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Oprah is the primary deity of American culture. She has been an American housewives' best friend for over 20 years. She is smart, beautiful, and easy to relate to, as well as one of the biggest drama driven megalomaniacs to ever fag up the small screen. It is rurmored that Winfrey will be running against The Donald in the 2020 USA Presidential Elections.(sauce here.)
Oprah was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi in 1954 to a religious family. Oprah’s mother and father were two unmarried teenagers and her grandma beat her when she didn’t finish her chores. Oprah always claimed that she was molested by a cousin, uncle, and a family friend, and she got knocked up at the age of 14. She won a full scholarship to a great nigra college and even won the Miss Black Tennessee Beauty Pageant. She now has a Failspace, lulz shall ensue.
What does Oprah's success mean? It means that black people around the world are overjoyed while
white women women still sit on their ass and cry over Oprah’s incident of being raped as a kid. As the "Queen of All Media" Oprah is also the living proof that if you're the village incest-bicycle and get diddled by enough people at a young enough age you too can be famous. Despite her success, she will always be a negro woman from the South who is cheesing it up for the camera.
For those too young to remember, Oprah spent years as the largest Snorlax ever seen on national television. She leveraged her reducing plan into profit as her loyal viewership looked on from the safety of their daytime television sofas . Perhaps not surprisingly, she blamed fast food, the only controversial position she has ever taken and one that brought on a lawsuit for defamation by the Association of American Beef Producers which she won. In a fitting ironic twist of fate, Oprah has now been selected by /b/ as the latest and greatest lol-cow.
Incidentally, Oprah does not plan on continuing her show after 2011. And nothing of value will be lost. Note: She has yet to comment on accusations that she decided to quit her show due to the epic trolling she has received. Everybody knows you can't do it right after the trolling otherwise you'd make it too obvious, so she waited a few years. Thus, Anonymous has toppled the Oprah empire. Way to go Internet!!
Over 9000 Penises
On September 19, 2008, Oprah delivered epic lulz when, during a plea to viewers to support an anti-CP bill she happened to be supporting (Note: She is against having sexual intercourse with children but she supports rubbing amputated baby penis all over her face to get rid of wrinkles which seems to suggest she finds it ok to cause pain to baby genitals but not to give them pleasure.), she quoted the following from her website's forums:
NOW HOLD THE FUCK ON A SEC, SHIT'S SIGNIFICANT
People need to understand the significance of the whole Nine Thousand Penises incident. For a long while, people have known that Oprah's full of shit, or at least, doesn't check her fucking facts or research beyond reading a summarising quote, LIKE THE ONE ABOVE. However, the fact that someone was able to troll her into thinking that there was a group of online pedos with such minimal effort IS CONCLUSIVE PROOF, ONCE AND FOR ALL, that she is full of shit, and NEVER checks her facts.
Unfortunately, she still is able to peddle her shit so much in America because Americunts are all incredibly spastically retarded.
Oh, and there was some shit about a Million Little Pieces or something, see below
Over 9000 Remixes:
As word filtered through the intertubes, Oprah's forum became a source of lulz on September 20 as assorted anonymous posters spammed swastikas, NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER and /r/'d cp, shared tips on how best to lure child victims, etc.
A Million Little Pieces Scandal (Moar liek Over 9000 Little Penises Scandal amirite?)
- Steve Wilkos
- Tom Cruise
- Your Mom
- Barack Obama
- Operation SyPhyllis
- Zach Anner
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