Peter Popoff

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Peter Popoff wants to touch your manboobs

Peter Popoff born in Germany right after his Fatherland got pwnt by the Allies, was a famous television Christian preacher many years ago in the 1980s.

Some argue, "Popoff" is not his real name. His mother was supposedly a bit of a party animal who picked-up some guy at a bar one night in Berlin. They didn't believe in using condoms and he "popped-off" before he could pullout in time. Thus, she named her bastard son after the event to remind her of the everlasting shame.

Peter Popoff was publicly revealed as a liar and con artist in front of the Whole World by James Randi and faded to obscurity for awhile. He is now back and running his scam again, screwing people just like dear old dad did with his mom.

A Little History[edit]

Popoff claimed to have powerz from God that let him heal people from all kinds of diseases like cancer, diabetes, thyroid shit and other stuff. He seemed to know every little detail about people in the audience, including their names, home addresses, diseases they have and personal problems they were having in their lives. However due to an accident with a lawnmower, he now has to use a prosthetic penis and his magick powers cannot regrow his real one.

All seemed to be going well for Popoff, his wife Elizabeth and their kids. They were making a shitload of money - about $4,300,000 a month - and the future seemed bright for making even MOAR money.

That is, until James Randi showed-up at one of Popoff's revival meetings with a concealed radio scanner. Apparently, Popoff wore a hearing aid during his meetings, which may seem odd for a guy who claimed to be able to cure fucking cancer! What Randi discovered was that the "hearing aid" was really a radio receiver and that Popoff's wife, Elizabeth, was transmitting information to Popoff. When the audience members had entered the auditorium, people met them at the door and had some of them fill-out cards for why they were there, any health problems they might have, etc and Elizabeth radioed this information to Peter while he stood in front of the crowd.

James Randi took the tape onto the "Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" and played it for everyone to see and hear. It was this single broadcast that dealt a crippling blow to Peter Popoff's ministry and was remarkable for its leetness and high-quality pwnage that it dealt out in such a short time. Popoff tried to deny the woman's voice on the tape was his wife's, but no one believed him. It wasn't long afterwards that Popoff's donations began to dry-up and he declared bankruptcy. Epic win and lulz were had by all.

Elizabeth Popoff while watching the Tonight Show episode that pwned her husband in front of everybody

You Are Nao In The Present[edit]

Not to let a good thing go, Popoff is back on the scene. The scam is basically the same, but he's added props.

A wordpress blogger started a collection of shit he got from Popoff (link here here, and here), along with the instructions of how to use them and how much money to send back to Popoff.


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Double Portion Blessing Coins from the Holy Land. You take these coins and put one in the secret place where you stash all your money and other valuables. In seven months, you're supposed to see an "avalanche of riches".
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Jordan River Water and a Sponge. Water supposedly from the River Jordan where Jebus was baptized. You pour the water over the sponge and use the damp sponge to seal the envelope with your check to Popoff for $22. Supposedly, as the sponge "explodes" as it absorbs water, so too will your riches explode. You're also warned to "obey God" by sending in your money. Oh, you also have to return the two coins he sent you before, because Peter Popoff is a Jew.
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Miracle Money Incense. You burn the incense right before you go to sleep. You are supposed to put the ashes in an envelope with $50 and send it to Popoff. He will then "fast and pray" in sackcloth and ashes. Meaning he's going to roll around in these ashes and the ashes other dupes mailed to him. Sure.
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Miraculous Lion’s Eye: Tools to Slay Your Giant. You rub this "lion's eye" on your forehead for seven seconds and mail Popoff $19.
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Miracle Manna Loaf. You fill a glass of water, breakoff three pieces of the bread and eat them, each time you eat a piece, you say "In the name of Jesus". Interestingly, he mentions the ingredients of the "manna" as the same as those mentioned in Ezekiel 4:9. Not only does that chapter list the ingredients, but also how you are to prepare it: ""Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side. Weigh out twenty shekels of food to eat each day and eat it at set times. Also measure out a sixth of a hin of water and drink it at set times. Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel." Sick fuck!
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Silver and Gold Bracelet. You wear it while you sleep, but only for one night. You have to send it back to Popoff with another check which he will spend on doing God's work.
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Aaron’s Rod. Press this "rod" (it's a fucking toothpick, for Xenu's sake!!!) against your forehead, then sleep with it under your pillow for one night. In the morning, break it in half and mail one half back to Popoff with your check for $17.08, in reference to Numbers 17:8.
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Faith Slipper.

You put this thing that looks like a baby's diaper on your right foot and stand on your Bible saying "I confess that God’s Word is true and all others are liars, I will succeed, I will live a healthy life, I will see increase in my money, love and in all areas of my life. Nothing by all means shall hurt me. I am moving towards my total victory in Jesus…I will walk into God’s total plan for my life by releasing the ‘Millionaire Potential’ power in my life…”

Eight days after you make a complete fool of yourself for doing that, you open the next envelope, which contains...
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Golden Coin. You wear it for the night and mail it back to Popoff in the morning. He supposedly will cast this "golden coin", which is actually plastic, into the Sea of Galilee. No word on whether the government of Israel minds Christians littering in their waterways.


The blog I sauced all this from is about a year old and Popoff seems to have settled for simpler things, given that most people can't even mail their rent in on-time, let alone returning stuff in the mail.

Popoffwater.jpg

Miracle Spring Water. Just a little tube of water that you're supposed to drink. Then, you use ...


Dead Sea Salt No picture needed, since it's a small packet of salt like the kind you get at a takeout restaurant. In fact, that's what it is! You sprinkle it on a check for $27 and mail the check to Popoff.

Drink the Miracle Spring Water, wait seven days and OH NOES!

Popoff seems to be staying with the Manna loaf, which tastes like some one really did bake it over burning shit. If he's really baking this stuff over burning crap, you are left to wonder whose crap it was. Maybe it was Popoff. Maybe his real name is Poopoff. Or, they may be using some of their dedicated staff members to supply enough human excrement to bake enough manna bread to feed the thousands of people that send for the Miracle Manna Loaf everyday. We may never know for certain.

This is how it starts: first you're eating bread baked over human shit, next thing it's 2girls1cup all over the world.

But, since Popoff is mailing out things for people to eat (manna) and drink (water), it could make some good drama if some one were to ask the California Department of Health is he has a license to mail out consumables. Just a thought.

Trolling This Fucker[edit]

People who get onto Popoff's mailing list receive a shitload of mail asking for moar money, along with the assorted trinkets mentioned above. In these mailings, they will include postage-paid envelopes. The postage for these envelopes is guaranteed to be paid by Popoff, so you can have some fun with them too. The cost of the postage only covers the cost on mailing back a certain amount of weight, usually assumed to be a check, whatever trinket you're mailing back to him and maybe a prayer request or letter of some kind. However, if you mail something back to him using the envelope, but the weight is over what the postage has already covered, Popoff has to pay the difference. It does give you a way to dispose of old telephone books and your dad's pr0n collection, or your mom's dildo, if nothing else.

Of course, simply calling his toll-free number costs him money. How much is not known. However, the website and the toll-free number allows the possibility of trolling the TV stations and networks that broadcast him.

Simply find-out the names of the station executives and the mailing address of the station. Then call the toll-free number or visit the website and send away for the Miracle Spring Water, giving the station executive's name and the station's address as the location where you want it mailed. The station will soon find itself receiving loads of mail from Popoff. Get as many names as you can of the people working there and sign them all up to receive the Miracle Spring Water. Since Popoff is buying the airtime with money he scammed from people, there is a certain Justice and lulz to be had doing this.

Since Popoff uses a toll-free number, this does provide material for other endeavors. Post an ad for a free adult chatline or something on Craigslist with this number posted for people to call. "Talk to Horny College Girls", "Free Gay Chat", or something similar to get moar people calling the number. Also, you can share the toll-free number with scammers who contact you. Tell them to call the number and give them Popoff's mailing address as your home address.Peter Popoff may soon be wonder how he became so famous in Lagos, Nigeria.

Troll him using his own religion:

   
 
And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, "It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves."
 

 
 

—Matthew21:12-13

How Peter Popoff would have to make his money if he couldn't be a preacherman

Trivia[edit]

  • the term "pop-off" is Australian slang meaning "to fart"
  • as of Sept 28, 2009 Peter Popoff no longer has programs being broadcast in either Australia or New Zealand
  • Six stations in Canada and thirteen in the United States stopped airing his shows in recent months

External Links[edit]


Peter Popoff
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Blessed by God [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+]
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