ParaCeleb

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A ParaCeleb, or "paranormal celebrity", is a person who has made a name for themselves claiming some sort of other worldly connection, mostly dealing with ghosts or alleged hauntings. Paranormal communities like to rally behind their respective celebrities and thusly shield themselves from logical thinking and reason.

ParaCelebs will usually sue people for speaking ill about them (in a non-paradic for profit manner, of course) or revealing if they've faked their evidence.

Types of Paranormal Celebrities[edit]

The Biggest Douche in the Universe[edit]

These individuals are full of insight. They:

  • Help people see long dead family members
  • Tell you shit you already know
  • Con you out of your fucking money
There he is!

The Psychic[edit]

These individuals make claims that would ordinarily guarantee a person a padded room in an insane asylum. Typical symptoms of a psychic include:

  • hearing voices
  • seeing people that others don't
  • being mentally sent to the past to witness "scenes" play out

The Witch[edit]

They too can, on occasion, make cringe worthy claims of psychic prowess. Instead of claiming it as an innate ability they usually claim they attained it through praying to The Old Ones. What further sets them apart from psychics is that witches are generally unwashed neo-pagan hippies in their finest Renn Fair gear. They generally assert that their vulva-loving deities have bestowed unto them great powers of the Earth that the Christian God bogarts.

The Vampire[edit]

A rather new form of ParaCeleb as the group came into creation after because of the advent of the internet. Vampires believe that they are vampires. Duh. Except that most of them don't even drink blood (and those that do drink very little), they don't explode in the sun, they don't hate garlic and oh yeah, they're completely fucking human. They like to claim they have a "condition" that makes them vampires, but they can't tell you exactly what that is and they refuse to get tested to see if a "vampire disease" can be pinpointed. Most are hopelessly obsessed with fictional vampires.

The Ghost Hunter[edit]

Ghost Hunters usually travel in packs or "teams" of four or more with the less famous members being more or less interchangeable worshipers or servants of the Alpha, or most famous, member. Sometimes a rogue will appear without an entourage but this is rare as documented behavior of ParaCelebs shows that they cannot go five minutes without someone kissing their ass.

The Nay Sayers[edit]

Yes, you can be a ParaCeleb just by calling bullshit on the other groups. However, you can't just make the logical observation. You have to absolutely loose your shit and be dramatically indignant over how these people make their money. A lot of yelling, screaming and chest beating is involved. Then you build your own cult of people who will rip the heads off of people who oppose you or don't believe the things you do (or don't, as the case may be).

SciFake.com[edit]

Many, many people are looking to expose these fakers for what they really are. That is until The paraceleb they are trying to expose makes an attempt to be their bff. Then it's all down hill from there.

Last Thursday SciFake.com wrote a rather scathing article about the show "Ghost Hunters" and how the stars fake evidence and should be called out it. Then one of the stars, Jason Hawes, stalked down Ron Turbo's home phone number so he could sweet talk him into submission. Now anyone who bad mouths Jason on the website gets a hysterical bitchfest from Ron crying about how great his boyfriend is and that the haters should stop being such meanies. The site is now an official hub of faggotry. Jason will occasionally give SciFake "exclusive" interviews and content in exchange for buttsex.

Susan Slaughter from Ghost Hunters International[edit]

Apparently Susan Slaughter, one of the sexpot female co-hosts of the TV reality series "ghost hunters international" likes to show off her titties in professional pictorials for the viewing pleasure of her male fans. Behold Susie's galleria of nudes! --> [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] Apparently some of these very private photos magically made their way onto the internet totally unbeknownst to Susan.

Heathyr Hoffman from Ghost Hunters Academy[edit]

Heathyr Hoffman is a funny-looking short and petite blonde who was on the first season of ghost hunters academy in 2009 but was eliminated on the third episode for claiming to be psychic (TAPS doesn't allow psychics on their team) it has been discovered that she is a BDSM slut who posts all about her weird sex fetishes on fetlife, and several other websites, social media outlets, and forums. Dozens of nude and topless photos of Heathyr have been leaked to the internet by mystery person(s) for the viewing of by the world. Here are just of a few of this kinky and submissive bisexual BDSM whore Heathyr. [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

Paranormal State[edit]

This show is the official ass slave of the Paranormal community, mostly because the fabrications passed off as truth are so blatantly obvious. Websites and articles have poped up all over the place debunking everything from portrayed exorcisms to moving objects. This has the show producers wetting themselves in fear and threatening to throw lawsuits at anyone who says "Paranormal State" and "fake" in the same sentence.

List of ParaCelebs[edit]

e-famous[edit]

IRL famous[edit]

  • Criss Angel, illusionist that specifically says psychic powers don't exist and yet still some idiots think he is psychic
  • John Edward famous TV psychic and democrat politician, called "the biggest douche in the universe"
  • Uri Geller, illusionist that some idiots think is psychic
  • Don Henrie, unemployable "vampyre" douche bag whose only income was on the reality show Mad Mad House where he locked a guy in a coffin for lulz.
  • Peter Popoff, a televangelist who's been exposed as a fraud because his magick powers cannot regrow his penis. He has a prosthetic one.
  • James Randi, skeptic
  • Grant Wilson, ghost hunter
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