Jeremy Hambly

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Roasted hog.

The Quartering (powerword Jeremy Hambly) aka UnsleevedMedia aka Quarterpounder is a failed Magic The Gathering vlogger, Trumpcuck, free market faggot and YouTube ranter who fancies himself a pretty hardcore dude and slayer of thots. In late 2017, Jeremy found himself in a controversy he soon realized he was ill-equipped to handle, and has attempted to capitalize on the subsequent exposure ever since.

Thot Stomper[edit]

Stop calling me a creep goddammit!

Not unlike a lot of his compatriots in the collectible card game scene, Jeremy had strong opinions on those he deemed illegitimate strong-arming their way into geeky nerd culture, and used his quick wit to put these wanna-bes in check. The timing could not be more perfect for Jeremy, as the rousing success of Gamergate had emboldened him into trying his hand at some Meme Magic and dishing out crazy bants against his adversaries on both YouTube and Twitter.

Jeremy had not realized, however, was that most people who know what the fuck they're doing do not go full blown epic ween in public, with their full names, on their "legitimate accounts", in arenas they consider their "business". His super spicy banter had caught the attention of too many higher ups of the Magic the Gathering business heads, and they promptly issued Jeremy a warning for this shenanigans. The event had caught the attention of some of the less than respected internet news outlets, particularly Polygon and Kotaku. Nnowing the reputation of these outlets, Jeremy was confident he could turn the embarrassment into a win by segueing the unflattering spotlight into an attack on card gamers and other fine people who bravely refused to bend the knee to the neon-haired tyrants.

What Jeremy failed to take into account is that GamerGaters unleashed their righteous sperg-fury in wave after wave of nameless, faceless accounts. With about as much self-awareness as someone might expect from a professional toy unboxer, it hadn't dawned on Hambly that keeping a nice, easily accessible trail of evidence to his shitposting available to anyone willing to look for it might be a detriment in the long run. People like Wizards of the Coast, who took one look at the spastic tantrums he had made a point to do as publicly as possible, on a Twitter account with his fat face attached, and made the obvious decision that this person didn't need to be associated with their children's toys.


Receiving word of his ban, Jeremy went into defensive mode and demanded to see the evidence used against him to render the decision. WotC complied, to which Hambly took to his YouTube channel to argue that his punishment was an unfair screw job against him.

In a legendary display of obliviousness, Jeremy takes to the public and shows everyone how he routinely made oven jokes and cheeky comments about bringing the comedy to his internet enemies in meatspace. Hilarious, but something the old boy really should not have been doing, in public, on accounts he was trying to tie to his "brand", for months on end. In attempting to defend himself, Jeremy displayed to any and every reasonable human being that a fat, shrieking neckbeard raging about Jews and women would be a liability to their brand. Indeed, Jeremy seemed to recognize this himself, as his entire defense quickly devolves into I totally wasn't being serious and claiming that bashing him for his own chimpouts was in and of itself a form of harassment. Nothing worked, and Jeremy had his Wizards of the Coast DCI number banned for life, and some of his digital cards confiscated from an online profile, an action that enraged him into attempting a full scale war on the company.

"A GamerGate Style Event"[edit]

"I don't know, they keep telling me it's retarded but I'm pretty sure I'm right..."
"I'm in this for the long haul, Habro!"

Convinced that a terms of service agreement was a dead meme (note: this is verbatim wording; Jeremy actually says that ToS agreements are not enforceable because they are "dead memes"). Not realizing this is the exact reason why trolls use burner accounts and fake names online, Jeremy gets the bright idea to try and start a fullblown boycott of Hasbro, publishers of the MtG card game. His reasoning is sound; an all out consumer revolt as the holiday spending season approached would surely send the company into a panic, and not wanting to suffer a financial downfall, would surely release a statement in favor of Jeremy and reverse his ban and restoring his content.

He was not joking. Jeremy was completely convinced he had the makings of a full scale internet riot at his disposal and was ready and willing to unleash it if his demands were not satisfied.

This WILL, I promise you, get their attention.


—Unsleeved Media, grossly exaggerating his influence

No. Really. He actually thought he had the making of a serious news story on his hands.

I'm reaching out to many people! Any conservative, libertarian, or fair minded major news outlet... I'm reaching out to guys like Ian Miles Cheong, Milo, Tucker Carlson... What THIS does, is gives me an opening, one hell of a subject line to send Fox News!



In his battle cry video, Jeremy, out loud, several times, screams about "normies" and how he intends to use 25,000 gamers to boycot Hasbro during the most important business month of the year. Hambly, with 100% sincerity, demands his audience make their voice heard, because this injustice was "the kind of things news outlets will pick up!". His weapon of choice in this most important battle was a link.

He's completely fucking serious

Plz take srsly

Fizzle and Burn[edit]


Problems arose immediately with Jeremys grand revolt. The biggest of which being his complete inability to pitch this as anything but an ego trip over his punishment. He attempts to take the Sargon of Akkad method of trying to convince would-be foot soldiers into doing battle against corporate normies and social justice warriors, who will turn on you next! Considering that it took GamerGate at least a year before it ran out of steam, the fact that Jeremy needs to plead with his viewership -who presumably already side with him- that it's important they help him out regardless of personal feelings right from the gate set off red flags.

As demoralizing as it must have been to see he had none of the grassroots support needed to make a spergout work well enough to put CEOs on notice, the ability of bringing a full fledged court case as a result of the action seemed to be dismissed as quickly as it was raised.

I've talked to a couple of lawyers, but... they didn't seem very educated.



Unsleeved Becomes Unhinged[edit]

A full week and no Fox News appearances, Jeremy began to lose his already tenuous grasp on the reality of the situation he found himself in. His grand Gamergate sequel hadn't gained the traction he had promised in his declaration video, and far from the sympathetic ear of the mainstream right leaning news, Jeremy was forced to beg for scraps of acknowledgement from the uninterested ear of more alternative outlets. The attempt was as successful as his grab at the mainstream, with another failure putting the jittery hambeast in increasingly less flattering light to his would-be audience. To compensate, Jeremy took on the new method; concluding the best way to stick it to a childrens card game manufacturer for giving you the boot is to act like an erratic madman publicly.

The gambit worked! As demonstrated by the fact that his thousands+ boycott is so busy bringing Wizards to their knees, that few of his "official" tweets can break 30 likes.

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Hambly Gets Trolled[edit]

"Ok guys I was just kidding around but now you're crossing the line..."

In spite of all his passion and conviction, Jeremy had thus far been unable to harness the power of dank memes to reclaim his digital card collection, and his misfortunes soon compounded when he began to recieved threatening letters to his doorstep. In his update video, Jeremy reveals his wife -Heather- had been up until this point in the dark from his online crusade against the card company, and the incident forced him to inform her of his online antics. Jeremy responded to the incident with a YouTube video about crossing boundaries he believes should be set for online war, dramatically insisting his enemies should have the honor to not cross said boundaries and instead engage him directly and honorably.

When it came time to reveal what the artifact that had caused such a domestic incident had been, Jeremy revealed he was mailed a hastily sketched postcard informing him he sucked.

Unsleeved Goes Full Stormfag[edit]

The Daily Stormer is coming for you, SJWs!

With Christmas inching ever closer, no evidence that his thousands-plus Holiday Boycott was a blip on the companies radar (much less a stock-crashing disaster he repeatedly threatened it would be) coupled with a disastrous attempt to win favor with Redditors, Jeremy became desperate as avenues to keep his plight in the minds of potential allies dwindled in front of him like the fading glow of dying Christmas lights. Upon the realization he wouldn't get his much coveted mainstream press coverage, Hambly decided to run full speed ahead in the opposite direction, and commissioned a typo-riddled puff piece from Breitbart while giddy about the threat of a newfound alliance with Daily Stormer. In addition, he was taking his campaign old-school, breaking the fourth wall and attacking the professional lives of his enemies. To top it off, he would go on to openly call for the reversal of the banishment of fellow persecuted player Zach Jesse; a literal rapist.

Which would be epic as shit, if he hadn't immediately denied doing these things after having been found out he was doing them. Indeed, it seemed as though Jeremy thought he could be both a reasonable, rational mainstream face for the fight against extremist SJWs in nerd culture, and also wanted to be a full fledged mid-2000s /b/tard. At once. One one Twitter profile. All of which he would readily admit to doing under his full, legal name. Again, Jeremy demonstrated a remarkable lack of foresight in performing these actions, and a complete inability to predict how these antics would be perceived by the average Joe and Jane he had spent weeks pleading to take him seriously.

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Christmas Comes and Hasbro Responds[edit]

The big day arrived, and Jeremy's boycott was finally taking a toll on the toy company. The following is their response to the brutal campaign against them.


"The Article"; Jeremy's Big Retaliation[edit]


The big holiday boycott came and went with zero acknowledgement from Hasbro, chapping Jeremy's ass something fierce. Dejected and needing a retaliation, Hambly ran frantically for anyone willing to give him anything resembling attention. He finally seemed to find someone, revealing to his twitter followers he had a 23 page article about "MagicGate" in the works, and gleefully boasted that he totally had information that would shake the corporation to its core. Seemingly making good on his initial threats, Hambly jerked himself raw at the prospect of finally getting one over on those who wronged him, and when the time came to reveal his masterwork, the website crashed! No doubt because of the hundreds of thousands of people who had rushed to witness the epic smackdown of the WotC SJWs!

Upon the website coming back up, it immediately became clear why it went down the split second Hamblys revenge article came up. Brazenly lying about a "mainstream news website" expressing sympathy towards his plight, Jeremy proceeded to link a Web1.0 tier website that featured various conspiracies and generally sub levels of opinion blogging.

In reality Hambly is a leftist that views himself as a crusader pushing blunt truths to fight against the rising tide of political correctness.


—They always are...

Those who seek truth are duty bound to follow the path wherever it leads. I inherently despise authoritarians and hypocrites and will expose such individuals at every opportunity if it is within my capabilities. I do not defend Hambly’s behavior as it is, without doubt, amongst some of crassesst I have encountered. Still, if while on the path to truth an asshole like Hambly is inadvertently vindicated, so be it.


—"Hey, I don't WANNA side with Hambly, it's just by total coincidence he ended up being absolutely right about everything..."

How does one define bullying, exactly? Aren’t I, a journalist who earns a living writing his opinions, possibly bullying the WotC staff at this very moment? Is it not likely this article will cause them, and their members who agree with their nonsense, discomfort from being harassed?


—Fuckin' Pulitzer winning shit right here

Isn’t MTG one of the premier strategy games in the world? Doesn’t the ability to think critically ultimately serve the greater good of community as a whole? Players are forbidden from thinking critically or speaking out about any issue which they find troubling, lest their opinions cause discomfort to those who feel harassed by having their gullibility exposed!


—"Jeremy is only guilty of keeping it too real for you!"

The fight against Jeremy Hambly is easy to understand in this context. To MTG’s core players Hambly represents the same torment they have faced their entire lives. Hambly’s behavior disrupts the illusion which allows their escape. Does this make Hambly the villain or is it his other behavior which community leaders have described as “toxic”? Is it both?


—the author, deducing that everyone is just super afraid of Hambly

These men who interact aggressively with women create a vacuum to be filled by men who interact with women opposite of the overly aggressive men while suffering from the same lack of experience and confidence. Both lack social skills and are doomed to feed off of one another. This is not the fault of women in MTG’s community. They have no responsibility to teach a generation of awkward men how to treat them like human beings, but it is also true there are women who who are aware of this dynamic and exploit it for their gain.


—MGTOW the Gathering


Was Hambly wrong for making his video? I don’t think so. While his presentation was a failure, and I am fairly certain he was intoxicated during the video, his overall premise was correct. Uncomfortable facts should not be silenced.


It is clear Hambly’s comment was meant sarcastically and he has every right to respond with ridicule by throwing the accusation back at the accuser. Was it the most tactful of a response? No, but he is surely not claiming a desire to rape Gem of Magic


—"C'mon, he said he WOULDN'T do it...

In his totally-legitimate-mainstream-news website-guys-I'm-serious article, Jeremy is martyred by the "professional journalist" as an innocent is cheeky troublemaker being unfairly targeted by a -direct quote- "contradictory philosophy could have been directly pulled from Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984". In it, the idea that Jeremy has begged the mainstream to hear for months is merely repeated over and over again; "But by their own definition, did they not also harass Jeremy?!". The substance is of little interest, it was merely a compilation of related tangents Hambly himself had desperately tried to get viral for weeks prior. Rather, it is the style of writing that's the biggest point of interest. In the "23 pages" (Hambly, despite totally not being involved with the writing of the article, was presented a copy of it in PDF form prior to publishing, which amount to 23 pages worth of material; that web content does not translate to "pages" when published online did not seem to register to him) petty insults and the vaguest of accusations are vomited at the reader in stream of consciousness compositions, the author taking the time out to directly and individually insult the various subjects, while attempting- repeatedly- to convince the reader of his own neutrality, done by means of occasionally insulting Jeremy as lightly as possible.

The overall tone of the article and Jeremy's uncontainable joy at it's existence make a sad fact -again- painfully clear; this is seriously how Jeremy believes respected news journalists speak. Fattyboy neglects to inform his audience that the websites content is almost exclusively audience generated, resulting in his "large news website" being filled to the brim with conspiracy theories and misdirected 'rebel'-styled opinion pieces and, yet again for the thousandth time in a row, proceeds to demonstrate that he has absolutely no fucking idea how to act like a normal person, and interprets their inability to process the batshit wordvomit he spews onto people as evidence of a conspiracy against him.

In my view Christine Sprankle’s life is sad and she found herself as the face of a MTG’s community by way of a fluke. Sprankle had no way to know by showing up at a convention in November 2011 it would spark her career as the most famous person associated with a game she was not particularly exceptional at playing.


—A "professional journalist" said this

23 Pages?! What's the Gist of it?[edit]

The stupid fat pig begged a conspiracy theorist to throw some of his Tweets together in Acrobat and throw it on his conspiracy theory blog, apparently under the impression that it counted as mainstream news.


BREAKING LEGITIMATE NEWS GUYS, it seems that mere minutes within the article going live on uncorporatemedia, they too realized the rambling bullshit was too much for the good name of their website. The article was removed and thrown on some shitty GamerGate website.

Which he swears gets more hits than Breitbart.

The Journalist[edit]

Lou rubs elbows with only the most respected names in news

Jeremy's argument for the articles validity was based on his assertion that it's author, Lou Colagiovanni, was a legitimate, verified journalist. He had credentials! Brace yourself for this, Lou had uncovered the Anthony Weiner scandal! Shit doesn't get more legit than that! Hambly had found himself a powerful ally here, how the fuck could any SJW brace themselves for the investigative thrashing they were about toh wait he just lied.

Yes, as he is wont to do, Jeremy seemed to be embellishing his friends ability just a tad bit, and his seasoned investigative journalist turned out to be little more than a tried and true attention seeking hanger on who was only peripherally related to Weinergate, and who's other contributions to journalism were equally as unimpressive.

Now ol Lou didn't take kindly to his legitimacy being called into question all of the sudden, which he chalked up to the panicked and desperate flailing of the now enraged SJWs he exposed to the sunlight. He was quick to point to his quarter of a million follower Facebook fanpage, which he was confident proved he was the big deal he claimed and -having about as much foresight as his friend Jeremy- challenged his Twitter antagonists to Google his name and bring up one of any hundreds of articles he had professionally written and was paid to publish. The results did little to shut up his critics, the search only turned up cheap blog after cheap blog of poorly written, middle of the roadnews reports. And none of which looked like anything he was being paid for. A far cry from being the world-famous sex scandal breaker that Jeremy hyped him as. Adding to his humiliation, the fact that said Facebook fanpage (of which he really wants you to know has a quarter of a million followers on it), would routinely get less than a hundred or so reactions per unique post; a dead giveaway for purchased followers.

Colagiovannis detractors, obviously, immediately brought this to his attention. To which his response was to loudly proclaim he was already an established professional and didn't need no SJWs claiming otherwise in an attempt to slander him.

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Third Time is the Kid Touching Charm[edit]

"The Article", like all the attempts before it, sparked nobody's interest. Unfazed, Jeremy decided to strike while what was left of the iron was hot, and finally delivered on his threats of dirt. In his third attempt in roughly a month in a half to rebrand "MagicGate" in an effort to get mainstream attention, he rather suddenly announced he had received bombshell after bombshell in his dedicated email for precisely this type of material, Jeremy took to YouTube to announce to the world the awful truth; the Magic the Gathering community had been infested from top to bottom with pedophiles! He did it! The fat fucker had finally delivered!

...that is, unless you watched until the end of the video.

N-now an important distinction to note...f-from what I can tell, many of these people are either in jail, or not active anymore...


—14:55, effectively snipping the fuse off of his bomb

At the tail end of his big fist to the jaw of Social Justice and Wizards of the Coast, Jeremy casually lets it slip -ostensibly to protect himself legally- that the people he had just exposed as people child rapist MtG players probably weren't actually involved with the game anymore, if they were even free men at this point.

Andy Warski and the Revolting Consumers[edit]

Now confident that he had the gimmick that would really blow up MagicGate into a notable event, Jeremy got his long time wish and landed a coveted spot on "classical liberal" Youtube podcast Warski Live. All excited that he was finally about to mobilize the personal army he had wanted for months, Jeremy was enthralled to learn long-time idol Mister Metokur would be popping in for the stream! It was everything the piggyboy had dreamt of, after months of humiliating setback after humiliating setback, Jeremy was finally about to mobilize the troops and take sweet vengeance against Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast for daring to imply he was a deranged neckbeard with a hair-trigger temper who would consistently cause problems wherever he went.

A funny thing happens when you Activate the Epic Ween, and it turns out Metokur and his fanbase didn't actually give two shits about Jeremy or his dumbshit campaign of justice. As Jeremy tried to put on his best professional face to convince the public at large he had a factual, evidence based case against the company that warranted attention, people who knew how to properly weaponize their autism. Dank memes and and epic barbs filled up Hasbros Twitter mentions as macro after macros were shopped to warn the kiddy fondling toy company that the time for mercy was over, and to now brace for Total War-ski.

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For the first time in the history of 'MagicGate', Jeremy had finally, actually pulled off quality lulz. The fat sperg had, at long last, achieved his goal.

Until, of course, you realize Jeremy's actual intention was to be taken seriously by the mainstream media and executives at Hasbro. And now his face and legal name are forever associated with an admitted and deliberate campaign of publicly accusing of their brand knowing and covering up sex crimes against children. It's fine, though. Big corporations aren't exactly known for being litigious, and it's not like he really said anything that would be worth a case being brought against him.

MagicGate goes out for Pizza[edit]

"Y-yeah guys... it's... it's all coming down! They're finally out to silence me for good..."

About a day after Metokur showed him how to handle business, Jeremy went fullblown Alex Jones and just decided to tell everyone he had exposed Wizards of the Coast of being a child-rape cult. Screaming that the official company response to an obese manchild screaming "Why are all of you pedophiles?!" wasn't professional enough for his liking, Jeremy took to his YouTube, where he would rant to his audience about not getting a professional response to screaming "Why are all of you pedophiles?!" to a companys Twitter.

In doing so, the dumb fuck forgot to clear the ol browsing history, and had let some incriminating content slip past.

Notice some suspicious editing there at the 5:20 mark? Jeremy, in the midst of his righteous rage, had accidentally exposed some unflattering search results, and broadcasted the content to his "professional" YouTube channel. Unsurprisngly, this got his account flagged and deleted. However never one to let a good outrage pass, Jeremy decided he would simply lie about the circumstances of his ban, and claim that Hasbro was now activating their final response to silent him for good. Again, like the Metokur raid, this too garnered Jeremy an unusual amount of hype, and everyone from GamerGaters to the Alt Right had their interest piqued at the potential existence of a new child-rape conspiracy.

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Even the Pedophile Shit Doesn't Work So Jeremy Loses His Fucking Mind[edit]


Jeremy thought for sure his accusations of kiddie sex rings told by world class journalists would grab the worlds attention. It didn't, in fact according to Jeremy, the accusations only garnered him the mockery of other MtG podcasts and players.

As a result of the taunting from those whose respect he spent years craving, Hambly goes completely apeshit, demanding the world give him respect and attention. For added credibility, he posts a very clearly faked screencapture of a teenage girl who thanks him for breaking this news story to YouTube. He doesn't think to take them out of Microsoft Word before putting them on the screen.

Hambly Quits[edit]

As he tried to kick up external outrage for his cunning and well thought out "No really guys this toy company is totally gonna get your kids molested I swear to god a journalist agrees with me and everything!" thesis, Jeremy's lack of consistent allies began to frustrate him. In a twist of luck, he was able to bitch juuuuuust enough to get the company to capitulate. And by capitulate, meaning they put out a release that amounted to "Hey let us know if there are kiddie diddlers out there and we'll take away their number and ban them, Kthxbye.

Because that kind of, sort of, almost looked like what Jeremy's grand end game was (you know, if you squint), he took the opportunity to slink away with his "win", along with his pride intact.

Lol not really. What he actually thought was that this would rejuvenate "MagicGate" with a much needed second wind, propelling him to even greater heights. His first major victory under his belt (not counting Metokur assisted hand-outs ala the hashtag heist), Jeremy ran to le Reddit and /Pol/ to rally the troops about his victory, and the fact that his enemies were now outright supporting kidfuckers!

They weren't having it anymore. Jeremy had worn out his welcome but all of the most determined anti-SJWs, and most were more than welcoming of WotC's "defeat" if it meant Jeremy would finally stop astroturfing their boards for support for another one of his dumbass crusades. In a shocking reversal of habit, Jeremy was able to see his good reputation souring among the Anons and Renegade Redditors, and quickly dropped 'Phase 2 2.5 3 3.5 3.5a 3.5b New Part' of MagicGate needed to be shelved, and that lying Sprankle whore totally admitted she lied and asked for my forgiveness because she totally made everything up for money and slandered my good name all for ill gotten gains you guys I swear it happened.

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With that, Jeremy took his war-weary out for drinks in the same city where some faggoty Magic tournament or something was also happening.


When vikings were killed in battle, they entered Valhalla. When those of the Muslim faith are martyred, they are rewarded with 72 virgins.

This is what Jeremy did after he totally won his great war.

(((Journalism))), Hambly-style[edit]

P-please subscribe...

Months after his brutal struggle against card games game to a close, Jeremy found himself getting less and less attention. Fearing irrelevance, he switched gears and fell back on the topic all click thirsty beards do; Anita Sarkeesian! Jeremy had found out Anita would be one of a couple hundred speakers at some faggy board game convention, and fired up his camera to go to work. This would be one in a series of videos in which "Drama Free Jeremy" would immediately insert himself into whatever nerd shit happening was unfolding at the moment in an attempt at siphon off hits and attention for himself. The slight shift in subject matter would be a slow and steady winner for Quartering, as sure enough the hordes of consumers ready to revolt would rewed Jeremy's determination with dopamine-giving rage clicks. After nearly a year of hard work and perseverance, Hambly built a nice career for himself as an even less interesting, less relevant Mundane Matt.

Be a reporter, just like Jeremy![edit]

1. Make up a rumor involving some piece of entertainment or industry. Anything you like, but make sure to say that some kind of "insider" or "anonymous source" fed you the information! This adds credibility and a layer of protection should the parties involved get wind of your accusations!

2. Demand those involved in the aforementioned "scandal" answer to you for their perceived crimes or controversies. Encourage your following to demand answers as well!

3. When there's no answer from the subject in question, claim victory for having them recognize your online presence and mountains of credibility. You did it!

3A. Rarely, you will get actually response from the entities you're attempting to shave credibility at the expense of. If they accuse you of coming at them with unsubstantiated claims, it is important to react as incredulously as possible to the response. This allows you to maintain an aura of respect, as well as giving you the added benefit of being able to claim these companies are actively trying to sabotage your reporting!

And remember gang; when in doubt, accused them of pedophilia!

Hard Hitting Reporting[edit]

Given Quartering's flair for the dramatic, he often finds himself in the crosshairs of those he himself is trying to shine a spotlight on. As with his previous encounters, such as with Kotaku and the Blood Sports circles, Jeremy has a patented method of immediately playing a victim the second he's called out on things he says or does, loudly and publicly expressing absolute bewilderment upon being granted any acknowledgement less flattering than total admiration and respect.

Ethical Videogame Journalism; in 3 Acts

Gencon Throwdown[edit]

Not suspicious at all.

In August of 2018, Jeremy attended Gencon, where an incident occurred in which he claimed to have been accosted by an SJW in real life!

Original video deleted, his babbling explanation video here;

Jeremy tells it as standing having a delightful chat with friends, before a rainbow-clad warrior attacks him from behind. Needing the assistance of several friends in order to gain enough time for a retreat, the attack raged until he smashed a window attempting to reach poor Jeremy. Frightened, the bartender mocked Jeremy and demanded he not contact the proper authorizes. Hambly refused, but even the cops were unsympathetic to his plight!

What actually happened[edit]

Hambly got too drunk and mouthed off to someone who wasn't aware of his internet notoriety, who promptly slapped the shit out of his mouth. Panicked, he ran crying to the nearest authority figures who asked him to calm the fuck down, called 911 anyway, and was properly dismissed by the police.

Hambly... a liar?![edit]

As news of the story broke, Jeremy found support from every corner of the 'net! Websites picked up the incident and it quickly made local and online headlines! Brief research, however, suggested Hambly might have been embellishing key details of the incident. Shocking as it may seem, there were indeed hints that Jeremy had not been entirely forthcoming with his version of events.

Local press could not find police reports of Jeremy's attack, and the bar disputed Hambly's assertion that the incident had most certainly been recorded on security cameras. He would proceed to pull the initial video, later uploading a "clarification" video filled with eyewitness testimony and promising his viewers he's totally about to file a lawsuit. Upon further investigation, it would then come to light that Jeremy had outright lied about never knowing the man who "attacked" him, as he had previously openly accused the suspect as- you guessed it!- a pedophile!

He would maintain he would not use the lawsuit crowdfunding contributions for a profit. He did, however, inform his fans that the lawsuit would be a lengthy, costly endeavor so you might as well just give him some cash just to be on the safe side.

Lawsuit Conclusion[edit]

On May 8th, 2019, the lawsuit between the punched TheQuartering and the puncher Matt Fantastic has come to a bizarre conclusion. Matt was forced to make an apology like some kind of elementary schooler, which Hambly graciously accepted with the jittery excitement of a spastic toddler. Despite being totally sincere, Loiter is seen smirking and giggling like a teenage woman several times throughout.

In a puzzling concession, Jeremy -despite totally having won the case- himself was apparently convinced to remove the majority of his videos relating to the incident. In addition, despite totally receiving a big cash reward for his pain and suffering, he cannot elaborate on exactly how much. On top of that, he totally donated the rest of the money for the case to an unspecified charity; the organization and amount given also, unsurprisingly, was not detailed anywhere for confirmation.

But totally, this was a victory for Jeremy. Will The Ham-Man be unbanned and be assaulted again on GenCon 2019, setting himself up for another extravagant payday? Only time will tell.

Jeremy the Lolcow[edit]

Throughout his adventures online Jeremy has caught the attention of many would-be allies, usually to be mocked by them in return. The following are just a sampling of Jeremy's documented humiliations.

Hambly Attempts to Endear Himself to His Predecessors[edit]

And is promptly blown right the fuck out for his efforts.

Not long after declaring victory over WotC and the obvious non-effect it had over his community, Jeremy pressed on to keep himself in the spotlight, with his patented "mean tweets" and generally just trying to insert himself into whatever vaguely related conversation he could. Jeremy made a point to have some fun at the expense of Brian Kibler‏, some kind of game maker or reviewer or whatever. A bigger, more important man than Jeremy, at any rate.

SURPRISE SURPRISE, it backfired.


Kibler's tweet generated far more attention than any tweets Jeremy had received in any of his 20 variations of "MagicGate", and in a delicious twist of irony, Hambly goes fullblown Zoe Quinn and cries to YouTube about how he totally has anxiety you guys start treating him nicer. Despite the fact that mere moments before he tried to play off his ragequitting Twitter as being "too overwhelmed by butthurt people who take things too seriously".


Months after trying to cozy up to Mister Metokur, Jeremy got too cocky for his own good once again and picked a fight with good old Jim. The results were as expected.

Picking fights with Bloodsports; Losing fights with Bloodsports[edit]

After months of lucrative but uneventful clickbait videos weren't generating the buzz he felt he warranted, Jeremy got the sweet idea to pick internet fights with Keemstar and Mister Metokur. Hambly went at the duo with a tried and true tactic; attacking bigger fish when they weren't around, demanding they step up to him, only to cower and suck his opponents dicks when confronted by them. This pattern lasted for weeks, generating delicious drama and attention for Jeremy with no downside! Unfortunately for Jeremy, Metokur and Keemstar had far less tolerance for fat boys antics and decided to smash him consistently.

"Fuck you Kee- o-oh Hi Keem!"

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Humiliated by the Gaming Industry[edit]

While Jeremy continued churning out daily vidyagame spergouts in order to continue monetizing that sweet sweet Gamergate autism, he eventually caught the attention of Twisted Metal and God of War creator David Jaffee. Jaffee wastes little time and spanks Jeremy like the dirty little whore he is.

Cucked by Kevin Smith[edit]

Captain Male Tears[edit]

Like any good YouTube e-celeb, Hambly knew bait when he saw it, and wasted little time in playing dancing monkey to the incel crusade against Generic Marvel Capeshit #13. More specifically, screaming at his webcam about feminism twice a day, every day, for roughly 3 months about a children's movie. His obsession eventually reached such a breaking point that 4chan's television and movie board as well as Comics board eventually began to pause their own spirited discussion of the film in order to crack jokes at Jeremy's expense for his inability to stop talking about a film he seemingly didn't care about for hours on end. Sentiment that he, a seasoned imageboard self-promoter, would clearly have seen as he attempted to promote his own content.

Blown the Fuck Out by Destiny[edit]

Following a long tradition of internet C-listers grabbing for spotlight by slapboxing SJW has-been Destiny, Jeremy made repeated attempts to get the attention of Mr Bonnell in order to be in one of the infamous debates. Fat fuck didn't even bother making the attempt, trying to play the entire event off as an I TROLL U as Destiny publically dunked on him to the delight of his mongoloid fanbase.

After failing to dismiss the unflattering ordeal as deliberate trickery, Hambly reluctantly took on Destiny in a battle of wits, and all but admitted he didn't believe any of the bullshit he spent hours all day rambling on YouTube, and just did it for clicks, as he had previously acknowledged. Destiny took the opportunity to make Rambly Hambly dance for his own amusement, easily getting the tubby commentator to admit himself a clickwhore.

Jeremy is a Sad Sack of Shit[edit]

Jeremy is a sad fat neckbeard with no friends whose family hates him

"I don't really have a lot of friends in real life..." (2:48)


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