RPG

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RPGs or role-playing games are terms used to describe video games that require inane amounts of stamina, self discipline, and time that could better be used doing useless things such as making friends or getting laid. The main draw of RPGs is that they're supposed to put the player into the role of somebody else (normally a man with huge eyes and girly hair), meaning they're only played by those whose real life existences suck so much that they need to pretend to be an adrogynic 15 year old.

A White Mage. A useless job in any game.

Genre Staples[edit]

Sometimes you have list of jobs to choose from to find creative ways to defeat your enemy. Almost always there is some sort of system to level and develop the members of your party. There is only one real certainty when it comes to RPG’s, you will spend hours roaming around hitting shit with swords for months at a time, and when you get bored you can hit more shit with more swords while you look for new swords. If you're lucky there's a special sword that you can get only after hitting an overpowered boss with your sword.

Another notable ingredient to the magic that makes an RPG, would be a rich and deep story. It usually involves an evil king, and fighting God. Which is not at all a tired design, it's just more deep than anyone could possibly begin to understand.

A typical MMORPG.

JRPGs vs. WRPGs[edit]

Every WRPG. Ever.

A common debate topic amongst RPG fans is which of the two main types of RPGs is superior: Japanese RPGs or Western RPGs. Although they're both equally boring and flawed, a few key differences separate the fandoms, mainly dealing with characterization, plot, and battle system. Basically, JRPGs tend to always put you in the role of an androgynous, angsty, teenage boy(?) who has to embark on the same exact shitty linear cut-and-paste quest of saving the world from absolute evil, whereas WRPGs tend to have no plot at all except for choice and put you into the role of the gay tokien like fantasy character of your choosing, but with no backstory and personality to speak of. In the end, it just comes down to the classic internet argument of Japan vs. America.

Typical Plot of a JRPG[edit]

You are either the Prince of a huge empire/a knight of said empire/a group of people oppressed by that empire. The knight goes to raze the town of the group of oppressed people. He sets fire to the town, but it is put out by the magical powers the townspeople have. An epic fight occurs, one that will surely be told by the ancestors of your character. Resulting in the near death of the knight, he vows to renounce his past and become good. The Knight joins your party and you take him to Mt. Madeupname, where he battles his dark self and becomes a Paladin/White Mage/other unnecessary class. You then take a ship to the castle of the evil king, and on that ship it is attacked by a huge sea creature/God of the sea/monster sent by air by the king to fight you/mech. You kill the creature/smash the mech and then infiltrate the castle. You meet the prince, who somehow decides that he would rather join a party of homeless magicians and a knight who got a change of clothes. Unfortunately, the prince can only use daggers and therefore is completely fucking useless in combat.

You confront the king, and he transforms into a monster. After defeating him, you find out that he was being possessed by a bigger evil. You go out onto an amazing quest to find that evil, going to other planets and meeting colorful characters such as ninjas, clowns, and if you're playing a Square Enix game, Moogles. You then find an evil man hiding in a tower/cave. When you defeat him, the final boss of the game will reveal himself to you. You go underwater/to the moon to find him. To do this you will either use the broken mech you got on the ship and/or go on a fetch quest to get the special and magical metal, Adamantite/Orichalchum/steel. Because, you know, broken Gundam suits can fly to the moon if you patch it up with a fictional alloy.

On the moon, you will fight the incredibly easy final boss.

Aren't you glad you spent 50 hours on that?

Typical Plot of a WRPG[edit]

Nice try.

Comparison Gallery[edit]

MMORPGs and You[edit]

Depressed? Feel like no one understands you? Then it sounds like you need a good MMORPG to turn that frown upside down! You can join online with thousands of people just like yourself to embark on an epic quest across strange new worlds. Don’t you think it’s about time to take the first steps to becoming a true hero? Don’t you want to prove what makes you special?

See Also[edit]

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