Owl City

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Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Owl City


Did you ever wonder what would happen if the Autotune program suddenly had it's own voice? Ever wonder what it would sound like if your hard drive crashed while playing music? Or maybe you just want to hear some really bad music? Look no further than Owl City!

Owl City, or rather, Adam Young, is a shitty performer who is well known for his music which consists of him whining into the microphone over a backing track that sounds like a MIDI track had sex with a cell phone ringtone. Literally living in his parents' basement until last year, when he was discovered by Jews trying to find the next Conor Oberst, and coming from the absolute middle of nowhere that is Minnesota. To date, this is the only non-Jonas or ginger vampire making girls schlick and making his semi-Autistic "music" somehow have a meaning in their life. Truly, if it wasn't for the fact he looked like he ate bowls of dongs for breakfast, some of you may think he's doing it for the lulz. Sorry to say, he's the true-and-honest article of good things happening to bad musicians.

His Music[edit]


Adam Young, sitting and singing in a room full of toys.


   
 
'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs

From ten thousand lightning bugs,
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head,
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

 


 
 

—Add on random tweets to make up the lyrics, and you've got an Owl City song




Comparably, some have said that his music is reminiscent of Taking Back Sunday if it were composed by one douchebag on Reason, and sung by the GLaDOS supercomputer. Those people would be right. Adam is so fond of the Autotune programs he uses, rap artists like black person are probably somewhere in disbelief while the white kid tweet's and YouTube's his way to MTV like some other bands we know and gets major-label money doing it. That's probably the biggest part of his "appeal" is just how much money he DOES make as opposed to how shit quality his stop-motion videos are supposed to look. He could probably buy Encyclopedia Dramatica 5-6 times over for a whole year, if he chose to do so. Unfortunately for his parents, as well as society, he's probably been using his money on Pocky instead of paying his family back after dropping out of college and living in their basement until UMG bought the rights to his soul and started scheming on how to sell him and his autism-inspired music to the masses.

Incidentally, Adam has several other projects on the go of varying genres, none of which he is working on because he's exploiting the success of Owl City to make more money and some of which are actually really fucking good. Take Port Blue for example, influenced by ambient and post-rock music like Sigur Rós, Tortoise and Helios, which isn't meant for mass commercial appeal in the slightest.

Lip Sync, in my Owl City?[edit]

It's more likely than you think. Lip Syncing, for those who don't know, is when a performer simply moves his lips over pre-recorded vocals. This is of course, fuckin' lame, but blame should not be placed solely on the performer, as their fans do not condone this activity. Just ask any Britney Spears fan, the illusion will suffice. Anyway, Owl City likes to take his fake performances one step further by pretending to play guitar and having someone, usually a chick, use his pre-programmed synth/Macbook with Audacity on loop.


   
 

I’d never played in front of anybody, let alone sang for people.
 


 
 

—Adam Young



Haven't we heard this before?[edit]

File:PostalService.jpg
These two fags are due some royalty money

Apparently, Owl City isn't particularly original. Who would have thought? Indeed, a few critics have suggested that he has ripped off a short lived band called Postal Service. For anyone who isn't an Indie douche, The Postal Service is some weird, narcissistic Electronic band made by members of Death Cab for Cutie, an Indie band most recently known for making a shitty "hit" song for the recent Twilight movie, "New Moon". Adam attempted to cover up his tracks by citing them as an influence, even though he totally hasn't heard much of their material:


   
 
I had some friends in high school that would have it playing in their cars and stuff...but it never really caught my ear.
 

 
 

—Adam Young, suuuuuuuure.

His Fans[edit]

Because his music sucks, naturally it is loved by 13 year old girls everywhere. If you ask them, they will tell you that his music is deep and moving. When in reality, his music is about as deep and moving as taking a shit. Techno faggots have also been known to masturbate over his music, getting the impression that someday all techno music will become mainstream. Fortunately, the chances of this are 1 to over 9000, forcing the technos back into submission.

Trolling[edit]

If you should encounter a fan of Owl City, you can troll them by:

  • Mentioning he lived in his parents' basement until Universal officially took ownership of his ass last year.
  • Claiming you first heard one of his songs when you were looking for ringtones in your cell phone from 2000.
  • Ask them if he did the producing for Justin Bieber.
  • See if they can explain any one of his songs' meanings besides them being Autism-fueled permavirginity.
  • Saying the parodies are better (because they are).

Parodies[edit]


   
 
Swimming in a lemon creek

Tadpoles tickle my butt cheeks

A bearded nun flies through the sky

I wrote this song when I was high

I make love to birds and bees

And masturbate to redwood trees
 


 
 

—A surprisingly accurate parody

Since his lyrics already don't make any sense, they're incredibly easy to parody. Numerous parodies have been uploaded to YouTube to date, and 99% of them are far better and more comprehensible than the original. Ironically, these parodies are all in fact more IRL Indie than his music, which is a good thing to point out to any bright young woman who listens to his oh-so-original music and read his diabetes-inducing Tweets where he talks about himself doing things by himself. Often.

Disney[edit]

The little shit had the last laugh, though, when Disney, the monster with a million dick-shaped tentacles, used one of his moronic songs for the ending theme of the movie Wreck-It Ralph. Behold the proof, fagts.

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See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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