Bubba is the default name for the enormous black gangbanger who will anally rehabilitate you in prison. It is no accident that Bubba is black, because all black persons immediately turn gay upon incarceration. They can't help it with all that pubic hair on their heads. Half the niggers become brutal rapists, and the other half turn into raging queens, tying their jail shirts up to show their sexy abs and using prison bug juice (fake Kool-Aid) powder to color their lips red.
If you are sent to jail for a pussy crime like smoking some weed, Bubba is gonna make you his bitch. Before you go to jail you better put on some muscle fast and learn how to defend yourself or your ass will be goatseated before you can say "why me?". Bubba particularly likes pretty boys so it is a good idea fuglify yourself before going to "the big house" (Bubba's ass). Some handy hints include shaving your head and growing a shitty beard. You do not want to be pretty around Bubba. You should also put on some weight, a good forty pounds or so, because in Bubba's words, "Skinny dudes can take more cock." Bubba also likes it that skinny dudes can pack more in their asses, because if you ever get on work release, you will be smuggling quarter bags of marijuana, ounces of cocaine, condoms full of heroin, Xanax, OxyContin, disposable cell phones, and whatever the fuck else Bubba wants.
Crimes that will get you Goatseated
- Mail Fraud
- Importing lolicon
- Drug addiction
- Being attractive
- Rape, since there can never be too much irony.
- Being Albert Gonzales
What people are saying about getting raped by Bubba!
- "It was amazing. My asshole never bled so much."
- "HE FUCKED OUT ALL OF MY BLOOD!"
- "I knew I needed a vacation in prison."
- "Wait... I was told prison was like Megatokyo. NO! PLEASE GET AWAY FROM ME! AHHHHH!"
- "There was never enough AIDS to go around in my hometown, but now that I'm in jail, I get it all the time!"
- "Whew! I won't be breaking the law after that ordeal!"
- "I was nervous at first and it hurt a little, but I loved every minute!"
- "Ah, I was tight lad back in the days but I owe Bubba thanks for giving me the loose noose I now possess today! My shit slithers right out!"
Bubba: The Music Video
Bubba lay there in the bed of his jail cell, thinking how to pass the time. He had already expanded the poopchutes of all of his inmates to easily accommodate a size-9 shoe, and he was bored of them. They had done all they could do, and fucking those gaping holes was like trying to screw the air. Then an officer passed by the cell and chucked a new prisoner in. "Here's your new inmate," he said, and walked off. Bubba stared at the tight, white ass of his new inmate. He was very skinny, so he could take lots of cock. His anus was so fine, so tight, so screwable. Without even thinking, he grabbed the new inmate instantly and ripped open his prisoner jumpsuit, and jammed his 40-foot-long dick into his arsehole. He began fucking vigorously, so fast and so hard that the entire building shook. The cock went into the prisoner's intestines, up into his stomach, up his throat and out his mouth. Bubba shot his load all over the cell. The puddles leaked out into the area outside of the bars. Bubba yanked his throbbing, squirting dick out of the inmate and shoved him to the ground. He then said, "You're my bitch from now on." The prisoner's permanently-Goatse'd anus was pouring out blood and jizzle like a fountain. He coughed up blood and love-juice. His entire intestinal track and his throat and mouth were ripped wide open, and stretched so much that a guitar case could easily fit inside. Bubba stared down at his new sex slave, satisfied. He then whipped out his cock and went for round 2.
People Afraid to go to Jail
- Your mom
- James Begley
- Livecorpse (actually became an hero for taking the whole Bubba shit seriously)
- Paris Hilton
- LifeInATent (although Brian Martin deserves to rot in jail for years of scamming and death/lawsuit threats)