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Peter Schiff

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Peter Schiff engaged in productive activity.

Peter Schiff is a libertarian shill and hyperinflation scaremonger who has acquired a large following on Youtube. His followers all seem to be basement dwelling retards and conspiracy theorists who took a single Econ101 class in their local community college and now think they understand teh eCONomy better than everyone else. Schiff -- also known as SchiffTard, SchittHead and Schitt4Brainz -- uses his cult following to flog books to in order to prop up his failing Ponzi scheme which he calls EuroPacific Capital.

Contents

EuroPacific Capital

EuroPacific Capital is an investment sca... eh... fund that Schiff set up to use the economic theories of the Austrian school to make investment decisions. Of course, as everyone who isn't a conspiracy theorist knows, the Austrian school of economics is hopelessly out of date and this leads to Schiff and his spiv pals to bang all the money they receive in volatile assets like gold and foreign stocks. The video below should tell you all you need to know about Schiff's enterprise.

The Secret to EuroPac's Awesome Success


Since Schiff's head actually looks like a penis we can conclude that his shriveled monkey brain is floating around in a brain-bowl fulls of stagnant semen. The stagnant semen destroys the parts of the brain associated with higher reasoning by making them all gooey and smelly. This is why Schiff thinks and speaks in soundbites -- it's because his lizard-brain has actually taken over most of his his body and brain functions. This leads Schiff to only be able to think in the most simple of terms. This is reflected in his investment strategy, which is essentially to bet against the dollar and for hard commodities. You can actually learn the Schiff investment strategy quite easily. In a nutshell: "Dollar bad! Commodity good!". If you can understand that and read the financial markets in that light then, congratulations! you've just graduated from Peter Schiff Stinky Semen Brain University.

To track Peter Schiff's recent investment performance, try the following video links. [1][2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] As any reasonable person who is not a cult devotee of Schiff can see, you're better off soaking all your hard earned dollars in warm water and wallpaper paste, shaping them into an enormous dildo and ramming it into your asshole than giving your money to this clown.

Tax Fraud Father

Peter Schiff's brain-disease was transferred through the genes he inherited from his father, Irwin Schiff. Schiff the Elder is a well-known liar and tax-cheat who tells gullible aspies that if they fill out their tax forms with all zeros they can get away without having to pay any income tax. Schiff the Elder, who is probably clinically insane, was so confident in his genius method that he went on Fox News and discussed his tax evasion. The IRS responded by raiding his office and throwing him in the can for 12 years and 7 months so that he could be repeatedly raped by niggers until he bleeds to death through his retarded asshole.

Libertarian Whore Irwin Schiff Bends Over to Receive 12 Inch Dick from the IRS on National Television


Irwin "Schower Time" Schiff is due to be released in October 2016 upon which he will return to his office only to find four 6 foot tall nigger taxmen waiting to rape him in holes he didn't even know he had.

The Monkey Brother

God! It's hideous! Back to the attic, you!

Obviously, Peter Schiff is an ugly, stupid red-faced freak. But what about his brother Andrew? Well, he's the stupider, uglier, smellier brother. This is the sort of guy you have to keep in the attic on a steady diet of fish-heads.

Rumor has it that Andy was conceived when Irwin Schiff had sex with an ape. He did this because he thought he had found a tax loophole that stated that if you had a half-ape son you could register all your earnings in his name and pay absolutely no tax. Unfortunately, like most of Irwin's delusional crimes, this didn't quite work out and so the family were stuck with this freak.

Andrew is usually called in by shit television shows on Russia Today when they can't get Peter on and can't find any other stinking swamp creature to replace him.

Al Gore

Al Gore received a shocking phone call one day from his daughter Karina. She informed her dear old Dad that she was going to marry Andrew Schiff. The phone then went dead. Gore had previously heard that ape-man Andrew Schiff kidnapped young women and, with them in his mit, climbed tall buildings, so he quickly called the military in to watch all skyscrapers in the area for giant ape activity.

Police sketch of Al Gore's innermost nightmare.

Fortunately it turned out that Katrian Gore had actually married a different Andrew Schiff altogether -- which is not surprising given that the closest the Schiff clones have ever got to the Washington elite is when they gave Ron Paul a double-barrel blowjob at a libertarian fundraiser.

"LOLed ya, Daddy dearest! You think I'd marry that loser!?

Hyperinflation

Schiff spends most of his time neglecting his dumb-ass company. Instead he goes on various US television network and annoys everyone with his big red retard face and shrill voice screaming about how the end is nigh and hyperinflation will destroy all our real wealth.

This is sort of funny because Schiff is well-known for being a blustering buffoon who arrogantly asserts that all his predictions have come true. He has been using this line to try to promote his various books. Schiff rightly called the housing bubble which, of course, any retard that didn't have vested interests could have done, but he also claimed that the money-printing that would occur after the crash would lad to hyperinflation. Schiff was then, of course, entirely wrong in his predictions.

Nevertheless, Schiff and his cult followers continue to insist that hyperinflation is coming. This leads to many of them losing their shirts as they short-sell US Treasury Bills and buy gold at $1800 an ounce. But ending up eating cat food and living in a bin isn't enough to convince them that Schiff might actually be terrible at economic predictions.

Rumor has it that Schiff is completely obsessed with hyperinflation because he has a tiny chode dick which he cannot get erect without looking at furry porn. And so Schiff dreams of having a big hyperinflated nigger monster dick which he can use to face-fuck central bankers all over the world. Almost everything that Schiff says can be traced to his BDSM fantasies about Ben Bernanke.

Appearance With Fellow Conspiracy Theorists

For those who mistakenly think that Schiff has an ounce of credibility we are happy to provide a clip where he goes on fellow whack-job Alex Jones' crazy radio show.

Peter Schiff Panders to His Audience


Fortunately most of Schiff's target audience are paranoid lunatics with the reading abilities of a four year old so they don't actually understand the tortured crap that he writes. The key to Schiff's success, then, is to tap into a lunatic fringe market and come across as some sort of economic guru. Knowing that most people laugh at him and that this group won't have a clue what he's talking about, Schiff knows that he get away with intellectual fraud time and again.

Schiff's writing serves as an outlet for his secret desire to shit in his own hand and then rub this shit on other peoples' genitals for pleasure. Instead of engaging in this scatological activity Schiff advertises on Amazon.com and mails warm turds to peoples' houses for about $19.95 a pop. Recipients can then inhale the fumes from the turds -- also called "Schitts" -- until they became rabid and insane enough to vote for Ron Paul, take investment advice from Peter Schiff and mail Irwin Schiff in his rape-cell for a copy of his shabby guide to successful tax evasion.

Irritating, Whiny Voice

Schiff's high-pitched whiny voice is the result of years of keeping gold bars stored inside his anus. Schiff inherited his father's paranoia that the government might knock down his door and force him to pay taxes. But Schiff took this one step further and decided that evil central bankers were going to inflate his savings away so that he could no longer afford to download furry porn. So, Schiff has taken the wise precaution of storing gold bars in his ass. Despite the fact that this has caused extensive damage to the anal wall, Schiff nevertheless braves it out using Tampons and sanitary towels to ensure that the blood seeping from his anus doesn't cause any embarrassment when he appears on national television.

Unfortunately, Schiff could not do anything about the irritating tone that such anal hijinks gave to his voice. And so, we're all now forced to watch Schiff shout over people on national television in that annoying sound that comes out of the hole is big dumb red face.

Schiff also uses his annoying ass-filled-with-gold voice to try to shout over other people. Because most of his arguments fail as a point of basic logic he uses his shrill banshee whine to try to get one up on whoever he's talking to. Since most people in real life just walk away and since people on television can't punch him in the nose he usually gets away with it. However, from time to time he encounters someone who just cannot take the aural assault that is a conversation with Peter "Chode" Schiff.

Cenk Uyger Cuts Schiff's Mic After Being Sprayed With Buckets of His Fetid Mouth-Sewage


SchittReport

Fortunately for all of us, an hero has set up a Youtube channel called SchittReport documenting Schiff's epic failz. [14]

Schiff, being a paranoid lunatic, thinks that he knows who is behind SchittReport and has said that he is fairly confident that he could sue them. However, chances are that Schiff is scared of the US court system because they locked up his felon daddy who is now receiving a steady diet of 15 nigger dicks a day.

Peter Schiff Acts Like a Lecherous Ape After Getting Drunk at a Peasant Convention


SchittReport has taken the wise precaution of moderating all comments and ensuring that SchittHeads and PaulTards have their stupid comments removed instantly. This saves the commenter from needless embarrassment and ensures that Peter Schiff does not have to suffer further humiliation when people come to realize that his fans cannot spell properly and believe that they are about to be locked up in FEMA camps by rampant Big Guv'ment niggers.

See Also

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