being jobless for the past 8 years.
Onideus tends to make up new contradictory and false stories about himself on a regular basis. These include, but are not limited to, the following: being a world class paintball player, being rich ( LifeInADumpster), being one of the poorest people in the US, being the target of massive DDoS attacks, working for the government, having the largest private database on the planet, being physically fit, being super-humanly strong, being popular and surrounded by friends, and whatever new lie he comes up with this week.
At least in his mind, Matty's an expert programmer. When a senior engineer at Microsoft asked about his expertise, Onideus submitted as evidence a program he'd wrote in C++. Unfortunately, he neglected to compile it as a release build, so the debug information was included. When run under the debugger, the "program" revealed itself to be homework assignment for a beginner's programming class.
Baby Matt's mind is filled with delusional fantasies of his own achievements. These include the supposed creation of a new video codec he called Interpixel Cascade Fusion (never actually completed or even demoed, ever), the world-shaking discovery of alpha-transparent video (which the real world discovered circa 1970), and something called a perfect liquid website (which is probably some kind of slang for extremely runny diaper play—no one really knows because he hasn't finished it).
Matt also claims to be one of the greatest Flash designers alive, ignoring the inconvenient fact that 99 percent of his purported creations are non-working "under construction" versions.
When caught being a pathological liar, Onideus will often claim that it is all an act. He will go on to claim that he is one of several personalities, making up lies to confuse his pursuers by combining fact with fiction until it is impossible to tell them apart. In reality, however, he is just a loser who tries to impress people online because he has no life, but lets embarrassing truths about himself slip out in the process, and then adds more lies on top of those, hoping people would believe the flattering ones.
Below is a handy-dandy guide to determine if his statements are true:
The general consensus is that Fatter should stick to his core competencies in the realms of pedophilia and menial labor.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? His mother once filed a lawsuit for $300 billion due to massive amounts of butthurt! Now she's a member of the College Place School Board. So if you ever wondered why your children don't learn shit in school, now you know. The rest of the school board would probably not be as cool in their stance about a fellow board member allowing her son, who's a proven pedophile, to live with her.
—, proving where he inherited his retardation
His Diaper Obsession
Like all pedophiles, this fat retard is obsessed with everything children and especially diapers.
For fuck's sake, you even fucking compare your shitdiapers?
The sick fuck goes so far as to even write about and post pictures of "kyoot" diapers he happens to find.
—Onideus (Aka Piffle-Stix), http://piffle-stix.deviantart.com/art/Play-Diapers-244578665
Not only does he bring pampers up on every available opportunity, he wears them as well. In another long list of lies, he claimed to have always had an incontinence problem. He later changed his story to claiming he only began to suffer from it as a result of a car accident, thereby trying to pretend he wears them in his spare time because he has to and not because he wants to.
When confronted with an actual picture of himself in diapers, Onideus tries to claim that he Photoshopped it. This, of course fools, no one, and his attempts at Photoshop only prove how bad at Photoshop he is, thereby giving more evidence that those pictures are actually him. What makes it even more obvious is countless threads on other forums where he asks basic questions about photo-editing.
Here is the exchange this twisted pedophile had when a faggot weeaboo asked why the fuck he posted pictures of fucking diapers:
- 1996: Onideus Vs. Various Adult Baby and LEGO Sites
- 1996-2003 (and sporadically after): OMH Vs. Usenet
- 2003/2005-2009: Moultard vs. Portal of Evil
- 2006, Dec14 from about 11:00AM until about 12:00PM: Moultard vs. Something Awful
- 2007-????: Moultard vs. ED & Wikipedia, with a special guest appearance by "The Reaver"
- 2007: Banned from Sakura Con
- 2008: Matty vs. Thermodynamics/ The Perpetual Moulton Machine
- 2008-2009: Moultard vs. SASS
- 2008: Fatter vs. Dramachan
- 2008: Fatter vs. FurAffinity
- 2008-2010: Fatter Uncensored
- 2009: Fat Diaperfag Vs. Spriter's Block
- 2009: Baby Julie vs. SelectButton
- 2009: Matthew Vs. Fox Tale Times
- 2010: Matt Vs. DevianArt and the death of "Backwater Productions"
- 2010: OMH Vs. Usenet round 2- Hacker ruins Babyfur's life
- 2011: Captain Lard joins ED/2013: Fattie vs 888chan
- 2013: Matthew Vs. EDF2: COCKSLAP Boogaloo
- Late July 2014: Pestering the CWCkiforums
- Early 2016: The Return
- 2018: ZaigerGate
- 2019: Matthew Vs. EDF2.9.86: Extremely Deficient Follicles *new*
Child porn scandal
Among all his other problems, Onideus has an obsession with diapers and, by some extent, child pornography. He often masturbates to cartoons where children are seen wearing diapers, spent a month protesting the deletion of child porn from ED and once stalked a 12-year-old girl on an anime forum only to find that she was actually a grown man and a fellow pedophile. He is so preoccupied with these things that he is hardly capable of talking about anything else. Every conversation with him will end up including some mention of shitting in a diaper, be it him accusing others of doing so in rage, or reminiscing about his own experiences. When the topic of CP is brought up he often defends, claims to extort pedophiles in his spare time or threaten to "get back" at his trolls by posing as them and requesting people to send him nude pictures of their children. Forgetting that if he ever actually did that (he is too lazy and incompetent to) he would be the one liable to be brought up on charges, regardless of who he was posing as.
The reason he so often brings up diapers and CP in seemingly unrelated conversations is because, like all perverts, he is obsessed with his fetish and ends up mentioning it in random discussions because it is already floating around in his head 24/7. Thereby he is constantly incriminating himself due to his lack of self control which he must later try to pass off as trolling (convincing no one). Below is but a fraction of his musings on the topic.
|Reversals||CP Threats||Diaper Sex||Pedophilia||Teenage Years||Deletion Protest|
—Onideus, admitting he has illegal child porn in his possession.
Onideus Win/Loss Tally
|Onideus Win/Loss Tally|
|Onideus Vs. Portal of Evil||0||2||Two points for repeated bitch-slapping.|
|Onideus Vs. Something Awful||0||2||Two points for SA for Onideus losing actual money|
|Onideus Vs. Something Awful Sycophant Squad||0||1||Claims to have taken the site down.|
|Onideus Vs. UseNet||0||3||Three points due to massive backfire on Onidifag.|
|Onideus Vs. Wikipedia||0||2||Two points due to Onideus losing money in an attempt to get revenge on the WMF.|
|Onideus Vs. Neopets||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. Sakuracon||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. Dramachan||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. FurAffinity||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. Susan Brenner||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. Spriter's Block||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. SelectButton||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. Fox Tale Times||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. DeviantART||0||3||Three points due to massive backfire on Onideus.|
|Onideus Vs. 888chan||0||1|
|Onideus Vs. HBGames||1⁄2||0||Half a point granted for hacking the admin's password but not being able to do anything anyway.|
|Onideus Vs. Encyclopedia Dramatica||0||∞||Non-stop bitch slaps.|
|Final Score||-100 1⁄2||∞+23||Minus 100½ more points for wasting his life and his money on this shit.|
Onidouche's Top Insults
The following words and phrases are what one can expect in nearly any conversation with our little diaper wearing buddy, which at first may seem to be mildly creative, until you read them pasted throughout every single post he ever makes.
- Sparkles (Possibly his favorite.)
- Tweenage Muppet Fuck (Seriously, what is that even supposed to mean?)
- I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT more "lulz" than you've managed to offer on up. (Also used gratuitously. Known variations: I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT better flames than you're using. )
- Your idiot parents aren't drugging you up with enough Ritalin. (Usually following claims of typing at 200 WPM to excuse numerous typos, misspelled words, and grammatical errors. Known variations: Ritalin deficient tweenage muppet. )
- Chromosomally Deficient (Used at least every other
- Kiddo: Onideus has been on the Internet longer than you, and makes sure that you know it.
- Doorknob: An idiot.
When these insults fail (as they invariably will) to gain him the upper hand in any exchange, he can be relied upon to BAWWWLEEET every piece of evidence that does not flatter his severely flawed perception of himself as a "master troll" while screaming UR BUTTMADD!!!!1!1!! in every direction to no one in particular. SRSLY, look at the history of this article or his talk page.
- Onideus edits his own, made up slang into Urban Dictionary
- His photobucket.
- His new thread on 888chan.
- Wanting to make a diaper videogame. SERIOUSLY
- His unofficial LEGO store (SUSPENDED)
- His Farfoos account on FurAffinity (BANNED)
- Current FurAffinity account
- Trying to rake in some dough on Highprofits.com
- Mad Fatter's Care Bear fanfic
Fatter at Portal of Evil(Bahleeted)
- Not even Cracked wants him. BAWWW. (BANNED)
- Random Fatter Post Generator!
- Fatter proudly discusses his poverty-class income
- Matthew talking about taking drugs
Electric boogaloo- 404. Page deleted.
- Losing another argument about flash.
- Onideus post generator.
- His thread on SomethingAwful.
- Some sort of archived chan thread about him.
- Baby Matt, Evidence Noted
- Pretending to be a girl named Kristicakes/Krysticakes on MapleStory.
- Fatter's website (Gone)
- Fatter Fan Art (Gone)
- A Spicyworld website dedicated to his LEGO obsession (Gone)
- Another website dedicated to his LEGO obsession (Gone)
- Angelfire website dedicated to his LEGO obsession (Gone)
- Another Website (Gone)
- Archived page of his former Usenet circlejerking group website. Extra lulzy.
- Wayback Machine
- 4th Space - His RPG about Diapers.
- MessyJessie/Onideus Archive - An archive of his facebook exchanges with another lolcow.
- Milwin, Onideus protégé.
- Kthor, PoE moderator fatty thinks he trolled.
- Lowtax, SA admin he thinks he trolled by giving him ten bucks.
ED admin he plans on sending to jail, just like what LifeInATent trying to do back in January 2013.LOL we got rid of him first.
hero of EDGinger untermensch that Onideus desperately tries to suck-up to while getting his ass handed to him.
- Ickeriss69, another wannabe troll who, when his past was exposed, claimed it was a troll set up a decade ago.
- MessyJessie, the other EDF2 lolcow he now befriended on facebook over their mutual butthurt over their respective exposure articles.
- Mark Griffin, creator of Bob's Game who's forum he was trolled at.
- David Gonterman, threatens to steal his better's fans with shitty comics like Matthew does with shitty sites. Also fat.
- TGcomix, another retard who tried to make his own ED after getting b&
- Chris Chan, presumably his long-lost brother.
- LifeInATent and WeatherManKevin, fellow lolcows he got into a brawl with on Twitter and Facebook, who happens to all had an eerily similar fantasy life, act batshit insane when confronted, spend most of their time on the Internet instead of getting a genuine job, b& from multiple sites and then made frivolous threats against them. Lastly, they've all admitted to having autism and OCD.
- Brett Keane, also a compulsive liar and plagiarist like him, not to mention being just as fat and reclusive.
Sites he lost to
- Encyclopedia Dramatica
- Encyclopedia Dramatica.com
- Something Awful
- Something Awful Sycophant Squad
- Portal of Evil
Sites he won against
Other related concepts
- Internet Tough Guy
- Take down ED
- Done with ED
- Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians
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