- Web IRC
- Trending Articles
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Donate to ED
- Advertise on ED
- ED Bookmarklet
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Riley34470 (Pillow Fucker for short, is a horny bottom boy who is going down in the anals of internet history as the first Indian faggot to lose his arrows over being ruined by the hate tribe: Anonymous. In a distant past, Riley made his debut when prehistoric transgender faggot GayDiamond roamed the land searching for the remains of Matthew Shepherd's maggoty corpse.), AKA Michael Eugene Riley, or
Blessed with a ridiculously kosher jewnose and a delusion of grandeur that would make Kanye West unable to let you finish, the veracity of Riley's lack of social skills is exemplified by early forum posts he made envying the accomplishments of other people's fathers, because the only accomplishment his father was responsible for is dying of a cancerous tumor.
Wearing his trusty war bonnet, Michael Riley hit the ground running on the Ocala Town forum, where he posted under the username TheUntetheredSoul, made obvious by his jew-nosed tiki statue profile icon.
A Lolcow Under The Radar
Riley, or Chief Worksnomore, as his friends call him; went beyond the call of duty to transcend the definition of antisocial. He won the title of big nosed Jew through his nonstop complaining about taxation and the government's unfair persecution of fellow Indians, while being unemployed and collecting welfare from the same institution he aptly despised. This delicious hypocrisy is a recurring theme in the Michael Riley universe, as well as autofellatio, which is only proverbial, as he's limited by a stout chode. The way Riley gravitates contempt toward himself is often imitated but never replicated by trolls everywhere.
Ostracized by the members of the Ocala town forum, he migrated to the land of Jewtube despite his genetic predisposition to cancer, where he encountered Gaydiamond and an army of cyberterrorists who were not pleased with Chief Worksnomore interfering with the burning of Gaydiamond's trailer, and proceeded to take Riley's land away and rape his people.
Anonymous used the spider expertise of Google to reveal Riley's trail of tears. His clever screenname Riley34470 turned out to be a concoction of his last name and zip code, which was conveniently linked to an embarrassing Gay.com profile. Riley denied this closet faggotry at first, right before deleting the profile, but not before wholeheartedly embracing it and calling Anonymous a gang of faceless cowards. After a second examination, Anonymous Pilgrims feathered their way into Riley's Xtube profile and found a video of him getting it on with a pillow with the song "I Wanna Sex You Up" playing in the background. Srsly. Some argue that pillow fucking is simply Riley's way of showing the man he's not a coward, as it takes a brave Indian faggot superstar to humiliate himself merely for other's amusement.
Being a well-known faggot indian superstar also means having a well-known speech impediment. Riley unintentionally coined the phrase "Edit Tits" while making a video response. Some argue that not being granted enough government handouts and unemployment checks prevented Riley from lerning2grammar. Nevertheless, this argument is void because his father Dennis left him at least 100 casinos once he choked on the cancerous tumor that was his son's dick raping his throat after being mistaken for a cushion.
The Demise of Dennis
Dennis Eugene Riley was Riley's illegitimate father. Unlike his parasitic son, he had a business crafting and selling bongo drums. According to Riley he passed away from a cancerous tumor, but scholarly Anons have developed many alternate theories of equal hilarity.
The first theory is the familiar Throatrape Theory. Dennis was sound asleep in his teepee as Chief Worksnomore waddled drunkenly into his den. Unable to find his pillow, Riley found the next best thing. The allure of Dennis' drooling mouth excited Riley as it seeped onto his dear pillow. Riley viewed this as a potential quasi-threesome, with a touch of incest, and satisfied himself by profusely raping the shit out of his father's throat. Dennis was unable escape the clutches of his pillow fucking son, and perished in a horrorsome nightmare where he repeatedly choked on a baby carrot laced in ranch dressing.
The Disappointing Situation theory insists that Dennis took his own life after becoming excessively disappoint with his son. Evidence supporting this theory has been collected in other real-world conditions. This theory implies Dennis was an honorable man and died to preserve the dignity of his tribe, regrettably leaving his son with no more than two of his casinos.
Unlike the Disappointing Situation theory, the Troll's Remorse theory states that Dennis was an evil, heartless man who beat Riley from a young age all the way into adulthood. Apart from not leaving Riley any casinos in the will, the bastard also sexually molested little Riley when he was a babby, but this had no severe mental impact on Riley, because even as a toddler he enjoyed sodomy and any white fabric that represented a common pillow. As his faggy son grew older, Dennis perceived the causality of Riley's increasingly faggy behavior to the abusive acts of rape he was subjected to, even though they were probably helpful preventative medicine, and decided to end his life by arrowing himself through the temple out of guilt.
Man's Best Friend
Riley, being the original human being he is, once owned a dog by the exotic name of Dawga. Luckily for Dawga, it was poisoned shortly after Dennis' death, and was never raped again. There are also rumors that Riley has a cat. The cat's name and virginity can not be confirmed at this point in time.
Riley's newest replacement is a black puppy with a surprisingly normal name.
Riley's passive aggressive behavior is a good indication of his butthurt. He often files illegal copyright claims on parody videos and remixes that use his huge-nosed likeness, after announcing that they don't bother him at all. Trolling Riley is easier than denying a nigger equal opportunity employment, because he just doesn’t know when to quit. He’ll stay in a stickam room full of lulzers so he can appear as an internet tough guy who has better things to do than be bothered by, say, all the people on the internet calling him a pillow fucking faggot.
While lacking true rage in response, Riley’s facials are similar to those of a public speaker who gets an itch in his asshole during a presentation, or a gigolo eating pussy from the fish market. Ironically, both are things Riley wouldn’t be caught dead doing, because he’s a gay jobless Indian pillow fucker with no social skills. The essence of his butthurt is so potent that even Youtube mods trolled Riley into oblivion, making no mystery out of why he refers to himself as a bottom boy.
A vigilant Harry from Youtube quickly responded:
Rick was not pleased, he wrote his e-pal Harry an threatening email:
And was subsequently B&.
One fine day, Riley was comfortably fagging it up in his Stickam chatroom talking about the paparazzi. Playing the role bestowed upon them, the paparazzi scrambled, snapped some pictures of his soon-to-be-foreclosed residence, and called his phone for an interview. Suddenly his phone began having technical difficulties and could not be reached. Sympathizing with the abominable pillow fucker, the paparazzi ordered Riley some all-topping Pizza and chocolate pie. He fed the dessert course to Dawga while pondering how somebody can get the dox of a man who only posted his first name, last name, and zip code on every website he ever visited.
Eventually, everybody involved in the shitstorm had their greedy Indian beating hands on Riley's dox, including some IRL enemies who held their own unique butthurt grudges, notably; a knuckle dragging whore who Riley refers to as Squirrel, and his own mother; who holds the same personality traits as the latter but doesn't shower. The drama between these rednecks resulted in Riley putting on his moccasins and venturing on his way to Amarillo in order to escape an arrest warrant for possession of narcotics, and then fleeing again to Oklahoma after he ran into George and Shirlanne, two more IRL trolls who came buckets at the sight of Pillowfucker's dox.
—White Knight on faggotry
—Riley pwning his mom
—Riley's probation officer
After a year of complaining to the Youtube editors, he recovered his suspended Riley34470 account and created a new account: Riley34470FL. These two accounts would become vital to his growing fame and popularity, mainly because they were hacked within a day by his
sister arch nemesis Bekkah, who took computer science III after she discovered that Riley was going to buy her social security number and sell it to illegal immigrants. Bekkah would go on to litter his login information across the internets, along with his uncrackable master passphrase:
In response to his seven passwords being strewn about like sacred arrowheads, Anonymous immediately proceeded to raid and pillage his MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube, documenting the entire process and releasing it in a convenient package for the masses to download. After countless spoilers and trade secrets were revealed, the rape brought upon Riley was too strong even for his gaping bottom boy asshole, and he receded like his tiny penor into a vegetative state. Unfortunately for the internet, this only lasted two weeks. Potato nose created another Yahoo and Youtube account, claiming that he is “hacker-proof” since 2007.
—Riley on being hacker-proof.
—Gaydiamond on hax0rs.
Riley deviates from Fagstone's theory to reach his own bold assertion.
—Riley the Unhackable.
Fun Pack 2009
Regardless of who took Chief Worksnomore's land, the result was a godly compilation of lulz, goatse, and jenkem. During their tour of duty, fearless anons traveled afar to distant IP addresses, fighting for their god given right to colonize Riley's Internets. The first muskets aimed at the village of Myspace.
|Oh Lawdy||About missing Pics|
|I put on my hide and feather hat||About missing Pics|
— Gaydiamond being intuitive
Even though most of Riley's personal websites and passwords were leaked and raped, two managed to survive.
Little is known about Riley's Secondlife account other than the fact it wasn't hacked. He is also in contact with Fagstone on it seeing as they both play. You can help by crashing his sim with extreme predjucide by flooding it with pillow cubes.
— Riley attempting to get his Stickam back
Fortunately for the internet, he never got his account back.
While the hackpack was distributed to all sectors of the internet, Riley thought long and hard about what could be done to extinguish the firestorm of lulz and hysteria manifested at his expense. He decided to do the smart thing, and to this very day denies having his accounts compromised. Abiding by this fallacious thinking, the blame is to be placed squarely on him, for revealing the contents of his private life to the public's weary, freckle-less eye.
— RileyNRA on doing it wrong
To paraphrase, the self-proclaimed public figure Michael Riley enlightened the internet of his redneck trailer trash drama. He screencapped his own e-mails and PMs, along with his hacked profiles, leaked his passwords all over the internet, and then complained about it on the one account he had left before voluntarily surrendering it to the Internet Hate Machine. It makes about as much sense as fucking a pillow and calling your mother an incubator, but that's never stopped him before. A large amount of data were accumulated and organized into a list of trivial facts.
- Has been accused of molesting children.
- Believes Anonymous is a series of sockpuppets
- His name is NOT Rick
- Is on his way to Amarillo
- Has a wrestling fetish.
- Suffers from sleep apnea
- Doesn't know who David Bowie is.
- Is adopted.
- Responded to a Nigerian 419 scam in the hopes of finding his real father.
- Got his door kicked down by a 17 year old, who stole his 52 inch TV.
- Is being given heads up about his mom.
- Named his dog Dawga.
- Is a flaming bottom-boy.
- Practices Christianity.
- Poisoned his dog Dawga.
- Owns a Finding Nemo blanket that he humps his pillow on.
- Has crossed swords with GayDiamond.
- Is being watched by a probation officer.
- Is still waiting for a big break in his acting career.
- Has hit the block button over 118 times.
- Is a 38 year old virgin (unless you count anal).
- Argues with children on the internet.
- Will buy your social security number and sell it to beanerfolk.
- Has a beautiful eye freckle.
- Dreams of following in his father's footsteps.
- Drinks Gayfuel religiously.
- Is famous on the internet.
- Has made sock accounts to 5 star his own videos and comment positively on his own channel.
- Is banned for life from Bed Bath & Beyond.
- Is a fan of Rootbrian and sticks up for him sometimes.
White Knighting and Brown Nosing
Every once a blue moon, Riley will attempt to "warn" people about the dangers of the internet. In one of his warnings, he even goes as far as to warn Darksidered992 about "Kick a Ginger Day" in a possible attempt to get the trolls away from him as well as another video telling people not to worry if they have a page on ED written about them.
Like every other Native American, Riley is a vagrant with no permanent residence. ITT Tech alumni rekindle hope in their lives looking at his education level and social class. However, their flame of hope is short lived because Riley is financially supported by the government and his big-nosed tribe of teepee tipping Jews. He currently resides in Oklahoma having gay sex with his brother and other interested tops he encounters via Craigslist. The sodomy is usually done on his family's ranch, and includes his grandmother, grandfather, and any other farm animals living on the premises.
ED page denial
Sometime last Thursday Riley was called by some Anons via Skype where he admitted that everything on this page was fabricated including his infamous pillow humping video. This call would later ignite a massive shitstorm...
When Riley met Fatty
Riley was enjoying his April rainstick when he caught wind of a morbidly obese mallgoth. Like all natives, he was able to use his spirit powers to communicate with the beached porpoise as she lumbered along. The two bartered dox and set course for revenge. Riley tended to the injured creature, who carried a lingering hatred for her hunter, a troll who harpooned her and helped flip her shit turn upside down. Coincidentally, Riley already had a bulky collection of voodoo dolls against this pilgrim for a sequence of prank calls he made to his residence. As a result, the pillowfucker and his animal companion aimed to destroy this troll in order to show the internet that gard cock seeking faggots and 400 ton whales are people too. They accomplished this by releasing inaccurate dox, and the unholy alliance was terminated prematurely when Riley killed the fat flopping cunt and used all her remains for building his next teepee. What ultimately resulted was a series of lulzy voicemails from Riley himself.
—Riley, speaking drunkaneese.
Go here for the complete collection.
|The Riley Factor||About missing Pics|
Gallery of Injun
RileyNRA's claim of being 'hacker proof since 2007'.
Riley's archived Gay.com profile. He paid money to have it deleted.
Riley's XTube profile when he put a child's picture up to hide the evidence.
Pillowfucker Fanart and Shoops
|Edit tits||About missing Pics|
- Trying Too Hard
- Attention Whore
- Internet Tough Guy
- Riley's NEW HACKER-PROOF YouTube
- Sock account imitating Jawsusfreak777.
- Parody account containing a playlist of audio/video relating to Riley
[http://www.youtube.com/Riley34470 Riley's original YouTube.Hacked. [http://www.youtube.com/Riley34470FL Riley's YouTube after banhammer.Also hacked.
- The actual Rileypack.
- YouTube account that hosted and distributed the Fun Pack.
Riley's XTube (beware of the immense faggotry)Baleeted.
- Mirror of Riley's pillow video.
- Riley's Stickam.
- Riley's Snapvine
- Ask him questions?
- His Secondlife account, Aiden Tigerpaw.
Riley34470 is part of a series on YouTube.
is part of a series on
LERNIN 2 INTERNET
Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Mod Sass • Skript kiddies • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance
Riley34470 is part of a series on
Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article July 22, 2011|
| Preceded by|
|Riley34470|| Succeeded by|