Oompa Loompas are the pudgy, mutated, slaves in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and those 16-year old girls you see who use spray tan so much that they are mistaken for agent orange or pumpkins. Oompa Loompas think this is very sexy and attractive and use it as a way to pump crazy steroid pumping jock guys full of gonorrhea, fail and AIDS. HAWT. In reality they look retarded.. I mean who wants to fuck a creamsicle full of herpes?
What are these creatures?
—sabbybabyy and that’s where the problem is
After experincing the Oompa Loompas here is what we have found. These orange creepy shits can be found everywhere. high school, the mall, New Jersey, Facebook, and most of all, the tanning shop where they all go to regain power and get back to doing what they do best, being made fun of. They will usually be found in groups making fun of others who are not as good looking as them, which actually is a compliment to regular people, and are associated with the rich bitch clique. These creatures don’t possess souls and need to be exterminated as fast and as swift as possible. It’s a fucking epidemic and they will stop at nothing to infect the whole world. And that’s no world I want to live in.
In the Azn land of giant lizards and bukkake, an exotic creature wanders the neon sign forest. This beast is called the Ganguro Girl. Ganguro Girl, moonspeak for "blackface girl," is the latest in the evolutionary development of Japanese 16-year old girls.
The Ganguro was the spawn of the previous fashion fad, Kogal. Kogals had artificially tanned skin, and clothes that were "L.A. Casual". They eventually became convinced they actually WERE a bunch of surfers and beach bunnies. One professor at Kokugakuin University did a study about why the fuck Ganguro was so popular. He came to the conclusion that "black music had influenced the surfers. Hip-hop culture began to influence the stupid and the desire to actually become black increased." LOLWAT
Exercise severe caution if encountering one of these wily dusky daughters of the land of the rising sun. They've been known to mug and rip penises off for chikins, and for gang rape. Their blackness is more than face deep.
Biologists hypothesize the Ganguro Girl and the North American Oompa Loompa may be from the same genus. Some argue, the Ganguro Girl is the more feral and aggressive of the two species, because of additional STDs, making the Ganguro Girl more Oompa Loompa than the North American Oompa Loompa.
(You mean Japanese taking something American in origin, like Baseball or Elvis impersonators, and making it uniquely their own by taking it WAY TOO FAR? Never heard of that before.)
How You Can Help End The Epidemic
There are ways to get rid of Oompa Loompas. One is to troll them with no mercy. Basically tell them...
- How fucking stupid they look
- How no sensible person finds them attractive
- Scare them by telling them they what they will look like by age 35.
- Make fun of their mother for being a whore.
However, this may not work. They may defend their orangeness all the way. They may have a comeback about your ugly paleness. If this is the case, then there is no hope for them, they are lost. Which is why the only option you have left is to nuke them from orbit: it is the only way to be sure. Or you can nuke New Jersey. Please, it fucking sucks here.
Just make sure to use a condom.
- Burn them while they are tanning (Seen Above).
- Use a bleaching lotion which can be found on the black market.
- Lock them in a dark, soundproofed room with no windows until they shrivel away.
- Smash them in head with a high pressure sodium bulb.
- Show their reflection. Just the sight of themselves makes them explode in glorious light.
Oompa Loompas are not defenseless. They will most likely try to make you join them. Sometimes people will willingly join, but most times they force others into their clan. Watch out for the following:
- Destroying your self esteem so that you start believe it’s better to be orange than a little pale.
- Casting an enchantment over you to come back to their lair where they will throw you into a spray tan booth. Once this happens you will be brain washed.
- Sending their frat boy minions after you.
- Slashing with their fake nails.
- A good direct kick to the balls or clit can make you turn orange instantly.
- The sluttier Oompa Loompas will promise you tits if you give in.
- Spraying you with Orange Glow, a tan lotion, or (more likely) pepper spray.
If you do not give in and can avoid these attacks they will kill you because they see you as an obstacle in the way of their movement. You’ll be considered lucky if it’s quick and painless. You guys can help out as well. Basically do what you guys do best. If you come across an Oompa Loompa troll the fuck out of it until it is defeated and hopefully will stop spraying fake stick orange on itself.
Gallery Of Sexxiness
- Attention Whore
- 16-year-old girl
- Jersey Shore
- Girls from Russian social networks
Oompa Loompas is part of a series on
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