A redneck, also known as a hillbilly, or hillnigger, is a heavily armed, conservative, white gentleman from the United States of America, found most commonly in the Southern, Midwestern, and Southwestern parts of the country. They are also the scum of the Earth. They are so prevalent that most outsiders think that this is what all Americans are like, much like how many Americans think all Brits are members of the upper class. When subjected to the company of a normal human being, i.e. anyone who can read, or a nigger, they become highly agitated, and beat their wives. Their society is illiterate, and their main cultural activities include finding creative uses for their bathtubs, improving their figures through drinking, and providing insightful viewpoints on the role of diversity in America today. Wannabe rednecks are the worst. Merely coming in contact with one IRL can turn you homosexual and give you an irresistible urge to display the confederate flag on anything you see.
You can learn more about redneck behavior from watching the movie "Deliverance."
Rednecks watch sports frequently, but never actually play any sports, as this would ruin the ideal redneck body type. Their sports of choice include drinking, chewing tobacco,NASCAR, drinking, and incest. Rednecks play American football, which is similar to European rugby, except that it is played by gorillas and retards. Perhaps the most popular activity among Rednecks are Oxycontin eating contests. Rednecks also enjoy creative alternative sports, as seen here 
Unlike most northerners whom are raised around normal things such as football, baseball, hockey, basketball, etc. Hillbillies grow up watching NASCAR, dirt bike racing, NHRA drag racing, tractor pulls, monster trucks, boat racing, and any kind of sporting event which involves some type of motorized vehicle. Rednecks have an unexplained urge to drive their rusted out 4 wheel drive trucks by driving through pits of mud where they commonly bathe, this is commonly referred to them as "Muddin'." Their cultural fascination with motor sports is believed to be because most of them were born in the back seats of automobiles, or in the beds of pickup trucks, to unwed, teenage mothers whom were taking OxyContin and Xanax during their pregnancy. With their fathers actually being their cousins, and often distantly related to some vague NASCAR driver or some other auto-racing "athlete."
Update: It has been recently discovered that the reason they watch motorized sports is because most of them are fat, and see motorized sports as a way to be an athlete without actually exercising.
The Fascination with Hunting
Rednecks hunt in hunting clubs located in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. This allows the typical redneck male increased freedom to engage in group sex with other men at the clubhouse and out in the wild with the animals, much like furries. Most rednecks hunt for the imaginary shock value of this now outdated pastime. Some however must hunt for their food because the government has cruelly deprived them of their driver's licenses for driving creatively, and the local Winn-Dixie just closed the meat department due to aids.
"J'ever done gone'n getted that thar thang you was gonna git from the catalog?"
Loosely translated, this means "Did you receive the item which you ordered from the catalog?" A catalog is a form of old media. It is similar to eBay, but printed on paper and sent to everybody's house through the mail, another form of old media. Also, a catalog does not have the possibility of a bidding war where the price of an item escalated to over 9000 times its actual value and could be bought by nobody. They also treat the word "done" as a modal verb, putting it in front of every conjugation, ex. "I done did good". They also use "y'all" (you all) in every sentence.
Common Sayings and Translation
- squeel like a pig = youtube search these from the clip from the film Deliverance OR, if you are an uncultured faggot, just watch "The China Probrem."
- Makin da laf durn = We are guiding our automotive vehicle to the left.
- Relo mah boomstick = Please place more of your ammunition into my firearm.
- Gettin my cusin done 'n' watchin the daytona 5 hundrurd = I am taking my lovely wife on a honeymoon.
- I goin to skol to do da numba lernin = I am on my way to a learning institution to be educated in mathematics.
- I grajadated da keendrgaden = I have attained the highest level of formal education so far of any member of my family.
- Shucks, ah dun hit a skunk = I have accidentally acquired a source of sustenance for our upcoming meal.
- I goin warsh my bigol truck = I am going to cleanse my automobile.
- HOW BOUT DEM DAWGZ! = Might I remind you of the University of Georgia's football team, the Georgia Bulldogs? (and the university of washington calls themselves the dawgs, too. self-explanatory)
- WEEEEEEE-HOOOOOOOO! = I believe alchoholic beverages vastly enhance the entertainment gathered from this televised racing event.
- Gaddang ah gotta cut mahh grayass! = I can no longer access my automobile.
- YER DUN GONE TO THEM THERE MRVER THEETRES THAR DUN DONTOUN? = Excuse me, but are you going to go to the cinematic theaters for motion picture viewing that is located in the southermost part of this fair city?
- WOWOWWEE IDUN FOUN A C'GGY IN MAH ASSCRACK WOOOWEEE!! = By some strange circumstance, I have found a cigarette in the divide of my buttocks
- I DUN BY YYEERRHAWW NOBOYAWAJAABBATHAT DONE YAHOOWHODADDY DEMRFHR!! = The chaos theory is a theory that complex natural systems obey rules but are so sensitive that small initial changes can cause unexpected final results, thus giving an impression of randomness.
- WHO DAT SAY DAT WE CAN'T WIN? WHO DAT? WHO DAT? You've been underestimating the New Orleans Saints because they won the Superbowl.
- HEAVEN SURE IS PRETTY!! = shoot the niggers
- DERKA-DUR!!! = Damn, how did I lose my job to this mexican, FML.
- MA SHED GAW-BOO = My personal storage facility has exploded due to the production of illegal substances.
- Theurrr tuuk ur jubz = The steel mill is moving to mexico.
Since many rednecks come from small country towns in the US, there is a limited pool of eligible people to mate with. Many rednecks thus marry their sibling or their cousin. This results in more retarded children, who grow up to be rednecks and do likewise. There seems to be no way to break this vicious cycle. This population expansion in the redneck communities results in the Republicans winning elections.
Also note that redneck men only like redneck girls and will shit bricks if their girlfriend has a mind. She belongs in the kitchen, damnit. This usually leads to them being attracted to buck-toothed ugly shits who will get on their knees whenever Papa tells her to.
There has been a new fetish arising, and that is the redneck fetish. One needs to be a seriously disturbed individual to have said fetish, and if you find this turns you on, you should seek immediate help.
How do I know if I'm a redneck?
Don't worry, the fact that you are able to access the Internet means that you are most likely not a redneck. Also, in order to be a redneck, you must first possess several of the following items:
- If you were able to read what was above you're overqualified, sorry
- A rusty wheelbarrow
- A pickup truck with jacked up 10 foot suspension.
- A "Dixie" horn.
- A banjo
- More than one 12 Gauge shotgun
- 10 Hunting dogs trained to kill niggers and beaners on command.
- An AK47
- 4 foot tall CB whip antenna on your truck, during and after hunting season.
- A couch on your lawn.
- Miscellaneous car parts in your overgrown yard.
- At least one car on cinder blocks.
- A tractor, especially if you don't live on a farm.
- A beagle or collection of miscellaneous dogs underneath your trailer.
- A collection of Elvis 45's.
- A Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt.
- A hatred of niggers, jews, orientals and towelheads because they keep bringing the white man down.
- A flannel shirt.
- A "The South Shall Rise Again" bumper sticker and/or a confederate flag vinyl sticker covering your back windows on the above mentioned truck.
- A turkey fryer.
- A Membership Card to Bass Pro Shops. Extra points if you only buy shitty baseball caps and T-Shirts with it.
- A collection of empty dipping tobacco cans. Extra points if it's Copenhagen and not that pussy-ass flavored Skoal shit.
- Missing or rotting teeth from consuming ungodly amounts of
- Six toes, due to rampant inbreeding.
- If you understand what the hell Larry the cable guy is actually saying. Extra points if you actually find him funny.
- If you associate the word fag with Jeff Gordon. Or talk about raping his mother.
- A confederate flag hanging off the porch of your trailer.
- An attraction to your sister.
- A shiny new car while your house looks like utter shit.
- At least one Git-R-Done t-shirt; bonus points if you cut the sleeves off.
- At least 100 no trespassing/keep out signs nailed all over your bajillion acre land.
- Any obnoxious $7 singing toy from Walmart mounted on your wall.
- At least one country album and you actually listen to it. Bonus points if you have a bluegrass album.
- Empty cans of cheap beer that is used as the foundation of your trailer.
- A beer belly
- A Mullet
- Being part of the NRA
- Acting like every day is the fourth of July
- Thinking Ronald Reagan was the greatest president evar
- Favorite movies are Dirty Harry, Death Wish or Red Dawn (or all three really; rednecks can't count)
- Watching Fox News
- Having a shit load of Duck Dynasty merchandise
- Believing everything Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage or Alex Jones says
- Still being butthurt over the Scopes Trial
- Thinks NASCAR is a real sport
- Thinks the WWE is real
- Being a fan of the
Dallas Cowboys, Pittsburgh Steelers or Philadelphia EaglesNevermind, the NFL pissed off their redneck fans.
- You find Tim Allen funny.
Bonus points if you went apeshit after his pos "sitcom" Last Man Standing was cannedNevermind, it's back
- You funded the Ernest movies
More of his furfaggotry.
—headsooter5 on discovering his video was here, a bulletinck he posted
- The South
- Doopie DoOver Your basic redneck, Trailor Trash princess.
- Frat boy
- Mouth breather
- Nigger Manual
- White People
- Loco Melones
- White Trash (the evolved form)
...and popular people...
- Video games and Rednecks don't mix
- a redneck attempting to operate the internets
- "You know...I think it'd be a good idea to kill my wife!"
- "Ridin' in their tractors and rapin' their dogs..."
- Brenden the redneck who gets butthurt by speaking bad about Merica' and thinks he's apart of Hitler's SS
|Featured article May 13 & 14, 2012|
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