Orkut

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The Sandwich ChefORKUT.JPG
A true Brazilian beauty.

Orkut is a place full of people who still think that Chuck Norris is the funniest thing EvAh!!!11! It has the entire Brazilian and Estonian population logged on to it. Orkut is one of the most lulz-filled places in the internets. Access to the aforementioned lulz, however, is impaired due to them being written in a language nobody fucking speaks. The few posts in languages other than Portuguese come from the Paki, but English speakers can't read those either.

Users[edit]

Typical Orkut camwhore.
Female camwhore. Yes, it's human.
Family photos are remarkably popular.

Brazilian people are terribly delayed in terms of decades when it comes to Internets memes. It’s possible to find people making jokes about “base belongings” in their profiles. Orkut is also a refuge for drama whores, pedophiles, dirty old rapists posing themselves as 16-year-old girls, fat 16-year-old girls posing as hot 16-year-old girls, furries, attention whores and stupid emo kids. In other words, people who find pictures of stupid cats funny as hell.

One favorite passtime of Brazilian Orkut users under the age of 12 is creating fake accounts posing as even younger children, even infants. These accounts are openly fake, listing themselves as hailing from locales such as "Fake, Fakistan". Much like MySpace users who try to accumulate the most "friends" possible, Orkut kids try to create and friend the most "fakes" possible.

On 1 February 2007, self-styled "Queen of Flickr", Sesame Ellis (aka Rachel Devine), discovered that some Brazillian Orkut kids were using photographs that she'd taken of children, including her own daughter, as their profile pics. Much drama and OH NOES! ensued. In short time demands were being made that Google shut down Orkut, the DMCA was being invoked, and a particuarly asinine take-down notice in Portugese was offered, including the phrases (translated):

I’VE ALREADY BEEN IN CONTACT WITH BRAZILIAN LAWYERS WHO ARE FRIENDS OF MINE AND THEY WILL BE IN CONTACT WITH YOUR FAMILY VERY SOON. YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME? SO TRY NOT TO REMOVE THOSE PHOTOS AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU! IT IS PROHIBITED TO STEAL OTHER PEOPLE’S PHOTOS, DID YOU KNOW THAT?"

Since Brazilan courts simply don't work at all, the episode wasn't heard of ever again.

The Paki[edit]

Paki th bst mthafckas dnt mess wit us u get fuckd u no hahaha.
If the Pakis were white, they'd be wiggers

The most horrid thing ever to occur in Orkut was the coming of the Pakistanese. They try to speak English, but for some reason it is far more uncomprehensible than whatever it is that the Brazilians speak

Communities[edit]

Owner of the "I shit on the ground" community.
typical intellectual conversation on orkut.

They are supposed to work like forums, but they only exist to show-off things that you didn’t really need to show to people who didn’t really care. In other words, attention whore apparatus. They are also ridden with the most inane "games" you could ever imagine, most of them about the users' profile pics, which are all fake anyway. Examples:

  • I totally like Harry Potter.
  • Korn – Official community, all others are phucking fake, n00bz (Members: 5)
  • I eat my own shit.
  • Fuck, my mom is a porn star!
  • I have a small penis, but in other hand, Im also a woman.
  • People who love people who love the love of people’s love.

Fun activities[edit]

SPAM THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PROFILE!! http://www.orkut.com/Scrapbook.aspx?uid=2243129140543651819

Fun Activities[edit]

SPAM THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COMMUNITY!! http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=29430962

The end[edit]

After most Estonians transformed to Facebook, Orkut has been a ghost town. Over 400,000 Estonians are now at facebook, posting pictures of their babies and spamming their status.

External link[edit]

Trivia[edit]


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