Reina Nightclub Massacre

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search
Police.gif "Come on, it's lovely weather
For a slay
(ride together with you)"
Reina nightclub, 31 December 2016...
...vs. 1 January 2017. (Turks sure know how to party!)
Abdulkadir Masharipov istanbul shooting.jpg
Santa Claus
Born 1982
Nationality Uzbek-Turkroach Uzbekistan flag.jpg Miniflag Turkey.png
Occupation Santa Claus cosplayer
Highscore Killed 39, injured 79
Top 50? 6th
Style FPS single player
An Hero? No, captured 2 weeks later
Motive ISIS recruitment drive


























As 2017 kicks in, residents of Istanbul, Turkey, (both native and foreign) decide to do what they do best: go to an exclusive, near-maximum capacity nightclub to commemorate the end of a shitty year and what would be the many days ahead of them. Unfortunately, getting drunk on the first day of a brand new year isn't going to make you invincible. This rang true for those inside when a lone gunman, Abdulkadir Masharipov, dressed as Santa Claus (disproven) and armed with an AK-47 and a limitless supply of stun grenades, became the somewhat shittier 2.0 version of Omar Mateen and proceeded to murder 39 clubbers and injure 79 more.

The Shooting[edit]

New Year's fireworks show came late.

Our protagonist attacked at night, during a time of heightened security measures with approximately 17,000 on-duty police spread across the city (but obviously they didn't do their fucking job right). The precautions were put in place following several terrorist attacks in recent months, many of which were perpetrated by ISIS and Kurdish militants. In lieu of the celebratory climate, and to maximize lulz, our gunman donned a Santa Claus outfit for his mission. He adopted a highly sophisticated plan of attack, which was to storm in guns blazing and shoot randomly at anything in sight like a chimp and hope the Santa costume would disguise his acts as a comedy sketch.

Hundreds of partygoers, including men in suits and women in cocktail dresses, were seen emerging from the club in a state of shock. Due to a combination of our protagonist's wit and the police being overweight and therefore unable to run properly, the gunman managed to blend in with the panicked crowd and escape. Authorities took more than two weeks to finally catch the guy, but from what we know of Abdulkadir Mashrapov, he's a pretty cool guy.

Foreign Media Coverage[edit]

Happy New Year!

Like the idiots that they are, old media originally thought that there was two gunman, not one. This turned out to be false later on, but it does give a perfect example of how the news and other media sources are so quick to report on shit without knowing the true facts. Like the Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş incident which actually happened not too long ago, the gunman reportedly shouted "Allahu Akbar" while firing at the patrons. Turkey's President Recep Erdogan stated that the country was going to fight against terrorism, and was determined to destroy the source of threats and attacks against it. Once Turkish authorities realized that others were reporting on the event, they immediately sperged out on everyone and issued a temporary gag order. The shooting has been described as a 'terrorist attack' by Istanbul's governor, Vasip Şahin. Turkey's Prime Minister, Binali Yildirim, has denied initial reports that the shooter had been dressed as Santa Claus. A number of people jumped into the Bosphorus Strait to escape the attack, and we can only hope those losers drown to death because nobody will miss them. On January 2, ISIS took responsibility on Twitter for the attack, but authorities are still scrambling to find the killer.

America's Response[edit]

Obama was vacationing with his family in Hawaii so he really didn't give a shit, and only knew of the massacre when he was briefed on the attack by his national security. More sufficient evidence that he didn't give a fuck, he asked to be constantly updated as the situation developed, White House spokesman Eric Schultz said. They condemned what it was called as a "horrific terrorist attack" and offered help to Turkey, even though they knew for sure that they weren't going to give help for any person in that dump of a third-world country, and as the President of Dumbfuckistan, you know you only want the job to make yourself be considered as a public figure and not do anything you said you were going to do.

Sick Ass Gameplay Footage[edit]

Score[edit]

Graded Score
Kill count: 39/20
Accuracy: 7/20 Just spammed shit like a faggot
Style: 10/20 Went in there and did what he had to do
Butthurt: 18/20 "muh New Year ruined"
Bonus: 10/20 Zerg rushed everyone
Total Score: 84/100 (B)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
See full ranking


Wanted Level
——————————
Wantedstar.pngWantedstar.pngWantedstar.pngWantedstar.pngWantedstar.png
——————————
Wanted5nationalguard.png

National Guard


See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

HighScoreLeft.png
Reina Nightclub Massacre is part of a series on High score pokemon.png
Are You Ready?[GAME OVERInsert Coin]Go!
HighScoreRight.png
Single Player Elite Hall of Fame

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCharles Whitman's TumorCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyFort HoodJack Gilbert GrahamJames HubertyJeffrey DahmerLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSagamihara StabbingsShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWoo Bum-kon

Single Player Amateur Division

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAli David SonbolyAnton Lundin PetterssonAurora Theatre ShootingBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles BishopChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Sniper AttacksDavid KatzDavid Malcolm GrayDavid LongDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriJames Alex FieldsJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russel HouserJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LepineMark BartonMark EssexMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzPekka-Eric AuvinenPennsylvania School StabbingRamadan Van ManRandy StairRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserSantino William LeganSayfullo SaipovSaint Petersburg Metro bombingThe Twinkie ManThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTJ LaneTrystan Andrew TerrellUnabomberWade Michael PageZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Multiplayer Co-Op Mode

1-14 Jakarta AttacksBoston Marathon BombingCharlie HebdoColumbineHiroshima and NagasakiJews did WTCPearl HarborSan Bernardino shootingSandniggers in ParisSri Lanka Easter BombingsTimothy McVeigh

Civilization and Great Prophets

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

Banned From Scoring

Asa CoonBilly MitchellBrian Isaack ClydeJohn EarnestLogan ClarkNasim AghdamSam HydeSol PaisTodd RogersWilliam Atchison

 
Reina Nightclub Massacre is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againInflict suffering]
3g1h-phone3.jpg Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron AlexisAbdul Razak Ali ArtanAdam LanzaAlex HribalAli David SonbolyAlyssa BustamanteAnders Behring BreivikBaruch GoldsteinBruce Jeffrey PardoCasey AnthonyCho Seung-HuiChris Harper-Mercer Daniel PetricDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerAmanda KnoxGeorge SodiniGerry McCannIrvin Eugene Helton JrJared Lee LoughnerJason RodriguezJeff WeiseJiverly VoongJoe StackJosef FritzlKimveer GillKip KinkelLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLogan ClarkMalik Nadal HasanMarc LepineMark EssexMartin BryantMatthew MurrayMatthew de GroodMatti SaariMaurice ClemmonsMichael CarnealMichael RyanMichael WoodmanseeMutsuo ToiPekka-Eric AuvinenRaoul MoatRobert BalesRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserSebastian BosseShinji AobaSteve StephensTJ LaneTim KretschmerTyler PetersonTheodore "The Unabomber" KaczynskiVester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan IIWade Michael PageZac Penton

Career/Serial Killers:

Charles MansonChris BenoitHitlerMao ZedongJack the RipperJames HolmesRichard "The Iceman" KuklinskiTed BundyJeffrey Dahmer

Terrorists:

Al-QaedaDzhokar TsarnaevOmar MateenSanta ClausTamerlan TsarnaevOsama Bin LadenEric Harris and Dylan KleboldSam Hyde

See also:

Antisocial personality disorderCannibal HolocaustParanoid personality disorderSick fuckMurderJewsPolice Brutality

Reina Nightclub Massacre
is part of a series on
Islam
Gaymuslim.jpg
Tro0 Muslims [-+]
Countries & Peoples [-+]

AfghanistanAlbania • Algeria • Azerbaijan • Bahrain • Bangladesh • Bosnia & Herzegovina • Brunei • Burkina Faso • Benin • Chad • Comoros • Cote d'Ivoire • Djibouti • East TurkestanEgypt • Eritrea • Guinea • Guinea-Bissau • IndonesiaIranIraqThe Islamic State Of Iraq and Sham • Jordan • KazakhstanKosovoKuwaitKyrgyzstanLebanonLibyaMalaysia • Maldives • Mali • Mauritania • MoroccoNigerNigeria • Northern Cyprus • Oman • PakistanPalestine • Qatar • Saudi Arabia • Senegal • Sierra LeoneSomaliaSwedenSpainSudanSyria • Sahwari Republic • Tajikistan • The Gambia • TunisiaTurkey • Turkmenistan • United Arab Emirates • Uzbekistan • Western Sahara • Yemen

EVIL ISLAMOPHOBES AND BULLIES: AngolaChinaCzech RepublicCroatiaDenmarkEastern EuropeFranceGreeceHungaryItalyIsraelJapanKoreaMyanmarPolandRussiaSpainSerbiaTaiwanUKUnited States of America

Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama [-+]
Infidels & Islamic No-Nos [-+]