Porygon

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Partyhardporygon.gif
The last thing you see before you fall into an epileptic seizure.

Porygon (ポリゴン in moonspeak) is a Pokémon introduced in the Red and Blue games; its name comes from the Japanese's inability to write and pronounce "Polygon" correctly. It appeared in its very own episode of the shitty Pokeman animu, where it saved Ash and the gang from Team Rocket's rape traps once again.

What makes this particular Pokeman unique is the fact that it instantly pwnd and obliterated over 9000 Japanese boys by triggering mass epilepsy. The United States was most butthurt over this, because half a century earlier they attempted the same thing but destroyed a lot of useful infrastructure in the process. In other words, Porygon is a hugeass motherfucking H-bomb without the collateral damage. Of course nobody gave a shit about them since they were Japanese and instead got pissed off that they didn't think of it first.

The Video[edit]

The Aftermath[edit]

Immediately the Japanese government got real and decided to take a stance over the incident, sending in armies of Nazis and schoolgirls to investigate. It was not long before the population of 13 year-old boys in Japan was cut by at least 100 people.

Scientists believe that the flashing lights triggered photosensitive seizures in which visual stimuli such as flashing lights can cause altered consciousness. Although scientists know that approximately 1 in 4,000 people (0.5–0.8% of children between 5–13 years old) are susceptible to these types of seizures, the number of people affected by this Pokémon episode was unprecedented. Oh, but those silly Azns simply didn't have the proper medical knowledge shared throughout the western world, and decided to go ahead and air the episode without checking a medical journal.

Porygon's moment of glory was banned worldwide after, as other countries did not wish to expose their populations to it.

Facts[edit]

Catching Porygon[edit]

If you are a faggot that happens to play the Pokemon games today then you are in luck. A winner you can be if you follow these steps to capture a Porygon:

  • 1. Catch all 151 251 386 493 649 721 802 Pokémon. You don't have to catch Missingno. or M. or any Digimon. although you do have to catch Sonichu.
  • 2. Don't go to any Pokémon Center EXCEPT the one in Pallet Town.
  • 3. Release ALL of your Pokémon EXCEPT for Mewtwo Magikarp.
  • 4. Beat the Elite 4 with Magikarp as your only party member 10 times while only using the move "SPLASH".
  • 5. ????
  • 6. Profit!

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


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Porygon is part of a series on

Anime

Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

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Porygon
is part of a series on Pokémon

[Gotta catch ’em all!Who’s that Pokémon?]
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