Plastic Straws

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search
Plastic Straws, freshly harvested in their natural state from the nostrils of oceanic denizens.

Plastic Straws or, if you're a tree-hugging liberal Turtle Daggers, are apparently one of the top ten forms of plastic pollution found in the world's oceans today.

Some groups such as are claiming that if 25,000 people were to quit using straws altogether - a total of 5,000,000 straws a year will cease to enter the ocean's ecosystem every year [sauce plz!?!1!] and save all the cute animals hippies want to hug like dolphins, sea lions, otters and penguins.

The topic has become so widely discussed that companies like Starbucks have pledged to stop using straws altogether by the year 2020, reducing by their estimate 1 billion straws a year and spilling 1 billion drinks a year on people's shirts because these coffee and soda drinkers haven't advanced past the sippy cup phase yet.

So remember, before you grab that handful of straws at a Taco Bell to chuck down a storm drain, you'll be killing a fish. Can you really live with that on your conscience?


Getting rid of straws and replacing drink tops with plastic sippy lids, Starbucks is proud of the change it is making saying:

Not using a straw is the best thing we can do for the environment



Despite this change, people with a brain are saying, "Uhhh Drrr. Aren't your lids made out of plastic"?

If in case you are one of those retards that still has to learn how to drink from a cup without a sippy top, Starbucks helpfully tweeted:

Starbucks 111111111.jpg

Despite Starbuck's potential removal of plastic straws, you will still be able to get plastic lids, plastic cups, plastic wrap around your food and plastic bags to carry home your over priced coffee.

It is good to see corporate America committed to the enviroment's health.

Water bottles 777777.jpg

It's your water bottles, faggott that are polluting the wster. Notice lids are there and not straws.


Straw Snorting Turtle[edit]

Why Ban Straws?[edit]

The fuck if we know.

All this is is a corporate, propaganda piece designed to get the sheeple feeling good about Starbucks again after white cashiers were legitimately calling the police on black man demanding money from white, female customers.

20180709 234321.jpg

Straws are a minor change. So while people are going crazy with dumping plastic bottles into the oceans, hell we at ED just dumped a metric tonne of Fanta bottles from under Chris-Chan's bed into the Potomac River just for Shits and giggles, you have to remember that Starbucks saved the world, a little, because they stopped using plastic during straws for you and your children.

- Because you all are fags.

The Replacement Will Cost More[edit]

  • Plastic straws cost about 0.5¢ to make.
  • Paper straws cost about 2.5¢ cents to make.

Obviously, your double soy, mocha latte with natural vanilla flavor, double foam and cinnamon sprinkles will go up in price because Starbucks has claimed paper straws lose their shape too fast and will be going with a hard plastic, sippy cup style top that is reusable.

Now the binky joke for Snowflakes running to their safeplace is actually funny.

The Dummies Speak[edit]

External Links[edit]

  • Starbucks Phone 1 800 782 7282

See Also[edit]

£€ Plastic Straws is a part of a series on Money
Zimbabwe100trillion.jpg Companies

AdFlyAdobeAmazonAppleAT&TBDICBellBitcoinBurger KingCelestial ToystoreComcastCostcoDisneyDuckDuckGoeBayFox NewsGNWTGoogleHappy Madison ProductionsIBMIKEAMicrosoftMcDonald'sMTVNew Media RockstarsNintendoNovellOracle CorporationPatreonPayPalSonySun MicrosystemsT-MobileVerizonViacomWal-MartWikiaYahooYouTube


Steve ChenLyor CohenBill GatesChad HurleyL. Ron JeremySteve JobsThe Krassenstein BrothersMario LaudicinaBernie MadoffLarry SangerMartin ShkreliDonald 'Art of The Deal' TrumpHal TurnerJimbo Wales

Ideology / Politics

Bailout PlanCapitalismCommunismGlobalisationGovernmentGun controlHealth Care RageIceslaveJudaismKarl MarxNXIVMObamacareRon PaulAyn RandRandroidSocialistRonald ReaganWays For Women To Avoid Unwanted Male AttentionWelfareZeitgeist MovementZeitgeist - The Movie


AdvertisingBitcoinBriberyExtreme AdvertisingBilly MaysPlastic StrawsPorn AdvertisementsShamwowSpamSubservient ChickenWinnebago ManGeorge Zimmer


419 Nigerian Email ScamsDead-PoolThe Dot.Com BubbleEconomistEconomyForeign GirlfriendInternet moneyJew GoldMoneyPoorProfitRape dollarsScientology

City Street.jpg

Plastic Straws
is part of a series on


[BRB HugboxGo Live One]

City Skyline.jpg