Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
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Not to be confused with PMS - which is far more horrifying to experience and even more horrifying to witness.
Causes of PTSD
Every time a comic-con model gets ogled by a greasy nerd, she will wake up in cold sweats for the rest of her lives. Pretty much every time a supposedly “hard ass operator alpha male” sees the teensy, tiniest bit of blood, they proceed to piss themselves and cry about it for the next twenty years or so. PTSD is, in short, the chronic inability to man the fuck up. Any time you are pushed out of your comfort zone, chances are you have been put at great risk of contracting PTSD. Someone gave you a negative critique on DeviantArt? PTSD. Screen saver pop up while you're watching a YouTube video? Post. Traumatic. Stress. Disorder. Wait 21 minutes for your pizza? Pop a celebratory Xanax! You are forever scarred, and need to be treated with deference befitting your condition. Just being Mexican is apparently enough to cause PTSD.
Legitimate Reasons To Have PTSD
Some argue these are IRL reasons to pull out your own hair and eat it. Others are inflicted with a sense of sadism and feel that the fact these were real events, which happened to real people and left them badly traumatized is funny. Who can blame them?
—Vietnam Vet, told with no mention of PTSD whatsoever.
Less Legitimate Reasons To Have PTSD
As though being raped, blown up or somehow mutilated was not funny enough there are plenty of people who haven't been traumatized but like to pretend they have been. For some reason they think this means they will receive sympathy. They have clearly not been on the internet for long.
—Some dumb whore.
Completely bullshit reasons to have PTSD
Your parents survived the Holocaust. Or even your grandparents. Hell, who knows how many generations of scheming Jews will have a financial claim against Germany for the next few centuries because of some shit theory that relies on a heritable mechanism that is totally unknown to science ("they may have a chemical coating on their chromosomes that would act as a sort of biological memory"). The Jews and their lies: Nevar forget.
Living With PTSD
Step 1. Don't
Step 2. Ways to milk your PTSD
Failing Step 1, PTSD offers a mass "get out of jail free" card to many situations in life. It makes a bold play that A). You have a mental problem, which can be read as disability, B). Are a veteran of a war, as PTSD is often associated with war, AND C). because of my syndrome. You can use to talk your way out of a ticket, or into the pants of some chick you poured drinks down until she found you attractive or interesting. The best part is...no proof required. Much like the fabled Aspergers and bipolar disorder, you can self-diagnose and just make shit up as you go along. You can claim whatever dumbfucked tragedy you want, and because people are so sympathetic these days, you'll be swatting at sympathy pussy all day and night.
Things to do with your PTSD
- Act like a faggot.
- Blame everything on your syndrome.
- Drive like a fucking retard.
- Back out of activities you don't like because IT CAUSES PTSD FLASHBACKS.
- Act startled by the fireworks you've been waiting for all night.
- Pretend to be freaked out by a shoebox on the freeway.
- Almost raped.
- Act like a wounded bird your entire life.
Petition to bankrupt the US militrary.
A forum fit for trolling if ever there was one.
When you need help, turn to Amazon
A place for Catholics to stop causing PTSD and help others deal with PTSD.
A gathering place for the incredibly retarded and perminantly scarred.