Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millennium
Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millennium (Weebspeak: ファンタシースター 千年紀の終りに; Literally: Phantasy Star: The End of the Millennium) is a shitty turn-based JRPG that was originally released in Japan on December 17, 1993, for the Sega Mega Drive and was later brought to North America in February of 1995. The game was originally planned for the Sega CD, but was moved to the technically inferior Mega Drive after Sega realized that noone actually bought a fucking Sega CD. Due to the high-tech shit that was needed to get the game onto a cartridge, Phantasy Star IV was one of the most overpriced games for the Mega Drive at an initial launch price of $99.99 – which is especially hilarious when you realize that you can now buy it on Steam for 99¢.
While widely considered to be the best entry in the original Phantasy Star series by nerdy basement dwellers who are blinded by nostalgia, Phantasy Star IV is actually little more than a rehash of Phantasy Star II that's littered with content that blatantly panders to fans of the original Phantasy Star – a design decision that was, quite obviously, a direct result of Phantasy Star III being a steaming pile of shit that managed to tremendously piss off the exact same group of aforementioned whiny nostalgiafags who are oh-so-willing to suck Phantasy Star IV's metaphorical cock.
The natural result of all of this crap is that the game's plot feels less like a sequel and more like a shitty fanfic that was written by an autistic 16-year-old girl. Many of the playable characters feel like hilariously unoriginal OCs who are based on characters from the first two games. The game's big twist of killing off a major female character was stolen directly from Phantasy Star II. Oh, and did we mention that you'll have to fight Dark Force three fucking times throughout the game since they couldn't be arsed to come up with a more original plot or villain?
Several years after the release of the original Phantasy Star IV for the Mega Drive, the thieving Chinese decided to release a game called Wang Chung Feng Shui, an unofficial port of Phantasy Star IV for the NES that was supposedly released in 1996 despite the fact that noone was still using an NES in 1996. As you'd expect from the ching-chongs, this glorious 8-bit version of the game is far superior to it's 16-bit Nipponese counterpart and will henceforth be referred to in this article as Phantasy Star IV: Game of the Year Edition.
Phantasy Star IV was originally developed for the Sega CD under the title Phantasy Star IV: The Return of Alis, thus proving that they intended to rape the series canon even more than they did by bringing back Alis and probably doing some Chrono Trigger shit to work it into the plot. Oddly, the idea of bringing Alis back was actually already done by Phantasy Star Gaiden for the Game Gear, which begs the question of why the fuck they thought that this would be a good idea.
The few beta screenshots that exist of the original Sega CD incarnation of Phantasy Star IV also show that the game was most likely going to reuse sprites from Phantasy Star II since they couldn't be arsed to make new ones.
Game of the Chinese New Year Edition
In 1996, the chinks decided to release a far superior pirated version of Phantasy Star IV for the Famicom. This far superior version of the game removes useless characters like Hahn and Mustachio Dark Force and replaces the shitty, blast processed soundtrack with beautiful 8-bit boops and bleeps that sound like an Atari 2600 getting arse-raped by a ColecoVision.
This version of the game has been released under numerous different titles that include Wai Xing Zhan Shi, Xing He Zhan Shi, Xing Ji Zheng Ba, Xing Zhan Qing Yuan, Wai Xing Zhan Shi 2 and Meng Huan Zhi Xing IV.
- Phantasy Star II who serves as the game's main protagonist.
- Phantasy Star II. She also takes the place of Nei and dies a third of the way into the game for added feelz.
- Phantasy Star II, which means that he's obviously the most useless character in the entire game. Even the developers admit that he was based on Hugh.
- reincarnation of Lutz/Noah from the first two Phantasy Star games. At this point they weren't even trying to hide the fact that this game is just a blatant rehash of the first two.
- Phantasy Star II. She's such a ripoff that the developers actually intended for her to be Nei before scrapping that idea because it was a fucking stupid retcon that would completely ruin Phantasy Star II's emotional impact.
- android midget designed to control the climate systems of Motavia – because of course the people of Motavia would be buttfuck stupid enough to try this again after the Mother Brain fiasco.
- Phantasy Star III. They're supposedly not the same character, but they're both the same model of sex robot.
- funny despite actually being extremely unfunny. He's a healer, which means that they basically replaced Amy from Phantasy Star II with Piccolo.
- Sailor Mercury. She's basically the same type of character as Lutz/Noah from the first game.
- Seth (Siam Shizlabram)
- spoil the game for you? Noone cares.
Zio (short for Zionist) is an evil wizard who likes the emo aesthetic and worships Dark Force or some shit. He takes the place of Neifirst and kills Alys a third of the way into the game. He's the embodiment of everything you'd expect from a Sega CD era RPG villain.
Of fucking course...
The Profound Darkness
Dark Force with titties.
Trolling Phantasy Star IV Fags
- Refer to Phantasy Star, Phantasy Star II and Phantasy Star III as the "Phantasy Star Trilogy".
- Ask them which Phantasy Star II mod they're playing.
- Say that Nei's death hits harder than Alys'.
- Say that Final Fantasy VI is better.
- Say that the pirated version for the NES was better.
- Say that Phantasy Star II had a superior battle system.
- Say that Phantasy Star III was a better game.
- Refer to the game as "Phantasy Star 2.5"
- Say that "Laughter" is overrated.
- Say that "Ooze" sounds like shit.
- Say that Mother Brain was a better final boss.
- Say that Phantasy Star IV has the worst plot of any Phantasy Star title.
- Ask them to explain why Zombie Lassic/La Shiec is still evil.
- Ask them to explain where the fuck Elsydeon came from.
- Ask them if they've beaten Re-Faze and then call them "not a true Phantasy Star fan" when they say no.
- Say that Phantasy Star IV ripped off combo attacks from Chrono Trigger.
- Remind them that Phantasy Star III is actually canon according to this game.
- Remind them that the PlayStation 2 remake got canned.
- Say that the game sucked because the real Phantasy Star team didn't make it.
- Mock them for paying $99 too much for the game because they couldn't wait a measly 25 years.
Gallery of Totally Original Game
- Phantasy Star - The first game in the series.
- Phantasy Star II - The previous game in the series.
- Phantasy Star III - Let's just pretend that this never even existed.
- Chrono Trigger
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