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Ouija (pronounced wee-jah by human beings and wee-jee by retards) is the brand name of a so-called "board game" that some extremely gullible individuals actually believe has the magickal ability to make contact with ghosts, demons and your creepy dead uncle who molested you all those years ago. The entire "game" consists of only two pieces: a heart-shaped piece of wood with a hole in it that is referred to as a "planchette" and a cutting board that is typically inscribed with the letters of the alphabet, the numbers 0 to 9, the words "yes" and "no", and the word "goodbye" or "farewell" for when the spoopy ghost that you're speaking to has finally had enough of your bullshit.
The Ouija trademark is currently owned by Hasbro and the game has been known for causing numerous outbreaks of delicious E-drama mainly due to the fact that Christians are dumb cunts who actually believe that Ouija—much like Dungeons & Dragons, Pokemon, Harry Potter, Marilyn Manson and Teletubbies—is a gateway into the occult and Satanism. This is made even more hilarious by the fact that Ouija users primarily consist of 8-year-old girls, 12-year-old girls, 16-year-old girls and 45-year-old women who hoard cats and have never gotten laid.
- 1 Ouija: Origin of Ouija
- 2 How 2 Ouija
- 3 But How Does It Work?
- 4 My Little Ouija: Witchcraft is Magick
- 5 Christfags vs. Ouijus Christ
- 6 I̸̢̡̕Ţ̕͘͟ ̴̕͢͢͞W̶̸͢͠͝A̧̢͘͟͝S͏͘͞͡ ̧̧̛́͟N͝͞͝E̷͢V͢͠͞E̛͢͞Ŕ̕͘ ̛́͟J̴͢͝Ư̷̸͝͝S̨̀͠͝T̶̕͠ ̷̵́̕A͘҉ ̸͟͢͠G҉͡A͡͠M͘͜͠E͏̷̡̢
- 7 Ouija: The Game: The Movie
- 8 MacOuija Meal
- 9 List of Talking Boards
- 10 Trivia
- 11 Dramatica: The Mystic Oracle
- 12 Galleroui
- 13 Videos
- 14 See Also
- 15 External Links
Ouija: Origin of Ouija
Spirit Boards or Talking Boards were originally invented by members of the Quanzhen School of Taoism around 1100 AD for the purpose of communicating with spirits. Eventually the Qing Dynasty that ruled China from 1644 to 1912 decided to ban these boards after realizing that they were causing the people to become lazy since they would do nothing but sit at home all day long asking random spirits to send n00dz. By the 1800s, spirit boards had found their way to numerous areas around Youngstown, Ohio, where they were used by witches and occultists to pester departed souls.
The first person to have the brilliant idea to attempt to market these spirit boards to the ignorant masses was an Americunt huckster from Maryland named Charles Wesley Kennard who, after reading a 1886 article in the New York Daily Tribune about the kewl new craze that was sweeping Ohio, decided to team up with Ernest Christian Reiche, the local coffin maker, to begin mass-producing the boards and selling them to dumb schmucks. Kennard repeatedly attempted to patent the amazing concept of a fucking piece of wood, but was repeatedly struck down by the U.S. Patent Office due to how fucking stupid "his idea" was.
Kennard's pattern of failure continued on for several years until a local lawyer named Elijah Jefferson Bond took interest in Kennard's stiff board and decided to drag his sister-in-law Helen Augusta Peters Nosworthy, a supposed spiritual medium, down to the patent office to help them shill the product. Helen chose to show off the power of the board by asking it what its name was, to which the board replied "Ouija". When asked what "Ouija" meant, the board then replied "good luck". On February 10, 1891, Kennard was finally awarded his patent thanks to Helen's display of mental illness.
Unfortunately, Kennard was an utter fucking moron and soon allowed one of his employees named William Fuld to take over production of the boards. Fuld quickly began slapping his own name on the product and even began taking credit for Helen's interactions with the board. In the public eye, William Fuld was soon viewed as being "The Father of Ouija" despite the fact that he stole the idea from a guy who stole the idea from witches who stole the idea from the rice niggers.
Now realizing that he had missed a golden opportunity to make some serious ducats, Elijah Bond also attempted to enter the talking board market in 1907 by producing the boards under the brand name Nirvana and the business name of The Swastika Novelty Company. Unfortunately for Bond, he had already DUN GOOFED and the Ouija brand could not be overtaken.
How 2 Ouija
You ask the ghost questions while placing your hand on a moving piece called a planchette and the ghost "guides" your hand to the answer on the board, generally by spelling shit out. It should come as no surprise to you that this is total fucking bullshit yet sadly, many people are stupid enough to believe it. Some argue that you can actually be possessed by a demon while playing this game, but anyone with half a brain in their head would easily identify this as complete nonsense. Overall the game is boring, time-consuming and has no real objective, it's just a board with the alphabet, numbers, and the words yes and no painted on it. If you even want to call this thing a "game", it's certainly not worth wasting your Jew Gold on it. The normal people who actually bought the game were bitterly disappointed that they wasted their money.
But How Does It Work?
My Little Ouija: Witchcraft is Magick
—Ouija for Girls' tagline
In 2008 Hasbro decided to release a Toys Я Us exclusive pink Ouija set aimed at young girls. The set was priced at $19.99 and included 72 question cards and a pink carrying case. Naturally, Christian parents immediately began to flip their shit after realizing that Hasbro was attempting to lure their innocent, young daughters into joining the occult and communing with Lucifer himself and started to call for boycotts of Hasbro and Toys Я Us until the evil pieces of neon-pink plastic crap were removed from store shelves and doused with holy water.
Christfags vs. Ouijus Christ
Because Christians dislike fun and don't like anyone else to have it, the Catholic church and other branches of Jesus' vampiric cannibal cult have been known to speak out against things such as Ouija, Pokemon and Harry Potter.
—Christians, on Ouija
Of course, we all know the real reason that the Christian establishment is opposed to Ouija.
—Anonymous Child Spirit contacted by Ouija
I̸̢̡̕Ţ̕͘͟ ̴̕͢͢͞W̶̸͢͠͝A̧̢͘͟͝S͏͘͞͡ ̧̧̛́͟N͝͞͝E̷͢V͢͠͞E̛͢͞Ŕ̕͘ ̛́͟J̴͢͝Ư̷̸͝͝S̨̀͠͝T̶̕͠ ̷̵́̕A͘҉ ̸͟͢͠G҉͡A͡͠M͘͜͠E͏̷̡̢
Ouija: The Game: The Movie
Weegee: The Movie
List of Talking Boards
Other names for these overpriced pieces of kindling include:
- Egyptian Luck Board
- Hindoo Luck Board
- Mystifying Oracle
- Hasko Mystic Board
- Hasko Mystic Tray
- Buckland Spirit Board
- Gypsie Suzie's Talking Board
- The Olympia E.S.P. Board
- The Mysterious Planchette
- The Wireless=Messenger
- Velco - The Mystic Seer
- Rajah - Far East Talking Board
- Igili - The Marvelous Talking Board
- Magic Marvel - The Wonder Answer Board
- Yogee - The Amazing Answer Board
- Cryptique: A Spirit Board From Salem, Massachusetts
- The Angels Talk
- The name Ouija originates from the French and German words for yes. Be a real Douche to everyone you know and pronounce it Wee-Yah then refer to this factoid when they say you're pronouncing it wrong.
- Blindfolded, all people can produce is gibberish. No one has ever produced actual words in a scientific setting.
Dramatica: The Mystic Oracle
YES 卐 DRAMATICA 卐 NO
A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
FUCK OFF RETARD
Some faggots using a weegee board.
- Online Ouija Board - Play at your own risk.
- Ouija Board Gallery
- - 15-year-old girl gets raped by a man pretending to be a ghost.
History of Ouija
Christians Being Insane
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