Opioids

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As a drug addict, at least you get to go out doing what you love to do, though he should have known better than to buy drugs off of one of the fucking Olsen twins.

Opioids have been found in comprehensive clinical testing to be among the safest recreational drugs available today, with no potential for addiction, no significant impairment of cognitive processes or motor skills, and no long term effects on mental or physical health other than making people like you more.

Awesome effects include:

  • More enthusiasm, and an increased desire to socialize with other people (you'll actually have friends now!)
  • You'll start nodding off after a while
  • Makes such annoying shit as Lucky Star and YouTube Poop amusing tolerable. This is why you always see House watching shitty daytime soap operas and having a grand old time doing so.

And best of all, absolutely no negative side-effects. It's a wonder why more people in the world aren't popping, butt popping, snorting, smoking, and injecting these holy substances.

Heroin[edit]

Bayer brand Heroin - the sedative for coughs and Q*bert!
Makes your arm moar awesome too.

First invented in 1939 by German Nazi scientists researching the semenic content of the mentally retarded, it has since become a source of false inspiration for "artists" such as Kurt Cobain and Perry Farrell.

Heroin has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for its roles in such films as Requiem for a Dream, Ray and Paigegirl Pussifies Portland.

Also, it's basically the greatest thing ever and you will always want moar.

In recent events, Nazi loving lefttards sought to further advance their legislative final solution against niggers and those of low income by putting a ban and/or stricter controls on opiates like Oxycontin, Morphine and Vicodin.

People who once were getting a good safe fix from prescription drugs, all of a sudden saw their supply dry up because government officials decided that people needed to be protected from these dangerous meds after a single white, rich kid died from an overdose after illegally buying an insane amount of pills from Former Vice President Al Gore's son, Mary-Kate Olsen, Winona Ryder, Heath Ledger and your mom. Yup, white people ruin everything.

Without a supplier for their fix and no other recourse, pill poppers, impressed with the free samples, took the advice of dealers and went to Heroin, because, in a dealer's words, "It ain't all that different".

Just as planned, overdoses are on the increase and sales are up - further funding secret black op government agencies whose job it is to keep the black man down.

It should be noted, much like all bans and prohibitions on anything in America, if you have the connections or the money, you will still be able to get what you want. Laws are for everyone else.


PROTIP: Shoot it, unless you're a fucking pussy. It's the only safe way. If you don't, the terrorists win.

Oxycodone[edit]

Oxycodone is one of the most powerful opioids, typically available as Percocet and Roxicet, which are typically available in strengths of 5 or 10 milligrams, and are compounded with some amount of acetaminophen (Tylenol). Oxycodone is also available in much higher doses without Tylenol. The Tylenol free versions are available as immediate release generic tablets, and as a continuous release tablet, known as OxyContin.

OxyContin, also known as Hillbilly Heroin is an expensive painkiller that's really just Percocet without the Tylenol. It's also one of the most powerful prescription painkillers, but causes intense full-body itchiness that makes you scratch 'til you bleed, especially around the nose. You know it's wrong, but what can you do? You can't complain; you're on a plain! Buy some Benadryl!

Because of the "naked in a burlap sack, wrapped in barbed wire, fighting 100 feral cats" effect, it causes junkies to rob pharmacies to get it, even though rolling around in broken crack vials in a thorn patch would be much easier.

Rush Limbaugh's fat ass once held up five Walgreens in an afternoon to get his OxyContin fix.

PROTIP: Combine with steroids to beat your wife and kid to death and hang yourself from a cable pull-down machine in your basement. Fucking win!!! Oxycontin is best served with Delicious Cake, the fat and sugar content of cake frosting acting as the single best potentiator for the drug known to man. Ice cream is fine, too.

Oxycodone has an extremely high oral bioavailability, which leads to a smooth, long lasting high (if you can defeat the time-release and wait 45 minutes). Snorting gives you a shorter high, but it hits you harder and faster. Grinding the pills and dissolving it in water and administering that solution up your ass pretty much does the same thing without risking sinus blockages. Smoking pills is inefficient and wasteful, but it gets you higher faster than snorting. But hey, be my guest, enjoy inhaling your pill binders. PROTIP: The manliest and best way to do it, however, is to extract the pure Oxycodone and shoot it up. Don't heat it though, Oxycodone is water-soluble. Also, invest in some 0.22um wheel filters to avoid dat pulmonary embolism.

Vicodin[edit]

Effect of long term opiate use

Along with Xanax, Vicodin (hydrocodone/APAP) is one of the most over-prescribed, under-regulated drugs evar, and (surprise!) one of the most commonly abused prescription drugs. It's basically morphine in a pill and is fanfuckingtastic chickenshit white suburbanites abuse. Vicodin pills contain large amounts of APAP (aka acetaminophen or paracetamol), the active ingredient in Tylenol, so you can't take too many at a time without fucking up your liver. Plus, you're double fucked if you're drinking. But hey, they do amazing things with organ transplants nowadays, so as you will. Vicodin is also the drug of choice for Dr. Gregory House who gobbles up at least 100 of them everyday.

PROTIP: You can do a "Cold Water Extraction" relatively easily to pull the APAP and fillers out and leave the pure hydrocodone, allowing you to take as many Vicodin as you want without fucking up your liver! This process also works with any pill containing Opioids (OxyContin, Morphine, Codeine, Lortab, etc.)

Additionally, if any of you Opiate fanboys actually fail to successfully achieve win by extracting the good shit through the above-linked guide, you primarily consist of utterly epic fail. It was carefully designed by one of our moar intellectual /b/tards, to make it so easy that your standard IRL troll could do it with their eyes shut. (Srsly, that technique's been around long before /b/ existed, fgt.)

Newfags everywhere confirm that cold water extraction works perfectly, allowing you to take your liver-safe 8 pill a day habit to astounding new heights of consecutive win for your brain and fail for your social life and work productivity.

Codeine[edit]

Note - purple drank cannot be made with Robotussin, as it doesn't contain codeine. See DXM for the effects of robo

Also known as methylmorphine, codeine is a drug difficult to spell and generally a bit shit. Codeine is available in over-the-counter painkillers in England and Canada. These will fuck you up, but the thrill seeker must be cautious as these fuckers are laced with caffeine, as to head off the drowsiness and constipation that codeine induces. Codeine is also responsible for many lulz when one watches someone who hasn't taken them for the buzz overestimate how many pills they actually need to get stoned. The reactions of this are sleepiness, severe vomiting and loss of muscle function. In the case of epic lulz, it can cause death from severe depression of the pulmonary system (you cease to be able to breathe). In the case of the latter lulz, one should get the lffs over with, quietly leave the scene after wiping for fingerprints and call as a "concerned citizen" from an "undisclosed location". To do otherwise, or any attempt to be responsible in any way, leads to being Party V& and possibly script fodder for an episode of CSI.

PROTIP: If you're a Britfag, go out and buy some OTC Co-Codamol, and using the guide in the Vicodin section of this article, do a CWE. Then stick the resulting solution after Cold Water Extraction in a turkey baster, bend over, shove it up your ass, and squeeze. Srsly. Rectal administration=higher bioavailability=win for everywunz!!!1!!1one. Alternatively, if you don't want to be the gay (why not?), just take the pure liquid orally and wash it down with something, as it has a very bitter aftertaste.

Niggers and their hangers-on also take prescription cough syrup containing Codeine and Promethazine (an opiate potentiator) and mix it with Sprite, ice, and Jolly Ranchers to make a concoction referred to as "purple drank". This is also known as "lean", "sizzurp", "drank", or "Texas Tea". This is popular in the South and has led to the creation of "Chopped and Screwed" music, as well as a horde of opiate-addicted niggers babbling on the internet about getting their lean on; not to mention a few lulzy deaths.

Opium[edit]

Mickey likes opium with his whips and chains.

Opium has the advantage of being able to be produced from the poppies in anyone's back yard! Once the premature seed gunk is processed correctly, you'll end up with some foul-tasting black gunk that can be eaten or smoked. Fuck that- at least 5 days after the petals drop, rip the plants out of the ground, remove the roots and leaves, rinse well, and grind the shit out of them in a blender with some water and lemon juice. Strain with sieve or old (clean) t-shirt and chug-a-lug. Tastes like swamp ass, but you'll be flying high in 20mins if you aren't a pussy and vomit it up.

Opium is probably the cheapest drug on the market, but nobody sells it because it's gay and you can just use better drugs. Anyone who actually does opium is a faggot.

Quite a few notable people were heavy opium users, including (but not limited to) Edgar Allan Poe and Sherlock Holmes, though they lived back in the bleak days before better opiates existed.

Kratom[edit]

Kratom is a marvelous plant found in Southeast Asia that will fuck you up for several hours -- that is, if you can force 15 grams of that bitter, putrid dried leaves down your throat quickly enough. However since most Kratom you find on the Internets is complete crap -usually just dried leaves from some fuckers Autumnal yardwork- your miles may vary. The experts at ED suggest pulverising the dried leaves in a blender and filling up gelcaps to avoid the nasty taste or eating in sammiches or sprinkled on pizza. Presently (c.2009) it is illegal in Australia and a handful of other countries that don´t matter.

This wonderdrug can be used in two ways: in smaller doses it acts as a stimulant whilst larger doses will make you batshit happy and feeling no pain for most of the day. A megadose is like chugging Vicodin all day like you were Greg House and without any of the nasty liver damage usually associated with prescription painkillers. Mind you, since there are virtually zero studies on the drug, holes in your liver may be the least of your worries after consuming copious amounts of strange vegetation from Third World countries where people shit in the woods and liberally sprinkle their crops with all manner of pesticides that have been b& in the civilised world for over 9000 years for making frogs grow second heads (this is not a Kratom high hallucination).

Kratom is also a 'high with a ceiling, which means that not only is there no chance in overdosing but once you get used to it you are left with a buzz akin to fucking for 24 hours on end wishing you could reach a climax that will never come.

Countless junkies everywhere buy kratom from Indonesia in a cheap attempt to get off of heroin, dilaudid, oxycontin and the monster dick grabber, Methadone. It is unknown whether or not these dickholes will continue to be addicted to all opiates possible, or wake up another day free of opiates only to find themselves in the ultimate schadenfreude lulz, where no one is free of hard drugs and soon starts sucking nigger cock for their fix.

Other uses include a 100% failsafe method of coming down from withdrawal after a heroin binge. Fighting withdrawal of Kratom addiction itself is then combatted by using alcohol.

The definitive guide to Kratom from YouTube Favicon.png Vinny Todd Buttafuoco.

Methadone[edit]

Methadone was originally a drug to help junkies kick the habit, but eventually became just another drug for them to abuse. Unlike other opioids, it is well-known for making recovering addicts, junkies, and chronic pain sufferers into complete zombies with no personality. It is known that no hard-core junkie ever gets below 20 milligrams without a secondary to alcohol or barbiturates he is getting from the elderly man sucking his crooked cock. There is no transition to the "miracle drug" Suboxone, the junkie keeps getting high on whatever his dealer gives him or her before they take a final, fatal shit and their parents laugh at their soiled shit pants.

Morphine[edit]

Heroin 1.0. It has a long history as a painkiller and as junkie fuel. Best injected into the vein (or snorted/smoked like OxyContin if it's tablet form). You will probably vomit- keep an antiemetic on hand. Fun fact: nicotine is as addictive as this.

Dilaudid[edit]

The holy grail of opiates for most, and the third most powerful there is. Doing Dilaudid automatically makes you a fuckin' God amongst your fellow junkies. It has very little effect when taken orally or snorted. PROTIP: IV is the only good way to do Dilaudid, so stop being a faggot pussy. It's like everything bad awesome about heroin, morphine, and opiate prescription pills combined.

There are many niggers toting generic fake 4mg tabs, you need to kick these cunts in the throat and find a true Aryan who has a few handful of 8 mg tabs. These "tabs of joy" simulate the same joy Candyjunkie, Ripper, and all of the lame cocksuckers in the same vein. 1488 Niggers!!

Fentanyl[edit]

Keep getting that oral drug fix, hoe.

The true holy grail of opiates. It's the most powerful opiate ever manufactured for human use (Etorphine is waaaaay stronger), and has around 100x the potency of Morphine. Will knock even the most experienced opiate junkie on his ass. On the street, it comes in patch form and lollipops (ya rly). Although many people have died from overdose on Fentanyl, and from injecting Fentanyl they were sold as heroin, they're obviously a bunch of pussies. Six lollipops in your mouth and ten patches on your arm, if you really want to feel it.

Gallery[edit]

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Opioids

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