Planetside 2: Electric Boogaloo, which has also been referred to as Clusterfuck: The Game is an awesome free-to-play MMO FPS developed by the prestigious employees of Sony Online Entertainment who have created similar gems such as the Everquest series, DC Universe Online and Free Realms just to name a few of these pieces of shit only a virgin basement-dweller like yourself would ever consider touching. Resurrected from the decaying remains of its predecessor, John Smedley released the game, with only its large, clusterfuck battles with hundreds of other retards to be the unique selling point of the game.
- 1 Planetside
- 2 The Story
- 3 Gameplay
- 4 The Planetside 2 Forums
- 5 'Ultimate Empire Showdown'
- 6 See Also
- 7 External Links
Firstly, a history lesson, Planetside 1 was released at least 100 years ago and similar to its sequel with its unique selling point being that you can engage in large scale battle with hundreds of other retards and the fact that the game is complete and utter shit and dysfunctional as an average nigger's family. Nothing of value was ever in its place, move on.
Planetside's lore is great and expansive in which the plot revolves around three major factions on the planet of Auraxis where their soldiers engage on a daily planet-wide orgy and monumental clusterfucks can be seen from as far as the eye can see. The planet was originally discovered after a wormhole that opened and closed every so often nearby earth led to Auraxis, so humans, being the complete fucktards that they were, decided to send out a group of ships to go through the wormhole, resulting in it unexpectedly closing after the ships had gone through, much to the surprise of everyone. So the humans, after realising that they had completely fucked themselves over, decided to find another planet where they would settle and then proceed to begin the planet-wide orgies after the emergence of two other factions, leaving all three of the factions to fuck each other the hardest in the pursuit of the planet's precious resources (The resources are infinite).
The three factions that fight over control over Auraxis and for the sake of large, gay orgies are as listed, with accompanying videos released by SOE with the same message of 'Join us so you can become a faggot'.
- Terran Republic: The first faction are the Terran Republic who are strong contenders for being the lulziest of the three factions by taking the Third Reich approach to things by beating and curb stomping their civilians who speak out against them. Their weapons are usually long and have large magazine capacities which are supposed to be 'optimal' for combat, but we all know that it's to make up for their small dick sizes. Their vehicles are supposed to be made to be as fast as possible at the cost of armour (Because that's a fucking genius idea in a warzone), which is practically the structural equivalent of a nigger's mud hut.
- New Conglomerate: The New Conglomerate is the second faction and is also known as SpaceMerica. Much like modern day America their soldiers fight for freedom and anyone who says otherwise is faggot Communist-Nazi Muslim-Jew who hates freedom of speech and America. The New Conglomerate weapons do the most damage, but like the Terran Republic, doesn't hide the fact that it's to make up for their tiny dicks. The New Conglomerate's vehicles are the least retarded of the three factions, as they're are built to last while in combat, because that's what Space Uncle Sam wants you to do.
- Vanu Sovereignty: The Vanu Sovereignty are the third faction in Planetside and automatically win the position for the most batshit insane. First founded by an asspie (srsly), the Vanu Sovereignty worships Aliens and definitely isn't like Scientology at all. The Vanu Sovereignty's weapons fire plasma because they probably have disfigured dicks or, like the previous two factions, suffer from the lulzy effects of a small dick. The Vanu's vehicles were advertised to be able to hover, but because SOE is unsurprisingly fucking lazy, only one of the Vanu vehicles actually hovers. The rest of their vehicles are just copypasta of the other two factions.
Planetside 2's gameplay is just like every other shitty modern FPS in which you point at things you don't like until they go away. The main objective of Planetside 2 is to cooperate with team mates to capture strategic points around the continent to secure victory for your faction. And what I really mean is just fuck around with all your mongoloid team mates to fight for hours with mongoloid fucktards of the opposing team in one small area of the map, disregarding the main objective because you're too busy sucking a dick during the clusterfuck. We here at ED suggest that the best course of action for playing this game is to make your character an hero immediately once you're playing the game, then getting off your computer and going an hero IRL for being such a dickless faggot for playing the game.
Common Sights You'll See While Playing The Game
The Planetside 2 Playerbase
While playing Planetside 2, it's recommended that you get well acquainted with the playerbase which is listed below:
- Basement Dwellers.
- Internet tough guys.
- Outcasts from /v/.
- Prepubescent 13-year-old fucktards who need to act out their war fantasies.
- Black people with nothing better to do. In other words, niggers.
- Gamer Girls who want to show how nerdy and cool they are by playing video games.
- Little shits usually around the age of 6, who have wet dreams over military games and think they're an expert on everything in the game.
- Griefers who counter balance all the faggotry in this list by pissing off the mentioned groups of people for public humiliation and lulz.
- Light Assault: The Light Assault is your average soldier wielding a gun to make up for small dick size. The only thing that makes playing this class worth playing is the fact that he's got a motherfucking jetpack which he can use to fly and do Hitler's good work by burning Jews by an alternative way. If you can actually manage to play the game long enough without going an hero, you can unlock C4 which you can use to fly over tanks and drop the C4 on and detonate it, making a virgin basement-dweller much like you, piss their pants in rage.
- Heavy Assault: The Heavy Assault class have the same physical properties of your average American, being that they're much heavier than the rest of the world around them and move much slower as well, though that just because Americans are fat fucks while Heavy Assault classes are clad in armour, though another similarity is that they're both as fucking stupid as each other. People who use this class are usually pants-on-head retarded due to there being literally no skill used to play this class as the class's loadout consists of a LMG and a fucking Rocket Launcher.
- Engineer & Medic: The Engineers & Medics of Planetside 2 are very similar classes to each other in which they both have magic tool gun that you just point at something until it gets better. How do these tools work? Because fuck you, science, that's why. People who play Medics and Engineers are like Heavy Assault player due to that fact that they are also pants-on-head retarded, only doing things when they want to, and looking at the textures of the ground when actually needed.
- Infiltrator: Infiltrators are probably the least noteworthy class. Their abilities range from Sniping and hacking, and nothing else. If you play this class, you should go an hero for being such a dull faggot.
- MAX: MAX's are fucking badass. They are covered in armour and have mounted guns on each arm that will fucking kill you in the face. Nothing more needs to be said.
- Flash: The Flash is a quad bike that lasts as long as an Azn person's dick because someone over at SOE thought it would be a great fucking idea to put in quad bikes in a game where the entire map is a warzone.
- Harasser: The Harasser is a buggy that was added as part of a game update. It demonstrates how competent SOE's design team is because
it can kill infantry more easily than a tank, and is also less likely to get blown up than a tank.they nerfed the vehicle into oblivion when enough of the playerbase spent Station Shekels on weapons for it to net a profit from their wasted development efforts. But thankfully, vehicles still continue to do nothing helpful to the team in this game.
- Sunderer: The Sunderer, which has also been referred to as the Party Van is only used because it can used to be a mobile spawning station which can lead to lulzy arguments involving a group of fucktarded morons on the same team fighting to get their Sunderer deployed first which almost always results in butthurt and rage.
- Tanks: The Lightning and Empire Specific Tanks are just there to run team mates over for great justice and rage. However, when used in a fight are as useful as a starving African child, as when you enter enemy territory, you'll be almost immediately face fucked by Heavy Assault troops and MAX's.
- Empire Specific Air Fighter: Empire Specific Air Fighters are used under the clever guise of using them to fight the enemy, but are really used for Allah's army for the great act of jihad. Expect to see most ESAF's crashing into the enemy for get their 42 virgins in Heaven. They are also unbalanced as fuck.
- Valkyrie: The Valkyrie was the second vehicle to be added to the game, and expectedly, due to SOE's shitty programming skills, it did fuck all when in actual use despite being describes as a "Fast attack transport aircraft"; to the surprise of literally no one who plays this game as they've gotten used to the standard of quality SOE provides them.
- Liberator & Galaxy: The Liberator and Galaxy are basically just airborne versions of the Sunderer with the Jihad properties of the ESAF being that a group of fucktards pile into the aircraft which then crashes within a few seconds of take off because no one can fly in this game as all the players are fucking retarded.
Of course SOE had to make precious jew golds somehow, so they they introduced microtransactions for virgin basement-dwellers to stock up on so they can show all their online Planetside 2 circlejerk buddies how cool they are with all the armour, camouflage and weapons that they bought. Since this is the Planetside 2 playerbase, it should come to a surprise to no one that some fucking idiots actually spend over $5.00 in making themselves their own special snowflake by buying themselves camouflage which makes them look slightly different.
The Planetside 2 Forums
Glancing into Planetside 2's playerbase, one can find a vast ocean filled with autistic dumbfucks who spout any retarded thought that comes into their head. So Sony Online Entertainment, upon witnessing this spectacular of fucktardery came to the conclusion that the best way to receive their fans feedback isn't through sending calm, collected, private messages detailing the problems with the game, but rather setting up an open forum for all the autistic dumbfucks to communicate with each other and spout their retarded bullshit. Usually, this leads to lulzy arguments between Planetside 2 fantards over trivial bullshit while the rest of us look from above like watching animals from the zoo. Tl;dr, the Planetside 2 forums is cancerous tumour that needs to be destroyed with all its users.
Started back in the days of Everquest, 'Station Cash' was obtained by using IRL money. Making a return in Planetside 2, yet again, managed to piss off their autistic fanbase, with many threatening to leave, but like before, never left and just stayed, silently bitching about it. You may be asking yourself at this point what you can do with station cash? And if you did ask that question, you're a faggot who should become an hero for even considering to ask that question in the first place, but to answer the question, you can buy cosmetic items that make you look different in comparison to everyone else, and guns that look and act slightly different to each other. In the end, SOE still manages to accumulate their jew golds as their retarded dumbfuck fantards continue to purchase their precious Station Cash.
In the midst of all this faggotry, a brave few triumphed, managing to make the entire Planetside 2 community more butthurt than 1man1jar. Wielding the majestic abilities of hax0rs, these heroes caused all they encountered to piss and shit themselves simultaneously in rage upon witnessing their powers. Many fucktarded fans then took to the forums once more, expressing their anger in a myriad of retardedly written posts, as if SOE gave an ounce of a fuck. However, in an attempt to quell the butthurt fantards rage, John Smedley tweeted that they were going "hunt down" hackers, though said hackers still continue to spread lulz to this day.
In an attempt to get their hands on even more jew gold, decided that the fastest way was to fuck their autistic dumbfuck fanbase out of their money by introducing a new item to the virtual marketplace, vehicle horns. As we all know, SOE is fucking lazy, so they released the said vehicle horns for the low, low price of $6.50, even though the horn didn't make any visual changes to your vehicle and just played a sound. However, in a shocking turn of events, the fantards were able to see through this, and took to the forum, declaring their outrage in forum posts that looked like they'd been typed by a blind, quadruple amputee.
—notw2, being a typical Planetside 2 player.
Unsurprisingly, not only are the developers over at Sony Online Entertainment complete and utter flaming faggots, but their players are also gigantic deviant homosexuals too, with one particular player under the alias of "BuzzCutPsycho" displaying unprecedented levels of faggotry, the likes of which the MMOFPS world has never seen before, gaining him notoriety all throughout the Planetside 2 community. 'Buzz', as he affectionately named by his fellow players, was the leader of one of the most prominent 'outfits' in Planetside 2, which are essentially 3P1C 1337 CL4N5, BR0, but somehow even more fucktarded.
However, because life isn't fair, 'Buzz', showed signs of and probably was Autistic, and so, as a result, whenever things didn't go his way or went against him, he was prone to throwing tard rages like no other, and occasionally launching into racist tirades as a result; some of which were recorded in the name of the lulz and then quickly posted to JewTube, where they'd be subsequently discovered by the BIDF, who would use cut throat tactics to send a message to the uploader, such as, dislike the video and comment that they were "stupid", all in the name of their glorious leader, of course.
But ultimately, BuzzCutPsycho's autism caught up with him in the end as he finally rage quit the game due to the developers fucking up the game, which really shouldn't have surprised him judging from SOE's shitty track record, and also because they failed to listen to their playerbase's ideas and feedback, which also shouldn't have surprised him as you'd have to go pants-on-head retarded to think that SOE gives a shit about your opinion. But before he quit, he left a farewell message for his supporters, which can easily be summarised as him deepthroating his own tiny, smelly chode and telling everyone how great he is, despite reality suggesting otherwise.
And all Buzz has to show for his time playing Planetside 2 is a long, bitchy post on the official forum where he whines about what's wrong with the game. Chances are however, that he'll be back and launching into racist tirades once more.
—BuzzCutPsycho's autism levels going into overdrive
SOE, realising how atrocious and unplayable their corn encrusted turd of a game was, decided they had to do something in order to stop their mongoloid fan base leaving en masse to the next big thing, so after fleeing to the hugbox to heal their hurt feelings about people finding their game shitty, got straight to the drawing board to come up with a flawless plan that would surely make players in the thousands come flocking to their awesome game. Their plan? To shit out an even larger corn encrusted turd, dubbed the, 'Ultimate Empire Showdown'. Consisting of three 'JewTube Celebrities' and a fan base full of rabid, butthurt fucktards, it was a plan made of faggotry and fail.
Although most people with a higher IQ than the calorie count of a Diet Coke could see that the 'Ultimate Empire Showdown' was a plan stock full of the finest bullshit to date, but an unstoppable rage was forming elsewhere, as the Planetside 2 fan base cast down a shit storm SOE couldn't hope to predict. Angry, haphazardly typed forum posts, authored by butthurt fucktards came in the hundreds with the same message of, 'I DOONT LIEK HIM SONY CHAGE IT OR I STP PLATINGGG!!!!11!!!1'.
—ZeroFigher, Giving some carefully thought out constructive criticism.
Before butthurt levels could reach critical mass, SOE responded quickly by politely telling the previous 'leader' of the Vanu, Tobuscus, to fuck off, and in his place, the Jewish overlords at SOE summoned another person to promote their corn-encrusted turd of a game who goes by their JewTube name, LevelCapGaming, much to the fantards delight; and as a result, fucktarded Vanu players came flocking to the forums by the dozen to praise SOE. However, the rest of the autistic playerbase who played as NC and TR were still anally ravaged about their 'leader', and resorting to giving out threats that they will leave, but we all know that they will instead just flee to their hugbox.
When the day finally came, on January 25th, 2013, many of the autistic fantards expected waves upon waves of their like-minded brethren to be preparing themselves for a night of hardcore combat; when in reality, almost nobody showed up and only a few asspies spent their evening flinging their shit at other retards. At the end of the "event", the Vanu Sovereignty won, because the majority of Planetside 2's developers are fucking idiots who don't know how to balance a game. Meanwhile,in LA, SOE summoned the "leaders" and their teams of overweight basement dwellers to coordinate their forces of shit-flinging monkeys to attack each other in the most retarded way possible, but most of them were still butthurt over not liking their faction leader, and as a result, most of the evening was filled with lulz and sounds of autistic fantards ravaged anuses.
When the smoke finally cleared, the Vanu won once again because of the developers aforementioned inability of being able to balance a game, but SOE, being the fucktards they are, don't know what a competition is and decided that they would change the point of the event to a Votedown, meaning that the fans of each JewTube "celebrity" would vote who they wanted to win, and because SOE is too fucking stupid to realise, it came down to who had the most fans. In the end, TotalBiscuit won because he had the largest fanbase and took home a shitty trophy SOE gave him and the TR flailed their arms like retards while the rest of the fanbase experienced anal pains for the next few days.
Planetside 2 is part of a series on
Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.