Psion Guild

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What a Psi-Ball looks like IRL.

The internets are full of websites and forums that are about teaching you magick and psychic powers. In fact, it's a rare wiccan or otherkin who doesn't already have an imaginary girlfriend on the astral plane. The difference is that The Psion Guild is fucking hardcore and 100% real, wielding the powers of Time cube and GodJesus! How did Billy Mays and Jacko die within days of each other on their 50th birthday of mysterious heart attacks? Now you know!

But even with their massive abilities, the people at the Psion Guild forum never foresaw the creation of this article.

Beginnings[edit]

The guild was founded back in the 1990s by a therian called Winged Wolf. Its membership was very low back then and not because people didn't believe in psychics. The problem was that Winged Wolf was a girl on the internet. She was also a furry and yet not male. Psychic stuff is a multi-billion dollar industry with horoscopes and all that new age stuff that everyone believes. But a girl on the internet? A female furry? No way, a lie!

The forum would not have had any members at all except that many of the Psion Guild users are retro-geeks who stumbled across it by accident whilst seeking out technical support for their early nineties palmtop computers. Unfortunately, they were then ensnared by the web of promise of a pair of crystal balls if they stay and listen to the amusing tales of the talented psychic moderators. All they have to do is to imagine they can teleport, believe they have telekinesis, and visualize starting fires with their minds and then suddenly they find they actually do have psychic powers. Yes, it's real!

Credibility Gained[edit]

Before
After

When this ED article was very new, it had mentioned that regardless of their psionic powers, Psion Guild users seem to be unable to summon away their ugliness, asperger's syndrome, or acne. As a prime example, it noted that Winged Wolf, founder of the Psionic Guild having major acne, even in her "true form" (pictured to the sides). Too bad psionic powers can't clean her face =[.

Undaunted by this challenge, she summoned her psionic powers and went to work. Only hours later, she posted an updated MySpace pic with her acne gone! Is this proof of the paranormal? You be the judge!

Not content with that, Winged Wolf shapeshifted once more into her therian form and reenacted her favorite scene from the movie Ginger Snaps.

Differences between it and similar forums[edit]

The average psion guild members.

As a forum for real-life psychics, Psion Guild, also known as "Professor Winged Wolf's Mansion for Gifted Children" to those in the know, really has to be seen to be believed. Between the debates on the morality of unleashing a "psionic construct" (your own robot made of psionic powers) on your enemies [1] and fabulous proofs of the realness of psychic powers [2]. this seems like just another wicca forum that is a haven of furries, otherkin, vampires, and fag enabler liberals (example). However, there is a difference between it and other forums:

Other forums: They are full of morbidly obese basement dwellers who claim to be vampyres (they spell it with a y to be hardkore) that make these wannabe vamps look attractive by comparison. The vampyres are also unemployed and are almost as big of losers as Rootbrian. If pressed, the vampyres will admit they have no real powers of a vampyre, except for the ability to consume blood without throwing up because their bodies are trying to compensate for malnutrition caused by them eating nothing but Cheetos. Instead, they have the weaknesses of a vampyre: sensitivity to sunlight due to lack of tan. The vampyres will make their forums so they can be bombarded by Twilight fans begging you to turn them and they can snub their noses and say, "No, you're not cool enough. You have to be born vampyre and you can't be turned."

Psion Guild: "Yes you can be turned into a vampyre and sparkle in the sunlight." Winged Wolf's website gives instructions. "I told u i was hardcore."

Psi Balls[edit]

Their most basic technique is creating what is called "psi-balls". The following video, found on Something Awful demonstrates how. Have a watch and then read the comments.

Selected comments

NomadSea: i did what you said and made a ball, and it wont stop growing. its already dematerialized mine and four other homes, and my family is dead, thanks alot asswipe

pixledemon: Wow thanks i just fuckin blew a hole through the wall. ive been told my chakkara was too strong... u_u;.. oh well i know my mom wont mind. i have been traing since i woz 12. now that i am 15 i am alot stronger. no one at school messes wiht me. they know about my chakkara.

TheOldGuest: I felt a huge amount of power flowing through my hands after watching this; I utilised it by grabbing the veiny shaft of my erect penis and violenty unleashing the full force, resulting in a massive chi explosion all over my bedsheets.

kimtorpedo: FUCK... burned my hand

Mcegan69: Sup I heard that the oil rig explosion was caused by someone attempting this. The government is covering it up lest its populace become powerful chi warriors and rise up. THIS IS ALL TRUE!! PUT ON THE GLASSES AND SEE THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT IS SHEEP!! YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID AND NEED TO BE WOKEN UP FROM THE MATRIX!! LETS ALL COMBINE OUR ENERGY INTO ONE HUGE BANKAI GENKAI DAMA AND BLOW UP THE EVIL MIDDLE EAST!! FUUUCCCCKKKKK

grendelee: I made a psi ball, but then i forgot to water it and now its all brown and wont grow anymore

HagenShelton: Dude, I swear I just shit my pants from doing this for 4 hours.

almafuertegmailcom: Ridiculous. This bullshit is even worse than christianity.

Vagitarion: I put my fairy wings on and a dress too, and combined they both give me +27 Chi and I did everything that this video said in it's stated order but nothing happened.

KillerMuffin121: i was completely successful but i drained to much energy from the earth and killed a tree

TXiCN: I tryed but is it normal to get an erection while doing this?

bull068: I tried this, and I can now consume my foes with bolts of lightning from my arse.

Joroshira: I tried it several times, and I really thought this video was fake. But I felt it. I felt the truth.

The truth was that I felt like a faggot doing this.

Melnac: FUCKIN PSI BALLS, HOW DO THEY WORK?

stevensartifacts: OMG I MADE ONE BUT IT CAME SHOOTING OUT OF MY PENIS. it tastes salty

donuthead7310: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I think I shat a psi ball.

Legato107: I focused all the energy into my dick AND IT ADDED OVER AN INCH TO MY ERECTION

COUGHmcCOUGH: Wow, that was dumb. And the music sucked. And only one of the manga chicks was cute. But, goddamn. Damn. Seriously, curse ED for showing me this video. Damn.

You should be ashamed if you actually managed to fool yourself into believing you can make like Dragon Ball Z.


Trolling[edit]

Watch out, there's Psychics about!
The Psion Guild describes this as the typical encounter you will have on the astral plane.

It is impossible to troll these people because they are hardcore psychics and can read your mind and even see the future, knowing a troll will come years before the troll actually does. One even has a two-page signature of him trolling back at a troll who was trolling the forum. Here is a failed attempt at trolling that turned into a serious intellectual discussion.

IRC[edit]

Psion Guild's irc was once found at irc.psionics.net. However, that domain has changed ownership. Psion Guild can now be found at irc.otherworlders.org disguised as a roleplayer's network. That's right, not content with being seriously hardcore psychics, they're also into dressing up as orcs and hitting each other with foam swords or possibly throwing dice at one another. (Try for snake-eyes).

Lotto Numbers[edit]

The Psion Guild's website domain is funded entirely by revenue from Lotto games around the United States. This is possible because Psychics can see into the future. The California Powerball numbers for next week are 65 22 07 15 87 - 72.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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Note: Winged Wolf is an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. She really hates this article. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Wingedwolfpsion.

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[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
Psion Guild is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySelf-VictimizationSexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning