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Prostitute

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Brad Fitzpatrick routinely sends out servants from his large fortress atop a hill to get him prostitutes, often by the truckload

A Prostitute is a disposable whore (Usually a Woman) which is used for sex once and is then thrown away. It's polite to place the dismembered hooker in garbage bags once you're finished and leave her on a landfill. However, many people simply leave her in a wooded area or dumpster, terrifying boy scout patrols and providing a quick meal for the homeless, respectively.

Sometimes your crimes are caught on Google Maps.


   
 
That's a clitoris not a chode asshole!!!
 

 
 

—Julia Roberts

A People's History of Prostitution

FACT: Monkeys have a form of prostitution making it older than humans! At the dawn of history - around 6000 years ago or so - the hunter-gatherer ancestors of humankind had no money to speak of. Thus, they had to exchange goods and services via the barter system. The men gathered the food, and used it to pay females in exchange for "services." The first known prostitute traded her beaver for his beaver pelts and thus, the occupation of prostitution began. Prostitution is the oldest known profession.

During the time of Jesus, prostitutes were widespread. Jesus himself kept a prostitute in his personal stable ranks and also kept company with a nice young lady named Mary Magdalene.

Many serial killers get off on killing them.


Honest work

Prostitution is the world's most honest profession. It is also the primary job of every women on Earth (most of whom spend their lives denying it). It's inaccurate to say a woman can always become a prostitute. A woman can always remember she's a prostitute. Women come ready-made with a flesh wallet that accepts all major credit cards, and can hold dick or cash (or drugs, or guns, or all at once).

The main reason women get (other) jobs is so they can say they "have a job" that isn't that of a prostitute who trades sex for money. Prostitution is every woman's secret job, some are just more serious and overt about it than others, and the number of johns varies. With women, the question is not "is she a whore?", the question is "how much of a whore is she?" The prostitution spectrum has a wide range of reimbursement, anywhere from a drumstick from KFC, to a warm place for the night, to a van ride to Oregon, to a steak dinner, to that part in that show, to presidential semen on your dress, to porn stars, to Anna Nicole Smith.

Prostitution is legal in many places around the world, predominantly within the state of marriage. Since women love free stuff, women take great pleasure in ripping off johns, whether the john pulled up in a car, or whether he stupidly let her go out with the girls and he's watching the kids tonight.

How do I find a Prostitute?

Prostitutes are usually found on street corners. If you can't find any there, you live in the suburbs and well sucks to be you. You're going to have to drive to the city. If you notice every block has at least one of the following: church, liquor store, pawn shop, and (in the 'merica) gun store, then chances are you're in a neighborhood that's got some prostitutes. Just drive up to the lady with a way too low miniskirt and bruises all over her legs and ask her how much. If she slugs you she's not a prostitute. If she says, "depends on what you want. A blow job is $20.00, mish is $40, and around the world is $75.00", then you've hit the jackpot my friend! If you live in Southampton, Nevada, Amsterdam or Saigon and you are reading this section for instruction, then you're fucking retarded. They're everywhere you idiot just go outside, they have them in store windows and they have ranches where they herd them like cattle. There is always a quick trip to the Red Light District in Tijuana where street girls roam the Zona Norte waiting for American Tourists who shell out 15 dollars for a quickie. If you would like to buy their services online, go to craigslist, tinder or backpage, the internet whore superstores!

Hazzards

1/3 of all prostitutes are men. Seriously check that Adam's apple! Better yet, give that bitch an Australian handshake which is done by reaching down and grabbing the taint to see if there is anything hidden.

Teh AIDS

FACT: Less than 1% of the US population has AIDS, and it's primary vessel of transport is dirty needles, which are often used by a crackwhore.

FACT: Hookers have a lower rate of AIDS/HIV than the rest of the US population because they are more likely to use condoms and insist on oral sex than the general population.

FACT: The use of condoms has been shown to reduce the spread of AIDS/HIV

Conclusion; WEAR A F$%^&iNG CONDOM you moron!!!

cops

The number one customer of that cops! That is true no matter how you slice it. Police are twice as likely to have sex with a hooker as arrest one, and there has never been a john sting that didn't net at least one cop. In an undercover investigation, a cop doesn't have to tell you they are a cop. In order to make an arrest, cop needs you to say that you are interested in trading money or drugs for sex. That's it that is the crime solicitination of prostitution, so if you're smart you just slip her the money and don't say anything.

Use common sense in trust your gut. You know that no motel has a cleaning service at 10 o'clo9ck at night. Don't let her tell you to go down this alley or that alley before you do anything. Chances are good that that is a trap too. If you are smart you will cruse the block a few times to make sure there's not a party van parked nearby.

Of course by the time a hot piece of tail passes you, you're probably too horny to think anymore you sick fuck [1].

A cop can't get in your car, come to your home or touch you or have you touch them . Knowing this there is a simple test that you can preform to prove you have the real deal. Just ask if you can touch her tits. If she says no or makes some big deal about money first, It's probably a cop and you should leave. If she says it's cool then have your self a good time!

Benefits of Visiting a Prostitute Over Getting Married

Sex on demand

You can cut all the crap out of dating and go right to the chase

You get what you paid for

You are funding the drug market, which is good for the economy

If they wear out you can get a fresh one!

Cost of cheating on your wife: half your income, your house, car, and children; Cost of cheating on a prostitute $0

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Featured article July 17 & 18, 2017
Preceded by
Lazy Town
Prostitute Succeeded by
Devon Tracey