Pabst Blue Ribbon

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PBR & the Hitler-Ludendorff Beer Hall Putsch

Would you enjoy drinking rat piss for the sake of being 'ironic'? If so, Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR, is the beer for you! PBR is the official drink of hipsters, and much as gods of Olympus lived on ambrosia and nectar, no hipster can survive without a highly specialized diet of American Spirits and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Plus whatever the Mast Brothers make.

Fall from Grace[edit]

Pabst Blue Ribbon used to be the beer of the working man. Greasy construction workers and fry cooks would proudly down the bubbly piss after work as fast as their battered wives could lovingly serve them. Somewhere down the line, a hipster decided that this alpha male beer would satisfy the subculture's thirst for an ironic beverage. Its irony is flawless for those who drink it fashionably, as it was originally associated with people who actually do work. Now an established image in pop culture and online, PBR is irreparably associated with people who think it is cool to draw mustaches on their index fingers. The company itself has succumbed to this stereotype, erecting billboards and advertising in 'artsy' places, such as Williamsburg and Portland.

Taste[edit]

Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes much like diluted, fermented vomit. However, it is still better tasting than Natty Light and decidedly better than Hamm's, which is quite possibly the most vile beer in the world.

Charlie Papazian, president of the Brewers Association, published the following tasting notes for Pabst Blue Ribbon in 2008: "A contrasting counterpoint of sharp texture and flowing sweetness is evident at the first sip of this historic brew. A slowly increasing hoppiness adds to the interplay of ingredients, while the texture smooths out by mid-bottle. The clear, pale-gold body is light and fizzy. Medium-bodied Blue Ribbon finishes with a dusting of malts and hops. A satisfying American classic and a Gold Medal winner at the 2006 Great American Beer Festival." Anybody who has tasted this shit knows that this is utter bollocks.

Practical Applications[edit]

Today, you may find empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans scattered around independent coffee shops, small music venues, vintage shops, and many other rancid-smelling places. There is a positive correlation between the amount of PBR cans littering an area and the number of hipsters that infest it. Because of this, it is much like a litmus test, warning the average basement-dweller if there is a high probability of being laughed at by skinny-jeaned faggots in any certain area. Similarly, Pabst is an excellent indicator of douchebaggery. If you can't tell whether or not somebody is a hipster faggot, you will know the answer if they whip out a can of PBR.

PBR On the Internet[edit]

Pictures of under-aged tools drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon can be found in every corner of the internet. They are especially common upon Tumblr, where pictures of PBR-downing man-children, all devout scene kids two years ago, are re-blogged until every MGMT-loving 16-year-old girl has masturbated to them. Art featuring the beer is also popular and usually eye-scarring.

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Pabst Blue Ribbon
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