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Philippines

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The Republic of the Failippines, also known as Pedo Heaven, Nannyland, Loli Land or the Mexico Of Asia is a nation of some 9,001 islands located in the Pacific Ocean, not far from China. The people of the Philippines, known as Filipinos (aka Flips) and even Beaners by some Asians because of their looks and Spanish last names are best known for their overseas service as cafeteria personnel, mini-mart clerks, hotel maids, and transvestite prostitutes in countries around the world. The Philippines itself is a hotspot for gold diggers and pedophilia, as well as for a few Azn "Al Qaeda" wannabes who have "taken over" some small villages on one of the islands. It is also the world's largest exporter of large yellow-ish envelopes, known everywhere as "Manila envelopes."

The new dictator of the Philippines. Reports say his death squads kill 36 people a day. That's what you get for smoking weed.
PImap.jpg
What Filipinos watch erryday.
Angel Locsin's early career
Contrary to what the Coconut Niggers believe,The Philippines has been the world's punching bag, getting pwned by the Spaniards,the Americans,and the Japanese.

History

Easter festivities
Are usually called "Fidgets."
The US takeover in 1898 opened a golden age of sex tourism and pedophilia
Delicious balut, unhatched raw baby duckling
A brown dog is fine too.

The Philippine Islands (AKA Philipenis Islands) were discovered in 1521 by Portugese/Spanish explorer Ferdinand Magellan, who was taking his yacht on history's first round-the-world cruise. After dropping anchor near a scenic beach on the main island and going ashore for a look around, Magellan and his crew were surprised not to find any other humans. There were, however, great numbers of a curious and friendly ape species, which followed the explorers in their sight-seeing tour around the island. By the end of the first day, when Magellan and his men established a campsite and prepared for bed, quite a few of the female apes indicated a desire to cuddle under the covers with the men.

Naturally, these advances met with a mixed reception. In four years of hard sailing, most of the Spaniards were confirmed bachelors, and the notion of physical contact with females of any species was somewhat terrifying. Some of the men, however, still abide by the letter and spirit of Imperial Rome's ancient motto, "Quicumque Permoveo" ("Anything that Moves"), and since the female apes looked a bit better than some of the negresses they had seen in Africa, they were willing to give these bitches a hard time. In due course, after only a few weeks gestation, the female apes gave birth to a new, hybrid species of Filipino ape-human. Thus, the "Mexico of Asia" was born.

Other Spanish explorers followed. In 1898, however, the United States claimed the islands, since they were at war with Spain about an entirely different topic, Cuba, on the other side of the world, and realized that claiming the Philippines would completely baffle and confuse the Spaniards. When World War 2 came along, it was Japan's turn to invade and totally freak out the USA, first by forcing all the US soldiers to jog around the Bataan High School track 100 times in full gear (this is jokingly remembered on the History Channel as the "Bataan Death March"), and then by kicking their asses in an archery competition. The Philippines evokes bitter memories indeed for the US military, which can be considered extremely lulzy.

Not wanting to dwell on the past, the United States granted the Philippines a status somewhat like Puerto Rico in 1946.

Four hundred years of successful interbreeding with Spaniards, Chinese merchants, US military personnel and Japanese sex tourists has led to a race that is generally presentable in the human society but can not be considered attractive by any means. There are, as well, quite a few characteristics of Filipino culture that remind intelligent observers of their origins.

in 2016, Rodrigo Duterte seized control of the country and created right wing death squads to exterminate all drug addicts. Thousands of fags have been pwn'd by now.

Language aka #TagalogMasterRace

The official language of the Philippines is called Tagalog. (because fuck Cebuano and others right?). Linguistically, Tagalog is a blend THE BASTARD CHILD of ancestral ape noises, Spanish and English. The typical Tagalog conversation sounds like barnyard chickens talking, with bits of European language mixed in for flavor. It is because of this "chicken" aspect that Tagalog is also known as "Buk-buk." Indeed, sometimes the Filipinos themselves are known as "Buk-buks" or even "Book-books." Philippine media, newspapers, television and even Philippine Wikipedia use this bizarre combination in an attempt to convey meaning. As employees, Filipinos are required to learn and use only the language of the host country, as use of the Tagalog language frequently irritates local dogs and cats, who switch into hunting mode when they hear it.

The most common greeting in Tagalog is "hi-ho, bangalongabingbang;" it can be broken down like so: "hi ho, bang a long a bing bang." Make sure that you enunciate this as much as possible, as if you were to speak it in a limp-tongued, slightly-nasally fashion, it would sound like everything else does in Tagalog, from "I sure wish that I had the class and shoe collection of Imelda Marcos" to "Don't you think you guys would be safer if we sent more Marines here?"

To increase the likelihood of being raped by white people, the usage of English language as a medium of instruction has been mandatory in schools at least 100 years ago. This was also done to turn all Filipinos into call center agents. This only proves true that you need to learn English to survive.

Religion

Funner than it looks

Because Spain owned the place for so long, nearly all Filipinos are Catholic. Like all nations with a Catholic majority Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year followed by Easter wherein the natives prepare all year for the Holy Week activities, of which the most important are re-enactments of the Crucifixion. Men carry huge crosses, whip themselves to a bloody pulp, and have themselves nailed to the cross. It a delightful and picturesque spectacle for the tourists, and is all in the spirit of family entertainment.

There is also an increasingly larger number of mormon cultists and their temples as they are somewhat revered by the coconut nigger much like they are by the pineapple niggers.

Cuisine

Filipino cuisine is an oxymoron as after eating eat anything cooked by the English actually tastes good. You never see any Filipino restaurants around the world except for a few to service the local Filipino communities. The reason is it's truly one of the worst foods on the planet. Maybe only Australian Aboriginals and some remote African tribes might eat worse shit than this. Filipino food typically uses the following spices and additives but not much else; sugar (lots), salt, vinegar, Soy sauce and MSG.

Surprisingly, most Filipino cuisine is very much as it was more than 400 years ago, before the first human contact. For example, one of the most important foods is called "balut," which is the unhatched, not quite fully-formed embryo of a duck, EATEN STRAIGHT from the egg. In pre-contact days, the native apes would eat the feathered embryo of any kind of bird, including seagull and pelican, but the recent focus on duck eggs is evidence of civilization's advance. Other delicacies include "pork in blood" (raw cubes of pork in congealed pig blood), "bagoong" (fermented, somewhat mouldy catfish, eaten raw with the fingers), and "black dog" (basically, if your pet black dog goes missing, go knock on the door of Mr. Macadangdang's house).

ILOVEYOU SCANDAL

Peenoise are so Alienated to Technology that Entrusting them of using it would result in a Catastrophic Level. In the year 2000 a man named O'Neal (not a nigger) made a Computer Gayware that was programmed to Annihilate all synthetic life on Earth, started it's life as a VBS script Designed to make all the Vibrators in the world Self-Aware. Being Bleeding Edge at that time the Creator of the Worm decided to share it to his unsuspecting Kike Imperialist thus resulting in a Catastrophic Event known as the Melissa Worm.


Although the Worm was sent to only 500 Kikes and Peenoise the resulting Aftermath on the Creator was Complete Bullshit as the Philipian Constitution never had any Law against writing Malware thus making the Scandal a joke to MicroCock and Bill Jobs. Not only the Shittiest Island on the planet is filled with Pedos and Retarded Kike Vets but also a place for Antipathetic Cybercriminals with very little Empathy for Old People.

Shady Economy

In the shortest way to sum it up, think of this as the Asian version of Colombia but with less drugs. But for a more detailed look:

Since most Filipinos still live like in the stone age and are intellectually checkmated by let's say...a 6 year old aspie, technical advancement and industrial development are impossible. Therefore, the country has specialized in Gold digging and generally being a heaven for pedophiles (reliable sources state, that at least 150% of Filipino children are involved in sex tourism). A typical sight in the Philippines are child sex camps, where innocent men, mainly from western Europe and North America, are forced to have sex with multiple underaged girls and then made to pay for it. Although local authorities claim to be investigating this case, the victims remain fundless and stripped of their basic human dignity due to the hours-long rape perpetrated by the minors. Recently, famous internet hero and closet pedo, Chris Hansen, together with a UNESCO squad visited one of these infamous camps, taking the children out of the milieu. The minors were very happy to be jobless now and starving on the streets once again. But, in the bright side, the jobless children are given yet another chance to have money and at the same time entertain horny pedo tourists. Go see unlicensed bars and you' ll see. Its pedo haven at its finest.

Distribution of videos depicting the minors raping the elderly men is forbidden, since it is UNESCO evidence, but can be still demanded here for free.

Many internet dating websites are packed to the brim with fake scam profiles placed by Filipino scum who are very eager to link you to a shady camwhore site that will steal your credit card info, or beg you for money because they or their relatives are ill, etc. They will lie that they live near you, but they are too fucking retarded to hide their IP address when talking to you on MSN or Yahoo, so it's easy to sniff out the Filipino rodent stench. The internet would be a better place if the Philippines was completely IP banned.


Martial LoL years and the Great Shindig Party

In September 21, 1972, president Ferdinand Marcos declared martial law in an effort to "save" the nation from whining and bitching left/right retards and students who had resorted to violence. It went well for the better during the first few months(like crime rate had dropped significantly), however its true color came out in the open as people accusing Marcos of winning and power-grabbing were sent to Soviet-style gulags Philippine Jail to be ass-whacked and had their tight pussies adjusted by the military. Marcos also re-drafted the constitution in January 1973, rendering the judiciary/legislature departments as a bowl of puke and shit, ergo giving Marcos Absolute power over his nation.

President Marcos also pwned all companies belonging to the opposition and gave them to his money-sucking leeches called jabronies, whom they loved to give curry favors to the prez in exchange for hard sex. Marcos also fucked up the economy under Mount Everest-esque debt and his Dinero were transferred to Sweetzerland using different names.

It seemed that everything was fine on the next 11 years of cocksucking, not until his exiled arch-enemy Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino, Jr. decided to go back to the Philippines to tell the dictator to GTFO of Malaca'ang for he also itched to sit his butt onto the Philippine Golden Seat of Power. Marcos said "Suit yourself" to the former senator and then sent several of his tr00ps to the Manila International Airport (which later renamed in his honor, but who cares??) to pose as escorts to Mr. Aquino. Aboard the China Airlines jet, the guards boarded the plane to escort Aquino. Instead of the faggy flower-wreath giving and reciting "Mabuhay! Welcome to the Philippines" to Aquino, the soldiers shouted "PUSILA!" (Tagalog for "let's fist 'em up!") and Aquino fell dead face-first on the tarmac.

The perpz sang to the media that Rolando Galman, the other man shot along with Aquino, was the REAL SHOOTAH and soldiers killed him with gunfire after the latter's brains spilled the tarmac; but noone believed in that shit and Galman was just a cannon-fodder to cover up the conspiracy brewed up by Marcos' generals.

However, Marcos realized that he had made a fucking mistake, for everyone knows that Aquino is the nation's favorite son and the Filipinos were sick-to-the-bone of being skull-fucked by Marcos for 11 years. Fueled by RAAGGEEE and longing to be unchained from the fascist faggotry, they swarmed Aquino's funeral and called for his coffee-making housewife Corazon Aquino as a standard bearer of the opposition.

In February 7, 1986, Marcos called the shots and a snap election was held between him and Mrs. Aquino. He was declared the victor, but those on the opposition camp smelled something lulzy with the election system. The last straw came forth upon learning that the results had been rigged in favor of Marcos, thus they went outside of the campaign HQ to take a shit and vomit, but never returned.

The electoral stench pervaded the air until Marcos' top henchmen Juan Ponce Enrile (his defense minister and the brains behind martial lulz) and Fidel V. Ramos (Marcos' cousin and a military butt-bastard baby) asked their commander-in-chief to let them take a dump; however the toilet within Camp Aguinaldo was out of order for at least 100 years, so they excused themselves to the next-door camp, Camp Crame.

Marcos gave them the OK, but facepalmed when he learned that he was fibbed by the two, and they had some kind of a conspiracy or some shit to pry Marcos out of the Seat of Power, which he had super-glued himself to it with The Law. He then called out the military to bring out their best wheels and fireworks to show his defectors NOT TO FUCK UP WITH THE BIG BOSS.

As the Blingees and the Chromees came rolling to EDSA, an avenue where the both camps were located, the church asked the people to go to EDSA for a street dance showdown with Marcos' turtle-shell cavalry. Marcos, to prove that he is not a pussy-wimp, sent a chopper with military men and flew to where Enrile and Ramos smoking crack to beat the shit out of them and/or kill them with fire, because he wanted them to go back to choreograph his dance moves. Tensions were high over EDSA, knowing that this might be the last dance of their lives. However, the tables had turned as the guys aboard the chopper, instead of fisting them with bullets or kill them with fire, gave the two the high-five and set up the bong the soldiers brought themselves. And lettsss get the paaaarty started!!!!! The soldiers danced and shimmied with the crowd to the hip tunes, and then they pointed their guns away from Crame to Malaca'ang.

The butthurt Marcos realized that this was serious business, so he hollllah'd Uncle Sam for a plane, telling him to "HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!" as throngs of frenzied crowd were moving fast armed with sticks, Molotov cocktails, dildoes and vibrators. The plane came in at the last second, actually picoseconds from being mugged, raped, mutilated, and be hanged at the Rizal Park with his mom's panties stuffed into his mouth.

After which, the former coffee-maker Corazon Aquino was sworn in as the new prezzie, and she continued to serve espresso and chocolatte amongst the Filipino people for the next six years of her rule.

As for Marcos, he told the US Marine pilot to take him to Paoay, his hick of a hometown north of Luzon. The pilot, having no shit of a idea where the fuck Paoay is, misinterpreted the instruction and instead he was flown to Hawaii. He had no choice, but to play the uke while his mistress Imelda did the hula dance in her 30-thousand dollar shoe for the next three years of his life.

tl;dr Never underestimate the power of coffee -- and bong pipe smoke. Peace.

Filipinos Today

Filipinos or Filipenis, how ever you want to call them, are the human scum of the world, they like to think that they're patriotic, nationalistic, and all that shit, but in reality faggot Filipino boys have grown fond of the nigger culture and have become in a sense, second class niggers or as an actual insult: "Asian niggers".

It is also a known fact that Filipinos are the ugliest race in the entire earth (yes even uglier then the French) and that their men and women have the smallest PENISes and MELONS in the world. There are established Filipino communities especially on the west coast, where the men rape young girls and the old women kick fresh rhymes along with the boys. Also, they have dog feasts where they steal all the neighborhood dogs and have a cookout. The president of the internets Ron Paul says he wished all Filipinos would become an hero.

Filipino Women specialize on gold digging, they are very fond of marrying some old man in order to get out of their shitty islands. Then, as expected, they divorce him and take half his earnings. Some women want to get a foreign husband just to interbreed, because they instinctively know how very much superior every other race is (Including niggers).

The Filipenis people feel at ease knowing that everyone raped them and everyone invaded their pathetic little islands that they call home. Somehow, some of them escaped their shitty rat infested islands to live in a more civilized place like California, Australia and UK, where they go there, they buy a shitty ricer, put some shitty amps and roll on the streets acting like they're some pindick faggot gangster, they live a sad and a pathetic life, which is totally lulzy just watching them try hard to get socially accepted, talk about inferiority complex. Which in turn means they end up sucking off every fucking dirty black person they know or just becoming an hero.

The current government of the Philippines is run by a very virgin president known for chain-smoking, driving fast cars and dating hot women. The government is best known for its corruption (after Laos and Indonesia) and womanizing of most of the political staff. (The latest anomaly with the armed forces which they ran off with millions of pesos worth of lost funds, and that led to the An Heroism of one of the accused generals). Filipinos are dumb fucks who love voting for celebrities, even if said celebrities don't know shit about running their own lives, much less a whole country. Anyone can be a president, ex-convicts who were reaped by lolis, currently jailed politicians who are pretty cool guys and doesnt afraid of anything, heck even the dead porn star who was reaped in the butt by a female fidget who broke her neck and is currently in deep shit.

Due to the fact that Filipinos were raped by Spanish Catholics, they have the ability to swim long distances. The are arguably better swimmers than Cubans.

Filipenis hard gangster thugs regularly hang around together at various 7-11 shops. Funny enough, they will ALWAYS chicken out in a fight one on one, but even bashing two or three of their midget buddies at the same time, wouldn't pose a problem to any individual from the superior race.

You can identify Filipenis by the way they look. If they are short, ugly as fuck, have ugly flat noses and smell like trash (well, some Filipenis have better scents), that's them. Apparently, some of them even keep their perfumes in their buttholes, to keep it away from drunk, homosexual, and smelly Filipinos.

The Failipinos are also hailed the worst and the most retarded motorcycle riders in the world. About 7 out of 10 vehicular accidents in Metro Manila are caused by Valentino Rossi-wannabes swerving through traffic at 200 kilometers per hour while drunk (and note that they never wear their helmets while doing the suicidal, asinine ride to death -- and they keep them on their elbows!!)

Everyone has raped the Filipenis and everyone living there is proud of it, including your mom. The Philippine people have had the chance to reproduce with those who invaded their little islands, but since the Philippine people are fucking ugly as shit, some of the invaders chose their hand before fucking a half midget-ape hairy monster, also known as the Philippine woman. This lead to the revolt of some of the invaders desperate troops, which opposed the hand, thus wasting their superior white genes to an inferior race. All sorts of races have interbred with the Philippine people, these include white people, beaners, chinks, japs, spaniards, black person etc. It is also alleged by the locals, that the interbred of such races with their own will produce somewhat pretty nicer babies, but still miles behind the Japanese. A good example of this interracial breeding is former loli Vanessa Hudgens which is half Filipino and half Caucasian.

Filipinos: Asian or Pacific Islander?

Due to massive inbreeding and a lack of an education, many Flips, especially those in America, believe that they are not Asian, but Pacific Islander. Some attribute this to the Failpinos wanting to have to avoid the typical Azn stereotypes, such as small dicks and bad driving skills, while others believe this is a way for the Pinoys to feel exotic. Flips like these tend to use several explanations to defend their claim to using the Islander title, like the ones listed below. Along with these are comebacks that can be used against them.


Typical Explanations Used by Wannabe Islanders, and How to Refute Them

  • "The Philippines is located in the Pacific Ocean, which makes us Pacific Islanders!"
  • Tell them that this would make an Azn nation like Japan Pacific Islander. Also tell them that the Philippines is an archipelago, not an island.
  • "Our language, Tagalog, is of the same language family (Austronesian) as that of the Hawaiians, Samoans, Tongans, etc., meaning we are the same race as them!"
  • Tell them that by their logic, this would make the Indians and Sri Lankans (who are South Asian) that speak languages such as Hindi and Sinhalese (which are Indo-European) the same race as the Europeans who speak languages like Spanish, English, German, etc., which are also Indo-European.
  • "Us Filipinos do not look Asian because we have brown skin and do not have squint eyes like the Chinese/Japanese/etc., which makes us similar to the Samoans, Tongans, Maoris, etc. in the Pacific!"
  • Tell them to compare a picture of a Filipino (such as Manny Pacquiao) with a picture of an actual Pacific Islander (like rugby player Jonah Lomu). Ask them how these two look similar in any way.

The Interwebs

Typical pinoy gangsta

As for on teh internets (much like how monkeys were sent into space, these guys were given computers for the lulz), a typical Failipino can be identified by the following traits:

  • inquiring upon everyone they meet; "do u have cam or msn"
  • never capitalizing at the start of sentences. evar.
  • passing off Engrish as proper English. they'll also mix their own dialect in there somewhere because they have about as much mastery of the English language as a brick.
  • overusing ":)" faces, especially when there is absolutely nothing to smile about. Or basically, emoticons EVERYWHERE. :)
  • ending sentences with either "...." or "!"! ...:)
  • using the words "asddsa" or "wew" for no apparent reason. :)
  • ending the sentence with "More power to X ".:)
  • and most disturbingly... for typing strings of manic laughter... hahahahaha! hehehehe.... :)

Jejemon

gotta catch em all! jejemon!
Million dorrah question!

This shows how texting, watching animu, and the internetzzzz spoil todays' youth. This Failipinos' sub-culture is a mixture of Neanderthal man, azn Niggah, a fucktarded ghetto emokid, Pokemon piss, and various internet diseases. They luuvvv sending SMS messages using UNNECESSARILY LONG CHARACTERS meant to rape your eyes till you cry. (see examples below) These are the most retarded users of the ever-confusing 1337speak in the world, EVAR!!!! It also had created epic lulz on the internetherworld and the SMS world, and even the Philippine Department of Education gave the banhammer against these retards to spare your kids from further degeneration.

Examples of jejespeak:

  • i wuD LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u. - I'd like to take you to a brothel and rape you in the ass bitch
  • E33HhoWwZZZ pfHoE - go fuck yourself nigga
  • lAbqCkyOuHh - shut the fuck up and hand me the weedzzz
Azn gangstahs, the Jejemon

JejeFucks are known to wear oversized tee-shirts, a stupid rainbow cap, and they use a cellphone that could accommodate over 9000 characters just to say 'Hi" to their fellow 7373pHuxxx. They defy curfew, roaming the streets from 10 pm to 4 am, and you can see them spamming the Failbook pages with their retarded leetspeak. Their favorite hang-outs include billard halls, shopping malls, Starbucks, Internet shops (known as DoWThAhANN, fuck that), ghetto streets, video arcades and police detention cells.

People who totally loathe the jejeFucks are called "Jejebusters", and will not hesitate to butt-rape them for their faggotry till kingdumb come. It should be noted also that the typical JejeFuck are mostly 13-year old boys, 16-year-old girls, and 60-year old pedofags with an IQ of -5,000

Filipino Instincts

Filipinos usually like to go batshit insane and argue with anyone who compliments or insults anyone Filipino, or their masters that they suck off. If you try to explain anything, even politely, they will take it as insults and act like little whiny-pussies even more. They often like to make fun of Viets, Chinese people (or anyone who isn't from the Tagalog-speaking region) and compare themselves to their neighboring countries. Once they feel threatened verbally, they will suck white cock for insults since their women already sucked white cock, Chinese cock, Malay cock, Spanish cock, and Japanese cock for hundreds of years resulting in the fucktarded, ugly-ass, ashamed, homosexual Failipinos we see today have to deal with today.

Hobbies of typical Filipinos

Typical pinoy transportation
Jejefags burning an effigy of the God-Emperor of Blackkind.
  • Eating dogs
  • Love getting the Catholic church to fuck them around.
  • Being hypocritical moralfags.
  • Acting like second-rate wannabe azn Niggazzzz mumbling rap-shit on the streets
  • Raping balding, middle-aged men (especially true for the minors)
  • Working overseas
  • Worshiping white people
  • Playing DOTA while having sex. while fapping of low-tier shitty porn sites like youporn.
  • Spending 95% of their time texting/sexting til' their fingers bleed
  • Spending 95% of their lives on Failbook and Farmville
  • Watching Fliptop on JewTube, where failipino nigazz hurl terribad rap lyrics amongst themselves.
  • Getting batshit insane over shitty K-pop songs.
  • Smoke belching
  • Peeing on walls, streets, car tires.
  • Believing in superstitious bullshit that even their own religion/science/common knowledge has debunked.
  • Playing basketball
  • Voting for celebrities and candidates endorsed by celebrities in politics, no matter how retarded or inexperienced they are.
  • Being Internet Tough Guys online
  • Sucking the cock of anyone with money, including filthy Arabs and white people.
  • Watching legal loli/shota porn during primetime......well in all seriousness, not exactly porn but when you feature kids in either half naked/in skimpy outfits worn only by someone working in a strip club on live television and dramas and put them in blunt jailbait situations (I.E: Sexy dancing, running around in their underwear....etc), it's close enough.
  • Smoking on your food.
  • Producing shitloads of kids and whore them to tourists for easy money. That, or getting scammed out of their kids because most Filipinos have no common sense and will do anything for money.
  • Having sex with bedposts in order to stretch their vaginas.
  • Squat sitting EVERYWHERE, even though there are chairs 5 feet away
  • Being drug mules and failing at it
  • Being selfish little corrupted trolls.
  • Being terrible sailors by either sinking their own vessels due to outright stupidity or being terrible navigators.
  • Killing karaoke singers
  • Having horses fight to the death.


Fidgets in Action

...one day the great DingDong came from outerspace to sprout the machine gun wielding trex of the 20th dimension. Not knowing the potential fight that would ensued he conquered the world with his magical fingaling to sprout the masterful demise of what they call the Anakabu

The Filipino hero has spoken

Everyone is wondering why Pacquiao always win the battle.The secret is revealed

Prisons

In Filipino prisons, not only are all the inmates gay, but also they put together lavish Michael Jackson Fan Club celebrations.

Also, they were forced to do this by the warden, who also tattoos his name on the female inmates. Does it add to the lulz? Fuck yes.

Filipino Girls

Filipino girls usually have a really lovely voice.

Not related but must be said, if you join the Military and get stationed in the Philippines you will be wise to keep a minimum of at least 100 miles between your girlfriends. If you want to be sitting at a bar with with one of your bitches and find an ice pick in your kidney or get your face cut to shit with a straight razor while one of your other bitches is screeching like a howler monkey, keep all your bitches in the same city.
Since Filipino girls are more Beaner than Asian they will fuck black men. This is why the Philippines are a popular station for blacks in the military.

How To Tell If A Filipino Is Living Somewhere Near You

  • Has your cat gone missing?
  • Were you walking your dog and when you turned back from watching that chick with the big tits jog down the street did your dog magically disappear off its leash?
  • Have indigenous mammals like squirrels, racoons or even coyotes suddenly disappeared?
  • How about birds, even pigeons?
  • Have you seen someone collecting and bagging roadkill that doesn't work for the state? If you're from West Virginia disregard this question.
  • Are all the ponds near your house surprisingly fished out?
  • When you go to a river or lake do you see someone netfishing early in the morning or late at night?
  • When you're driving around, is there that one house that always smells like a dumpster after the rain on a hot day?
  • Has it become a whole lot easier to score Heroin?
  • If you answered yes to any of the questions there is a good chance your neighborhood has been invaded by Filipinos.


Teri Hatcher on Filipinos

After nursing students were found cheating on their board exam by leakage, who WOULDN'T question a Filipino medical practitioner?

Clearly, Filipinos have no sense of humor, contrary to some people's opinions. Yeah, they're hypocritical about that, they wouldn't hesitate to make fun of other nationalities, but they'll get butthurt when they're on the spotlight.

M.V. Princess of The Stars

A tragedy that induced tons of butthurt and internet drama. The videos explain them all.

What happened
Tribute?

Filthypinos on TV

Typical fillipino cartoon
This is how they view themselves.

Trolling Filipinos Made Easy

Coming from an actual Asian nigger, most Failipinos are insanely easy to troll over the internet. With deep religious indoctrination, flimsy patriotic roots, and sarcasm being an alien concept there, this for starters is enough to work with.

  • Simply link them this article, sit back and watch the show.
  • Explain why Filipinos are not Asian. (For quick reference, just say that they're a mixture of niggers and spics this is mostly historically accurate. But you'll loose out once they pull out their Malayan decent, which is sort of Asian.)
  • Say that Filippinos are Pacific Islanders
  • Mention how ugly their women are.
  • Ask them why all of their women have frog faces fixed with permanent scowls.
  • Mention that their women are trying to look like a pretty Caucasian Euro-chick model when in fact they looked like an asian nigger born from horseshit (Plastic surgery is SERIOUS BUSINESS in the Philippines). As expected, they ended up as a shambling abomination.
  • Tell them their skin color is the color of shit and how this analogy is perfect for them.
  • Tell the girls that they love to wear short-shorts despite having a varicose vein/cellulite on their legs and call themselves "sexy".
  • Tell them Francis-M's music is shit. Watch a thousand wannabe patriots descend upon you.
  • Notify them of how nerdy and stupid they are.
  • Tell them Filipinos are wannabe-gangsters who suck nigger cock.
  • Tell them that they are genetically inferior.
  • Tell them that they are basically Azns with Spanish names.
  • In addition to the previous tip, tell them they look similar to Mexicans somehow.
  • Compare the mustaches of their women to that of Groucho Marx.
  • Tell them that Filipinos love to throw their shit in places with signs "NO LITTERING" written in Tagalog.
  • If you ever meet a Fil-Am, Fil-Brit, Fil-Fuck or Fil-Martian who does not know any shit of Tagalog, and/or haven't been to the Philippines with all his/her pathetic life, and yet proclaim themselves Filipinos, tell them to STFU and kill themselves.
  • Tell them that they flunked English because they have used 1337 in their thesis.
  • Tell them Manny Pacquiao enjoys massive amounts of steroids.
  • Tell them Manny Pacquiao is overrated and has lost on several occasions.
  • Tell them Manny Pacquiao plain sucks.
  • Cheer for Manny Pacquao's opponent whenever he has a match.
  • Ask them where the Philippines is.
  • Call the Philippines "Mexico Island".
  • Call them Hispanic, not Asian.
  • Tell them the Philippines wouldn't be a third-world shithole today if they would have just accepted American imperialism and became a US state.
  • Tell them China rightfully owns Spratly's Islands.
  • Ask them when they're gonna shower because they look dirty.
  • Tell them that T.V. Carpio is better than Charice because the latter shouts and screams and is fucking annoying
  • Tell them that Sarah Geronimo has the singing voice of tone-deaf retard.
  • Create Facebook pages that the mentions either: You hate the them/God hates them/They belong to the devil. Promote it to some popular local board under the guise of a concerned patriot and watch the buttloads of hate unfold. This is a tried-and-true method that will never fail you until Failbook shuts you down, which is usually in about 2 weeks.
  • Say that you are an Atheist and watch their mouths froth.
  • Say God/Jesus doesn't exist, watch the love unfold. Don't bother with Allah or any other God, they're not too big there.
  • Post this link on unsuspecting Failipenoys and watch them BAWWWWW to your delight
  • Cheer for the other side when the Azkals have a game against another country.
  • Go to Jessica Sanchez's Fanpage and tell them that her voice is the equivalent of a dying bitch. Watch them berserk to your delight.
  • Being arrogant pieces of shit.

Further glimpses

See also

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Philippines

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Featured article April 30, 2007
Preceded by
Saddam Hussein
Philippines Succeeded by
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Featured article March 4, 2008
Preceded by
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Philippines Succeeded by
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