Phantasy Star III

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Phantasy Star III: Nipple Lasers of Doom

Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom (Weebspeak: 時の継承者 ファンタシースターIII; Literally: Successors of Time: Phantasy Star III) is a turn-based JRPG that was originally released in Japan on April 21, 1990, for the Sega Mega Drive and was later brought to North America in July of 1991. After the massive success of Phantasy Star II, Sega decided to put their best developers on the project take their sweet time to make sure that Phantasy Star III would be the best and most polished game it could possibly be. Just kidding, they actually sent all of their good developers to work on Sonic the Hedgehog and then forced a bunch of inexperienced developers who had never even played the previous Phantasy Star games to shit out a half-arsed pseudo-sequel in less than 13 months.

The end result of Sega's corporate greed is a game that's so hated by the Phantasy Star fandom that Sega now likes to pretend that it never even existed and even excluded it when they were planning on remaking the Phantasy Star series for the PlayStation 2. Aside from having seemingly nothing to do with the previous entries in the series, a soundtrack that will constantly ear rape you, bizarrely erotic monster designs and generally just looking like shit – the Phantasy Star III is also known for being such a buggy mess that it puts Bethesda to shame.

Aside from being an incredibly shitty RPG, Phantasy Star III is also a Choose Who To Fuck simulator that features branching paths and different playable characters based on which waifu you choose to marry at the end of each chapter. Not that any of your choices will actually matter though since the ending is always the same regardless of who you choose to fuck.

This game is also notable for introducing the Phantasy Star series' unofficial official cute mascot enemy, Rappy (a.k.a. Chirper), a fucking Chocobo with Moogle antennae that has appeared in every fucking Phantasy Star game since and even managed to force its way into the remakes of Phantasy Star I & II despite not appearing in the original version of either.

Gameplay[edit]

¡Yo soy muy macho!

The battle system is largely unchanged from Phantasy Star II but you can now have five party members instead of four and more than two different types of enemies can appear in a single battle. When entering a battle, you will now be treated to the following ear rape until you issue commands to your party.



After issuing commands or breaking the cartridge with a hammer, the ear rape will be replaced with one of three shitty battle themes based on whether the game thinks you're winning, losing or evenly matched during a battle.


Quotes[edit]

   
 
You used your escapipe! Normally a smart move, but now I'm afraid the game can't be continued. Please press the Reset Button and try again.
 

 
 

—What happens when devs can't be arsed to actually fix their game

Reception & Effect on Phantasy Star IV[edit]

Phantasy Star IV ended up straight up copying the first two games due to Phantasy Star III being such a pile of shit.

Literally noone likes Phantasy Star III. Not even people who like Phantasy Star III like Phantasy Star III, they're simply lying to themselves. The game was so fucking bad that Sega ended up planning Phantasy Star IV to be the end of the series and attempted to make it copy the first two games while ignoring the third entirely. The end result was the series ending on a game that's a literal rehash of Phantasy Star II with a few added features and much better dungeon design – but which also features a disturbingly similar plot twist with the main waifu being killed off by the big bad of the game's first act.

There's not much to even say about Phantasy Star IV aside from saying that it's the exact same shit as Phantasy Star II and features a fuckton of blatantly fanservicey references to the original Phantasy Star. You can thank Phantasy Star III for killing the series.

Gallery[edit]

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See Also[edit]


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