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See also: Ayn Rand, a dried-up meth-addicted lying sea hag whore.

The prophet lying through her teeth during her testimony before the House Un American Activities Committee
Monument to Objectivism

A Randroid is a follower of Objectivism, a phallocentric religion designed to turn basement dwellers into self-righteous zealots devoted to the worship of a dead soviet hag. It is the most rational belief system in human history.

Faggot or whore. Choose wisely!

Randroids have major hard-ons for big business even though most of them, including Rand herself, have no experience in the business world beyond the cash register at the local Quizno's. According to Objectivism, capitalism is innately fair and anyone who doesn't earn enough money to make a living simply isn't working hard enough.

Randroids see the world in black and white. Everything can be nicely summed up with bumper stickers and quotes, and a polemic ridden with fallacies and flaws by a guy named Spooner can tell you exactly how the world works. You're either a hard working citizen or a parasitic leech.

Ayn Rand specifically rejected Jesus H. Christ as her Lord and Savior, and (barring an unlikely last-minute change of heart) is currently burning alive in the fiery pits of Hell as you read this. Somebody didn't pay attention in Sunday School!

Atlas Shrugged; Or, My Struggle[edit]

On the night of January 16th 1947, after a day of drug-fueled testimony before the House Un-American Activities Committee, and a night of transcontinental railroad travel, a Benzedrine-addled Ayn Rand fainted in the arms of her twin brother Slappey Rosenbaum, an illegal alien then known as Andy "Randy Andy" Rand. She awoke the next morning in the bathroom of her tidy Hollywood Hills apartment, with her bloomers around her ankles and the platen of a Remington Royal Quiet De Luxe manual typewriter shoved up her ass. Terrifyingly, the bathroom door had been bricked up during her unconsciousness, rendering escape impossible. The bathroom had been stocked with survival supplies, including a small drinking cup, a folder containing a complete run of clipped-out Little Orphan Annie comic strips, a supply of soap and toilet tissue, a copy of Garet Garrett's 1922 novel The Driver, and forty reams of 20# bond typing paper, plus assorted typewriter ribbons, feminine hygiene supplies, and some Ovaltine. A note, handwritten in feces, had been left on the wall of the shower stall: "Create Your Art -- BITCH! LUV FRANK". Despite her frantic cries for help, neither her husband, actor Frank O'Connor, nor her brother esponded. (Rand would later discover that her twin brother had paid ten years of rent and utilty bills in advance and fled with O'Connor. Rosenbaum then successfully impersonated his sister, taking her place in the eyes of the world -- and in the arms of her husband -- for the subsequent ten years.)

In 1957, after a decade of imprisonment, Rand managed to escape her prison by dissolving the mortar holding the brick wall together with her bile. Making her way to New York, she surprised her brother in his West 34th Street apartment and murdered him with a menorah. (Rand was never charged since no record of Slappey Rosenbaum as a separate person was ever found. She admitted in a posthumous note that she had dismembered her brother with a gold, dollar-sign-shaped brooch, chewed his body into pieces, and disposed of the remains via the toilet.) Assuming her life again, Rand submitted her manuscript for a novel entitled "The Strike" to Random House; this novel, retitled Atlas Shrugged, was published by them in October. The rest is literary history.

The book has recently become popular with Republicans, such as Michelle Malkin and most of Fox News, who are butthurt over the victory of the black person Muslim socialist Barack Obama. Most of these Republicans, like most self-proclaimed Objectivists, have never read the book and only know about it through its Wikipedia page.

Ayn Rand never wrote another work of fiction, or drank Ovaltine, again.

The novel itself is virtually unreadable; only a small percentage of readers actually finish the book, and then only by skipping the chapter containing hero John Galt's Speech. It is simply so long that being told to read it should be taken as a death threat, as you are more likely to starve than to finish it, much like the holy babble.

SPOILER In the end, the Good Guys (who first destroy the world's economy, which sounds like something the Illumanti) who go free John Galt from the President of the United States who is torturing John Galt until he fixes the economy in the most boring rescue mission ever (since the guards guarding the prison flee in terror or die upon sight of Dagny). After the rescue mission, the Good Guys "win" by hiding in a valley in Colorado, protected by a magic force field that makes people under it invisible from the air. For obvious reasons, objectivists never, ever mention this part of the story.


  • Randroids don't believe in God but resent being tagged Atheists.
This is probably because they are staunch worshipers of Moloch, and that is as much as they have in common with the Jews.
  • Politically they coincide with 100% of the libertarian platform but Galt save us if you dare group them together.
  • Immanuel Kant is regarded as a monster, Hitler and Stalin being mere passive victims of his altruist morality. It should be noted that few if any Randroids have actually read any of Kant's works, or even a decent introductory text as doing so would be considered sin. Still rational.
  • Randoids (Objectivists) are usually bullshit market anarchists, and worship completely unfettered and unregulated capitalism like Calvinists on steroids.
Any arguments with a Randroid based on currently existing examples of capitalism, like corporate corruption and sweatshop/slave labour exploitation for example, are quickly dismissed as “not true examples of capitalism, because they involve state authority”. This is why they sound like Communists and can be used for trolling purposes.
  • Convenient hypocrisy is a staple of Objectivism so they defend anything that doesn't match their cock-eyed definition with cries of "not true Capitalism due to authority involvement".
i.e. Bill Gates represents true Capitalism, while George Soros doesn't. Nazi Germany was a bad racially-based welfare/warfare State, but Israel is a good racially-based welfare/warfare state. You may see a Jew here.
  • Charity is bad.
  • All rich people are geniuses who achieved everything they had through hard work and owe nothing to the rich parents who bought them Ivy League educations.

Power Structure[edit]

Acolytes are brainwashed in grad school or early college and then begin a painful process of rejection, acceptance and finally self-classification into either of the two formal Objectivist sects:

  • The hardliners: or "hawks" are centered around the Holy See in Irving, Ca where Ayn Rand left her estate to the State of Israel as yet another perpetual embassy between the two countries. They believe in Militarism, Randian Infallibility, Brandian Fallibility, and the immaculate conception of the Atlas Shrugged. Demanding government to nuke Tehran is at the top of their priorities.
  • The moderates: or "faggots" are spread throughout the tubes and present a more amicable, and in that way deceiving, face of Objectivism. They believe in Brandian Infallibility, Randian Fallibility, and the possibility of Atlas Shrugged being a ripoff of Garet Garrett's 1922 novel The Driver . Keeping government out of man-boy buttsecks is at the top of their priorities.

Then they change their names to something vaguely Nordic like Branden to cover up their ubiquitous Jewish origins and Zionist agenda.


Lacking a life, many Randroids are therefore quite active in JewTube.


Brandon Cropper is a Mormon from central Connecticut, and as a good Mormon, he migrated to Utah where he went broke after opening an atheist pedophilia consortium known as the "Cropper Lyceum" where he wants to teach 6 year-olds the Greek ways. After having the entrepreneurial idea of opening an unlicensed atheist kindergarten in the middle of Brigham Young country he focussed his highly valuable time on You Tube, begging for monetary donations like the whiny socialist YouTube Favicon.png leech he is or explaining how YouTube Favicon.png niggas are poor because they blow it all on chrome (while he blows it all on books)


A Muslim-American computer security wannabe Mac owner and outspoken rape victim, Zsoakes is delusional enough to believe he is funny. He is also a militaristic asshole who is "emotionally touched" by army propaganda and he totally Loves Uhmerica. When he's not stroking his ego, you can find him making diplomatic, sensitive YouTube Favicon.png videos for YouTube.


seienchan DISREGARD THAT, MOVED TO here and her personal soapbox:

A 17-year-old Britfag weeaboo-turned-Randroid under the delusion that she's some serious business in America. Spends most of her time talking about how black person Obama is, the evils of socialism, and endeavoring to incorporate every aspect of Rand's shitty writing into her life. Deletes any comment she deems not in the spirit of her Fuhrer, despite having said that she wants criticism and seems to be developing a persecution complex.

Jay Naylor[edit]

Jay Naylor is a furry artist with a webcomic in which his avatar blows shit up and doesn't afraid of anything. This comic and others of his feature topics such as twincest, walls of text and penises looking like sandworms.


Trolling Randroids is as easy as breathing as they will engage in it actively since refuting Wog arguments with deeply embedded dogma, and then being congratulated by its comrades, is the Randroid's raison d'etre and only source of self-esteem. If Libertarians are the gay of politics, then Objectivists are the bottoms. Since Objectivism is ZOMG TEH ONYL TURLY OBJEKCTIVE WRODLVIEW ZOMG, any dissent is viewed as ignorance and, the more strongly worded, the more humorous a response it will provoke. Some of the lulziest methods for trolling include:

General Trolls[edit]

  • Imply that Ayn Rand's philosophy was anything less than logically consistent.
Since all of them worship her as a deity, this will be viewed by them as the highest form of blasphemy and typically results in comical overreactions and ad hominems in retaliation.
  • Force them to note that Rand was a philosopher, by definition someone who produces nothing. Try and get them to name one thing Rand "invented, produced or built". Watch out for the sparks.
  • Ask them why Ayn Rand was so obsessed with masculinity, never had children and treated her husband as a lap dog. Be sure to imply self-hatred.
  • If reason and rationality are the highest virtues of Objectivism, then why do randroids faithfully and unquestioningly follow Ayn Rand's ideas? Doesn't this contradict reason?
  • Furthermore, believing in something you don't rationally understand is mysticism - which not only runs counter to reason, but was vehemently opposed by Ayn Rand. If you can't articulate your belief in Objectivism, you are contradicting reason and the ideology itself.
  • Point out that objectivism boils down to the feminine worship of the alpha male archetype. A woman's instinctive awe towards men who can actually accomplish stuff.

For Republicans[edit]

  • Point out that you make more money than they do.
Since all of them are fat basement dwellers who subsist on income from their parents (LOL IRONY), this is inevitable as long as you hold a job or have more than one dollar in your checking account.

For Liberals[edit]

  • Accuse them of supporting passive murder and/or sociopathy for arguing that these people should not expect the support of society.
  • Point out that no capitalist system in history has ever employed its full population, and that modern American cities' homeless problem demonstrates that private charity alone is not enough to counteract the inability of the unemployed to work.
  • Point out that if they follow Howard Roark's example, they will soon be joining the homeless population that they once looked down on.
  • Tell them that Immanuel Kant and Karl Marx had more enduring posthumous careers and that this is because of their superior intellects and philosophies, not because of some batshit conspiracy by college professors.

For Anarcho-Collectivists[edit]

  • Point out that property ownership in modern society is based on the threat of force, as no consensual society of free-thinking rationalists would arrange such a richly imbalanced set of property distribution. Thus, Ayn Rand and, therefore, Objectivists in general hate freedom for everyone except the rich. This one will really piss them off.
  • Point out that it is impossible to be a completely autonomous individual in a capitalist society.
  • Even if you are one of the minority who do own property, you must still enter into collective agreement and trade with other people. If you do not own property then you will be compelled to spend your life getting raped in the world of employment.
  • Then tell them that that only way to be %100 autonomous and reliant on one's self would be as a primitive man who hunts his own food and lives in a forest.
Expect to be called a Marxist and a totalitarian for making these point.

For Libertarians[edit]

This will render said-objectivist so angry that he will go on an hour-long rant about how he's nothing like black person That, or he'll try to shoot you (note: most objectivists are too cowardly and broke due to bullshit cult schemes to own a gun). It is not recommended that you do this if you are alone with the libertarian objectivist.
  • Remind them that their only knowledge of economics comes from a one semester class in high school.

For Deep Thinkers about life[edit]

  • Point out that our perception of the world is purely phenomenal. Use Russell and Kant to illustrate this point. For those more interesting in trolling mention Berkeley.
  • Remind them that Descartes demonstrated that the existence of an objective universe exterior to the mind is not objectively demonstrable, since the sensory perceptions upon which we rely as "evidence" of its existence are inherently subjective and unreliable QED


It's the closest experience you'll have to arguing with a Communist during the late 60s: Don't expect even the slightest pretense of acknowledgment of your points, much less a pretense of rational debate; instead, you'll be called a communist, a socialist, a Chomskyite, or worse. Here's an example.


Recently, Rand's philosophy was deconstructed in the brilliant satire of the game BioShock.

The basic plot goes like this: A bunch of randroids get rounded up and placed at the bottom on the ocean. They swiftly collapse the ingenious society which they built by somehow obtaining an addiction to stem cells. They roam the city seeking buttsecks and you have to go and beat them to death, so on and so forth. Rand herself is represented in the from of the mayor of the city, Andrew Ryan.

Incidentally, Ryan is a more accurate portrayal of Rand than Rand herself, as Ryan has a penis. Ryan also is beaten to death with a golf club, a fate which Rand was begging for her entire life.

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Objectivist rage.jpg
A typical randroid

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